


Musings

by Musings_RS



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Pining, Soulmates, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:23:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 101,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1382296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musings_RS/pseuds/Musings_RS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Harry are no longer the best friends they were years ago. The cracks are evident for everyone to see. Harry doesn't seem to care and Louis' pride stops him from trying. It only gets worse when Zayn finally clashes with a seemingly impossible Harry. Louis is left having to make some tough decisions. It doesn't help matters that Louis and Harry are the worst at communicating in the history of ever.</p><p>As always, Niall remains peacefully oblivious. Harry is a bit of a dick. Louis has given up a long time ago. A whole lot of anger. A whole of lot drama. Mountains of angst and unrequited something or the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Just bear with me...

Things had been different for a long time. Louis was the type to try and brighten any situation with a light joke or a too-giddy laugh, but even he couldn’t deny the tension in the room on that fateful Monday morning. Everything started off normally enough. The boys had filtered into rehearsals much the same as every other day. Rehearsals were tough and an awkward stage where everything was delicate, and the pressure they brought with them meant tensions were already high. The 3 month break they had away from each other didn’t help, Louis didn’t think. But it wasn’t supposed to be as bad as it was. 

Niall was as ever, smiling obliviously and trying to turn the situation around. Liam was definitely about to say something awkward and talk far too much. Louis cringed at the thought. And all the while, his eyes never left Zayn. Zayn was Louis’ best mate. The person who understood him like no other and regardless of any situation, Louis would have his back. Zayn was his boy and that was a mutual understanding between the two. The situation on that cloudy, grey London morning however was entirely problematic for a few different reasons. Because the person on the receiving end of Zayn’s death stare was a one Mr Harry Styles. 

So in effect, Louis was stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

‘Alright lads, that’s enough,’ Louis bravely started, pulling nervously on his mic stand. He was okay with conflict, really but this was a bit much. And these situations were entirely too common now for Louis to handle. He could feel a headache forming. 

‘No you know what,’ Harry’s voice lacked its usual upbeat flair, ‘Zayn why don’t we, as always do everything your way and hey, how about you act pretentious and entitled as per usual?’ 

There was a thick silence in the room and Louis was sure he could hear a pin drop. Both boys, looking as enraged as the other continued to glare and Louis’ heart skipped a few beats. Really, where was management when you needed them? Useless time wasters. 

‘Right, can we just calm down?’ Niall piped up, ever the mediator, ‘We can take a break and continue when we get back.’ 

At that, Zayn threw his hands up, finally relieving Harry of his death stare. 

‘As always, Prince Harry gets what the fuck he wants,’ he mumbled, his eyes dancing onto Louis. 

Louis felt compelled to agree, but remained quiet, instead opting to walk over to Zayn and place a supportive hand on his friend’s back. He felt like he was making a statement he wasn’t supposed to make in doing so, but really – Zayn was right, the way things had been lately made Louis question if Harry was even the same guy he met 4 years ago. He hardly showed any signs of his old self. Rolling his eyes, Harry turned and stalked out of the room; grabbing his water bottle on the way. Niall’s eyes linger on Zayn and Louis for a moment, clearly torn, before making an obviously difficult decision and running to catch up with Harry. Liam just stood in the middle of the room, looking in both directions.   
Louis sighed as Zayn shook his head in disapproval. The group had effectively split into two leaving Liam in the middle, standing awkwardly as Louis and Zayn exchanged looks. 

‘He’s such a fucking prick’, Zayn states the second Niall and Harry are out of sight, ‘I really can’t stand him anymore, Lou.’ The words cut through Louis as he sighed heavily. He wished he could disagree.

‘Must be missing LA and all his famous friends,’ Louis offered, running a hand through his far too long hair. His mum had been nagging him all week to cut it. But he wouldn’t, because, well… rebel. 

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with him anymore,’ Liam pipes up, ‘I just feel like we all keep trying and he keeps pushing us away. He’s not like he used to be at all. Maybe you could talk to him, Louis?’ 

‘No not me,’ Louis said, a little too quickly perhaps, ‘I can’t talk to him. He can’t stand me.’ He tried to say it nonchalantly, even laughing a little at the end, but the sting in his voice was obvious. He knew there was so much truth to what he said. Harry could hardly stand to look Louis in the eye these days. Things had gotten bad to worse as the year had begun and Harry spent basically all his time off, gallivanting around LA. He didn’t contact any of the boys and the only time he ever even spoke to them was when it was work stuff. And also, work stuff? When did it stop being the best time of his life with his best mates and become work all of a sudden? Louis just couldn’t deal with his diva antics. 

‘Come on Zayn, let’s get a drink before this break is over,’ Louis said, draping an arm over Zayn’s shoulder and pulling him in close, ‘And when we get back, I want you to ignore Styles. You hear me? I don’t want you getting stressed.’ 

Zayn’s eyebrows remained furrowed but he managed a slight nod of the head and allowed Louis to lead him toward the exit. Liam surely followed but Louis didn’t take much notice. All he could really think about was Zayn. Zayn, with his perfect face and his need for privacy. Zayn, who was the nicest, warmest and gentle person in the world and how it took a lot to get him worked up. Zayn, who people probably thought was quiet but laughed only with Louis in that certain way that allowed him to be free. Zayn was special and perfect and Louis did not appreciate anyone making him upset. Louis made a mental note to add this to one of the many things Harry Styles had managed to do to piss him off that year. And it was only March. Jesus. 

*

They were seated around an oversized conference table with none of them really in the mood to make small talk. The events from before their short break lingered in the air and none of them made eye contact for too long. Louis felt stiff, sitting beside Zayn and in front of Harry, whose eyes never left his phone. He appeared to be texting someone and Louis could only assume it was a matter of life and death the way his green orbs remained glued to the screen. Louis could hardly stand to watch the disrespectfulness of it all, so he opted to turn his head to glance at Zayn instead. The caramel skinned boy had relaxed somewhat, but the way his fingers tapped the table in front of him told Louis he was still on edge. 

‘Wonder what this could be about,’ Niall was the first to speak, breaking the icy silence, ‘they’re taking their time.’ 

He was referring to people from management, who had undoubtedly got word of the Zayn and Harry disagreement and called the impromptu meeting. Niall’s words hang in the air, and Louis attempts to think of something to say to lighten the mood. Harry doesn’t even look up from his phone. 

After what seems like an eternity, the door to the room opens and their tour director and Jane from management walk in, both sporting stern looks. 

‘Alright?’ Louis stated casually, showing a hint of a grin. Harry’s eyes momentarily flicker on him before returning to his phone. 

‘Hello boys,’ Jane said, to no one in particular. She stared at Harry, until he finally looked up, feeling her eyes on him. He sighed impatiently, before pocketing his phone. Oh what it must be like to be in such high demand, not to mention a complete dick, Louis’ internal monologue offered. 

‘Right, we need to talk about a lot of what’s going on,’ Jane started, her voice cold, ‘ I don’t like all this disagreement and Harry I can’t help but notice you’re disengaged from the rest of the boys.’ 

‘Oh for fuckssake’, Harry mumbled, allowing his fingers to disappear in his hair. The ridiculous bandana that Louis doesn’t understand the need for, was still tied around his head. ‘What is this some kind of ambush?’ Harry continued, seemingly very irate, ‘Just because Zayn wants to behave like a child –‘

‘Mate,’ Zayn interrupted immediately, ‘Don’t go there. This is about us always having to do it your way and I swear down, yeah… I’m not having it. The rest of the boys might smile and nod because you’re a superstar and might give you a thumbs up because we have to keep Golden Boy happy but not me. You’ve changed and we can all see it. It’s not just me that thinks it.’ 

Louis put his hands in his face, wanting to disappear. It was all just too much for him. He wished for simpler times filled with laughter and blissful ignorance. He could already see where they were headed. 

‘Yeah, alright.’ Harry’s voice was laced in sarcasm. ‘And I suppose you’ve all discussed this have you?’ His eyes wondered over to Louis who couldn’t see him but felt those piercing green eyes on him regardless. 

‘Look, mate,’ Louis slowly started, unsure of what he was even saying. But Harry didn’t even give him a chance to finish. 

‘This is such bullshit.’ His deep voice stretched every word out. ‘I can’t actually do this right now. So, from now on if any of you and in particular either of you,’ he pointed a menacing finger at Louis and Zayn, ‘want to contact me you can do it through my assistant. I think that’ll be all for me for today. Been a pleasure, lads.’ With that, Harry stood so fast he almost knocked the chair over. Despite the protest of the two authoritative figures in the room, Harry then proceeded to stalk out of the room without a backward glance at his bandmates and once best friends. 

Louis was left staring at his empty chair.

*

The situation with Harry and Louis had been deteriorating for the better part of a year. They had drifted apart, life taking them in different directions and their once close friendship became more of an acquaintance. Louis had stopped being the guy who made Harry smile and laugh at every word out of his mouth. He had delved into a new circle with the Nick Grimshaw’s of the world who had filled Louis’ place in his life. And he’d become such a bloody hipster, for lack of a better term that Louis just didn’t feel connected to him anymore. For a while, Louis had felt that it was just a problem between the two of them and the other boys were still fine with Harry, but after his scene with Zayn; Louis knew things were very wrong with Harry.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this goes well. :)

A few days had passed since the Harry and Zayn situation and things had remained tense with the boys. Louis did his bit, showing up to rehearsals on time, making any jokes he could and generally trying to lift everyone’s spirits. But it was all a bit sour and after the first two days, even he had stopped trying. Niall was the only one Harry really spoke to all week. Louis tried to ignore the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he saw Harry genuinely smile at Niall. Even though he wasn’t very Team Harry anymore, he couldn’t help but miss how those eyes used to smile back at him. It was all different now. Zayn remained stressed as well, going further into his shell and making hardly any remarks during group discussions. If things were that bad in rehearsals, Louis could hardly stand to see how bad they would be when the boys embarked on their stadium tour.  
It was Friday finally and Louis thanked a higher being for that. After an awkward first week back at work, he was ready to enjoy a much needed weekend off. The thought of returning to Doncaster and visiting his mum occupied his thoughts as he sat in a largely uncomfortable stool in a studio. The rest of the boys were pacing around the studio; Niall, like him, reading the sheets of lyrics sprawled in Louis’ hand writing and Harry in the corner of the room tapping away at his phone. It didn’t get under Louis’ skin how that seemed to be all he did these days. Not at all. 

‘I actually can’t be arsed anymore,’ Niall finally broke the silence, ‘We’ve been at this for four hours, can’t we just call it a night?’  
Zayn didn’t look up from his position of sitting on a weirdly placed couch, strumming at guitar strings. Harry became even more engrossed in his phone, if that was even humanly possible. 

‘What do you propose we do instead, Niall?’ Louis asked, a cheery grin forming at the corner of his mouth. He lived to entertain Niall’s ridiculous ideas, if nothing else. 

‘I don’t know like,’ Niall mumbled, throwing the sheets in his hand onto a nearby table, ‘but fucking hell, everything’s been kind of shit lately.’ Harry briefly glanced in his direction at the comment. ‘And I just think we should spend a night getting completely fucked up. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?’ 

‘Oooh, we could always go to the Funky-‘, Liam started but, Louis was quick to cut him off. 

‘No offence mate,’ he waved a hand in Liam’s direction, ‘but I’d just rather not. I know you’re practically in love with the place, hell if men marrying buildings were legal you’d be completely up for it but it’s not my scene.’ 

Liam scowled a bit at his comment but a quick grin from Louis and his face picked up again. It was light banter and Louis wasn’t trying to hurt anymore band members’ feelings than he already had. Speaking of which, Harry was now watching Niall and chewing his bottom lip in thought. 

‘What do you have in mind, Niall?’ He asked, surprising probably everyone in the room. It had been a long time since Harry had bothered to engage in one of their group activities. In fact, even when Liam and Louis had made an impromptu trip to LA earlier that month while Harry was there, he’d politely declined Liam’s offer to hang out. He’d cited the fact that he just ‘had a lot going on’ whatever that meant. Louis was glad he hadn’t bothered to ask. 

‘I’m thinking road trip!’ Niall’s bright eyes danced around the room. ‘It’s been awhile! Come on lads, let’s just get the fuck out of London and go somewhere for the weekend. Let’s tell no one and turn our phones off and trash a hotel room and get drunk as fuck in some unknown bar. I think we need it!’ His voice was entirely too energetic for Louis, especially at the end of a long week when all he wanted was silence. He was just about to make up some lazy excuse as to why he couldn’t go when Zayn surprised him by speaking. 

‘Shall we go up North?’ Zayn smiled cautiously, putting down the guitar (why he bothered with it, Louis never knew. It wasn’t like he made any effort to learn) and standing up. ‘I miss it up there to be fair and I think we should unwind before rehearsals really start kicking in.’ Louis fondly watched his friend who seemed genuinely happy for the first time all week. Zayn was such a Northern boy and no amount of massive around the world trips could change that. 

‘That’s not a bad idea, Zay,’ Louis offered in agreement, ‘I’d well be up for it.’ Zayn’s eyes met Louis’ in mutual excitement of returning closer to home. 

‘Of course,’ Harry mumbled, his voice barely audible. He’d looked away from the group now and was staring out of the window, a bored scowl on his face. Louis made a huge effort of counting to 5 in his head, because no – he wasn’t going to entertain it. He wasn’t going to pick up the bait and allow Harry to get in his system and piss him off. 

‘Yes!’ Niall practically shouted, completely oblivious to Harry’s comment. ‘Shall we go to Manchester, lads? It’s always a good time in Manchester isn’t it?’ 

Harry scowled deeper at that, if that was even possible and Louis wasn’t positive but there was a half second glance from Harry in Louis’ direction. It was so quick it could just have been a figment of his imagination. 

‘I’m down for that,’ Zayn said, ‘let’s face it… It’s not like there’s anywhere decent to go out in Bradford or Donny so let’s go to Manchester. And Louis, you can visit the Mrs that way can’t you?’ Zayn grinned at him and Louis forced a plain smile at the thought of Eleanor. Yeah. That. Situation was complicated at the moment. He put it to the back of mind before extending a fist out at Niall, who bumped it immediately. 

‘Alright lads, Manchester this weekend, then?’ Louis asked with a small smile as Liam and Zayn bumped their fists with his as well. The three boys nodded in agreement, with Niall even offering a delighted cheer.

Harry’s eyes had long since returned to his phone. 

*

Even though Niall had been insistent on a road trip, the boys had opted to find their own way to Manchester, simply because things were no longer as simple as they used to be. They had busy schedules and making a trip across the country as a five would be too difficult if they weren’t on the promo run or touring. So Louis ended up making the trip up north on his own and arrived a few hours into early Saturday morning; having spent most of the night driving. He was supposed to meet the rest of the boys for brunch and he’d made a note of arriving early just because he wanted to sort out the Eleanor situation while he could. Arriving so early in the morning meant he could get around without being spotted and Louis was grateful for that. 

He had parked up outside of Eleanor’s halls of residence and was now walking up to her flat with a sinking sense of dread. He didn’t want to be there. He just wanted to be with the lads, this way far too stressful. 

Eleanor knew he was coming and she allowed him into her building and then into her room with a smile that seemed strained. She looked over worked and stressed. 

‘Hi Love, you alright?’ Louis asked, gently pecking her cheek. He didn’t remove his shoes, not planning on staying for long. 

‘Yeah um, not too bad,’ Eleanor said, clearing her throat. She looked so uncomfortable, and shit – since when did it become so awkward? Louis lowered his gaze and tried to think of something to say. 

‘I just thought I’d check on you.’ He finally managed. ‘I didn’t want to leave anything on a bad note. We’ve been together a long time and I know things change, but I genuinely didn’t expect this to be how it all ended.’ His words are sincere and his electric blue eyes finally meet Eleanor’s face. 

‘It’s alright, Louis,’ she said gently, ‘I understand. I don’t have any hard feelings and I hope you don’t either. You really didn’t have to make the trip, really. Things are fine between us. Like I said last week, I just don’t think I can do the whole long distance thing anymore and – even though we’re together it’s not like we really are. We’re moving in different places in our lives and –‘ 

Louis almost tuned out. Her words were very true and he didn’t feel any sort of remorse about their break up. He wanted it almost, even when she’d suggested it it had filled him with relief. But it was that he didn’t like change. Eleanor was safe. She was comfortable. 

‘You’re right,’ Louis rubbed the back of his neck, ‘I probably shouldn’t have come. Just wanted to check in on you. It’s been awhile since I saw you so…’ he allowed his voice to drift off for lack of anything better to say. 

‘It’s really nice to see you.’ Eleanor said gently. 

Louis could only stare, unsure of what to say. The trip to Eleanor’s flat was completely pointless. He’d been hoping for some kind of closure, something to fill the sense off longing inside him but standing there only made him realise this was not where to find what he needed. Eleanor was a chapter in his life that was well and truly over; there was no point in dragging the process out. 

‘Okay El,’ Louis said, almost shyly, ‘I should best be on my way. Going for brunch with the lads, can’t keep them waiting.’ A moment passed, in which he stood awkwardly unsure if he was still supposed to hug her or not. This was his first major break up; he didn’t know how things worked. Thankfully, Eleanor came to the rescue and made the decision for him, giving him a light one armed hug that he uncomfortably reciprocated. 

He had a feeling that this would be the last time he saw Eleanor for a long time. 

*

Brunch was chaos. The boys were all giddy about the trip, cracking way too many jokes and in general making too much noise and mess. Niall was having the time of his life, practically stuffing his face with scones and croissants. Liam was laughing at him continuously, ever fond of the Irish boy. Even Zayn seemed to be back to his normal self, engaging Louis in a massive hug the second he saw him. 

‘My brother!’ He’d cried as if he hadn’t seen him for months. ‘Let’s get so fucked up this weekend that we don’t even recognize each other.’  
Louis had chuckled at that, ruffling Zayn’s hair and forgetting his less than exciting talk with Eleanor a few hours prior. This weekend was about the boys and he promised himself that he was no longer going to dwell on his break up. 

Harry was notably absent but that hardly came as a surprise. In fact, Louis would have been more surprised if Harry had actually bothered to show up. 

‘Where’s Harry?’ Louis asked nonchalantly. There was no harm in wondering where he was. Thankfully, Zayn didn’t so much bat an eyelid at the mention of Harry. Louis felt his shoulders relax at that; maybe some of the tension within the group was finally easing up.

‘I don’t even know you know,’ Niall piped up, his mouth full of food. Charming. 

‘Did he not say if he was coming or not?’ Louis asked. And immediately wondered in his head why he cared so much only to be met with the sinking feeling that even if Harry didn’t care anymore, Louis still did. And Louis always would. Something inside of him would always care about Harry and Louis couldn’t chase that away. 

‘Nah, he never got back to me.’ Niall stated, shrugging. ‘Bit of a shame, like, but we can still all enjoy ourselves still.’ 

And that was exactly what Louis planned on doing that weekend. 

*

They had spent the day relaxing and sightseeing in places which they hoped they wouldn’t get noticed. They didn’t have much luck. Fans still managed to find them as they went to visit the Manchester United stadium, taking excited pictures with each of the boys. It wasn’t too chaotic though, or at least their security had ushered them away before it could get too chaotic. Even fans frantically snapping pictures managed to ask the unanswered question ‘Where’s Harry?’

By the end of the day Louis had mastered the art of acting like he couldn’t hear that question when fans bombarded him with it. It had become second nature to him afterall considering he’d been doing it for the better part of two years. As he sat in the car on the way to a club (all organised by Niall, he didn’t know how he’d trusted him with the task) his mind wandered to all the times when he had to act like he didn’t notice when fans were asking him about Harry. The relationship rumours getting to a head and causing Louis massive amounts of stress had been the prime reason why Louis had allowed himself and Harry to drift apart. Louis couldn’t help but feel guilty because, okay – maybe he’d massively overreacted about the whole thing and maybe it was just a bit of fun between the fans. He’d never meant for it to mean he didn’t have Harry as a friend anymore. It left him with a stinging feeling of something special he could never get back, because if anything that’s what Harry had been to him; special. 

Louis was ushered into the club by security and thankfully there wasn’t much paparazzi or fans waiting for him. He could only assume that was down to Niall’s impeccable venue finding skills. Inside the club was as swanky as they came, with low lights and just enough people to make Louis feel on the verge of claustrophobia. It didn’t take long however for security to guide him to the VIP section which was a lot calmer and included a lot less people who cared that he was Louis Tomlinson. He found himself grateful for that.  
Niall and Zayn found him within five minutes and by the looks of it, even the ever calm Zayn Malik was seriously hyped up. He sported a drink in one hand a delighted smile on his lips when he saw Louis. Niall looked like he had already began the conquest of drinking the whole bar. 

‘Lads!’ Louis called above the beat of the heavy music, ‘Oh how I’ve missed you!’ He had seen them not three hours before when they’d departed to their separate hotels but the low lights and atmosphere in the club allowed him to be is dramatic as possible. 

‘Tommo!’ Niall cried in absolute delight, while Zayn slung an arm over Louis shoulder and proceeded to kiss his forehead. 

‘Oh! Someone’s tipsy.’ Louis shouted, grinning and wiping the place where Zayn had practically slobbered on him. 

‘This place is amazing, Tommo!’ Niall sounded practically giddy with excitement and alcohol. ‘Liam’s like lost already, I have no idea where he is. Let’s get fucked up! Lads weekend, eh?!’ 

Louis could only nod and laugh in agreement as the pair began dancing ever so ridiculously and mingling with other famous faces. He was enjoying himself; he really was and it was with so much fondness that he watched his friends. They’d really needed this. Drunk and out of their mind for a weekend, male bonding at its finest. 

After an hour or so of inconceivable dancing and drinking Louis found himself tugging on his shirt and feeling the need for air. He said as much to Zayn who was in effect, trying to stand up but he was sure Zayn hardly heard him. Nevertheless, positive that Zayn had the support of Niall and security, Louis disentangled himself from Zayn’s arms and found his way outside onto a balcony area, specifically for VIP. 

‘That’s better.’ Louis sighed as the cool night air hit him. His voice was laced with alcohol and he was surely not walking very straight but he couldn’t help but grin like a maniac to himself. He was fucking enjoying himself. He was long away from the troubles of London, the pressure of rehearsals, the confusions of Eleanor and that God-awful sense of longing he couldn’t seem to shake. 

‘Tomlinson.’ A voice sparked up, so low that it was barely audible. Louis jumped so hard he nearly fell on his face. Clutching his heart out of shock, he looked to his left to see the figure that had spoken and nearly doubled over and vomited in shock. Or maybe that was alcohol; same difference. 

Harry. 

He was leaning on the balcony, staring down at the road below. His eyes weren’t even on Louis even though he’d addressed him. He was wearing a long black coat which somewhat shadowed his long limbs from the world and as ever, a bandana was tied to his unruly curls. Louis drunkenly staggered over to him and got a better look at his bandmate. Harry was wearing a plaid shirt and to Louis’ horror he’d actually colour coordinated his shirt with that God forsaken bandana. 

‘Harry, what are you doing here?’ Louis’ words were slurred and his voice did little to hide his shock. 

‘Lads weekend.’ Harry simply said, eyes never leaving the road and meeting Louis. 

‘Yeah but… you weren’t here this morning. Or all day.’ Louis managed to say, his brain trying to keep up with what was going on. Harry had actually showed up. Albeit, very late and very weirdly but he was there. Maybe he did still care. 

‘So?’ Harry’s eyes finally meet Louis’ and Louis can’t ignore the slight pang in his heart. The usually colourful and vibrant eyes that are now on Louis are filled with a sadness that  
Louis immediately wants to help with. Harry looked absolutely broken and the week of ignoring him and glaring at him was quickly forgotten as Louis quickly rushed to his side. 

‘Mate, what’s wrong?’ Louis asked, genuinely worried. This wasn’t like Harry. He felt that he even preferred the anger in his eyes over this. ‘Something happened?’

‘Nothing.’ Harry quickly snaps dismissively. He rubbed his face and when he glanced back at Louis his eyes had hardened, intentionally erasing any sense of vulnerability. ‘Not that you care anyway.’ 

‘Hey what’s that supposed to mean?’ Louis was immediately on the defence. ‘If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t ask. You idiot.’ He’d tried to say the last bit light-heartedly, endearingly even but it came out stonier than he’d intended. 

‘You’re the idiot.’ Harry retorted childishly. ‘Shouldn’t you be with Zayn licking his wounds or something?’ 

‘Harry what..’, Louis placed a hand to his forehead, feeling a headache forming. ‘What is your problem with Zayn? He’s your mate.’

‘He’s your mate!’ Harry quickly countered. ‘Forget it. You wouldn’t get it. I’m going to find Niall.’ 

‘Harry!’ Louis called after him but Harry had stalked back into the club and between his aching limbs and fuzzy thoughts Louis just couldn’t follow him. The boy loved to play with Louis’ head too much. It was Harry that had spent the better part of a week ignoring him and now he wanted to act like he had a problem with it. Harry was a swirling mess of confusion that Louis just couldn’t deal with in his drunken state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I should have added in the story description that Harry and Louis are the worst at communication, like ever. I will add as frequently as people read it (IF people read it, that is) I hope someone does. :( :) Love.


	3. Three

Louis’ room was a complete mess. He couldn’t even fathom how it got in that state. Surely if his mother saw it she would have a fit. Good thing she rarely visited his London home, opting to wait until Louis made his way to Doncaster to shower him in hugs and kisses. The mess of his flat never really bothered Louis, but that Monday morning as he awoke to a weekend inflicted hangover, he groaned and wished he wasn’t such a slob. He’d passed out on the couch after his driver Tony had driven him back to London after the ‘Lads weekend’ which he thinks should have been titled ‘Alcohol weekend.’

When he woke up on Monday morning he couldn’t even register where he was or what had happened. Slowly thinking back he remembered a Sunday of excessive drinking and trashing Niall’s hotel room with Zayn and Liam. Harry had mysteriously disappeared into the night after his brief appearance at the club on Saturday night and Louis hadn’t bothered with details such as asking where he was going. Louis didn’t like being rejected and was sure that would have happened had he asked.

So there he was, sprawled out on the sofa in his empty flat, trying to make sense of his world. His head was pounding and his stomach rumbling with what he couldn’t decipher as either hunger or too much alcohol. Either way, he felt pretty shit.

The way too bright glow of his phone and buzzing from the coffee table made his insides churn and he silently cursed whoever had decided to text him so early in the morning. He didn’t have rehearsals that day and he was sure his schedule was pretty free all day. In fact, he was certain it was. It was only tomorrow that things were set to get annoying again and he’d have to head over to the Radio One studio for a very awkward interview with Harry’s BFF and Louis’ mortal enemy Nick Grimshaw. Oh the joy.

Confused and annoyed, Louis silently allowed himself to pick up the obnoxiously glaring phone from his coffee table. He rubbed his tied eyes and groaned as the light from the screen made him want to curl up and die a little.

It was a message from the ever chirpy Niall Horan.

‘What do you want, child?’ He said to his phone, already anticipating a far too excited message sprawled on his screen.

Sure enough, Niall managed to sound chipper even in texts.

**Niall Horan**

_‘Tommo!!! Bro come mine it’s all kicking off. In a good way! LOVE.’_

What the bloody hell did that mean? The voice inside Louis’ head was not impressed to read the invite. He was just about ignore the message and Niall’s existence all together and bury his face in his pillow when the phone began to buzz in his hand. Of course. The boy was now calling him. Louis grit his teeth and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Boundaries were not a thing Niall had.

‘What do you want Niall?’ Louis all but grumbled into his phone. He wasn’t in the mood.

‘Louis, you have to come to mine. Did you get my text?’ Niall sounded entirely too cheerful. ‘All the boys are here. Writing session at mine. I want you to come, Tommo. Please?’ He then proceeded to let out a manic laugh which really worried Louis because, what the hell was so funny?

‘Niall, it’s the crack of dawn on my only Monday off for about a year,’ Louis complained, ‘I already let you talk me into running around Manchester all weekend. I’m tired. I’m hungover. Would you please just let me sleep?’

‘Mate, it’s fucking 1 in the afternoon!’ Niall practically screams down the phone. ‘Get up. Come on. Early bird catches the worm. We’re doing really well. Come on.’

And Louis hangs up. He is most certainly not entertaining Niall today. Nope. Absolutely not.

*

Except, that he does.

For some reason or other (mainly because Niall’s overly eager voice meant he had difficulty going back to sleep) he found himself driving to West London to join Niall at his flashy apartment. Except it wasn’t just Niall, it was all four of his bandmates.

Zayn opened the door with a merry grin and a punch to Louis’ stomach because apparently that was an appropriate form of greeting now.

‘You prick,’ Louis managed, doubling over and making a note of the fact that he hated Zayn, ‘I hate you, Zayn.’

‘Bro, it’s all love!’ Zayn was giddy. Louis couldn’t help but be fond of Zayn when was giddy. Actually, Louis was fond of Zayn all day everyday but that’s another story. There was a very eager glint in Zayn’s eyes and Louis couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled the boy in for an embrace. He’d only seen him the night before but it somehow felt like a lifetime.

As he moved out of the hug and took his sunglasses off (It was March and the sun was never out but Louis was nothing if not in style) he noticed the sketch book on the table and how quickly Zayn bounced back over to it. Ah, that explained the excitement. He was enjoying himself with some art therapy. Louis took off his shoes at the entrance and carefully placed them on Niall’s shoe rack before following Zayn further inside the flat. Niall and Liam as expected were engulfed in the TV, both of them clutching X-Box controllers and playing FIFA. Louis all but rolled his eyes.

‘Lovely writing going on here, lads.’ He offered as a greeting.

Niall grinned up at him, his eyes leaving the TV for a moment but Liam was apparently so into the game he only managed a slight nod in Louis’ direction.

‘We were waiting for you to start,’ Niall cheekily commented, causing Louis to scoff.

‘Sure you were, mate.’ Louis replied, about to join the pair on the couch when he noticed someone entering the living room from the kitchen. And someone of course, was Harry. He was carrying a tray with what appeared to be orange juice and cake on it and he seemed particularly cheery. The bandana was missing for some reason (not that Louis noticed or cared) and his face was fresh, his eyes glinting in the sunlight from Niall’s windows. He was as ever, decked out in plaid, the blue and black of his shirt mixing together and sitting nicely over a plain black t-shirt and his signature black jeans. He looked … refreshed. There was not a hint of the pain Louis had seen in his eyes two days earlier. Harry purposefully walked into the room, balancing the tray like a pro. He never once glanced at Louis and instead, to Louis’ shock horror walked directly over to Zayn.

Louis didn’t want to stare, he really didn’t. But he found himself doing just that, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room as he watched Harry slowly stride over to Zayn.

‘Careful, bro!’ Zayn’s voice was practically filled with glee. ‘You’ll have it all over my precious drawing!’

He was referring to the tray of orange juice and goodies which Harry had now carefully placed on the table, near Zayn’s sketch book. Louis momentarily allowed his eyes to skate over to the sketch book. Zayn was drawing massive cartoons of each of the five boys in the room. He fought the urge to make a slick comment about the size of his forehead, because Jesus – how inaccurate of him. Instead, he continued to watch the exchange between Harry and Zayn; trying not to make his staring obvious and edging towards Niall and Liam. He was in fact, very interested in the game of FIFA which he was sure they were both playing horribly.

Harry smiled brightly at Zayn and Louis couldn’t help but notice it was a real smile. It was a genuine smile, not the kind he practiced for hoards of fans or paparazzi. It was filled with affection. Louis’ insides may or may not have jumped a little at the sight. Having set the tray down on the table, Harry proceeded to grin sweetly at Zayn, his dimple making an appearance as he went to Zayn’s side to look at the sketch.

‘I look delightful’, Harry commented, grinning and tracing a line over his face in the picture, ‘your talent shines through in every way, Zayn.’

Niall and Liam seemed oblivious to the apparent show of flattery going on and Louis just wanted to shake them both and scream loudly because really, WHAT was going on? Weren’t Harry and Zayn sworn enemies now?

‘I tried to get your curls in just right, like.’ Zayn replied, grinning at the compliment. ‘And hey, you’re one to talk about talent.’

At that, Harry positively beams and suddenly grabs Zayn’s face in his hands and peppers Zayn’s cheeks with over the top kisses, causing Zayn to laugh and cry out. He pushed Harry away and Louis could only watch the pair exchange embraces. It was just weird.

He finally turned away from the two and sat down next to Niall who was cursing under his breath because apparently Liam Fucking Payne was a cheat and God he hated him. Louis didn’t want to know so he didn’t ask.

‘So are we actually doing any writing today or what?’ Louis asked, his voice still somewhat frazzled by the endless display of affection from Harry and Zayn.

‘Yeah, just after this game.’ Liam cried and Louis winced, unable to hide the fact that he was in a lot of alcohol inflicted pain.

‘Niall, I don’t know why you dragged me here!’ He managed to say, trying to sound angry but instead sounding very worn out.

‘Because my sofa is more comfy than yours and I wanted to offer Hangover fixing cuddles.’ Niall brightly grinned at Louis before his eyes returned to the TV. Louis couldn’t argue with that and so with a long stretch of his arms which may or may not have earned him worried shouts from Liam because he had disrupted his view of the TV, Louis laid down, resting his head in Niall’s lap and snuggling in close.

He let his eyes flutter to a close almost immediately trying hard to drown out the voices coming from just behind him. Because the newly reconciled Harry and Zayn were now giggling and laughing at something or the other and it really didn’t bother Louis in the slightest (not at all), but he needed to sleep. And that’s exactly what he did.

*

Louis’ nap had been refreshing and he awoke to find that Harry had left, along with Liam. Zayn was sitting on the ground with his eyes glued to the TV and Niall was still curled up next to Louis. Sighing heavily, Louis lifted his head from Niall’s chest and blinked, taking in the lack of sunshine coming in from the window.

‘Should have woke me up,’ he said to no one in particular. ‘Can’t believe I was out for so long.’

‘It’s only 9pm’, Zayn piped up, though his eyes never left the TV. Louis momentarily glanced at the screen. It was apparently a special on sharks which had managed to capture Niall and Zayn’s attention so much. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

‘I slept all day.’ Louis muttered, disentangling himself from Niall and sitting up. ‘Wasted my whole day off and tomorrow morning I have the pleasure of going to talk to that charming Grimmy.’ He could hardly keep the bitterness out of his voice.

‘Oh he’s not that bad, Tommo.’ Niall stated, with a quick glance at Louis, ‘It’ll be fun!’

‘It’ll be shit.’ Louis countered almost immediately.

‘Lou, did you know that baby sharks are called pups? Just like dogs!’ Zayn sounded entirely too happy about the fact for Louis’ liking and he chooses to ignore the comment, instead turning his focus to Niall.

‘Where’s Harry and Liam then?’ He asked casually, hoping the added ‘And Liam’ would throw Niall off the fact that he just wanted to know about Harry. His mysteriously good mood earlier had left Louis feeling ever so perplexed.

‘He went out, I think on a date.’ Niall replied, seemingly very uninterested.

‘Yeah he did.’ Zayn agreed. ‘He said it was a blind date. Hopefully it’ll stop the hordes of questions about the Kardashian girl.’

‘Jenner. She’s a Jenner.’ Niall piped up, like there was a difference.

‘So, you and Harry…,’ Louis swore he sounded nonchalant but instead it came out a little shaky. He didn’t know why the situation was making him feel so weird.

‘Yeah me and Harry.’ Zayn simply stated. ‘All good now. We sorted it. Buried the hatchet, if you will.’

Niall laughed at the comment for no apparent reason.

‘Oh that’s good.’ Louis stated, deciding he was genuinely happy. The less tension, the better it was for everyone involved. ‘I’m glad. So did he apologise, then?’

‘Yeah he did.’ Zayn’s eyes never left the TV. ‘It was actually pretty weird. He approached me and he said he was sorry for how he acted. How he valued our friendship and how he wants to put it in the past. I didn’t mind, like, because to be honest, I didn’t even remember what we were fighting about so, it worked out well.’

‘You were fighting about pure fucking nothing.’ Niall said, laughing. ‘Honestly, don’t know why it took so long to fix it. I can’t deal with that kind of shit.’

‘Yeah, it was a bit stupid.’ Zayn agreed.

The two boys then began to talk about how sharks had never ending teeth and how an average shark could grow about 20,000 teeth in a lifetime. It was all very interesting and Louis was sure of that but he felt his mind linger on nothing but Harry. He really was happy Zayn and Harry were now friends but couldn’t help but notice that Harry had made no effort to reconcile with Louis. Even though, really Louis had done nothing wrong to him. He hadn’t argued with him, Zayn had. And yet, the way that Harry had looked at him on the balcony of that club left Louis with a worrying feeling in his stomach. Something told him Harry wasn’t going to run to make up with Louis the way he had with Zayn.

*

Grimmy was bearable. He really was. And after a rough night of sleeping on Niall’s sofa, Louis had to be grateful for that. Grimmy was nice enough not to provoke Louis and Louis was nice enough not to laugh in his face at his blatant pretention and the general fact that he couldn’t stand the guy. It was a nice system.

‘So boys, you’re about to go on a stadium tour.’ Grimmy sounded so awfully chipper for early morning. ‘You’re what? Four weeks out now? How does one prepare for a stadium tour?’

Louis remained silent as he had been doing for most of the interview, never answering Grimmy directly and opting to only ever answer comments made by his co-host. So Louis was more than happy to let Liam and Harry take the lead in answering that and almost all questions. Harry was going on with himself about something or the other and Louis just continued to stare at nothing in particular.

There had been no greeting from Harry to Louis that morning, as he’d arrived early. As expected, he was decked out in plaid (surely he couldn’t be wearing plaid on plaid, except he was) and hugged all the boys apart from Louis. He hadn’t even so much as said hello. Louis hated it. He hated watching him charm the room knowing he was the only one not on the receiving end of the Harry Styles effect. Seeing Nick Grimshaw had only brightened Harry’s mood further, his face positively beaming.

‘So I think you know what time it is, boys.’ Grimmy was saying, his voiced laced with excitement. ‘Because we really do appreciate you boys coming here to show your support for Sport Relief, we thought it would be fun for us to do a very special 1D edition of Call or Delete! Let’s Go!’

The boys all cheered, minus Louis who simply smiled stiffly. They began the game as normal with ridiculously placed calls and Grimmy insisting they all swap phones when scrolling through numbers after accusing Niall of cheating when he first landed on Ellie Goulding and then protesting saying it had been someone else. It was all very exciting.

‘Alright, who do you have in Harry’s phone Zayn?’ Grimmy asked, after Liam had placed an awkward call to Simon Cowell which had landed the room in fits of laughter. Even Louis had to laugh at that one.

‘I have…,’ Zayn’s voice trailed off as he stopped scrolling down Harry’s numbers. Louis peered over Zayn’s shoulder to get a good look at who it was.

‘That’s a good one.’ Louis couldn’t help but say. And indeed it was.

‘Ed Sheeran,’ Zayn stated, smiling slightly.

The boys cheered because apparently that was cheer worthy and Harry proceeded to place a call to Ed, stating that it must be hid favourites Zayn was scrolling in because he was glad to have Ed. Whatever that meant. The call was briefly funny wit Harry asking Ed to come and rescue him because a girl he’d spent the night before with had inconveniently tied him up in a hotel room.

‘Bit risqué for early morning radio.’ Louis had commented after the call had ended, with Ed sussing out that Harry was lying through his teeth.

‘Indeed.’ Grimmy agreed, directly addressing Louis for the first time that morning, ‘Louis Tomlinson. It’s your turn. Want to give your phone to one of your bandmates?’

Because he had somehow ended up standing next to Harry; a rare occurrence ever since ‘Larry Stylinson’ had messed with Louis’ mental state and he’d demanded to management and Harry that he no longer wanted to be seated next to Harry at interviews. It had all been too much for him at the time but looking back, it might have been the worst decision he ever made in regards to his friendship with Harry.

Harry reached over to take the phone from Louis’ hand and their fingers briefly touch. Louis tried to ignore the weird sensation, simply because he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been that close to Harry, let alone had any type of contact with him.

‘All ready?’ Grimmy asked, and Harry shook his head in response.

‘Hold on a second.’ He said in that slow speech of his. ‘Lou, what’s your passcode?’

Taken aback by the use of the nickname, Louis found himself frozen. This was the first time Harry had even spoken to him since Manchester, and that name and all the memories it brought made Louis feel slightly nauseous. Harry’s eyes wondered over to his, waiting for a response.

‘Sure, let me just say what it is on air.’ He nervously laughed before taking the phone from Harry and gently tapping it in for him. The comment earned a few laughs from everyone in the room and Harry returns to scrolling through the phone.

‘Ready now, Harold?’ Grimmy asked again.

‘Uh… hold on a minute. Um… yep, okay.’ Harry took forever in saying. Louis couldn’t help but smirk a little because it really had been so long since he’d seen Harry completely in his element. He couldn’t help but miss the way he took ages to say something, the way he could charm just about anyone and all his lovely Harryisms that made him Louis’ best friend in the first place.

‘Okay, stop scrolling.’ Grimmy stated, watching Harry intently. ‘Who do you have?’

Everyone watched Harry eagerly as his brows furrowed, seemingly confused or somewhat bothered by the name he’d stopped at.

‘Um, I don’t know if…,’ he allowed his voice to trail off before showing Louis the name. Just his luck. Eleanor. Louis grimaced slightly as everyone watched him, waiting for him to speak.

‘We’ll have to do that one again,’ is all he managed to say, praying Grimmy wouldn’t pry. Louis made a quick wave to management, signalling to cut the issue straight away. Grimmy watched him with distate and Louis was sure he was living up to the spoiled popstar image Grimmy had conjured up for him but he didn’t care. He wasn’t calling his ex girlfriend no one even knew was his ex on air. Nope, no way.

‘Okay, shall we try again?’ Harry came to his rescue, surprising Louis by his supportive tone. He thumbed through Louis’ contacts before smiling softly. ‘I’ve got Olly Murs.’

‘I’m sure that’s cheating if you choose one yourself’ Grimmy said, but doesn’t press the matter further. ‘Olly Murs it is then!’

Louis proceeded to forget about the awkward Eleanor moment, silently grateful to Harry as he called Olly Murs. The call was entirely ridiculous with Louis claiming he’d overheard Niall talking about leaving the band that he’d heard him say he would confide in Olly about the matter. Louis begged him to convince Niall not to leave the band if he did contact Olly because, as Louis mildly put it, he was far too young to be a washed up has been. It was hilarious and Louis found himself genuinely enjoying the whole charade.

*

It was only hours later when the boys were filtered around a large room for rehearsals that Louis was approached by Harry. Louis watched him cautiously has he swaggered over to him, clutching his water bottle tightly in one hand and his phone in the other. It had been so long since Harry had actually made an effort to even come over to Louis. The rest of the boys didn’t seem to notice and Louis tried to remain casual about the whole thing.

‘Hi.’ He awkwardly stated as Harry came to a halt in front of him. Louis felt a little intimidated as Harry towered over him. Louis was seated but he didn’t think the whole Harry towering over him thing would be different if he had been standing. Harry was a giant after all.

‘I’m sorry about your situation.’ Harry said, his eyes meeting Louis has he rolled up the sleeves on his shirt.

‘What situation?’ Louis asked, confused.

‘When I was looking in your phone I saw you had a message from Eleanor.’ Harry stated, his eyes straying from Louis’ just as fast as they’d reached them. ‘I didn’t mean to pry, it was an accident. Honest. But, yeah. I know we’re not close like we were but I’m sorry to hear about your break up. I’m assuming the boys don’t know.’

Louis was almost at a loss for words at the way Harry was approaching the situation. Without a care in the world, like it wasn’t extremely awkward between them. And here Harry was, involuntarily or maybe voluntarily infact, becoming the only person Louis confided in about his break up about. It was all very confusing.

‘Yeah, I don’t really want to make a big deal of it.’ Louis stated briefly, avoiding Harry’s eyes just as much as Harry was doing to his own. ‘I’d prefer if you kept it on the low, okay?’

Louis hardly stuck around for Harry’s nod and instead turned and walked away from him, heading for the door. He felt pretty startled at the idea that Harry even approached him let alone knew about him and Eleanor. Harry was left no doubt in shock at being on the receiving end of an unexplained storming off for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm writing entirely too much, given the ratio of readers to updates. But ah well, nevermind I'm having a lot of fun creating this so hope someone out there enjoys! Big Love. :)


	4. Four

Louis was fuming. He was positively furious. His good for nothing father had managed to secure the front page of The Mirror and he felt like, no he was certain that this was the single worst thing that had ever happened to him. Reading it was just pissing him off further and yet he couldn’t bring himself to put the paper down.

‘And get this Zayn!’ He practically screamed down the phone. ‘ _I haven’t been there for most of his life, so I understand I’m not one of his main priorities. He knows we were in the crowd and now I want to tell him what it meant to me to see him up there. I cried buckets._ Cried buckets, did you Troy?! Tell me, was that before or after you spent my whole life ignoring me and not bothering with me in the slightest?! Zayn! He’s got some nerve. He really has!’ Louis was now hysterical, waving his hand around as if Zayn could see him and pacing around his living room feeling on the verge of a full on melt down.

‘Lou, you have to just ignore him.’ Zayn’s voice managed to remain calm despite Louis’ hysteria. ‘This is just what he wants, to get a reaction from you.’

‘But Zayn,’ he whined, dragging the boy’s name out, ‘everyone’s going to read this and think I’m some kind of monster. He keeps bringing up his daughter, throwing the word _half-sister_ around and making me look like some crazy person who doesn’t even care about a little girl!’

‘Your true fans and people who care about you know the truth.’ Zayn reassured him.

Louis groaned, unhappy and confused; Zayn’s words doing little to help him. He pressed the phone into his ear and flicked through the God forsaken paper.

‘Listen to this,’ he started again, ‘ _Seeing what he’s done with his life makes me so happy. I know people will think I’m only ­interested in being part of his life again because he’s rich and famous. But it’s not about that._ Oh is it not?! Is it not about that, TROY?! Why don’t you tell me what it is about then, oh hang on a minute you can’t on account of the fact that you don’t fucking speak to me or know me and never bothered with me my whole life! But no of course, this has nothing to do with money or fame or whatever the fuck this is because Louis Tomlinson is a massive prick who likes making little girls cry.’

Maybe he was overreacting, just a tad, but Louis didn’t care. Everything printed on the paper infront of him was a massive lie and defamation of his character. And he had to vent about his frustration. He felt eternally grateful for Zayn who magically stayed on the line despite his manic rambling. Zayn was afterall, the only person he really confided in with stuff like this. Well… Zayn and it used to be Harry as well but that was another emotionally draining matter entirely.

‘It’s not as bad as you think,’ Zayn stated gently, ‘honestly. Just don’t let it get to you and you’ll be fine. It’s not worth it.’

‘It is as bad as I think,’ Louis replied weakly, his voice showing his distress. ‘But I guess you’re right. I’m going to stop sitting around and feeling sorry for myself.’

‘What did your Mum say about it?’ Zayn pressed, caringly.

‘She was alright with it, I suppose.’ Louis stated matter-of-factly. ‘Not as worked up as me but I guess she’s used to this. She knows he’s a massive waste of time and knew from the start. I just wish there was a way to stop him from trying to work his way back into my life now that he feels he can use me. He should just go back to ignoring me the same way he did when I was growing up. You know what I mean?’

Louis was positive Zayn most certainly did not know what he meant. Zayn had grown up around a doting father and perfectly lovely mother, with virtually no family troubles. At least none he cared to share with Louis but for the most part, Zayn’s upbringing had been glaringly different to Louis’. There was actually only one person in the band who had a similar kind of family history to Louis and that was Harry, who Louis still was unsure of where he stood with. Still, he was grateful for Zayn who offered a helpful ear to vent to even if he hadn’t experienced similar things.

‘Yeah mate,’ Zayn’s voice was soft and empathic, ‘I understand. But really you’re better than that and this is what the job comes with. This is just the shit side, God knows I’ve had my fair share of it.’

And Louis immediately nods, though Zayn won’t see him. Because he was right, if anyone knew about criticism in the band, it was Zayn. So much so that Zayn had to practically shelter all of himself from the public eye in order to avoid scrutiny for his race, his religion and everything about him that made Zayn special. Louis wished he could be more like him, but Louis was as always very much out there and outspoken. He was just that type of person where every emotion always showed on his face and he had an undying need to speak in every situation. So yeah, it would probably be beneficial for him if he could be more like Zayn and reserve himself a bit more, biting his tongue and remaining mysterious. But even as the thought flashed across his mind, he knew it couldn’t be done. All he could really be was himself.

Maybe that was why, not 15 minutes after Louis had got off the phone with Zayn, promising him he would behave and not do anything drastic, he found himself furiously scrolling through his Twitter feed. People had definitely noticed the article which was hardly surprising, it was a bloody National newspaper afterall. Louis scowled at his phone at the realisation that he was being sent the link with comments questioning his character already.

No. He was not having that. And before he could think about what he was doing he was furiously tapping into his iPhone; his fingers working faster than his brain.

**Louis_Tomlinson**

_Just a massive shout out to The Mirror, absolutely Fuck You!!! Impeccable journalism as always, great research and generally all around great serving of Bullshit._

He studied the tweet for all of four seconds before he hit send and before he could talk himself out of it. He felt he’d done pretty well considering the situation. It would have been all too easy to go on a massive tirade about how much he hated his ‘father’ and what a prick he was but that would just give him the attention he desired. No, this way was much better. By focusing on the paper instead, he was managing to remain somewhat mysterious. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

It doesn’t even take five minutes for his phone to start going crazy. Calls from everwhere. Management. His Mum. Texts. Tweets. His phone froze within a minute and with a groan, he restarted the device. He should have expected this really, he’d set himself up.

When he finally managed to turn the phone on he had close to twenty notifications. And those were all calls and texts considering he never left Twitter notifications on for fear of his phone just freezing to the point of never working again. It’s with a sinking sense of dread he scrolls through furious messages from his management and his Mum. They’re not very impressed.

Niall had simply sent him a series of crying face laughing emoji’s which Louis couldn’t help but smirk at. It was as he was opening twitter back up again and ignoring the rest of his messages his house phone began ringing furiously. He rolled his eyes and proceeded to disconnect the stupid thing before returning to his Twitter feed. It was in absolute shambles with fans going crazy about his tweet. They were all laughing, practically all of them in absolute joy over his tweet. He felt himself relax and even managed a laugh as he read the ridiculous comments. He decided this whole tweeting thing was actually helping and began to compose another.

**Louis_Tomlinson**

_Love you Dad @Mark_Tomlinson_

He felt that made enough of a statement, a massive one in fact and closed twitter, happy with his actions. It was only then as he returned to his homepage that one text in particular in about a total of twenty caught his eye. He blinked at the screen, sure he was hallucinating. Nope. He really wasn’t.

**Harry Styles**

That was the first time in months Harry had contacted him over the phone. It was bizzare. Louis just stared in shock at the phone for a long moment before actually even reading the text.

**Harry Styles**

_To bare your soul to the world is never a weakness. It in fact shows true strength in character. You are the strongest I know._

Louis must have stared at the text message for the better part of an hour. He was absolutely in shock and so completely confused. He had no way of replying to that, he hardly knew what it meant! After spending way too long gaping at the screen, he managed to compose a reply which he checked five times before sending.

_Cheers for that mate. You’ve been watching far too many sappy movies I think. Just joking. You alright though? I’ll be seeing you this afternoon for a drink at Josh’s right?_

Maybe he was a bit of a sarcastic little shit but it was the only way he knew how to deal with heavy situations. And the text from Harry was just that. Way too much for him to even comprehend within the mess that was his brain. Plus, he had done it in the name of light banter and he was sure (well, he hoped) Harry would understand that.

It didn’t come as much of a surprise however, that Harry didn’t end up texting him back.

*

Josh’s party was insane. His apartment was filled with way too many people, some that Louis recognised and a lot that he didn’t. Louis made a huge effort to avoid eye contact with anyone from management as he’d remained pretty under the radar all day. The only person to have told him off so far about his Twitter rant was his Mum. And even that had been too much for him. He had to swear to stay off Twitter for life before she let up and allowed him to get off the phone.

And there he was, hours after relenting his range onto Twitter, surrounded by people and drinking his fifth drink of the night. It felt pretty good. He wished Zayn was there but as always, Zayn had chosen to spend their two day off from rehearsal back in Bradford and Louis couldn’t blame him. London got way too much for Louis sometimes and he desired frequent breaks away from it. Niall was there however, banging away on Josh’s drumset and laughing randomly at everything and nothing. He was so uplifting and inspiring to watch. Nothing ever got to him. Louis downed his drink and felt himself stagger slightly as he looked around for someone to fill him up or offer him another drink. And he was just about to do result to going and getting one himself when he felt someone tug entirely too hard on his arm.

‘Oi!’ He cried, shrugging the person off. ‘You nearly made me spill my drink.’

He turned to face his attacker (Louis never claimed to not be dramatic) and with wide eyes found that it was Harry who had pulled him by the arm.

‘What?’ Louis grumbled, positive Harry couldn’t hear him over the music. Harry was watching him with a forlorn look and Louis made a mental note to not look him in the eyes for too long because it fucking hurt for some reason and he was sick of not knowing what that reason was. Harry made to grab his arm again, saying nothing at all and Louis swerved away from him.

‘Leave me alone.’ He stated, annoyed. Maybe it was the alcohol talking or maybe it was that Harry had spent the better half of the year ignoring him and making new friends and being generally too cool for him but Louis wasn’t in the mood for it. He didn’t want to see Harry, talk to Harry or be pulled roughly by Harry which was exactly what was happening.

‘Harry, what the fuck do you want?’ He cried, finally giving in and allowing Harry to lead him out of the living room and head down the corridor towards what Louis could only assume was Josh’s bedroom. He’d only been to Josh’s new flat once and he couldn’t remember which room was which nor did he care. It was a lot less noisy away from the main party area and Louis reluctantly followed Harry into the room. Harry was still clutching Louis’ arm awfully hard and Louis finally managed to wriggle out of his grip as he walked further into Josh’s room.

‘Your problem is?’ Louis’ words were slurred and the room was definitely spinning. Jesus. When had he become such a lightweight?

Harry didn’t speak. His eyes were glued intently on Louis in that way that made Louis feel uncomfortable. It was as if he could see right through him, like his soul was in fact bare and exposed only for Harry to see. Louis hated it.

The bandana was back and it was black this time, tied tight around his way too long curls and Louis’ thoughts turned to how easy it would be to pull the thing off and choke Harry with it. Because, shit, he was sick of the mysterious silence and the dragging him into anonymous rooms.

‘Harold!’ Louis’ voice is raised. ‘What do you want?!’

And Harry continued to say absolutely nothing. His arms were folded behind his back and Louis couldn’t help but notice his attire. Dressed head to toe in black like he was mourning the death of his cat or something. It was all very dramatic and mysterious.

‘Right, alright then,’ Louis was surely stumbling all over his words now. ‘I’m going back to the party.’ And he was about to leave, he really was. Except he found himself losing his footing and stumbling slightly only to giggle at himself because he really was so stupid. Harry immediately reacted by reaching out to him and catching his arm again, though with less force this time. Louis allowed himself to regain focus and look at Harry who was now directly in front of him, his eyes dark and unreadable. His hand remained on Louis’ forearm and Louis fought the desire to shrug him off, the intensity of the moment and the way Harry was staring at him in _that_ way was all just too much for Louis.

‘I’m not strong.’ Louis finally said, after a long silence. He surprised himself and Harry too he imagined, as he saw a slight furrow of his brow at the comment. ‘I’m the opposite. You’re strong. Like an eagle. Or a hawk.’ Louis didn’t even know what he was talking about or why Harry had dragged him into a room and why was Harry still holding him by the arm? It was all very confusing.

‘You smell good.’ Louis surprised himself by speaking again. It was merely an observation. He really did smell good, as always. Harry remained silent, his lips never wavering from the line they were set in. All he was doing was _watching_ Louis and it was borderline creepy.

‘I hate Troy.’ Louis was unable to stop the words from falling out of his mouth and he knew sober Louis would give him hell in the morning for the way the way he was blurting stuff out, but he couldn’t stop it. Harry just continued to watch him, one hand still on Louis’ arm and the other behind his back. He hated noticing how much Harry towered over him and how Harry Styles even managed to _stand_ charmingly, if there was even such a thing.

‘I hate your bandana.’ Louis confessed, shaking Harry’s hand off him.

‘It’s alright to hate Troy.’ Harry spoke for the first time, startling Louis with his way too deep voice and concerned look. That concern in his face was something Louis hadn’t seen directed at himself in so long. ‘You don’t have to feel guilty for it.’ Louis hated _himself_ for how he hung onto every word out of Harry’s mouth, admiring just about everything about him. From the way he took so long to say each word, like he’d rehearsed it in his head for hours to the Northern twang in his pronunciation. It was all so compelling and annoying and God – Louis felt very close to vomiting.

‘Steady there.’ Harry offered, as Louis very nearly did in fact throw up all over Harry. He regained some kind of composure before he did however, and gave Harry a look for even existing. Because everything about Harry and his mysterious demeanour and his ability to make Louis spill his darkest secrets to him really got under his skin.

‘It’s stupid.’ Louis glaringly snapped. ‘Your bandana is stupid and pointless and your hair is too long.’

‘My hair is too long?’ Harry made a point of placing his hand on his chest. ‘Yours isn’t exactly short either, Lou.’ There it was again. That name and that face that looked so familiar, with hardly any traces of his previously dick-ish behaviour. It almost felt like they were how they used to be. Happy and close. He liked happy and close.

‘Yes yours, Mophead.’ Louis retorted, taking all his frustration out on him. He didn’t even really remember what he was angry about. He just knew he was and for some reason Harry was definitely to blame. There was a hint of smirk on the corner of Harry’s lips as he continued to watch Louis.

‘Stop staring at me like that.’ Louis was exhausted. Drunk. Heavily emotionally drained.

Harry didn’t reply.

‘Ooh, look at me I’m Harry and I stare.’ He kicked himself mentally because, what was he even saying? Nothing coming out from his mouth made any sense and he was so tipsy it was a wonder he wasn’t sprawled out on the floor yet.

‘You think you know me.’ Louis pointed a menacing finger at Harry and eventually poked him in the chest. Harry just continue to watch him intently.

‘What do you know? Nothing! Soul bearing…’ He let his words trail off, unsure of where he was going with them. He stumbled again because he truly was a lightweight and felt ashamed at himself for it. Harry reached out to him again, this time having to hold him up because Louis was unintentionally fading in and out. He felt a soft tug on his arms form Harry and he was suddenly falling… falling, and he was sure he was going to hit the floor but instead his face hit the warmth of Harry’s chest. Harry was holding him. Close. Very close. Louis felt an undying desire to protest and balled his hands into weak fists to push Harry away and bang against his chest. But he wasn’t strong enough and being punched in the chest by an inebriated man did nothing to deter Harry from giving said man hugs, it seemed. And so Louis allowed himself to be held. Not even realising he was sobbing until he heard the sound of them. They felt far away, like it wasn’t even him crying. All he could feel was the warmth of Harry’s arms wrapped protectively around him and the need to breath in his scent and snuggle in closer because it had been so long since Louis had felt this sensation. It was so homely and Harry and in his drunken state he wondered just how he’d managed to go for so long without it. He felt himself drift off comfortably, still muttering things about hating bandana’s and deadbeat fathers until he was no longer awake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting somewhere. :D


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading + commenting and in general being awesome. Really inspired by actually having some readers. :) Love.

Louis woke up to nothingness. A nothingness which mainly consisted of a lack of Harry. He was still in Josh’s room (or Josh’s guest room as he’d later been informed) and he was surprised to find that he was comfortably tucked in bed. Louis was grateful for that at least, it sure beat being face down on the floor which was what he’d half expected to wake up to. The absence of Harry bothered him, he wasn’t sure how to make sense of what had happened. Harry had been so random in his actions, not offering any answers as to why he’d dragged Louis away from everyone in the first place. It annoyed Louis, made him so irritated that within five minutes of waking up he’d decided that he was definitely angry at Harry. The raging headache in his temples was a lot to do with Harry and he added that to the many reasons why Harry got under his skin. 

It was only hours later after he’d been home, showered and showed up for rehearsals that Louis’ mind even began comprehending the events of the previous night. As he stood next to Zayn, watching Niall run crazily around the room chasing one of their makeup artists, Louis felt it all come back to him in a rush. The feeling of Harry’s arms around him, holding him close and making him feel safe. Flashbacks of Harry’s scent and how he’d just stared at him with those piercing green eyes that hit him with all the intensity of a freight train. Louis felt his cheeks warm at the thought. He was so confused and felt in a daze about the whole situation, or maybe that was just the Hangover talking. But it was all he could think about as he buried his face in his cup of tea, only half listening to Zayn tell him about his escapades on his two days off. And Louis used the term escapades loosely as all of what Zayn was talking about consisted of a lot of ‘chilling’ and ‘sleeping’ to say the least. 

Harry arrived almost an hour late for rehearsal. It was shocking for everyone involved, most of all Louis as he’d been dreading coming face to face with Harry, having envisioned the moment in his head several times. Harry was never late and was always the perfect professional. It was a very rare occasion but he came baring gifts in the form of coffee and scones and everyone soon forgot he was late in the first place. He worked the room, giving perfected apology smiles to everyone and laughing in all the right places, mingling just right. Louis tried his best to avoid watching him from his position of leaning against some far too big speakers but it was hard when Harry was the type to brighten up any room and command all eyes on him. It was interesting to watch in fact, how the ladies he approached would all offer him the same nervous stance in response to his warm smiles and bright eyes. It was always the same and Harry always remained peacefully oblivious, because that was just Harry, he was universally loveable. 

It took him forever to make his way over to Louis and to Louis’ horror, Zayn had disappeared somewhere or the other and he had to face Harry on his own. The moment their eyes met Louis just knew that the whole thing was going to be very awkward and wished he could just vanish. He willed the earth to just suddenly open up and swallow him whole but of course, no such luck. The walking embodiment of curls and glittery eyes was making his way over to him and all Louis could do was anticipate the moment.   
‘Louis,’ Harry sounded pleasant enough. ‘Would you like a doughnut? Ran out of scones, I’m afraid.’ 

And that was it. Like nothing had happened the night before. Like Louis hadn’t spilled some of his darkest secrets to Harry just a mere few hours earlier. Nothing.   
‘No thanks, mate.’ Louis briefly stated, suddenly very interested in his phone. He stared at it hard, hoping Harry would take the hint. And he eventually did, furrowing his eyebrows and turning away from Louis. Was that a hint of confusion on his face, Louis allowed himself to briefly wonder. But then turned back to his phone because, he didn’t care. He really didn’t. 

Harry didn’t approach Louis again and Louis felt grateful. Every encounter with Harry recently had been nothing short of intense and the fact that he was now like permanently hung-over everyday meant that he just couldn’t deal with that kind of stuff. His insides wouldn’t allow it.

*

Tour rehearsals continued to drag on with each and every day feeling repetitive and nauseous for Louis. He had fallen into a solid routine of rehearsing and ignoring eye contact with Harry every day and it was working pretty well for him. Louis had been laying low in a sense, only leaving his flat to go to work and secluding himself from the world because well, he was in a strange place. Eleanor was gone for the first time in years and he found himself completely alone. It was strange and new and he felt like a child who had lost his security blanket. Many nights he stayed up in bed, contemplating calling his ex and trying to reconcile with her but then his heart stopped him, reminding him that it was pointless. There was nothing there to cling on to and it was that knowledge which stopped him from calling her. Louis also still felt pretty shit about his ‘father’ situation. Sure, the topic had died down after Louis had been severely told off from management for his Twitter antics but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. As he lay in bed unable to sleep most nights, he couldn’t help but think far too much about what would possess a man who shared his own flesh and blood to treat him the way his father had treated him. It wasn’t without a sense of self hatred that Louis still had a tiny something deep inside him that questioned why he wasn’t good enough. Those sleepless nights allowed his mind to trace back to all the times as he was growing up when he’d had a very big sense of longing, secretly hoping his Dad would call him on his birthday. He never admitted it to anyone but he could remember sitting in his room every year waiting for the phone to ring because hey, that year could have been the one. But the call never came and Louis was grateful for it in a sense because it had allowed him to develop a much thicker skin than most. 

It was a Saturday Louis when he had finally managed to drift off to sleep when of course his doorbell began to obnoxiously ring, causing him to have to wake up with a groan. He knew that the fact that security had allowed the person into the complex without contacting him meant it was either one of the boys, his mum or the bloody Queen; none of whom he felt like seeing. He almost felt compelled to ignore it but the ringing was so loud and intrusive, Louis pulled himself up and out of bed, staggering out of his bedroom, through the living room and to his door. He was so certain that it was probably Zayn that he mumbled his name as he lazily unlocked the door and opened it. 

It wasn’t Zayn. 

‘Surprise!’ Harry waved eagerly to him. 

Louis was sure he was hallucinating. Because, why – 

‘Did I surprise you?’ Harry was grinning stupidly. But Louis didn’t like it. It wasn’t genuine and because watching and learning every bit of Harry’s face was his favourite pastime, he knew there was something that the smile was masking. 

‘What are you doing here?’ Louis asked, snappier in tone than he’d intended. Harry’s face fell slightly and Louis almost felt bad before he realised that he had no reason to. That day was the first time in a whole year that Harry had actually taken the time to visit Louis at his home. And that reminder in itself was enough for Louis’ mind to reflect on just how much they had drifted apart. It was all Harry’s fault. It really was. 

‘I wanted to talk to you.’ Harry had picked his face up off the floor now and was smiling charmingly, ‘I did try and call but you weren’t picking up. Or maybe it was a bad line. Didn’t get through. Can I come in?’ 

Lying.

Louis had no missed call from Harry and he would surely have noticed something so far out of the norm. 

‘Sure.’ Louis briefly stated, moving out of the way for Harry to enter his home. 

Louis led him into the living room, absently flicking the TV on just so that it wasn’t so creepily silent. He didn’t know what it was that Harry wanted but he was sure it couldn’t be good. 

‘Can I get you anything?’ Louis was ever the accommodating host. ‘Food, water?’ 

‘Love what you’ve done with the place.’ Harry was busy ignoring Louis’ question and picking up random ornaments and inspecting them in a way that put Louis on edge. He had a system and a way of placing things and here Harry was, barging in and disrupting everything much like he did with Louis’ mind every day. He watched as Harry picked up a picture of Louis practically hanging off Zayn’s back while he gave him a piggy back. Harry’s face was unreadable as he stared at the image.

‘Is there anything in particular you wanted?’ Louis pressed, still very confused. 

Harry put the photo frame down and fixed his t-shirt. It was bright green and very much matching his eyes. It made Louis briefly wonder if Harry purposely colour-coordinated his clothing with his eyes before deciding that no, not even Harry would be that self-absorbed. He didn’t think. 

‘I just wanted to check on you. You seemed upset at the party.’ Harry placed his hands behind his back, allowing his eyes to finally fall onto Louis. 

‘What party?’ Louis asked, genuinely confused. 

‘Josh’s party, remember?’ Harry reminded him, without a care in the world. His voice never wavered and as ever, he dragged every word out, as if he felt each word deserved his undying attention. 

Louis all but passed out from sheer shock and confusion. 

‘Josh’s party?’ He was quick to state. ‘You’re here to ask me about Josh’s party? The one from 2 weeks ago? Let me get this straight… you’ve been seeing me every day for two weeks and you decide to wait until today to randomly show up at my house to ask me about Josh’s party?’ 

Harry simply nodded. Oblivious. As fucking always. 

‘What is wrong with you, Harry?’ Louis’ voice was raised but he could hardly help it. ‘First you weirdly drag me into an empty room to do nothing but not answer my questions. Then you ignore me for a whole two weeks. And now. Now you’re here wanting to check on me.’ Louis could feel himself getting worked up already and tried his best to calm down. His blood pressure was rising in that way that only Harry could make it. He was sure that Harry would be his cause of death, giving him some kind of stress related stroke if he continued messing with Louis’ mind. 

‘Can I ask you something?’ Harry had seemingly missed any of what Louis had said. Because he had blatantly ignored it. As usual. 

With a strained effort, Louis allowed himself to count to three in his head because he was very much against the idea of lashing out. He would just allow Harry to continue to be impossible and he wouldn’t let him see how much it was getting to him. So Louis busied himself by tugging on the sleeves of his hoodie that was so old he couldn’t even remember buying it. It was comfortable house attire though and Louis didn’t plan on apologising to any uninvited house guests for his less than presentable demeanour. 

‘Sure go ahead.’ Louis even forced a small smile. Because two could play at the oblivious game. 

‘Are you in love with Zayn?’ The way Harry uttered the words was as if it was no different to asking Louis what he’d had for breakfast that morning. For the record, he hadn’t had any breakfast, choosing to not get out of bed for anything other than to let Harry in to ask him ridiculous questions. 

Louis was shocked. He could hardly contain his shock as his mouth opened and he threw his hands into his hair, pulling it wildly in different directions. Because, really? Really?

‘What?!’ Louis cried, his voice high pitched and dazed. ‘What? Am I in love with Zayn you ask?’ 

Harry simply nodded, biting his bottom lip and furrowing his eyebrows as if in deep thought. As if he took the matter very seriously. As if he hadn’t just asked him a question which made no sense whatsoever. 

‘Zayn?’ Louis clarified. ‘As in Malik?’ 

‘Yes.’ Harry calmly stated. His eyes briefly flicked to the picture he’d been holding minutes earlier. ‘Zayn Malik.’ 

‘Um, let’s see…,’ Louis frowned in mock thought, ‘well it’s a Saturday and I’m still 21 and let me just check. Yep. All my limbs are still in-tact. I have a crazy band mate in my room.   
Check. And yep… yeah, oh yeah there it is. Nope. Still not in love with my best friend. Zayn. Nope. I can conclude I’m not in love with Zayn.’ Louis made a show of the whole thing, narrowing his eyes as if really considering the fact. 

‘I’m just asking.’ Harry stated, his voice slightly deceiving his calm exterior. ‘No need to be so sarcastic.’ 

‘Oh but there is a need!’ Louis icily snapped back. ‘Because you are ridiculous. So ridiculous, you don’t make any sense. And for the record, I’m glad you stopped wearing your stupid bandana. It was stupid and you looked so stupid.’ Louis didn’t know why for the life of him, every time Harry made him feel as uncomfortable as he was doing at that moment, he resulted to talking about his hair accessories. 

‘It’s not ridiculous.’ Harry simply stated, his attention going to Louis’ bookshelf. He absently thumbed the neatly placed books as he spoke. ‘It’s a perfectly reasonable question given how you act around him. And my bandana is not gone. I’m just not wearing it today. It’ll be back. Obviously.’

Right. Of course. 

‘The way I look at him?’ Louis asked, just to be sure. Just to try and make sense of Harry’s reasoning. 

‘Yeah. It’s all in the eyes.’ Harry said and Louis couldn’t help but notice how Harry was avoiding his own. ‘It’s no big deal. If you say you’re not then I believe you.’ 

‘Thank you for that. Really appreciate it,’ Louis said with mock gratitude. If Harry noticed the impatience in Louis’ voice he made no move to point it out. 

‘Hey Lou, can I ask something else?’ And there it was again. That damn name. The way Harry said it like it was still four years ago and things weren’t massively different. Louis’ patience was now been tested so much that he had to busy himself somehow. Because the mass of confusion that was Harry was just too much. So he simply nodded and walked over to the couch, picking up his X-Box controller for lack of anything better to do. Harry just watched him for a few seconds before following him and doing the same. He looked around absently, in search of something. 

‘On the table in the living room.’ Louis said, rolling his eyes and reading the boy’s mind like it was second nature. Which it was, to be fair. Harry proceeded to get up and walk away from the couch giving Louis a grand total of 20 seconds of peace before he came back, with Louis’ second X-Box controller in his hand. Louis said nothing as Harry calmly intruded on his game. 

‘Been awhile.’ Harry smiled pleasantly as he joined the game. There was something about the way he sat down on the couch, stretching his never-ending legs out like he was perfectly at home. Like he’d never left. Like Louis hadn’t politely suggested him moving out 2 years ago. Thinking back to that moment made Louis’ flinch, an uneasy feeling settling in the pitch of his stomach. As they sat in a familiar silence, with the only audible noise being their thumbs flicking on their controllers, Louis couldn’t help but think that him asking Harry to move out was definitely the biggest turning point in their friendship. Harry hadn’t wanted to do it and it was written all over his face at the time even though he never said anything. He said nothing in fact, much like he was doing at present. He had just proceeded to quietly pack up his belongings and he was gone by the next morning. That was when the real distance had set into their relationship. 

‘You’re so rubbish at this, Harry.’ Louis couldn’t help but say, forgetting he was supposed to be mad at Harry. He couldn’t help it though when Harry possessed virtually no football skills, even in real life let alone on the X-Box. 

‘Stop it.’ Harry whined. ‘You’re just jealous. I’ve gotten better since the last time we played.’ 

The last time they’d played. That was sure a long time ago. They’d played on the tour bus, sure but that had been with the other boys. Louis couldn’t remember the last time it had been just the two of them. 

‘So what did you want to ask me?’ Louis finally asked, after a good few minutes of shamelessly showing off his skills. His tone was lighter because even though he wanted to be mad, he just couldn’t. The fact that Harry was so easily oblivious to everything made him loveable and impossible to hate. No matter how much Louis might have wanted to. 

‘Uh…,’ Harry was definitely distracted by the game. ‘Um. I just- ‘ 

‘Spit it out, Styles.’ Louis interrupted, fearing it may take Harry even longer than usual to form a sentence. 

‘Well. Okay.’ Harry took his time in saying, before putting the controller down. He turned to face Louis and Louis groaned inwardly, sensing the situation becoming serious once again. Not wanting to in the slightest, Louis frowned and paused the game before meeting Harry’s eyes. He couldn’t help but notice Harry’s hair, it was a lot longer since the last time Louis had bothered to look at him. And that was, really _look_ at him. Not just a fleeting look which included him avoiding his eyes and pretending to not properly look. This was different. He was seeing Harry. And Harry looked a lot different to the last time Louis had properly seen him. He had aged, losing that childhood innocence that used to be scrawled all over his face in the days when Louis would randomly jump on him and tickle him. He was well on his way to becoming a proper man and the realisation left Louis feeling uneasy. His shoulders were a lot broader than Louis remembered and he really looked like the kind of wealth that money couldn’t buy. He was dripping with charm and style; it filled him and contained everything about his demeanour. Harry had changed so much but the one thing that remained the same were those eyes. And that way that he was staring right through Louis, touching his soul effortlessly and reading everything Louis tried to hide. 

‘Come on then, should I make a brew while I wait for you to decide what you want to ask?’ Louis light-heartedly joked, to fill the silence more than anything else. 

‘No it’s just… it’s just been awhile, that’s all.’ Harry said, thoughtfully. 

‘I know. You said.’ Louis retorted. 

‘No. Not since we played on the X-Box.’ Harry quickly dismissed. ‘Since this. Since you and me. Since we were here. In this flat. It’s just… it’s nice. I miss it.’   
Louis immediately felt uneasy and guilty. So it wasn’t just him thinking back to the time when he’d asked Harry to leave. Harry waited, probably expecting Louis to speak. To agree, to disagree, _anything_ at all. But Louis couldn’t find the words. Things were so awkward between them and he didn’t really know what to say to that. It wasn’t like he didn’t miss Harry, because he did but it wasn’t like he was ready to admit that. Not to him anyway. 

‘Uh, what I wanted to ask you.’ Harry began, when Louis didn’t respond. ‘Was about… well. I just. Why do you hate Nick so much?’ 

‘Who the bloody hell is Nick?’ Louis asked, genuinely confused. 

‘Nick.’ Harry repeated, as if that clarified anything. ‘As in Grimmy.’ 

Louis hadn’t been expecting that at all. As soon as the words left Harry’s mouth, the moment that they had, the reminiscence of old times, all of it was broken. Louis suddenly didn’t find it so hard to be angry at Harry. Because of course, of course the reason why Harry would show up on his doorstep unannounced would be because of that overrated man. It couldn’t be because Harry genuinely missed Louis or wanted any type of genuine reconciliation with him. 

‘What the hell are you asking me that for?’ Louis scoffed, feeling the anger bubbling inside him. ‘You’ve really got some nerve. Showing up at my house. Asking why I love this person and why I hate that person. Well. You don’t just get to do that to me! And if you actually were my friend and genuinely cared about me you would have asked that question a long time ago, not years after the issue already happened. Just like if you cared about how I felt at Josh’s party, you would have asked at the time. Not bloody 2 weeks later.’ 

‘Well you’re not exactly the most approachable person ever, Louis!’ Harry’s frustration was evident in his voice. ‘Fuckssake, at least I’m here. When was the last time you made any kind of an effort?’ 

‘An effort to do what?’ Louis snapped back, throwing his controller on the floor. The noise startled Harry and he almost felt bad. ‘An effort to randomly show up and ask you why you hate someone I blatantly _know_ you hate but am best friends with anyway? Yeah. Cheers for that mate. It’s really appreciated.’ 

Harry sighed heavily, looking down and inspecting his hands. He was trying to contain his anger and Louis could sense that. It only annoyed Louis further because he wanted Harry to get angry. He wanted him to get _something_ at least, and show something that was at least the tiniest bit real. He was sick of Harry’s mask and being at the receiving end of it. 

‘What did you expect me to do? Just not be friends with him because you weren’t?’ Harry finally said, looking back at Louis with a defeated look. 

‘Well. Yeah. That would have been nice.’ Louis was quick to state. ‘Or at least... I don’t know, showed some kind of support and actually asked me how I felt about the situation. Instead of acting like it didn’t happen or acting like I didn’t exist and going and being best friends with him. Maybe that would have helped. But I’m just hazarding a guess here.’

‘Oh you mean like you did when I was fighting with Zayn?’ Harry surprised Louis by saying. Louis froze at that, completely unprepared for that argument. He had nothing to say back for once. No smart remark. Nothing. 

‘Exactly.’ Harry muttered, picking the controller back up a studying it carefully. 

‘That was different.’ Louis weakly countered.

‘No it wasn’t. It was exactly the same.’ Harry replied stubbornly. ‘We fought and you never even asked me how I felt or my side of the story. And I have no problem with Zayn, I love him in fact but you could have made an effort to ask me at least how I felt about the whole thing. But you didn’t. It was nice to see where your loyalties lay.’ 

Realisation hit Louis pretty hard, but he feared it wasn’t the realisation Harry wanted him to feel. It was Harry who sided with Nick before Louis sided with Zayn, so it wasn’t like Harry’s argument was as valid as he’d like to think. 

‘So let me get this straight.’ Louis pulled on Harry’s arm, forcing him to look at him and not at the controller. Harry very reluctantly did so. ‘You asked if I was in love with Zayn because I sided with him. Are you trying to tell me you’re in love with Grimmy and that was why you sided with him?’ Louis’ insides felt like they were about to burst even as he asked the question. Because it was one thing for Harry to have chosen Grimmy over him as a friend but if there was something more happening there he knew it would further drive Harry away from him. 

Harry took an eternity to respond. 

‘You really are stupid, Lou. So stupid.’ He sighed heavily and hid his face in his hands, leaning back and sinking into the couch. 

‘Is that a Yes then?’ Louis was impatient. He needed to know. He had to know. 

‘No! It’s not! I mean, yes. It’s a No.’ Harry helplessly said, his words muffled because of his giant hands. 

‘What?!’ Louis cried, ‘Make some sense, man! Yes or no?’ 

‘No!’ Harry said, tearing his hands off his face, looking worn out. ‘It’s a no. I’m not in love with Nick. I just want to know why you hate him.’ 

‘I hate him… I _dislike_ him because he called me spoiled. He judged me without even knowing me.’ Louis explained, relief sinking in. So Harry wasn’t in love with the ridiculous haired idiot. Or at least, he wasn’t admitting it. 

‘Is it because he’s gay?’ Harry seemingly ignored what Louis had just said. 

‘What the hell are you trying to say?’ Louis was very defensive. ‘I’m not bloody homophobic!’ 

‘Well. I didn’t think so.’ Harry slowly stated. ‘But then sometimes I think –‘ 

‘You think what?!’ Louis angrily interrupted. ‘That I’m some small minded imbecile? Did you not hear what I just said? I said I don’t like Grimmy because he judged me. You think I’m that kind of a hypocrite that I would just judge him for something as ridiculous as _sexuality_? Is that really what you think of me, Harry?’ Disappointment mixed with the anger in his voice and Louis couldn’t believe, he just couldn’t believe that Harry would see him in that light. It made him feel quite sick. 

‘No. No, not at all.’ Harry quickly replied. ‘It’s just that… when the fans say stuff about us… the other lads and I, we just laugh it off because, well… it’s silly. It’s not serious. But you get so angry so, so _angry_. It doesn’t make sense to me how it can make you so angry as to not even want to be friends with me anymore. You told me to move out. You stopped talking to me. You just called Zayn your best friend. There was a time when you would call me that over anyone else. Even Stan. I just don’t get it. How can you let that destroy our friendship like that?’ 

‘Because,’ Louis started, his voice showing desperation. Because Harry had to understand. He just had to. ‘It was because it got out of hand. People genuinely thought it was true. They… they really thought… And Eleanor...’ His voice trailed off, because even though all of it had made so much sense to him at the time, with Harry sitting in front of him with inquisitive eyes, he just couldn’t make sense of his reasoning. ‘Forget it. You wouldn’t understand.’ 

Harry sighed, his shoulders dropping and sinking further into Louis’ couch. He closed his eyes and Louis just watched him for a brief moment. Harry always looked his most innocent when he was laying down like that. Not that Louis would admit to ever noticing that when he watched Harry sneaking in naps on the tour bus. 

‘Er, what are you doing?’ Louis asked, after a few moments passed and Harry refused to open his eyes. 

‘Sleeping.’ Harry grumbled, almost kicking Louis as he curled into the couch, burying his face in a cushion. Louis was perplexed, to say the least. 

‘Here?’ He asked, just to make sure he wasn’t hearing things. 

‘Yes. It’s my couch anyway.’ Harry sounded like he was already on the verge of drifting off. 

Louis frowned at that, because it was in fact Harry’s couch. One of the only things Louis had kept of Harry’s when he’d moved out. Deciding he couldn’t argue with that, Louis stood up and silently stepped around Harry and made his way towards his room. His mind was in absolute shambles.

Harry hadn’t even been to the flat in ages and there he was, curled up on the couch like he’d never left. It was all a bit too ridiculous for Louis to comprehend. Still, he chose to leave Harry to it as he entered his room and made for the warmth of his bed. Harry was homeless afterall, never having bought a place in London after he’d moved out of Louis’ flat. Louis suspected Harry would eventually end up buying an extravagant LA home, had already read some articles about it in fact but for the time being he chose to lounge around friend’s homes and hotels when he was in London. The tour bus was probably his most prominent home, if anything. So Louis felt ever the charitable band mate, allowing Harry to crash on his, no Harry’s own sofa. No matter how confusing and ridiculous he was.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Harry in plaid is my favorite thing. I think it's my muse. I mean... Wow. Just perfection. He is so unfair to us all with his face and existence. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy. :)
> 
> \- BY the way, when Harry says 'Hi Mate' in this chapter I want you to imagine how he said it to Matt Healy when he was pranking him in Call or Delete. Because that's how I envisioned it and its just delightful. If you haven't heard it, I recommend you YouTube if for laughs. :)

Louis half expected to wake up to an empty flat, having grown accustomed to waking up to find Harry long gone. However, that wasn’t the case as he awoke late Saturday evening (he’d slept for longer than he had in weeks) and stumbled out of his room. He’d almost forgotten the whole Harry situation in fact, and was more than just a bit surprised to hear the sound of the TV blaring. There was also the smell of pancakes wafting in from the kitchen and all Louis could do was frown as he walked into the living room. He’d rid himself of the hoodie now, finding himself hot mid-sleep and was now wearing a plain white t-shirt with his tracksuit bottoms. He was very comfortable, really. Minus the intruders that is.

Yes. Intruders. Plural.

The sound of laughing could be hard a mile off but as Louis’ still blurry eyesight adjusted to the room he couldn’t help but feel taken aback. There Harry was grinning wildly and playing _Louis’_ X-Box very comfortably with an overly hyper Niall who was laughing at something Harry had said. They appeared to be having the time of their lives and hardly noticed Louis for a moment.

‘I’m a beast!’ Niall yelled at the top of his voice, because that was apparently necessary. It wasn’t like Harry was sitting _directly_ next to him or anything. ‘Take that! I’m the best thing to ever have come out of Ireland.’ He said it with so much triumph that it almost worried Louis. He had long ago decided Niall had many issues.

‘Mate, you’re like the only thing to ever come out of Ireland.’ Harry shot back. He was hardly playing the game, instead choosing to poke Niall in order to distract him and make him lose.

‘What are you talking about?’ Niall frowned deeply. If ever there was anything he took seriously, it was Ireland. ‘There’s many great things to come out of Ireland. Like Westlife… Ronan Keating.’

‘Can’t forget Louis Walsh. Or Jedward’ Harry jeered, chucking a cushion at Niall’s face.

‘You’re such a sore loser, mate!’ Niall grumbled, his eyes never leaving the screen.

Louis took that moment to make his presence known, walking further into the room; his eyes assessing the mess of junk food littered all over his thick, very expensive carpet. He was not impressed.

Harry noticed him first, taking a moment to stop practically punching Niall in the stomach as a way of distraction, to look at Louis. He smiled almost immediately, almost eagerly; letting a hand brush a loose curl from his face.

‘Hi, mate. You alright?’ Harry sounded so chipper. So pleasant. Louis felt a bit nauseous. ‘Sorry about the mess. It was all this guy.’ Harry made a point to press his fingers into Niall’s sides, causing him to squirm and shout about how Harry was making him lose. Niall hardly even bothered to look at Louis, as if it wasn’t strange to just randomly show up in people’s houses while they slept.

Louis sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. He shouldn’t be really surprised at Niall, actually he _wasn’t_ surprised at Niall. This was common practice for Niall, he even had a key to Louis’ place. Along with Zayn. But it _was_ strange to see that Harry had stuck around, let alone showed up in the first place.

‘I’m alright.’ Louis finally stated, shooting a disapproving look at the crumbs all over the floor. It really bothered him. He didn’t claim to be the neatest person in the world but self-inflicted mess he could deal with. This was very much not self-inflicted. This was due to uninvited house guests.

‘Move up, Niall.’ Louis said, walking over to the pair and nudging Niall with his knee. Niall groaned as if it was the worst thing he’d ever been asked to do but eventually scooted over, closer to Harry. Louis allowed himself to sit down, tilting his head back and looking up at the ceiling. Somehow, the more he slept the more he exhausted he managed to feel.

‘I made pancakes.’ Harry was peering over Niall’s blond hair at Louis, who couldn’t directly see him but could still feel Harry’s eager eyes on him. ‘There’s some in the kitchen. You can help yourself. Or I can go and get you some?’

His offer lingered in mid-air as Louis considered the weirdness of the situation. Not only had Harry helped himself to Louis’ living room, but he’d also helped himself to his kitchen and his food and now was strangely offering Louis his own food that he never asked Harry to cook.

‘No, I’m alright thanks.’ Louis briefly stated. He knew what Harry was doing. He was doing what he always did, acting like nothing happened. Trying to smooth things over in that very Harry way of his that really annoyed Louis. But it was difficult for Louis to forget the accusations from a few hours earlier. That feeling in his stomach when Harry had all but straight out called him homophobic, questioning his character and his standing as a good human being. It had hurt and it wasn’t easy to forget.

‘Oh right. But if you want some, or anything else. Just let me know.’ Harry quickly stated in response.

Louis finally looked at him and as their eyes locked in place, Louis could almost feel himself breaking. Harry looked like a child that had upset his parents. His eyes were just on the brink of desperation and Louis knew without him saying anything he hadn’t meant for what he said earlier to come out like it ha. Louis sighed in defeat. Harry was impossible to be angry at. He really was.

‘Shall I show you how it’s done then, lads?’ Louis said, breaking eye contact and reaching for the controller in Harry’s hands. He could positively feel Harry beaming as he allowed Louis to take the controller. Louis had silently accepted Harry’s pancake peace offering without even eating one and Harry could tell. The way he could read Louis so impeccably was a skill.

‘Here comes Tommo!’ Niall felt the need to cry out. ‘Finally, a real opponent for me.’

‘Hey!’ Harry protested, seemingly very hurt by Niall’s words. He then proceeded to return to his task of annoying Niall, tickling him and even pulling his hair.

‘Seriously fuck off, Harry!’ Niall shouted, very much into an intense battle with Louis. That just provoked Harry further as he laughed and pinched Niall’s cheeks.

‘I’ll kick you in the face.’ Niall grumbled.

Louis found it endearing to witness (while undoubtedly kicking Niall’s arse in the game) because it had been so long since he’d seen Harry in this light. All his recent memories of Harry had been of him being very serious and disengaged from the group. To be fair, the only person he was comfortable around anymore _was_ Niall, but Louis couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the two interact that way. It was nice to see. Nostalgic even. It made Louis almost forget about how he and Zayn often joked that Harry was practically an American now and didn’t even want to be friends with either of them because their jeans weren’t tight enough.

‘Shall I order some pizza, Lou?’ Harry directed his attention to Louis when Niall seemed on the verge of really losing his temper with him. He stretched his arms out as he spoke, clearly tired.

‘If you want to, I suppose.’ Louis briefly stated, biting his lip in concentration. Niall had gotten better than the last time they had played. ‘There’s some numbers on the fridge if you fancy it.’

‘Yeah. I’m starved, like.’ Niall agreed quickly.

Harry was just about to get up and make his way over to the kitchen when the sound of Louis’ phone beeping made him stop. It was a text.

‘Hang on a minute.’ Louis said to Harry, holding his controller out to him. ‘Take that for a minute, will you please? I need to check my phone. And please, for the love of God don’t let Niall get ahead.’

‘Oh Tommo, you shouldn’t have done that.’ Niall smirked, obviously happy at the transition.

‘Shut up, Niall!’ Harry mumbled as he took the controller from Louis. Their fingers briefly brushed together, not that Louis noticed or was paying attention to that kind of detail.

Louis took his phone out of his pocket and slid his fingers over the front of the device before unlocking it with ease. There were quite a few texts as usual. Some from his Mum, with random pictures of his sisters. One from Niall saying Harry had begged him to keep him company so he was on his way. Bit late for Louis to be reading that, he thought to himself. He allowed his fingers to scroll through some more before he got to the most recent one. It was with a slight smile he saw it was from Zayn. It was rare for the pair to go a day without speaking so the text made him feel happy, immediately lifting his spirits.

**Zayn Malik**

_Bro, fancy getting some food? I feel like going out somewhere nice._

Louis smirked to himself and quickly wrote a response.

_Aw Zayn, you asking me out? I’m so flattered. Sure. Let’s go somewhere dead romantic._

It was only after he’d hit send that he remembered the presence of Niall and Harry who were having a shouting match about Harry’s cheating skills. He’d forgotten all about the pizza plans.

‘Lads, Zayn just text me.’ He said, over their too loud voices. ‘Do you want to join us? We’re thinking of going somewhere fancy for dinner.’

Niall looked like he couldn’t give a shit as long as there was food involved and that much was apparent as he shrugged, mumbling about how he was easy. Harry, on the other hand looked a bit down, like a baby kitten that had lost its favourite ball of yarn.

‘But I made pancakes.’ He was almost sulking. ‘And… I was just about to order pizza.’ Louis didn’t understand why he was protesting. Surely going somewhere with proper food beat ordering pizza? But he didn’t point that out and even gave himself bonus points for allowing a small smile in Harry’s direction.

‘It’s alright, mate.’ Louis stated plainly. ‘You don’t _have_ to come if you don’t want to.’

Louis hadn’t meant for it to come out sounding so _harsh._ He really hadn’t. He immediately felt bad as he watched Harry’s face darken, his earlier good mood dissolving straight away.

‘But I’d like you to.’ Louis was full on damage control mode. ‘I would. So let’s go. I’ll text Liam. Okay? Is that okay?’

Louis hated how Harry could change his moods within seconds, just by his damn facial expressions. But that was his life and had been for four years so he could do nothing but abide to his need to please Harry in every way.

‘Harry, don’t be a baby. Let’s go.’ Niall bluntly stated, causing Harry to shove him hard.

‘He’s coming. It’s decided.’ Louis quickly said, getting up and heading to his room. ‘Get ready boys, it’ll be a good night.’ He didn’t hear any protests from Harry so could only assume he was coming. And he felt secretly glad. He couldn’t remember the last time the five of them had hung out and gone to dinner together without it being work related. Maybe things were turning around and they could go back to being as close as they were in the beginning.

*

The restaurant was delightful. Louis was really impressed. It was probably one of the best Italian spots London had to offer and though Louis wasn’t usually too fussed about Italian food, the place made his stomach rumble. Or maybe that was the fact that he hadn’t eaten all day. But still. The boys were all dressed to the nines, with Harry even wearing a suit. He didn’t have a tie on though, as he’d pointed out to Louis when Louis had criticised him for dressing like he was going to the Oscars. So no, he wasn’t wearing a tie and his crisp white shirt had its fair share of buttons undone, showing off Harry’s toned chest. Niall had scrubbed up nicely to, going through Louis’ wardrobe for hours before giving up and deciding him and Harry would go back to their respective wardrobes to get dressed and meet Louis at the restaurant. For the record, for Harry, wardrobe meant his suitcase which he’d informed Louis was located at Ben’s house which was where he was staying.

They were sat around a circle table, with faint candlelight and live violinists playing in the corner. It was so classy Louis wondered why they didn’t go out for food more often.

‘Lou, look,’ Zayn said from next to him, ‘I’m a fork man. Look at my hair.’ Zayn had picked up his broccoli with his fork and was now dancing it around the table, referring to the broccoli as Fork Man’s hair.

Ah. That was why, Louis remembered. His friends were all children barely above the age of five.

‘Curly hair! Like me!’ Harry piped up, giggling at Zayn’s display. Louis rolled his eyes and focused on his plate. They were positively hopeless.

‘So Zayn, how are things with you and Perrie now?’ Liam asked, very businesslike.

The playful glint in Zayn’s eyes disappeared almost instantly and Louis kicked Liam under the table. Because, why? Just… why? He didn’t understand the need.

‘Ouch!’ Liam flinched. ‘What was that for?’

Louis sighed heavily.

‘It’s alright, Lou.’ Zayn said, catching on immediately. ‘And Liam… it’s fine. Honestly. It’s been hard but… I think I’m going to be fine.’

‘Of course you are!’ Harry was very enthusiastic in saying. ‘Because you’re Zayn Bloody Malik! Look at them cheekbones.’

And just like that, the intensity of the moment was broken. Louis smirked at a very dimply and possibly tipsy Harry for saving Zayn. Because it was necessary. Harry winked lightly, catching Louis’ eye. Louis looked away but not before a pointed smile. He couldn’t help but feel protective over Zayn, and maybe it was too much sometimes and he was overdoing it. But Zayn meant more to him than Louis cared to admit. And talking about his break-up with Perrie which Zayn had never even wanted to happen in the first place made him very uncomfortable. Louis wasn’t sure why Liam had brought it up in the first place.

‘Think the paparazzi is gonna be out there?’ Louis asked the group, finishing his last forkful and pushing the plate away slightly. He hated the masses of photographers and had a sinking feeling in his stomach that all five of them being out in the heart of London dressed so impeccably wouldn’t go unnoticed.

‘Hold on. Let me check my twitter feed and see if we’ve been spotted.’ Liam was ever the helpful one, whipping his phone out instantly.

‘I don’t really think it matters,’ Harry absently commented, cutting a piece of chicken and observing it thoroughly before eating.

‘Do elaborate.’ Louis stated. He could feel himself getting to that stage of tipsiness where he felt a little dizzy. He felt merry in fact. And everything felt light around him.

‘Well. I just….,’ Harry paused, considering his words, ‘I just feel like.. I don’t like to complain about that kind of stuff. Because, it would be worse if no one really cared and no one was around to take pictures. So for me, too much is better than nothing at all.’

Louis couldn’t help but think back to Nick Grimshaw’s words about Louis being spoiled for complaining about paparazzi and he couldn’t help but frown. Harry was doing it again. Indirectly siding with Nick and making Louis look like some ungrateful crazy person.

‘No one’s disputing that,’ he said, with an air of annoyance, ‘and it’s lovely that you can remain as noble and humble as you are. No, really… I strive to be like you. But I think you would be lying if you say it doesn’t annoy you sometimes. If you say it’s never annoyed you. I think that’d be a lie.’

‘I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.’ Harry flashed him a smile. One of those horrid smiles he saved for occasions where he was hiding what he really felt. It made Louis feel so uncomfortable.

‘I guess you’re lying then.’ Louis bitterly stated.

‘Hey lads, come on!’ Niall quickly interjected. ‘Can we drop the bickering for just one night? Honestly you two… like a married couple, I swear to God.’

Harry smiled, his dimple appearing genuinely as his eyes laid on Niall. But Louis was still on the verge of being pissed off. It wasn’t until he felt Zayn’s hand on his shoulder pulling him into him.

‘Keep calm and think about the fork man.’ Zayn mumbled into Louis’ ear. Louis giggled at that, mainly at the shiver caused by Zayn’s lips brushing against his ears. He felt better though, forgetting Harry’s comments and allowing his mind to turn back to his drink.

‘Yep. We’ve been spotted, boys.’ Liam stated, his eyes still on his phone. ‘They’ve got pictures of Harry getting out of the car.’

‘Oh yeah, I forgot about that.’ Harry absently stated. ‘Sorry boys.’

It wasn’t his fault really and Louis hated how he managed to be so damn gracious in just about every situation.

‘Nevermind. I don’t give a shit.’ Niall stated, eloquent as ever. ‘Could just sneak out the back. I’ll call my driver now to park up at the back.’

And that was it. The night had come to an eventual end which consisted of the boys merrily finishing their drinks and asking for refills as they each waited for their drivers to pick them up. Niall and Liam were the first to leave, with Liam saying his night was only beginning. Louis couldn’t help but laugh as he hugged him, marvelling slightly at just what a party animal Liam had turned into over the years.

Zayn was next, telling Louis to text him when he got in, which was endearing to say the least.

Zayn’s departure left Harry and a very tipsy Louis waiting for the call to say Louis’ ride was outside. It was a comfortable silence with Harry smiling warmly at Louis.

‘And then he said, why don’t you just stay here?’ Harry was telling a briefly interesting story about his life adventures. ‘So I was like, sure why not? I slept there for like two hours before I realised…’

Louis allowed his voice to trail off as his phone lit up. He felt somewhat relieved, because he really wasn't in the mood to listen to one more story about how ‘sick’ LA was and how Harry’s motorcycle had broken down and how he’d almost hitched a ride and God, how he missed the weather and he felt like he would get hypothermia if he had to stay in London much longer. It was all very interesting but Louis didn’t regret getting saved by his phone.

‘Alright Harold,’ he said tentatively, standing and making towards the exit, ‘It’s been a pleasure. Really has. Not just the dinner. All day, really.’ He held his hand out for Harry to shake or pull him into a would-be awkward hug or something but Harry just stood up with him.

‘I’m coming with you.’ He plainly stated, picking his coat up off the back of his chair. ‘Hope you don’t mind.’

Louis did mind. Louis did mind a whole lot. But how could anyone argue with Harry? He was already half way across the room, heading for the exit and motioning for Louis to follow him. Louis sighed, wondering what he’d done to deserve such a confusing situation before following Harry out of the building.

They really should have left separately, Louis couldn’t help but think as photographers snapped pictures of them not only leaving the building together but getting into the same car. Harry held the door open for Louis ever so charmingly causing the half a dozen fans lingering outside the building to squeal ‘Larry! Oh my God! Larry confirmation!’ far too loudly for Louis’ liking. He scoffed, avoiding the shouting altogether and quickly getting into the car. Harry of course, wasn’t as quick as Louis to head into the car and spent a full five minutes taking pictures with the girls who seemed to get even louder with each second that passed. It wasn’t that Louis didn’t enjoy seeing fans, he didn’t mind it. He really didn’t. And he would usually be more than happy to stop for pictures. But this was different. He knew if he stepped back out of the car he would get bombarded with that God awful word that made his skin burn slightly (Larry) and he couldn’t stand that thought.

Harry finally managed to find his way into the back of the car, covered in lipstick marks and a huge satisfied grin. His eyes shone towards Louis and Louis all but rolled his eyes at the state of him. Harry really was the definition of born to be a star.

The drive back to Louis’ flat was a quiet one with Harry constantly checking his phone and seemingly deep in thought. The sight of Harry so engrossed in his phone didn’t really bother Louis like it normally did however, and he found himself in a relaxed and tipsy state as the car finally rolled up to his building.

Thanking the driver for being so courteous, Louis was quick to get out of the car and jog over to his building. He still couldn’t believe Harry was following him and probably wouldn’t have believed it at all had it not been happening right in front of his eyes.

The pair remained silent as they made their way up to Louis’ flat; Harry’s eyes never once leaving his phone even in the elevator.

‘Home, sweet home!’ Louis shouted as he opened the front door to his empty flat. The TV had switched itself off and the room was dimly lit in the low lights of floor lamps and such. Harry followed Louis inside, looking very much at home and happy to be there, even. Louis couldn’t get his head around the situation. Plus, he was very drunk and ready to pass out in bed so he didn’t make any effort to ask him the ever-lasting questions in his head.

‘I take it you’ll be sleeping on _your_ couch then.’ Louis absently commented as he made for his room. ‘Everything is everywhere. Food. Fridge. Water. Sink. Help yourself.’ Louis’ voice was laced in sleep and he didn’t even bother looking back to see what Harry was doing as he entered his room, sighing quietly to himself. It sure had been a long day.

*

The last thing Louis expected, long after he’d snuggled into bed in nothing but his briefs, was his bedroom door to open. In his drunken haze even became startled, thinking it was a robber or someone plotting his demise. He could take them, he reassured himself; his right hook was strong.

Of course, it was only Harry. He stalked into the room, the light from the corridor letting Louis see his curls were dishevelled as ever and he’d taken off his too-tight jeans but was still wearing his shirt that he wore to dinner. Maybe he was losing circulation in his legs, Louis absently mused as Harry stumbled closer to the bed.

‘Lou. Are you awake? Lou.’ Harry was towering over Louis’ bed awkwardly. He sounded timid, as if scared Louis would wake up and scold him. Which he did.

‘No. I’m not.’ Louis grumbled, burying his face into a pillow. ‘Go away, Harry. Please.’

‘I can’t sleep out there.’ Harry whined, his voice barely a whisper. ‘It’s strange. I feel strange. Like I’m unwanted.’

‘You are!’ Louis couldn’t help but say in an exasperated tone. ‘I never told you to come here.’

‘Louis, that’s mean. You don’t have to be so mean all the time you know.’ Harry sounded so disheartened that Louis immediately felt bad. He silently cursed Harry’s ability to do that to him.

‘Fuckssake, Harry. It’s three in the morning.’ Louis sighed, but his voice was lighter. ‘Would you just let me sleep? What’s the matter?’

‘I don’t want to sleep out there.’ Harry said, sounding genuinely unhappy. ‘I feel like I’m not welcome. Let me stay in here. I won’t do anything bad, I promise.’ Louis was far too tired to even ask what something ‘bad’ might be so he just didn’t.

‘Whatever.’ Louis said in defeat. ‘Sleep on the floor. I don’t care. Suit yourself.’

He heard Harry sighing but thankfully, he didn’t protest. Instead, he chose to annoy Louis further by reaching over to the bed and taking some pillows from Louis.

Louis could hear Harry fumbling around on the floor, no doubt trying to get comfortable. And then there was silence. So much silence that Louis almost drifted back to sleep.

‘Lou,’ Harry’s voice sounded faint and far away.

Louis ignored it.

‘Louis.’ Harry pressed.

‘What?’ Louis finally gave in, his voice strained. ‘What is it now?’

‘Nothing. Just that… you broke up with Eleanor now.’ Harry sounded thoughtful.

Louis was far too tired to entertain that conversation, he decided in his head before throwing a pillow in Harry’s direction.

‘Yes. Now go to sleep.’

That was the last thing Louis remembered saying to Harry and he figured Harry must not have spoken after that. Because if he had, Louis couldn’t hear him on account of being fast asleep. 


	7. Seven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who saw the candids of Harry from today? So perfect! So fitting to my story Harry. With the plaid and the never-ending curls and the odd day without the bandana. He is so inspiring, the words write themselves. If you haven't seen click below.
> 
> http://bromanceshmomance.tumblr.com/post/81496349806/harry-appears-to-be-adding-to-his-sports-car
> 
> Also, this is how I envision my Louis looking at Zayn like everytime, everyday. His face, though!! 
> 
> https://24.media.tumblr.com/581c6ee4786a92af1b375019f7207e98/tumblr_n33o77QDtR1rmcnl8o4_250.gif
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments, they totally inspire me to keep writing.

Louis woke in a similar fashion to the previous day. He was disorientated and felt the familiar signs of a hangover creeping into his system as he blinked his eyes open. He cursed alcohol silently, he hated the stuff and made a silent vow to never drink again. As Louis curiously peered over the side of his bed and onto the floor, he noticed that Harry wasn’t there anymore. At least that was something, he thought to himself as he stood up with a groan. Every part of him ached and he felt like such a lightweight, because his night with the boys hadn’t even been such a late one. Cautiously wondering where Harry was, Louis got out of bed and walked out of his room. The smell of cooking was already creeping into his bedroom and he realised Harry must not have left. Either that or yet another person had invited themselves into his home and had strangely began to cook.

Sure enough, Harry was in the kitchen, singing happily and sauntering around the kitchen with an apron tied around him. Louis squinted at him, making out the words, ‘Kiss the Chef’ on the apron. Louis didn’t even know where Harry had managed to fish that thing out from.

‘Louis!’ Harry cried, noticing him mid-song and grinning brightly. Harry managed to look so happy and giddy all the time, it worried Louis at times.

‘Harry.’ He replied, eyeing the table. Harry was well on his way to making a full English and Louis couldn’t help but be impressed. Harry was no expert in the kitchen but there were a few essential meals he knew how to cook very well. And a full English was definitely one of them.

‘Come! I made treats.’ Harry sounded welcoming as ever, opening his arms wide as if Louis was supposed to run right into them or something.

Louis did not.

‘I can see that. Honestly, I’m impressed.’ Louis couldn’t help but say, inhaling the warm aroma. There was nothing like a good hearty breakfast to cure a hangover and Louis felt grateful for Harry’s presence.

‘Good! Let’s feast.’ Harry’s eyes were practically dancing with joy. It was as if this was the single best moment of his life. Louis smirked at the sight.

‘I will, just… let me get in the shower and sort my life out a bit, yeah?’ Louis said, looking down at himself. He was dressed in next to nothing and his hair was poking out from all different angles. He was hardly presentable.

‘Fair enough.’ Harry said with a slight nod. ‘Suppose I haven’t finished properly yet anyway. See you in a bit then.’

At that, Louis gave him a small smile before turning and heading back into his room. He couldn’t really make sense of what was going on with Harry. The sudden change of attitude and behaviour towards Louis was strange but he decided he wasn’t going to complain. Because anything was better than how things had been between them for far too long.

Louis’ shower was longer than he expected, as he stayed in there with the water running for a long while. Just enjoying it. He couldn’t help but remember reading a random fact online which said people who have more on their minds take longer showers. He couldn’t argue with that.

After Louis finally finished getting dressed and making himself look pretty decent, he made his way back into the kitchen. He half expected Harry to be gone and reminded himself to stop thinking like that. Harry had stayed pretty consistently for two days, it was about time Louis started giving him credit.

‘Hi.’ Louis softly stated, walking over to the dining table. It was set to perfection and Harry was seated on one of the chairs, lost in his phone. He appeared startled by Louis’ voice and slowly looked up, tearing his eyes from the screen.

‘Oh. Hey.’ He smiled gently. ‘Thought you were never coming out. I hope the food isn’t too cold now. I can warm it up for you if you’d like.’ Harry placed his phone on the table and gave Louis his full attention.

Louis raised an eyebrow, studying both Harry and the table.

‘Harry…,’ he started, a bit taken back, ‘this is amazing. You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble.’

‘I wanted to.’ Harry said, with a light shrug. ‘Like I said, it’s been ages since we really hung out. And I miss it. I kind of… want to right some wrongs. If you’ll let me.’

Harry’s eyes were on Louis with that look of longing and brink of desperation that immediately made Louis’ insides cave.

‘Stop it you.’ Louis light-heartedly replied as he sat down in the chair opposite Harry. ‘We’re always going to be good. No matter what.’

Some of the tension left Harry’s face at Louis’ words and his shoulders eased, as he allowed himself to sink back into the chair. He watched Louis thoughtfully, almost willing for him to comment on the food. Louis shot him a thumbs up after his first mouthful and Harry beamed back at him.

‘Really good. Really, really good.’ Louis said as he sipped some orange juice. ‘You’ve got skills, Styles. You’ve improved a lot since back in the day.’

‘Well. I was just a young boy back then.’ Harry muttered, almost shyly.

Louis was just about to poke fun at him, make some kind of a joke about ‘Ooh, you’re a big man now, eh?’ but he didn’t. He just watched Harry tentatively for a moment, Harry’s statement ringing true in his ears. Because Harry was right. He wasn’t some young boy anymore. There was a lot that had changed with him over the years and it was only now that Louis had begun to proper _look_ at Harry again that he could see it. And there sure was a lot to see.

‘Hey, Lou.’ Harry interrupted Louis’ thoughts by saying. ‘Can I ask you for a favour?’

Louis immediately felt himself tense up at the words. Harry was unpredictable, he could be about to ask for anything. But Louis didn’t argue or say no, instead he swallowed the food in his mouth and nodded lightly.

‘I just…,’ Harry began uncertainly, ‘I just want to know. If. Just for today, maybe we could spend the day together? Like, turn our phones off. All the way off and just go somewhere. Anywhere. Do stuff. Anything. Remember what it was like when we first moved to London? How exciting it was and how we used to go exploring? Maybe we could do that. No phones. Just us. Just for today.’

Harry sounded so bloody nervous, his voice even shook slightly. Louis couldn’t help but grin at him. Harry was endlessly endearing, even without knowing it.

‘Of course, mate.’ Louis quickly responded. ‘Don’t have to sound so worried. I don’t bite, you know?’

Harry didn’t respond, just continued to allow a soft smile to linger on his lips. He looked pleased with himself, like he’d achieved some kind of fate or unlocked something he’d been trying to for a long time. It was nice to see.

They ate in peace, with Louis regularly commenting on how good the food was. It was really an enjoyable meal and Louis found himself relaxing around Harry. They laughed and joked, reminiscing on old times and reflecting on their crazy lives. It was nice to talk to Harry, it had been so long and Louis had almost forgot how alive it made him feel. He had always, absolutely _always_ had the most fun with Harry. There was no one else that caught onto his jokes quicker, shared the same mischievous glint in their eyes as him or finished Louis’ sentences off in that way that only Harry could. Not even Zayn. So it was good to see that even after all the years of drifting off in different directions, they could still fall back to how they used to be. Well, pretty close to how they used to be at least.

‘I’m so full!’ Louis said brightly. ‘That was amazing. It was the best meal ever.’ Louis grinned at Harry before quickly adding, ‘Don’t even!’ feeling that Harry was on the verge of breaking into song at Louis’ ‘Best Meal Ever’ comment.

Harry laughed pleasantly, his eyes positively gleaming. He looked so happy. It made Louis happy.

‘What do you want to do, Lou?’ He asked, pushing his hair out of his eyes. Louis could see why he needed the bandana, his curls were in total disarray. ‘I want to go out exploring but we can’t get spotted. On a bright sunny day like today we’ll definitely get mobbed.’

‘I know.’ Louis agreed, absently picking crumbs off his shirt. ‘I really feel like going for a walk on the Southbank or something. Or like just having a kick about. Suppose we could just have a kick about in the back garden?’ He held his hands up and shrugged, waiting for Harry to decide. This was so reminiscent of old times. Harry always took forever in deciding what to do and Louis was always easy with anything.

‘Noooo,’ Harry whined, ‘I don’t just want to play football. I really want to actually _do_ something. Something Londony.’

‘Is that because you’re not very good at football, _little lad?’_ Louis jeered, leaning over the table and placing a supportive hand on Harry’s forearm. Harry slapped him away with a frown that turned into giggles seconds later.

‘Fuck you.’ He said, but his face was all smiles. ‘You know what I mean! Come on. What can we do? Think.’ Harry tapped a finger to his temple and appeared to be really considering the thought. Louis sighed, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms.

‘So you want to do something tourist like?’ He asked, just to make sure.

Harry nodded. He was half laying on the table, resting his chin on his hands.

‘And you’ve lived in London for four years now but you still feel the need to go sightseeing?’ Louis clarified.

‘Oh, Lou! Give me a break.’ Harry said, looking frustrated. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘Fine.’ Louis sighed, reaching for his phone. ‘I’ll just get the old Google Maps out and see if there’s an inch of the city we haven’t yet been to.’

‘No!’ Harry quickly jumped upright. ‘We said no phones. Okay? No phones. None of the other lads. Just us.’

‘Alright, bloody hell.’ Louis said, a bit taken back. ‘It was only a suggestion.’

‘Do you want to get a tattoo?’ Harry asked after a moment’s silence.

‘In _London?!_ ’ Louis cried, horrified at the thought. They stared at each other for a total of two seconds before bursting into fits of laughter. It was a running joke within the band really that the only place the boys got their tattoos was in LA. Louis was hardly one to break customs.

‘I know. I’m not serious.’ Harry sighed, throwing his arms in defeat. ‘I can’t even be bothered. Deciding where to go is hard enough, then we have to think about actually getting there without being spotted. Days like this I wish I wasn’t famous.’

‘Yeah right!’ Louis scoffed. ‘You live for this stuff.’

‘I do, don’t I?’ Harry quickly retorted, and that just caused Louis to laugh even more. And they continued to laugh. At everything and anything. Louis almost wondered if Harry had slipped some alcohol in his orange juice, because that was how he felt. Like he was floating, merry and drunk on a sea of laughter and Harry’s bright eyes. But for the first time in a while, his laughter wasn’t alcohol related. It was with a fond feeling in his heart that Louis realised it was happiness. It was all just pure, unsaturated happiness.

‘Can I cut your hair?’ Louis mused, after a good while of absolute ridiculousness. They weren’t any closer to deciding what to do and all they’d managed to do in an hour was move from the kitchen to the living room. They were now sat comfortably on Harry’s couch, watching an episode of 8 out 10 cats Louis had recorded but couldn’t remember doing so.

‘Only if I can cut yours.’ Harry replied quickly. He was seated on the opposite side of the couch, with his legs stretched out and Louis felt quite squashed but he didn’t tell Harry to move. He didn’t tell Harry to do anything differently from how he was doing it because everything he was doing felt perfect. And just right.

‘Fair enough.’ Louis lightly commented. ‘I just thought it was worth asking.’

‘Hey, Lou.’ Harry said, contemplatively. ‘You excited for stage choreography at rehearsals tomorrow?’

‘You know it!’ Louis responded, without missing a beat. ‘Favourite thing, ever.’

‘Remember last time how Liam was trying to show off and fell on his face?’ Harry was on the verge of laughter. ‘Remember? How that Jeanette woman was telling him, ‘2 steps to the right, you look fierce!’ and he was totally playing up to it. Then he tripped on your skateboard and fell backwards. I bet that hurt so much.’

‘Oh I _know_ that hurt, mate.’ Louis recalled. ‘He had that nasty graze on his elbow. Bless him. But Liam’s got moves though, you know. He’s not half bad at dancing. Reckon he could be the next Justin Timberlake, to be fair. Got the Charleston down, he’s got the running man down, he’s got the…’

‘Yeah. Almost as good as Zayn.’ Harry interrupted, his face lighting up mischievously.

‘Eh, I hope you’re not making fun of my Zayn.’ Louis said with a smirk, leaning over and poking Harry in the side. ‘I hope you’re not!’

‘I’m not.’ Harry said, pushing Louis away. His face fell slightly and Louis frowned.

‘I’m just joking. Don’t be a baby.’ Louis said, throwing a cushion in Harry’s face. Harry laughed slightly, catching it and flinging it back at him.

Louis was about to say something else when he was interrupted by his house phone ringing loudly. He groaned, because he definitely hated that thing, and why did he have one again? He suspected the fact that his phone was off had worried his many handlers and they were now trying to reach him. He glanced at Harry, asking the question with his eyes because he couldn’t be bothered to voice it.

‘No.’ Harry sulked. ‘No phones. Remember? I bet they’ve sent out search parties looking for me but I don’t care.’

‘Okay, I don’t mind. Hate that thing anyway.’ Louis stated, ignoring it till it finally stopped ringing.

‘Want to make me Sunday dinner?’ Harry asked thoughtfully after a moment. Louis laughed in response because Louis was completely useless in the kitchen and Harry knew that.

‘How about… no? I really don’t.’ Louis stated, stretching his arms out and yawning. ‘I’m still full from that full English you made me. Thanks again for that by the way, mate.’

‘You’re welcome…,’ Harry’s voice trailed off and Louis turned to watch him. His eyes were slightly red and Harry looked sleepy, though he would never admit such a thing.

‘Get some rest. How early were you up making breakfast anyway?’ Louis asked, watching him as he snuggled into the couch.

‘Not too early.’ Harry said, his voice raspy as it often got when he was tired. Louis could tell he was lying. Louis could tell he’d put more effort into the breakfast than he was willing to admit. But that was just the type of person Harry was. It didn’t surprise Louis in the slightest.

‘Okay, get to sleep.’ Louis said, lying back himself. ‘I’m going to try and take a nap too. We probably should while we can and before the tour starts and then we’ll be dying for sleep.’

Harry mumbled in agreement and they drifted into a comfortable silence, interrupted only by the TV. Louis drifted off to sleep easier than he’d managed to do in many weeks.

*

Louis awoke to the sound of his house phone ringing yet again and he grumbled sleepily before sitting up. Harry was still peacefully resting from his position at the other end of the couch and Louis couldn’t help but watch him for a moment. He looked so innocent. Even though his features had changed and his face had definitely matured since he used to live with Louis, something’s remained exactly the same. And that was the peaceful look etched on his face as he silently slept. The way his eyelashes rested against his face and his lips remained slightly parted hadn’t changed one bit. Louis felt like he could sit and stare creepily forever, because there was something so mesmerising about Harry in that light but of course his mortal enemy that was his house phone began to shriek again.

Cursing the man who ever invented the device, Louis stood up and walked across the room to swiftly disconnect it.

‘Ah, sweet silence.’ He muttered to himself. A quick glance out of his window told Louis he and Harry must have been asleep for a good few hours because the sun looked like it was on its descent. The sky was a peaceful mix of pink and orange and Louis admired it for a second. Much like he had admired Harry as he slept moments earlier. Louis wasn’t sure what looked more innocent.

He was interrupted from his daze of standing there, staring out of his window as his doorbell sounded.

‘If it’s not one thing it’s the other.’ He grumbled to himself, sighing and making his way to the front door. A quick glance at the security camera screen next to the door told him it was Zayn. He was immediately no longer annoyed by the sound of the doorbell. In fact, he threw the door open in a hurry and shouted Zayn’s name far too loudly as he pulled him into an embrace. Zayn laughed into his shoulder, obviously shaken by the welcome.

‘Such a loser.’ Zayn commented coolly as Louis finally let him go. ‘Almost fractured my back.’ He made a show of standing up straight and stretching his limbs out, as if to check they were okay.

‘Shut up. You love it.’ Louis said, rolling his eyes and ushering Zayn inside.

Zayn was dressed head to toe in black, wearing a leather black jacket to complete his ever so mysterious appearance. Louis couldn’t but wonder why the majority of his bandmates opted to dress like they were in mourning half the time.

‘To what do I owe this pleasure?’ Louis said brightly, leading Zayn into the living room. He’d almost forgotten Harry was sleeping in there and made a point in lowering his voice on the last word as he remembered. But it was too late. Harry was sitting up, like he’d been awake for a while and he was watching Zayn and Louis with an unreadable expression on his face. He blinked at them, his eyes still heavy from sleep and his hair wild as ever.

‘Harry!’ Zayn sounded surprised. ‘Didn’t know you were here, bro.’ He grinned at Harry, making his way over to the couch Louis and Harry had been sharing moments earlier. Harry didn’t look particularly upset to see Zayn, in fact, he didn’t look _anything._ He just stared blankly, eventually taking Zayn’s hand after he’d been extending it for a long moment. Harry seemed somewhat reluctant as he allowed Zayn to wrap an arm around him, pulling him into a hug. Louis felt immediately guilty, even though he knew he had no reason to. It wasn’t like he had invited Zayn or anything and he desperately tried to meet Harry’s eyes to convey that fact to him. However, Harry did anything but look at Louis as he sat there, his face unmoving. Louis sighed to himself as he walked and pulled up a chair near the two. Louis could tell Harry wasn’t happy about their ‘ _us time’_ being disrupted but frankly, Louis felt Harry should maybe grow up. They were all friends, there was no need to get stroppy.

‘So, Louis.’ Zayn turned to face him, looking slightly uneasy. ‘I wanted to talk to you about something. I did try calling but your phone was off.’

Louis silently sighed with relief, shooting Harry a look almost as if to say, ‘See I didn’t text him!’ But Harry was still avoiding his eyes, focusing intently on Zayn.

‘Was that you calling the house then?’ Louis asked with a shaky laugh. Harry was making the situation so awkward and it didn’t have to be. It was so frustrating.

‘No. I didn’t call the house.’ Zayn responded, shaking his head. ‘I figured I’d just make my way over, like… it’s still early so… I hope it’s okay that I’m here.’ His eyes flicked to Harry and Louis could sense that Zayn had picked up on Harry’s mood. Harry must have as well because his face relaxed slightly as his eyes met Zayn’s.

‘It’s fine.’ Harry said, briefly. His voice was as gravelly as ever and his tone suggested that it was probably very much _not_ fine but Zayn didn’t press the issue.

‘So… I’ve got some shit to talk to you about.’ Zayn rubbed his hands on his legs, a force of nervous habit if Louis remembered correctly. ‘Sorry bro, but I just need to vent a bit. Hope it’s alright?’

‘Don’t be silly.’ Louis quickly stated. ‘I’m here, anytime. Anything you need.’

Zayn seemed relieved to hear that, letting out a silent breath. At Louis’ words, Harry made a move to get up and Zayn quickly furrowed his eyebrows at him.

‘Where are you going?’ Zayn asked hurriedly.

‘I’ll give you two some privacy.’ Harry muttered, his eyes glued to the ground. Louis rolled his eyes and Zayn scoffed, shoving Harry in the chest. Harry fell back into the couch and allowed a small smile to play at his lips as Zayn pinned him down by his shoulders.

‘You’re so stupid.’ Zayn playfully ruffled Harry’s hair. ‘I can’t stand you sometimes.’

‘I know.’ Harry smirked slightly.

‘You’re not going anywhere.’ Zayn said decidedly, before letting him go and turning to Louis. ‘I just need to get a lot off my chest. And of course, you’re both my boys. I can talk to both of you.’

Harry relaxed at that, sitting back with more comfort though he was still careful to avoid Louis’ eyes. It annoyed Louis slightly, but he didn’t say anything. He’d work things out with Harry later, he always did. At that moment, he was concerned about Zayn. It wasn’t often Zayn actually came to him with an issue. It was usually always the other way around, so he knew it had to be something serious.

‘Go on then, spit it out.’ Louis lightly stated.

Zayn took a while to gather his words, clenching and unclenching his fists. Both Harry and Louis watched and waited, allowing him to take his time.

‘Okay, well…,’ he finally started, ‘you both know how I never wanted things to end with Perrie, right?’

He waited for both Louis and Harry to nod, looking at them both in turn.

‘Right, so… it’s just that…,’ he slowly began, ‘things have been difficult for me. Like I said, I never wanted things to end between us. Still don’t. It really… it really broke my heart when she said she couldn’t do it anymore. I really felt like, no… I _feel_ like she’s the one. Like she’s perfect and everything we had was perfect and I could spend the rest of my life looking and maybe one day I could find something special again, but it would never… it would _never_ even be half of what we had. Because that kind of stuff just doesn’t happen twice in one life time. It just doesn’t. Do you boys get what I’m trying to say?’

There was so much emotion in his voice and so much hurt behind his eyes that Louis felt compelled to agree. Just for the sake of it. Just so Zayn would keep talking and letting it out because he was obviously in need of some kind of release. So Louis nodded lightly, even though the thought of his failed romance with Eleanor mocked him in his head and he would put his life on it he’d never felt the way that Zayn had just described about Eleanor.

‘Yes.’ Harry’s voice was filled with absolute certainty. The kind of certainty that was only further defined by the deepness in his voice and the look in his eyes as he stared hard at Zayn. ‘Yes, Zayn. I do.’ All Louis could do was watch, slightly puzzled by Harry’s stance on the whole thing. He didn’t know Harry had felt that way about someone. It made him feel wrong somehow, like he’d managed to miss out on a huge chunk of who Harry was because the look in his eyes said it was very much a part of who he was.

‘Right.’ Zayn nodded, appearing grateful for being understood. ‘Well. That kind of feeling just doesn’t go away. She wants nothing to do with me. It’s been 4 months and she hasn’t changed her mind. And I’m just confused. I… everyone keeps telling me I should move on. That I can do better and I’m stupid if I don’t think there’s anyone else out there for me. Like it’s so easy.’

‘I know she said she didn’t think it would work,’ Harry stated softly, ‘but can you remind me again just why she said it wouldn’t work? Did she give you a reason?’

‘Yeah,’ Zayn said, rubbing his eyes. Louis briefly worried he was crying or on the verge of tears, his heart sinking at the sight. ‘She said it wouldn’t work because she wanted to focus on her career. That she still had a lot of finding herself to do before she could really settle down like that. She gave me the ring back and everything. I told her to keep it. I just don’t get it, Harry… I don’t know what more I could have done.’

Louis felt very much like a spectator in the conversation now, but he hardly minded because it had been so long since Harry and Zayn had bonded the way they were clearly doing at that moment. And it was important. And necessary. Louis would gladly take a backseat in any situation to allow it to happen.

Harry nodded in understanding, placing a comforting hand on Zayn’s shoulder.

‘It’s just stupid. I should move on. Shouldn’t I? Everyone keeps telling me I should.’ Zayn continued, his voice shaky. ‘And even I know I should. But there’s something inside me that won’t allow it. I’m so stupid as to cling on to this tiny bit of hope like she might change her mind. Like I’m that desperate … I honestly am that desperate that I’d just stand around and wait on the off chance she changes her mind. And that’s not the worst part. I’ve heard she might even be seeing someone. That it’s just casual or whatever the fuck but … hearing that, it just breaks me. I can’t sleep most nights. I honestly think I’m developing a mental disorder or five over this girl.’

‘I understand, Zayn.’ Harry reassured him, his hand still on his shoulder. ‘I really do. But… I think… If you truly feel this way and I can tell that you do, you can’t stop fighting. You just can’t. It only ever stops once you give up.’

To be fair, Louis felt like that was pretty bad advice. How the hell could it be healthy to tell Zayn to cling on to the hope that the girl who broke his heart would magically return one day? But he didn’t say anything, for fear of ruining the moment between the two boys.

‘That’s what I said.’ Zayn manages a small laugh. ‘But people think I’m crazy. Least of all Louis!’

He pointed at Louis accusingly.

‘I don’t think you’re crazy, mate.’ Louis responded quickly. ‘I just think that there’s so much out there. You’re so young. You’re so tied down. You could have any girl you wanted. I bet you could even pull my own mum if you wanted. So I don’t see why you’re hung up over Perrie. It’s not the end of the world.’

‘Louis, you don’t understand.’ Zayn groaned, looking at Harry for support. ‘Tell him, Harry. I thought he would understand more than anyone else because he’s with Eleanor but he doesn’t get it. You get it though, don’t you Harry?’

Harry’s eyes flicked to Louis for the first time since Zayn entered the room. It had obviously registered with him that Louis hadn’t told Zayn about the Eleanor breakup. Harry looked confused as to why that would be the case but if he was, he didn’t bring it up.

‘Of course.’ He responded to Zayn. ‘And I don’t think you should give up. Because love is the best thing you will ever do. It is your greatest accomplishment, to love someone else the way you love Perrie. And if you get a chance at it, no matter how many times you feel like you might lose it… or have lost it, you can’t stop. Because it’s not possible to stop. You can’t just condition yourself to stop. It’s not like any other addiction where sure, with some kind of therapy you probably could stop eating too many doughnuts or drinking too much wine or whatever. But love is a different kind of addiction. It’s like the strongest form of drug. The most pure. It’s in your blood stream now Zayn and you can’t get rid of it. I’ sorry but you can’t stop trying. You have to keep going.’

Louis could only stare, his mouth slightly open in shock as Harry’s voice finally came to a sudden halt. He was staring at Zayn intently, as if desperate for his words to resonate with him.

‘Exactly.’ Zayn said, his eyes shining back at Harry. ‘Exactly. This is exactly what I meant.’

Zayn stared at Louis triumphantly, as if Harry had successfully proved his point.

‘But what if she just doesn’t want it, Harry?’ Louis found himself asking. ‘What if… and I hope I’m not right but what if no matter how much he tries, she’s decided that it’s not for her. That it’s not who she is… then what? When does it stop being admirable and just become hopeless?’

Harry didn’t reply for a moment. His brows were furrowed and he seemed to be considering his words very carefully.

‘Well…,’ he finally looked up at Louis, a frown still present, ‘I guess he’ll just have to still keep trying. Even when it gets to that point of hopelessness, he’ll try some more. Then, when it gets even worse and she swears she hates him he’ll just try harder. Because guess what, Louis?’

Louis hardly dared to speak. He hardly dared to break the icy glare from Harry. He wasn’t sure what was happening but something told him Harry had stopped talking about Zayn and Perrie a long time ago.

‘Because that’s just what you do when you love someone beyond the point of desperation,’ Harry continued when Louis didn’t respond. ‘When you feel numb because you’re worth nothing. Because your self-love left a long time ago. Because if you ever loved yourself you would never subject yourself to that kind of torture. At that lowest point, you just dust yourself off and keep going. You don’t give up and you don’t give a shit about anything else because if you do then you have nothing. Because you sacrificed everything and would a million times over just to have what you had.’

Zayn was watching Harry almost as taken aback as Louis was.

‘A million times over,’ Harry started again, ‘to have what _Zayn_ had. Right, Zayn?’ Harry broke his stare into Louis’ soul to turn back to Zayn.

‘Right.’ Zayn muttered, slightly lost.

‘Just don’t give up, Zayn.’ Harry reassured him. He pulled him in close and kissed the side of his forehead. Zayn’s eyes closed at the touch and Louis finally allowed himself to breathe because _what_ just happened? He needed five shots of tequila and a dictionary catered around figuring out Harry Styles because he was positively lost beyond words.

‘Uh, yeah.’ Louis mumbled, almost incoherently. ‘Don’t give up. I suppose. Or do. Whatever suits you best really. FIFA anyone?’

Louis was desperate for the mood to lighten, he wanted nothing more in fact but it seemed Zayn wasn’t really done. He was almost sulking, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder. Harry seemed in just as bad a condition as Zayn to be fair, and he seemed to hardly notice that Louis had spoken. They were both just sat there looking so damn strange that Louis decided he had to remove himself from the situation.

‘Think I might just… go check some emails or something.’ Louis said, for lack of anything better to say. Zayn and Harry hardly acknowledged him leaving and as he did he could hear their muffled voices continuing a conversation which was just far too much for Louis to comprehend.

He felt a million times lighter as he entered his room, away from the intensity of the situation. He couldn’t deal with it. Figuring Harry hardly cared about alone time with Louis now that him and Zayn were bonding ever so gladly, Louis reached for his phone on his dresser. As he waited for the device to turn on, he couldn’t help but think back to the day. Before Zayn’s arrival had somewhat thrown Louis’ insides into a mass of confusion yet again, he had managed to have an incredible day with Harry. It really was amazing, he couldn’t help but think. It was just like old times and he’d missed it. It was with such a longing that his system had allowed Harry back in like he’d never left. Louis couldn’t help but smile fondly at the thought.

As Louis’ phone came to life he frowned, slightly alarmed by the amount of missed calls and texts. A lot of them were from Eleanor, he was confused to see. Some from his mum, a lot from management and even a couple from Stan. He could immediately sense something was wrong. It was with a sense of dread that Louis read his text messages. A series of messages from Eleanor asking him about his well-being. He was confused.

**Eleanor Calder**

_Babe, I know we haven’t spoken in awhile but I’m just checking you’re okay xx_

**Eleanor Calder**

_Did you get my text? Please don’t react angrily… just remember to breathe and it’s not as bad as it seems. I promise you xxxxx_

**Eleanor Calder**

_I’m worried about you babe, I hope ur ok, are u getting my texts? I’m glad you haven’t been tweeting in response I’m very proud of you xxx_

**Eleanor Calder**

_give me a ring when you see this Louis, your mum’s been calling me all day sayin she cant get a hold of you. Im starting to get worried xx_

Louis felt dizzy. He re-read the texts several times. She was glad he hadn’t been tweeting in response? That didn’t sound good. His mind immediately travelled back to his father. He knew… he just knew that he must have been running his mouth again. He immediately felt sick. There were some from his mother in the same light, wanting to know where he was and concerned about him. That wouldn’t be so much out of the ordinary had there not been a consistent reference to Twitter. Louis sighed heavily as he checked some more.

**Jane Modest**

_Louis, I’d like to remind you that you should not engage in social media activities which may be harming to your own or the overall reputation One Direction. This includes the use of unacceptable language and engaging negatively with fans. This is just a precaution and I’m aware you haven’t engaged in any kind of behaviour today._

Louis glared at the screen, his blood pressure rising something serious. This situation was looking worse by the minute. For everyone to overreact and be so dramatic it meant that it was probably something that would really piss Louis off.

**Niall Horan**

_keep calm and carry on buddy. Love ya x_

**Niall Horan**

_where are u? where is harry? have you two ran off into the sunset and got married on the beach? where was my invite? Xx_

**Niall Horan**

_where is my Tommo? people keep asking me where u and dimple face are but I keep saying I don’t know_

**Niall Horan**

_now I know somethings wrong when your boi Zayn don’t know where u are. please let me know x_

And on and on and on, all in the same light.

Louis didn’t want to check Twitter. He really didn’t. He sat on the edge of the bed, psyching himself up for the fact, now hearing the sound of Zayn and Harry laughing from the living room. The mood had evidently lifted in there at least.

When he knew he could no longer put it off, Louis hesitantly thumbed the twitter app on his phone and braced himself for the worst.

It wasn’t his father.

It was Harry. All Harry. All over his feed. All in his mentions. Everywhere. Harry’s face smiling as he opened the door for Louis. Harry walking out of the restaurant with Louis following close behind. Headline after headline. Tweet after tweet. Larry this, Larry that. The most ridiculous comments filled his mentions. It was mainly the fans. Rejoicing in the moment, happy as… well, Larry. Even major publications printing that the bromance (emphasis on romance) was back on and in full effect. Louis must have gotten like 150 notifications per second. It was everywhere. It was worse than it had ever been in fact. Even worse than that fateful night Louis had simply had enough and had to tweet that Larry was the biggest load of Bullshit he ever heard. He felt numb, unsure of what to do or what to think.

The comments to Eleanor were just God-awful. He couldn’t stand to see them, feeling eternally embarrassed and to blame. He felt so bad. She didn’t deserve any of this. Then there were messages about his family. Horrible things that Louis didn’t understand the need for. All sorts of things. Louis didn’t know what to do or what to think. That was what caused the anger to bubble within Louis. The random attacks on people he cared about. It wasn’t so much the gay thing… he hardly cared about that. It was about the blatant disrespect.

As he sat there, lost in a sea of confusion and resentment, one thing rang in his ear. It wouldn’t go away and he couldn’t shake it off.

It was the sound of Harry’s voice from earlier that day. It echoed deep within him.

_‘Maybe we could spend the day together? Like, turn our phones off. All the way off and just go somewhere.’_

Louis felt himself begin to lose composure as Harry’s voice continued to sound in his mind.

_‘No phones. Remember? I bet they’ve sent out search parties looking for me but I don’t care.’_

That was all Louis could hear as his mind blurred and all he saw was darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That sure was a long chapter!! Hope you enjoyed. xx


	8. Eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer (because I'm forgetful and I didn't do it at the start): I don't own Harry, Louis or even Zayn though I wouldn't mind doing so. I don't know any of what is going on with the boy's personal or private lives. This is just all made up fiction and me Musing about what it may or may not be like in the lives of some very amazing and lovely boys. So nope, I don't own 1D! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Louis didn’t lash out. He didn’t do anything in fact, just continued to sit there and stare into nothingness. His mind was blank and he couldn’t really comprehend what was going on. And all the while, his phone continued to buzz with things from all different people. He didn’t even bother to text or call anyone back, he just sat there for the longest amount of time. He couldn’t help but feel betrayed by Harry. He was certain that Harry had devised the whole ‘let’s turn our phones off’ plan on purpose to stop Louis from finding out about the new surge in the rumours. He didn’t understand why Harry would feel the need to mislead Louis like that. Louis didn’t react to the masses of tweets, however and he felt quite proud of himself for the amount of self-restraint he was showing. Because it wasn’t like he didn’t _want_ to respond to the horrible statements being made about Eleanor. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel the need to defend her because he was horribly guilty. It was all his fault, if it wasn’t for him, Eleanor wouldn’t be getting attacked in the way she was. No, he did want to write a sassy remark and send it to the masses, but the past had taught him that wasn’t going to make a difference. The people who believed he was in some kind of romantic relationship with Harry were adamant on the fact, and Louis lashing out would make no difference.

So he remained where he was seated, on the edge of his bed for far too long. All he did in that time of mixed emotions was send Eleanor a quick text apologising profusely for everything. It was the least he could do.

After close to an hour of sitting blankly in his room, Louis finally sighed and stood up. He felt dizzy and shaky. Unhappy. Generally like shit. He didn’t want to face Harry because he knew that an argument was definitely on the cards. He couldn’t really handle that but at the same time, he knew he couldn’t just refrain from addressing it. So he quietly made his way out of his room and into the living room.

Zayn had seemingly left and Harry was on his own, scrolling through his own phone. Louis immediately frowned at the sight, knowing exactly what Harry was reading. Harry didn’t notice Louis come in until Louis was stood next to the couch, waiting expectantly for Harry’s eyes to land on him. When they finally did, Louis detected a hint of guilt within Harry’s green orbs.

‘Lou.’ He said, his voice barely a whisper. ‘Zayn left. I thought you were asleep. He didn’t want to wake you.’

Louis said nothing, watching him and waiting. He was certainly not going to bring it up first. Harry must have read his expression with some ease because after a moment, he sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands.

‘Louis.’ He stated, with a hint of desperation. ‘Please don’t be mad.’

‘Be mad about what?’ Louis finally allowed himself to speak. He didn’t know how to feel really. It wasn’t like Harry was directly to blame for the whole thing because Louis should have known better than to leave the restaurant with him. It was more that Harry had made a point to ask Louis to turn his phone off so he wouldn’t find out about the Twitter charade. He had deceived Louis.

‘You know.’ Harry mumbled, finally looking up. ‘I take it you checked your phone.’ He sounded miserable. The fire in his eyes from earlier when he’d been talking to Zayn about not giving up on love had long disappeared.

‘Yes.’ Louis briefly stated. ‘And I feel completely betrayed. You knew people were tweeting stuff about me all day. And you made me turn my phone off so I wouldn’t find out. You lied to me!’

‘I didn’t lie!’ Harry was quick to retort. ‘I really didn’t! How did I lie?’

‘You hid something from me, Harry.’ Louis said, leaning against the couch. ‘That’s as bad as lying.’

‘Well I knew you would react like this!’ Harry protested. ‘I enjoyed being around you. And I didn’t want to ruin it. We were finally getting along.’ Harry sounded so helpless that Louis almost caved. Almost.

‘Do you have any idea the kind of things people are saying?’ Louis cried, throwing his hands up in frustration. ‘About me and you? About Eleanor? It’s God awful!’

‘I know but you have to just ignore it-,’ Harry began, but Louis cut him off.

‘It’s so easy for you to say!’ Louis stated with annoyance. ‘Nothing bothers you. You’re not the one that has to feel endlessly guilty because no one is talking about your girlfriend badly.’

‘You broke up!’ Harry cried, as if that made any difference. ‘You broke up so why are you still going on like you haven’t?’

Louis sighed, feeling like there was no way out. Harry was just way too much for him to take. He didn’t understand anything and in Harry’s mind, what people were saying was fine. Perfectly fine.

‘I’m not doing this with you again, Harry.’ Louis said quietly. ‘This feels way too reminiscent of old times. I can’t go through this again. I’m going to hope that this whole thing dies down yet again.’

Harry was glaring at him with an angry scowl on his face.

‘I suppose this is the part where you tell me I can’t sit next to you at interviews _again_ , isn’t it?’ He bitterly spat. ‘You’re unbelievable. You never change! Doesn’t matter how I much I fucking try.’ Harry was getting to his feet now, sending a cushion flying to the floor as he did. He was obviously infuriated.

‘What do you want me to do?’ Louis scoffed, feeling his own anger rise. ‘Just because it doesn’t bother you, you expect it to not bother me! It’s not fair.’

‘I _want_ you to be a friend.’ Harry icily stated before proceeding to walk away from Louis. He didn’t so much as bat an eyelid at Louis has he passed him. Louis refrained the urge to shove him, his frustrations building up by the second.

‘What does being a friend have to do with this?’ Louis asked, turning as Harry headed out of the room. ‘This shouldn’t have to change our friendship. It’s always you that does this. Like it has to be all or nothing with you.’ Harry was out of the room now and Louis followed him into the corridor with frustration.

‘I wouldn’t expect you to understand.’ Harry stated. He was in the process of pulling his boots on and Louis felt disappointment sink in.

‘You don’t have to leave, Harry!’ He pointed out. ‘I… I like having you here, it’s not a problem. I just wish you would understand where I’m coming from.’

‘You don’t even understand where you’re coming from your damn self.’ Harry muttered bitterly. He delved his hands into his pocket and retrieved his keys, eyeing Louis briefly with a cold glare.

‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’ Louis helplessly asked. But Harry it seemed, had no plans on elaborating. Instead, he pulled his coat off the hook on the wall and proceeded to storm out of Louis’ house without a backward glance.

‘Oh but of course!’ Louis was left shouting at the closed door. ‘Just leave! Because that’s the first time you’ve ever done _that_ before.’ Louis almost punched the wall, for lack of anything better to do. There was no one who could get him as worked up as Harry did, and he silently cursed himself for allowing it to happen yet again.

*

Harry didn’t return for the rest of the night, not that Louis was expecting him to. In fact, the episode that had happened in his flat felt so reminiscent of the times leading up to Harry moving out in the first place that Louis wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t come back for yet another year. It would be more fitting, given Louis felt there friendship was again irrevocably broken.

Louis did however, see Harry the next day. As expected, he arrived bright and early to rehearsals with a practised grin and enough charm to fill the entire hall they were doing their choreography in. Harry avoided Louis’ eyes of course and Louis hardly found that surprising but he didn’t care because Louis had long ago decided he would be avoiding Harry as well.

Dance rehearsal was the worst, given the fact that they didn’t actually dance. All they did was mess around, running in circles and in general doing nothing they were told. Zayn appeared to be in a better mood than the previous night and to Louis’ disapproval actually spent most of rehearsal with Harry than Louis. Not that Louis was bitter like that. Louis was left to entertain and be entertained by a chipper Irish boy with golden hair that he found ever so enjoyable. It was fun because Niall’s obliviousness to everything and general state of not giving a fuck meant Louis could forget about the bullshit and focus on being stupid for a few hours. And stupid, they were. Creating their own choreography much to the frustration of their instructors and in general being ridiculous.

Avoiding Harry’s eyes had become second nature to Louis and he said absolutely nothing to Harry all day. In discussions, he was vary of Harry and remained quiet, only piping up to say the odd comment. The day was okay though, it was tolerable. No one mentioned the fact that the fans were pushing the Larry thing pretty hard and Louis felt grateful. It was an awkward conversation he wanted to avoid.

It was long after rehearsals had ended when the boys and some of their crew had decided to go out for drinks that Louis even allowed himself to go near Harry. By some random twist of fate, Louis ended up sitting right next to Harry mid-way through the night and by that point he was three tequila shots in and giving slightly less fucks than usual.

Harry was laughing at something Niall had said from across the table they were all seated around, his eyes dancing brightly. Niall was laughing too, hardly able to contain himself in fact, as he downed yet another pint. Everything was merry and everyone was happy. Smiling. Even Zayn. And even Louis, who decided somewhere between another shot and Harry indignantly acting like Louis didn’t exist that he’d had enough.

‘Harold!’ Louis shouted, leaning in close to his ear, in order to be heard over the loud music. They were in a bar in Central London. Louis hardly cared for the name but it was just exclusive enough that not too many people were staring at them in awe. Harry didn’t hear Louis, or better yet acted like he couldn’t hear him, leaning over the table to better acquaint himself with Niall.

Rude, Louis thought sulkily before placing his hand on Harry’s shoulder so he had no choice but to look at him.

‘Harry!’ Louis knew he was on the verge of sounding like a whiny child but he hated the situation. He hated the awkwardness of it all. Things had only just been getting back on track with the two of them and somehow they had managed to fuck up again. It wasn’t cool. At all. So he pulled Harry by the shoulder, though Harry made every effort to ignore him before rolling his eyes in exasperation and finally turning to Louis.

‘You’re drunk!’ Harry said, his voice raised enough for only Louis to hear. ‘Stop it. You’re drunk.’ He shrugged Louis off his shoulder and fixed his shirt with an annoyed scowl. Niall was laughing at the two of them and Liam gave them a worried look from his position on the other side of Louis.

‘Everything alright?’ Liam asked.

Louis turned to him and shook his head animatedly.

‘No! Nothing is.’ He cried, leaning into him and resting his face in Liam’s chest. ‘Harry hates me!’ His words were muffled and he felt Liam’s chest rise as he laughed slightly, obviously unsure of whether or not Louis was joking.

He wasn’t.

‘Hey there,’ Liam stated, patting Louis’ back supportively, ‘don’t be sad.’

Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes at the display.

‘He’s not bloody sad.’ Harry stated, pulling Louis off Liam by the arm. ‘He’s just fucking drunk. Wasted. Don’t entertain him.’ Louis didn’t understand the need for the language and he didn’t understand the need for Harry to haul him off Liam with such force.

Louis was convinced he was not drunk. He was merely being expressive.

‘Harry please…,’ Louis started, tugging on Harry’s sleeve. ‘Come. I have to talk to you. Just come.’ Harry was a giant and Louis was only small so it was with much effort that he tried to pull Harry up with him as he got to his feet. It didn’t help matters that Harry was in no mood to go with him and made every effort to resist.

Louis didn’t give up though, pulling at Harry’s shirt, begging him and being all around annoying until Harry finally sighed and got to his feet. He signalled to Niall that he’d be ‘1 minute’ with his index finger and Louis frowned, resenting the amount of time for being so low. At least Harry was coming with him though, making his way through the masses of people and to Louis’ delight allowing Louis to lead him outside. They were directed to the smoker’s section by security and Harry smiled ever so graciously at them for showing them the way. Harry was such a bloody charmer.

‘What do you want?’ Harry said, the moment they were alone. Security had cleared the area for them within minutes and Louis was glad, as he stood with Harry, allowing the cool breeze to wash over him.

‘Stop being so mean to me!’ Louis cried. He realised with a sinking feeling that Harry was right, he was in fact drunk, which meant he really had no clue what to say. Just that he wanted to talk to Harry.

‘What do you want, Louis?’ Harry repeated, pulling up the sleeves of his black shirt. His bandana was back and it Louis felt glad for the fact as it was now a part of Harry’s character. He hadn’t looked right without it.

‘Your bandana is _nice.’_ Louis stated, pointedly. ‘And see that’s an example of when I was wrong. Which I always am. I’m a massive fuck up. But I like you. I like you a lot. We should be friends because we’re perfect together.’ Louis had no idea what the hell he was going on about. And a quick glance at Harry’s face meant he didn’t know either. He was watching Louis with a thoughtful look, his face slightly softening at Louis’ words.

‘I like you too, Lou.’ Harry finally said after a moment. ‘Even though you’re an impossible child, I like you. I always have. That’s why I don’t get why you make everything so difficult.’

‘How?’ Louis asked, genuinely confused. ‘How do I make things difficult? I don’t like that ‘Larry’ stuff and people keep throwing it in my face. You know that was hard for me. I was with Eleanor and people kept throwing me and you in her face. Eleanor was my girlfriend. I loved her. Why can’t you see how hard that would be? They were bullying her like every day and I wasn’t even allowed to get mad. Such bullshit.’ Louis’ words were slurred and he was flailing his arms around like a mad man. But he cared. He wished that just one single soul would understand where he was coming from. And he wished so much for it to be Harry.

‘Every other person in the one world can think I’m a monster,’ Louis stated, drunkenly. ‘But not you, Harry. I can’t handle that. You have to see where I’m coming from. I don’t hate gay people or Nick because he’s gay or whatever else it is you think. I’m a decent person. I just want to be myself. Can you let me?’

Harry didn’t respond, instead chose to sit down on one of the large chairs situated near the wall. He hardly looked at Louis, choosing only to clench and unclench his fists in desperate frustration. Louis wanted so much to make him understand, it actually hurt to see how much he was effecting Harry. The worst part was that he didn’t even mean to or know what he was doing.

With a defeated sigh, Louis walked over to where Harry was seated.

Harry was staring eerily at the ground. He almost blended into the night around him with his black shirt and signature black jeans. Louis had often wondered if Harry purposely ripped every pair of jeans he got or if they came like that. 

'Harry.' Louis called, kneeling in front of him and placing his hands on Harry's shoulders. Louis tried to meet Harry's gaze but he seemed determined not to look at him. Louis stared for a while, unsure of what to do. He focused on the way Harry's curls fell against his bandana as if part of some intricate design. He looked serene and Louis blamed alcohol for noticing that fact.  

'You always hurt me.' Harry finally spoke. His voice wavered and though Louis couldn’t see his eyes it was obvious that he was dangerously close to tears. ‘I always try with you and you hurt me. The worst part is you don’t even get how.’

‘Maybe you can tell me how and I’ll try and stop.’ Louis stated, feeling horrible. He lowered his head, trying to meet Harry’s eyes but it was to no avail. Harry was determined to stare at the ground, no doubt on the verge of tears. Louis sighed in defeat and proceeded to place his hand on Harry’s cheek, forcing him to lift his gaze. He almost wished he hadn’t as Harry’s eyes finally met his own. There was such a pained expression on his face and his emerald orbs were filled with defeat. He looked broken.

‘Harry!’ Louis helplessly cried. ‘Let me stop. Allow me to stop hurting you. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. I’ll stop complaining about the rumours. Anything.’

‘It’s too late.’ Harry said, wiping his eyes furiously with the back of his hand. He got to his feet in a rush, almost knocking Louis over with the sudden movement. Anticipating what was to come, given Harry’s love of storming off, Louis jumped to his feet and grabbed hold of Harry’s arm.

‘You’re not doing this again!’ Louis said, pulling him as hard as he could. Maybe he was being ridiculous but he hardly cared.

Harry staggered slightly at Louis’ grip but managed to shake Louis off without too much effort. He was basically twice the size of Louis afterall.

‘Just leave me alone.’ Harry stated, sounding absolutely miserable. ‘It’s for the best. It’ll get the fans off your back.’

With that, Harry turned and hurried away from Louis and back into the bar. Louis was left alone yet again, drunk and hazy with no clue of how to make Harry happy. It felt like he was drowning in a mass of confusion because everything he did was somehow wrong. Louis buried his head in his hands and stood in the same spot Harry had left him for long after the fact, just thinking and wondering if his life could get anymore fucked up.

*

It turned out it could.

Harry stopped talking to Louis completely after that night and began to skilfully avoid Louis at every turn. It was beyond frustrating and Louis found it hard to be on the receiving end of the silent treatment for once. Rehearsal was torture for Louis because he ended up being off with the other boys because he didn’t want to speak as he knew Harry would make a fuss and not speak if Louis did. So he chose to take the backseat and watch as Harry interacted with the rest of the boys without Louis. It was particularly irritating because Harry and Zayn were now practically best friends and ran around during rehearsals playing pranks on people and laughing immaturely much like Louis used to do with the both of them. So, in expressing his distaste for untrue rumours Louis had ended up all alone. Well, almost.

‘Tommo, why should I be surprised?’ Niall rolled his eyes, biting down onto his guitar pick to free his hands. They were busy playing with his guitar strings, his brows furrowed in deep concentration. Louis sometimes felt that Niall’s sole purpose in life was to be surrounded by instruments all day. It was when he was most in his element.

‘I’m not saying you should!’ Louis protested, feeling quite annoyed. ‘I know it’s not a surprise but we were making progress. You’d think that he wouldn’t just give up like that. Especially after…’

Louis allowed his voice to trail off, thinking back to Harry’s words to Zayn. Harry had been so adamant about never giving up on love and sure when it came to Louis it was just a friendship but surely the same rules still applied.

‘You and Harry are always loved up and acting like you like like each other one day and then like you can’t stand to be in the same room the next.’ Niall stated, his eyes fixed on his guitar. ‘It’s not exactly breaking news that you’re not speaking yet again. And it’s not going to be long before you’re back to braiding each other’s hair or whatever it is the two of you do.’

‘But this time it’s different, Niall!’ Louis couldn’t help but say. ‘He won’t even look at me. It’s awful. I feel invisible.’

‘So go and tell him to look at you then, you moron!’ Niall said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Louis was about to protest, to point out that Niall just didn’t _understand_ anything and was just a stupid guitar playing idiot when Ben Winston was suddenly calling Niall’s name and Niall was rushing off without a backward glance at Louis.

Because it seemed shooting Niall’s solo in their new video was more important than Louis’ ruined friendships. So Louis stayed to himself, burying his face in his tea and trying not to think about anything but keeping warm. And that was the story of how the video shoot for their new single went. At least for Louis.

Maybe it was the undying sense of friendlessness or maybe Louis was slightly bitter at Zayn and Harry’s blossoming bromance, but Louis did not invite Zayn to go to a skate park with him on one Tuesday they miraculously had off from rehearsals and other being in a band stuff. Skating was usually Louis and Zayn’s thing and they often did it together, both on tour and in their own time. But things were slightly different now. Louis needed to release some steam and so arranged to be taken to the nearest skate park so he could do nothing but ride his skate board all day and fall flat on his face. It was surprisingly good for him. For a few hours, he managed to forget about Harry and the rest of the world and only concentrate on enjoying himself with other like-minded people. It was a well needed break and for one afternoon, Louis was able to forget he was Louis Tomlinson and that he was famous or known for being anything other than a nice, somewhat sarcastic and all around good guy.

As he left the skate park, he was more than happy to stop for fans and take pictures, feeling better than he had in recent days. Security were quick to tell the small crowd gathered outside the park that they shouldn’t ask any questions so Louis avoided any awkward Harry related questions. It wasn’t too bad and Louis couldn’t complain. Although, Harry remained prominent in his mind and he couldn’t help but Google Harry as he sat in the back of a car, being driven back to his flat. Louis found many pictures of what Harry had been getting up to and it was with a sinking feeling that he saw Harry had been sauntering around London with Nick Grimshaw. He was photographed on many nights out with other famous faces as well but more than one occasion was of Harry with Nick. It annoyed Louis for reasons why he couldn’t understand and he found himself staring at the candids for longer than he probably should have. Louis sighed as he looked at one more random shot of Harry leaving a club with Jack Whitehall and decided that that was it, he was never Googling Harry Styles again. It was sad really, that Google was the only way for him to know anything about someone that was supposed to be his friend.

As Louis finally got to up to his room, his phone deep in his pocket and all memory of Harry’s nights out erased, he felt stiff all over. All the falling he’d done at the skate park were not going to give him a peaceful night. Dreading the fact, he unlocked and pushed his door open, dragging his skateboard into the apartment with him. Louis was drained and had no intention of doing much else with his night apart from passing out in bed. It was even an effort to kick his vans off and throw his hoodie onto a heap on the floor. As he walked further into his home, he couldn’t help but think about what a sterotype he was, with his vans and his skateboard in his hand and did he really have to dress so predictably? Louis was so lost in his thoughts about his attire that he nearly screamed when he saw the figure standing in the middle of his living room. His heart nearly jumped out of his mouth as his brain began to register with the fact that Harry, yes _Harry_ of all people was standing in Louis’ living room uninvited yet again.

They hadn’t spoken in a weeks and Louis was very much at a loss for words. Harry was watching him indignantly, his arms folded and his thin white shirt hanging loosely off him. Louis’ mind briefly considered just why Harry always chose to buy clothes that were either too massive for him or hardly fit. Harry continued to watch as Louis let his skateboard fall to the ground with a loud clatter.

‘What… are you doing here?’ Louis asked, his voice filled with surprise. ‘And how did you even get in?’

Damn security. Louis was certain that security had taken it upon themselves to start letting curly haired charmers in for no reason. Louis hated security.

‘Zayn gave me his key.’ Harry further shocked Louis by saying.

Stupid Zayn. Louis would never trust him with anything, Louis immediately decided.

Louis waited, because surely an ‘ _I hope you don’t mind’_ was supposed to follow that sentence, but it never came. Instead, Harry continued to watch Louis with an unreadable expression scrawled on his face. Louis noticed the bandana was back on his head, this time with skulls littering the soft fabric. The boy’s style was something Louis could never pretend to understand. 

‘Well what are you doing here?’ Louis asked, genuinely confused. He wasn’t being rude. He really just wanted to know

‘I’ve moved back in.’ Harry stated after a long pause. His voice was as calm as ever, as if he was just telling Louis one of his stupid random facts about animals. It didn’t sound at all like he was saying he was _moving_ back in because, well… wait, what?!

‘The rest of my stuff should be here in the morning.’ Harry continued in that calm tone. ‘I’ve already moved a lot of it back. I don’t have a bed as of yet but I should get one soon. I’ve moved all my clothes in, that’s the important thing.’

Louis just stared, dumbfounded and at a complete loss for words. Harry had seemingly decided he was moving into Louis’ flat with absolutely no discussion of the matter with Louis. Did stuff like that happen in real life? Louis couldn’t help but ask his mind that as Harry continued to stand there, like it wasn’t a big deal. Like it wasn’t a massive deal, the biggest ever!

‘Well. I’ll be seeing you around.’ Harry said, before turning away and heading for the room next to Louis’ room. Louis’ office, in fact and most certainly _not_ Harry’s new room. Harry’s old room, sure but in what world was it Harry’s new room? Or his old, new room? Supposedly it was very much in Louis’ world as Harry entered the room and closed the door without a backward glance at Louis.


	9. Nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments, they are so inspiring! I replied to them. :)
> 
> Also, note that I LOVE Zayn and Zayn in general with his face is my favourite thing after Harry in plaid.

‘Yes. Moved in as in all his bags are here. Filled with God knows how many pairs of ripped skinny jeans.’ Louis’ voice was hushed as he pressed the phone to his ear. ‘I don’t know what to do! He just showed up and then disappeared into his room, no _my bloody office_ like nothing happened! No. He never asked. I’m serious.’

Louis was rushing to get all his words out, hardly wanting to waste any more time than he already had in telling someone else about the fact that Harry was literally insane. That was the only explanation and Louis had spent all night thinking of one. It was the following morning and the soft sound of music creeping into Louis’ room let him know that Harry was still very much there.

‘No, you have to help me.’ Louis said, delving a hand into his hair. ‘You have to! Maybe you could talk to him or something. I can’t speak to him I can hardly look at him, it’s so awkward. He’s just waltzing around like he never left. He doesn’t even have a bed but he doesn’t seem to care.’

Louis paused in his manic hushed rambling as the sound of the music ceased. He listened intently, wondering if Harry had left for rehearsals or if he had in fact just stopped the music to eavesdrop on Louis’ conversation. After a moment, another song started and Louis breathed a sigh of relief after realising Harry wasn’t listening to him.

‘Mum, this is a drastic situation.’ Louis stated, impatiently. ‘You have to help me. He might listen to you. Or maybe you could call Anne and see just what he’s thinking. I bet he mentioned it to her that he was planning on ambushing someone’s home.’

‘Louis, I’m not calling anyone.’ Louis’ mother sounded exasperated and fed up. ‘This is your own mess and you need to deal with it. Technically, you can’t say anything to Harry about living there. If he wants to move in he’s well within his rights and you know that.’

Louis groaned with irritation, pacing around his room like a mad man. His Mother was more than right. Harry could technically do whatever he wanted in Louis’ house considering _technically_ it wasn’t just Louis’ house. They had bought the place together after their X-Factor tour and it had been their first big spend with the money they’d acquired from the tour. The cost of the place had been split 50/50 and when Harry had moved out Louis had more than offered to pay him back his half. But of course, Harry had neither wanted it or needed it and had ignored the situation altogether. What was a couple of hundred thousand pounds to him when he could never work a day in his life and be set for several lifetimes? Nothing. So Harry hadn’t accepted the money and they’d never changed the documents on the house. So yeah, technically Harry was entitled to the place just as much as Louis was.

‘But Mum,’ Louis whined, biting his nails out of frustration, ‘we both know this is my place. He hasn’t lived here in years. He can’t make that argument. He even said it was mine. He hasn’t even stepped foot in here in years! I don’t know what he’s playing it.’

‘It might do you good to spend some time together.’ Louis’ Mother sounded hopeful. And Louis knew exactly why she was. It had been a strain on her when Louis had stopped being close to Harry because it meant that her and Harry’s Mum had drifted apart. Louis felt bad, he really did, but did his Mum forget that Louis had a crisis at hand?

‘It won’t.’ Louis mumbled stubbornly. ‘I’ve been spending time with him and yeah it’s okay, at least for a little while but then something happens and it messes up. Mum, I can’t deal with this stress. You have to talk to Anne or come down to London and sort this out.’

Louis was more than aware of the fact that he was behaving irrationally but he felt helpless. He didn’t know what else to do. Harry had certainly crossed some kind of line and it wasn’t like he could talk to the other boys about it. He didn’t want to put them in the middle of their mess yet again.

‘Louis, I’m running a household here.’ His mum said, firmly. ‘There’s no way I can just drop everything and go there. You’re not 5 years old, you’re a big boy. I’m already coming with you on some tour dates. I’ll see you then. Just sort it out with Harry. I don’t know what you’re fussing about. He’s a lovely boy. It’ll do you some good, being a bit more like Harry.’

And she was off. Louis inwardly groaned, his Mother’s speech was all too familiar to him. If ever there was a bigger fan of Harry than Harry’s own mum it was certainly Louis’.

‘Fine.’ Louis miserably stated with defeat. ‘I’ll deal with it. I’m going to go now because I don’t feel too good and I have an unwanted intruder in my house so I’ll talk to you later, alright Mum?’

‘Oh stop being so bloody dramatic.’ She said, with a laugh. ‘It’ll all work out. Love you.’

With a quick ‘Love you, bye’ Louis ended the call and tossed his phone on to his bed. He was now completely at a loss as to what to do. They had rehearsals within the hour so at least he would be able to leave the house but that wasn’t going to help because guess who he would have to be around at rehearsals? Harry. Of course, Harry. Always, Harry.

Sighing, Louis pulled his favourite jean jacket out of his wardrobe ready to set off and hoping against hope Harry had already left. He couldn’t deal with any early morning awkward encounters with his new roommate. As Louis picked up his phone and finally left his room for the first time since the night before, he was met with the familiar aroma of pancakes. It smelled lovely but he wasn’t going to comment, at least not to Harry who was leaning over the dining room table. He looked up briefly as Louis walked in, before his eyes fell back to the papers in his hands. He appeared very busy indeed so Louis put that down to the reason why he said nothing to Louis. It wasn’t like Louis cared anyway. They didn’t exchange any words as Louis left with a disapproving look at the couch which was in an absolute state, giving away the fact that Harry had slept there. Louis didn’t comment however and Harry didn’t seem to care about Louis’ caring about the mess. It was a horrible system.

*

Rehearsal was absolute bullshit. Zayn was very much not there and to Louis’ disappointment he was told that not all of them were required to be there that day. The only people who were there were Liam, and of course Harry himself. Louis loved him like a brother but Liam wasn’t exactly the most entertaining member of their circle, at least not on his own so he found himself very bored. Harry was like a butterfly, floating around and mingling with the crew. He would break into song ever so often and people would watch him in amazement. While Louis fancied himself as more of a meerkat, for no reason other than he found them to be quite mischievous and adorable not unlike him. They discussed their plans for the tour and Louis even exchanged a few words with Harry because if there was one thing Louis was, it was professional.

During breaks he would sneak away from the group and find comfort in a cups of coffee he desperately needed. Another thing he desperately needed maybe, was a haircut he thought to himself as he caught sight of himself in a mirror. Yeah, he really needed to get onto that eventually. Finding solitude away from Harry did him good, it got him through the day at least and Louis entertained himself to some extent by texting Stan desperate cries for attention.

He was entirely too dramatic in his texts to Stan and he hesitated for a moment about mentioning the Harry situation. He knew that even though he and Harry were no longer as close as they once were, Stan was still and had always been wildly jealous of their friendship. He had to approach the matter carefully and so chose to send:

_Stan, mate help! I have a lot of problems and I need a friend. Drop everything and come to London for a few days? I’ll have my assistant book u a train ticket right away… do come_

**Stan Lucas**

_what kind of problems? and drop everything you say? If only we were all millionaire rich boys like you Louis_

Louis groaned, feeling like shit. He didn’t want to mention Harry to Stan because Stan’s dislike for Harry made Louis defensive. They’d had many fights about Harry and Louis didn’t feel like getting into yet another one. So he simply texted him telling him to nevermind because he was just overreacting. And that was that.

Rehearsals dragged on and Louis did everything that was required of him until it was finally home time. He was glad and thanked the heavens above the whole car ride back to his flat. He hoped Harry had somehow changed his mind or that he would be off with his hipster friends for the rest of the day but Louis was unlucky and things never went as he hoped. It turned out Harry had managed to beat Louis home and that along with Harry’s stupid face and bandana combination in his living room annoyed the hell out of Louis.

Louis muttered a quick ‘hello’ in Harry’s direction (the first thing he’d said to him all day) and made towards his room. He wanted to be alone and away from whatever Harry had planned for the evening. Louis didn’t want to know. He really didn’t.

Except, life was particularly unfair to Louis that day and before he could make it into his own room a girl practically skipped out of Harry’s room. She looked surprised to see Louis and immediately sought out Harry’s eyes. Harry, who had been standing in the middle of the living room doing nothing of substance slowly acknowledged her by nodding back in the direction of his room. She must have been fluent in being ordered around with a mere nod of the head because she retreated back into the room with no questions asked. Louis just watched the scene, slightly taken aback because really, was Harry _really_ bringing random girls back to Louis’ flat already? It was entirely too much for Louis to handle and he was about to find the comfort of his own bed when Harry brushed past him and followed his lady friend into his room before Louis could disappear into his own.

‘Kill me now.’ Louis silently said to himself.

Entirely at a loss as to what to do, Louis simply went into his room and locked the door behind him. He was miserable. Absolutely miserable. Every few minutes the sound of laughing or shrieking or giggling would taunt Louis from the other side of the wall he now shared with Harry. It pissed him off and made him feel weak because why hadn’t he said anything to Harry yet? Louis felt like such a pushover and so out of character and yet he made no move to go and bang on Harry’s door and demand that he left immediately. Instead, he just lay in bed, only moving to start blasting his favourite album from The Killers when the noise from next door became unbearable. He couldn’t let his mind go into imagining Harry having sex with his mysterious friend and it wasn’t like he heard any ‘sex noises’ in particular but it was all still pretty uncomfortable.

Louis was lying in bed with his eyes closed and contemplating if he was Mr Brightside when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Grateful for the distraction from his own thoughts which were very much Harry, Harry, Harry and Girl, Harry is having sex with girl, Harry, Harry and Harry, he quickly retrieved his phone.

It was with a slight feeling of happiness he read that it was Zayn. God, he loved Zayn.

**Zayn Malik**

_Miss me?_

Louis was quick to respond, his fingers typing faster than they ever had.

_I miss you! you are a such a sell out and betrayer. I miss u so much. U gave the curly haired life-complicator the key to my house. I hate u_

Zayn’s reply flashed across his screen within seconds and Louis’ heart jumped a little. It was so nice to talk to someone who could truly distract him from Harry. Even though their conversation was about Harry, but still.

**Zayn Malik**

_I kno I’m sorry I hope ur not mad. I just did it cos I thought it would be good for u. love u. I have an event tonight otherwise I would come and keep u company. Is it dead awkward? Xx_

Louis almost burst into tears, because yes, _yes_ Zayn, it was very awkward. And how he loved that Zayn knew that without Louis having to tell him. It was all Zayn’s fault really, for giving Harry a key and Louis wasn’t sure why Zayn would think it would be good for him to have Harry randomly move in. But it didn’t matter. Zayn was his friend and Zayn understood him like no other, so it was no surprise the rapid rate at which his fingers tapped the screen of his iPhone.

_What event? please cancel and come to my house and console me. It is all your fault. please. Rehearsals were so boring without u and Niall and also Harry has a random girl at the house._

**Zayn Malik**

_I’m going to the Asian awards. Ha. :) Really he does???? How do u feel about this and be honest with me Lou x_

Louis paused for a second, wondering what he meant by ‘be honest.’ Wasn’t he always? What was Zayn trying to say exactly? Rolling his eyes slightly, because Zayn was sounding a bit like a Larry enthusiast, he typed a swift response.

_I feel fine, delighted for him. I want to congratulate him. do u think they do congratulations cards at Tesco for fucking next to your roommates room when u weren’t invited to live there in the first place? I might have a look. Grrrr. What is ur problem Zayn? I don’t feel anyway about it! It’s just annoying. Also, Asian awards???? Where was my invite?_

**Zayn Malik**

_Aaaahahahhahahahahhahaha it bothers u!!! :) you are so stupid and clueless my little lad. Your invite got lost somewhere in the gene pool and also ur not Asian so there’s that xxx_

Clueless about what? Louis glared at the phone. He didn’t like Zayn’s tone, not that he could hear him speaking. He knew what Zayn was suggesting and Louis had no reason, absolutely no reason to be jealous of anyone Harry chose to have sex with. He sighed before composing an appropriate response.

_Racist much???? Gaaah have fun. I love that u are going I’m so proud of u. miss u much. send me pics and don’t drink too much. try and find a nice girl there u never know. X_

Truth was, Louis was extremely proud of Zayn. There was a time when he wouldn’t publicly display his heritage because he was attacked that fucking much for who he was. It took a lot of guts for Zayn to get past all that and truly be himself, all aspects of himself. The thought ran around in Louis’ head in circles until he drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep filled with dreams of driving up to Harry’s room in a moving van.

*

It must have been about 4 in the morning when there was a not very quiet knock on Louis’ door and a raspy voice sounded from the other side of the door.

‘Louis. You have a visitor.’ Harry didn’t sound particularly happy to have to relay the message.

It took a good few minutes for Louis’ brain to register properly and for him to actually get out of bed was another matter entirely. Harry knocked yet again several times before Louis finally made his way to the door. As he swung it open, his eyes getting slowly accustomed to the dimly lit hallway, he came face to face with Harry. His eyes were red and heavy with sleep and his curls were sticking out from all different angels, his bandana long gone.

Harry nodded in the direction of the living room before turning around and heading that way himself. Confused as to who it could be, Louis followed him, half anticipating his Mum. He had asked her to come after all.

It was Zayn. He was stood near Harry’s couch and make shift bed which Harry was now making his way back to in his sleepy state. Zayn’s face lit up as he saw Louis and he grinned, swaying slightly and giving away the fact that he was drunk. Lightweight.

‘You look spiffy.’ Louis managed to say, his voice sleepy and strained. Zayn smiled and even spun around, showing off his pricey suit and elegant attire. Louis merely shook his head. Drunk Zayn was easily the best Zayn.

‘What are you doing here?’ Louis asked, glancing at Harry. He was laying on the couch, bundled up in several duvets and cushions. He was watching Zayn with an amused look on his sleepy face. Did Louis mention that drunk Zayn was usually hilarious, no holds barred Zayn? It was easy to find him amusing even when he was doing nothing more than prancing around in a well-tailored suit, treating Louis’ living room like his own personal runway.

‘You told me to come you dick!’ Zayn said, looking highly offended. If Louis wasn’t mistaken there was a slight laugh from Harry at his comment. But Louis was often mistaken so he didn’t bother wondering about it too much. He did wonder however, where the mysterious blonde girl from earlier in the night had gone.

‘That was ages ago!’ Louis pointed out disapprovingly. ‘You’re ridiculous. Well, I guess at least you’re here. Come on then.’

Louis had to physically go over to Zayn and take him by the hand because Zayn seemed adamant on staying and swaying stupidly in the same spot.

‘Come on.’ Louis said, pulling him towards Louis’ room.

‘Do I smell like success?’ Zayn asked, absently as he allowed Louis to lead him. ‘I won an award, Lou. Do I smell like Asian success?’

‘You smell like cigarettes and whisky.’ Louis blankly stated. ‘And betrayal. You smell like betrayal.’

Zayn seemed to find that hilarious because he laughed loudly, hardly caring about the time of night. As they walked into Louis’ room he also made a show of shouting a very loud ‘Night Harry!’ which made Louis cringe. He’d almost forgotten about the Harry situation.

‘Are you okay? Are you going to be sick?’ Louis asked, sitting Zayn down on his bed. He looked suspiciously close to the fact. Louis placed his hands on Zayn’s cheeks and lifted his gaze off the floor.

‘Look at me.’ Louis instructed. ‘If you’re going to be sick I want you to tell me, okay? I’m not having you being sick all over me?’ Louis flashed Zayn a small reassuring smile. If he had to be vomited on by anyone, it would probably be Zayn and Zayn knew that so it wasn’t like he was being harsh. He was genuinely concerned. When he stripped away the exterior, drunk Zayn didn’t look so funny anymore. Drunk Zayn looked fragile and hurt and weak. Louis knew that there was more to the reason why Zayn had decided to come to Louis’ house after his event. There always was and it wasn’t uncommon for Zayn to find comfort at Louis’ house after a rough night.

‘Is it about Perrie?’ Louis asked. He helped Zayn sit up properly and take remove his coat.

‘No. Yes. I don’t know.’ Zayn mumbled incoherently.

Louis sighed and decided to drop the subject. They could talk about Zayn’s issues later. For now his concern was getting Zayn some rest.

With a lot of effort on Louis’ part, Zayn managed to get safely in bed. Louis watched him for a moment before getting in next to him. Zayn’s eyes were half closed and Louis suspected he was asleep already, long before Louis even got in bed. But as he lay there considering how hard it must be for Zayn to lose the love of his life, Zayn surprised him by speaking.

‘Lou.’ Zayn’s voice was barely a whisper. In fact, Louis thought he’d imagined it.

‘Yeah?’ Louis asked, turning onto his side to face Zayn.

‘Lou...,’ Zayn said, more insistently. He’d obviously not even heard Louis’ response.

‘What, Zayn?’ Louis asked, touching his arm. ‘Do you need anything? Are you going to be sick?’

Even in his drunken state, Zayn managed to look so peaceful and perfect. Louis hated him and was forever jealous of his immaculate good looks.

‘Harry.’ Zayn finally stated. ‘Harry is a good guy. He deserves… he deserves.. and you, you deserve…’ Zayn’s voice trailed off, his words slurred and the smell of alcohol prominent with his words.

‘What are you talking about?’ Louis asked, furrowing his brows. ‘Just go to sleep, bro. Sleep it off.’

‘Harry loves you. Don’t hurt him. And Don’t hurt yourself.’ Zayn’s voice sounded suddenly a lot clearer. As if he was making every effort to be heard and be taken seriously. Louis just stared blankly, slightly taken aback. He wasn’t sure of what to say and he wasn’t sure if Zayn planned to elaborate. He had no idea what Zayn even meant. Louis was very much convinced Harry hated him. If he didn’t why would he torture him so?

‘Love you guys. Love you and Harry so much.’ Zayn mumbled sleepily. ‘Love you all. Thank you… for my award.. I’m so proud to be here...’ Louis rolled his eyes and gently hit Zayn on the arm.

‘Go to sleep you idiot.’ Louis muttered before turning and somehow finding sleep.

*

Of course the next morning Zayn had no recollection of his drunk ramblings. Even by the time Louis woke up, Zayn was well on his way to returning to being typical Zayn Malik; Cooler than a Cucumber. He had an unreadable and mysterious expression on his face when Louis told him about what he’d said and he denied all knowledge. Typical. Zayn didn’t stick around for long in the morning either, opting to give Louis a quick farewell kiss on his cheek and then find his own way to the door. It left Louis feeling slightly more confused than usual as he sat around, lounging for most of the day without leaving the solace of his room.

When Louis finally made his way out of his room because, hey hunger was calling… he found Harry laying on his couch watching an episode of Friends he had probably seen 50 times. He looked up cautiously as Louis came out, fresh from a shower and looking delightful, if Louis was to say so himself. Louis stared at Harry just as much as Harry stared at him, until Harry broke the glare and returned his eyes to the TV. Louis felt slightly accomplished at not having looked away first.

Louis would normally retreat to his room but he felt far too mischievous so he decided he would embark on a quest of making Harry so uncomfortable he would have no choice but to move out.

He made his way over to the couch, scolding himself for not thinking of the plan before because it was pure genius.

Louis decided that two could play at whatever game Harry was playing at.

‘Move up, mate.’ Louis signalled towards Harry’s outstretched legs. Harry frowned at Louis’ words, his hands halfway into his popcorn bowl.

‘Why can’t you watch the TV in your room?’ He asked, making no effort to move.

‘Why can’t you watch the one in your room?’ Louis asked, squinting his eyes as if he was really considering the fact. ‘Oh yeah, you don’t have a TV in there and you also don’t have a room. So yeah, think you should move out.’ Louis said it as if it was a perfectly reasonable suggestion, which it was. Harry didn’t seem to think so however and his face gave that away with the flush of colour that embarked on his already rosy cheeks.

‘It _is_ my room and I will get a TV soon.’ Harry stated, every word taking five years as per usual. ‘No one asked your opinion.’

‘That doesn’t even make sense. Opinion on what?’ Louis asked, rolling his eyes. He nudged Harry’s legs with his knee but Harry simply turned his attention back to the TV.

‘Shut up. You’re stupid. And you’re ruining my day off.’ Harry’s voice was laced with annoyance. Louis almost smiled. Winding Harry up was hilarious at the best of times.

‘Shouldn’t you be running around going to some bandana convention or something?’ Louis resulted to pushing Harry’s legs with his hands when Harry refused to take the hint or actually do what Louis asked. ‘I’m sure there are better ways to spend your day off. Maybe you could go to a scarf convention or a ripped jeans extravaganza?’

Louis succeeded in pushing Harry’s legs away, giving him enough room to sit down. Harry scowled and glared at Louis amidst mouthfuls of popcorn.

‘Shouldn’t you be at a…,’ Harry’s voice trailed off, obviously trying to devise the perfect comeback. ‘At a convention for stupid people?’

Louis raised an eyebrow at Harry and laughed.

‘Really? That’s the best you have?’ Louis leaned over and helped himself to Harry’s popcorn much to Harry’s annoyance.

‘Shut up. Shouldn’t you be going and running around after Zayn or something?’ Harry stated, clearly annoyed that Louis would ever do such a thing.

‘Surely that’s not a hint of jealousy I detect, Mr Styles?’ Louis asked, almost jokingly. Because, even though he loved to mess with Harry, he was still very much pissed off at him. Given the impromptu moving in and everything. Harry didn’t respond to Louis’ question, opting to glare furiously at the TV instead. Louis felt that it was probably the only time in history someone had watched an episode of Friends looking so pissed off.

For reasons Louis couldn’t figure out, they managed to sit there and watch TV together for a long while. Neither of them spoke and the silence was broken only by the odd chuckle form Louis at the TV. They shared the bowl of popcorn till it finished and Louis went and made sandwiches which may or may not have been enough for Harry too and then they ate those. It was almost peaceful as they watched movies they had never got around to watching and Louis almost forgot he was mad at Harry. Almost. They didn’t speak all afternoon however, and the only interaction they had was their fingers lightly brushing against each other’s as they reached for food.

Hours later, Louis _did_ wake up to find that he was wrapped in a blanket he couldn’t remember placing on himself. And Harry may or may not have been curled against Louis’ legs slightly as he slept peacefully on the other side of the couch. But Louis would dispute that in a court of Law any day, he decided to himself as his own eyes fluttered to a close and he went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	10. Ten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super long chapter alert!  
> Thanks for sticking with me guys.

Louis was woken by the sound of a very Irish and very chipper voice laughing carelessly. He opened his eyes to see that Harry was no longer sleeping on the other end of the couch. He was now towering over the TV, clutching Louis’ Wii Remote, in fits of laughter. Harry brushed his hair out of his eyes, trying to catch his breath as tears literally rolled down his face. Niall looked accomplished as he stood in front of Harry, another remote in his hand and his eyes fixed on the TV.

‘That’s how you do it!’ Niall cried at the top of his voice.

Louis sat up and glanced at the TV. They appeared to be in the middle of a heated bowling match. Harry screamed loudly at Niall’s words and jumped on him. The pair swayed around in fits of laughter before collapsing to the floor in a heap.

‘Ouch! Fractured my funny bone.’ Harry could be heard saying. He was rubbing his elbow and Niall simply kicked him in the stomach in response.

‘Niall, I missed you.’ Louis said, making his consciousness known.

Niall and Harry were practically entangled together in a mess of arms and legs on the floor but they looked up at the sound of Louis’ voice. Niall’s eyes lit up while Harry looked away pretty quickly. He didn’t look angry though, which was better than nothing. Louis wondered if spending the day lounging together on the couch had done something to aid their relationship.

‘Finally, you’re awake.’ Niall’ grin lit up the whole room. ‘Let’s go do something. I feel like I haven’t seen you in years.’

Louis smiled back at him pleasantly. It was true, he had missed Niall far too much for it only have been a day since they’d seen each other.

‘Rehearsals were shit without you.’ Louis loosely commented, sitting up with a yawn.

Harry was getting to his feet, brushing off imaginary specks of dust from his jeans. He was looking anywhere but at Louis and his earlier laughter had quickly dissolved. He stepped over Niall who was still lying on the floor and slowly walked out of the living room. Louis felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, because… well, he had thought they’d made some kind of progress.

‘Of course.’ Niall triumphantly said. ‘I’m the life of any party. Easily. Speaking of which, we should do something tonight. Aye, Harry!’ His voice turned into a shout as he called Harry’s name, dragging each syllable out.

Harry reappeared at the sound of his name and stood in the doorway, looking at Niall contemplatively.

‘Yeah?’ Harry briefly asked.

‘Let’s do something. Shall we? Louis?’ Niall’s eyes darted to Louis who shrugged. He didn’t mind either way really.

‘Like what?’ Harry asked, not sounding very convinced. ‘I kind of had plans for later. But I guess you could tempt me if you have a good enough suggestion.’

‘Plans like what?’ Niall asked, sounding offended. ‘Plans better than hanging out with your brothers? You’ve changed, Styles!’ Niall made a whole show of it all, making it out as if his heart was truly broken. Louis smirked at the display.

‘Shut up, I practically spend every waking moment with you.’ Harry shot back. But he was smiling.

After much deliberation between Niall and Harry, they decided to take their bowling competition to real life and embark on a night of bowling and drinking. Louis simply agreed to the whole thing just because, why not? He liked when they did stuff together that wasn’t work related, it reminded him of simpler times when they loved spending every second together. Things were different now, they all had different interests and different friends. Most of all, Harry who ran in completely different circles to Louis.

‘I’ll text Liam and you text your boy.’ Niall said as they made their way to Niall’s car. The thought that they would probably be photographed coming out of the same car briefly crossed Louis’ mind and he almost suggested that he would drive in his own car and follow Niall. But he didn’t. Something inside him stopped Louis from doing so and Louis had a sneaking suspicion that it was Zayn’s advice to him from the previous night. Maybe he did need to chill out a bit and let the rumours about Harry and him fly because that’s all they were; just rumours.

‘Who’s his boy?’ Harry asked casually. It surprised Louis because that was the most interaction he’d had with Louis since Louis had woken up. Harry had directed the question at Niall but Louis couldn’t help but notice his eyes dart to Louis for a brief second.

‘Zayn. Duh.’ Niall said, as if it were obvious.

Louis flushed a bit for reasons unknown and Harry didn’t respond. It was all very strange.

The ride there was a quiet one for Louis and he spent most of it inspecting his phone and his hands. He thought about maybe getting a tattoo on his hands, but what? Maybe he would ask Zayn to come up with something. Zayn. Louis quickly remembered to text him a brief message asking him to join them on their night out.

Harry and Niall were laughing and chatting about nothing and everything. Louis watched them interact and almost envied what they had. Sure, he had that with Niall himself and his relationship with Zayn was exactly like that but Louis missed the days when he had been able to talk to Harry like that.

It was a bit sad really.

As they were getting out of the car to a crowd of photographers and fans, Louis' phone flashed in his hand and he read a message from Zayn with a frown. It was brief and to the point. 

**Zayn Malik**

_Sorry bro. Can't. Chillin  
_

Louis re-read the message several times, slightly annoyed. It was a characteristic Zayn managed to skilfully possess in which one minute he wouldn't stop talking and the next minute it would be hard to get more than two words out of him. Louis hated it. He couldn’t get too mad though because he knew that Zayn was just the type of guy who needed to take a lot of time to himself just to think and do his art. He would be back to showering Louis with love within a few days. It still wasn’t a nice feeling though. 

'Whats up?' Niall placed a hand on Louis' shoulder and asked, looking somewhat interested as they walked towardbuilding. The photographers had temporarily blinded Louis and he squinted as his eyes adjusted to their new setting. The cries for their names were prominent and Louis smiled politely at people as best he could. Harry of course stopped for a few photographs but probably not as much as he usually would had he not been with Niall and Louis. He could be heard shouting ‘Sorry, I’ve got to go’ almost louder than the fans were screaming. Politeness had always been his strong point.

'Just Zayn being Zayn.' Louis replied to Niall, sighing. 'He's not coming.' 

'Oh well. His loss.' Niall said with a shrug. He pulled Harry in close as they entered the establishment. It was easily overpriced and Louis felt it was a bit much for bowling. Still, that meant that less people would care who they were in there and they would get a bit of privacy.

Once inside, the music drowned out most of Louis' thoughts and he was able to lose himself a bit. Louis had always been skilled at bowling so he triumphantly beat both Niall and Harry easily from the start. Niall was competitive as ever and was shouting his mouth off about how Louis was cheating somehow. He had a tendency to do that often whenever he lost. 

Louis couldn’t help but notice Harry and Niall’s interactions throughout the night. They smiled eagerly at each other and there was freedom in how they embraced one another. Louis couldn't remember the last time he'd even bumped fists with Harry without being conscious of how it looked. It left him feeling slightly uneasy and that was when the drinking began. 

Louis brought the first round of drinks which then turned into a swift 4th round with Harry getting more and more comfortable with each drink. He smiled brightly and at one point even spun Niall around in a spot of ballroom dancing. It was all very nice and pleasant and peaceful. Until all three were sick of the game and it was obvious that Louis’ natural talent in any competitive sport (Louis wasn’t sure if bowling was a sport but he’d take it) meant that he would win every time. They then decided to go to a club and with the promise that Liam would join them at their next venue, they set off.

Louis had stopped going to clubs as much since he got with Eleanor and he felt a bit unsure about it even as they arrived at their destination but he was also quite tipsy and giving less fucks than usual. Plus, he reminded himself, Eleanor was history.

‘Liam’s inside.’ Niall informed Harry and Louis as they got out of the car. There were less photographers this time and Louis silently thanked the heavens above for that as they managed to go inside without too much of a fuss.

Niall almost immediately disappeared to find Liam considering he was the one who had been texting him and it caused Louis and Harry to be alone for the first time that night.

To say it was awkward, at least on Louis’ end would be an understatement.

Harry was drunk and very much so. His eyes didn’t even look like they were capable of focusing on anything for more than half a second and it wasn’t until he looked at Louis that they stood still. Louis felt slightly on edge and coughed, looking for a private booth to sit down in. It wasn’t hard considering they were in VIP and Louis made for the first one he sought out. He didn’t even realise Harry was following him until Harry sank into the booth, right next to Louis. But of course. They _had_ come to the club together, what was Louis even expecting?

Harry didn’t speak for a while, at least not to Louis. He did speak to or better yet text someone on his phone intently for a good two minutes. Louis just wanted Niall to come back and find them because Drunk Harry and Drunk Texting Harry plus Louis would surely end in some kind of disaster argument. Louis found Harry’s infatuation with his phone annoying at the best of times.

‘Louis.’ Harry surprised him by saying. It was so unexpected that Louis turned to face Harry slightly, just to take sure.

‘Me?’ He asked, signalling to himself. Harry smirked at his response and his eyes shone to the beat of the heavy dance beat vibrating through the club.

‘Of course you.’ Harry scoffed, leaning in closer so Louis could hear him. ‘I have to tell you something.’

Louis watched him expectantly, half fearing what he might say. Did Louis really want to know? Harry was very inebriated by that point and if Louis had to guess he would conclude that Harry wasn’t thinking straight. Not really, anyway.

‘Come here.’ Harry said and Louis leaned in slightly. Harry’s lips brushed Louis’ ears as he spoke sending shivers through Louis.

Because it was cold. It was cold.

‘You _are_ in love with Zayn.’ Harry finally said, before chuckling lightly. He looked proud of himself, as if he was glad to have been the first to discover the fact. Louis frowned in confusion because really, was Harry back to that again?

‘Yeah, okay.’ Louis muttered, rolling his eyes. An argument with Harry was more than likely on the cards and Louis wasn’t going to take the bait.

‘You are!’ Harry cried. He poked Louis in the chest accusingly.

‘Alright mate, calm down.’ Louis shouted over the music. ‘Think you should go easy for the rest of the night, yeah?’

Harry’s face glowed with frustration and Louis could tell he was probably going to drink more just because Louis had suggested against it.

Thankfully, before the situation could get any more intense, Liam and Niall showed up. Or better yet, practically hopped into the booth and disrupted any issue which may or not have been brewing between Harry and Louis.

‘Boys!’ Harry cried, smiling wider than Louis had ever seen him. He fixed his curls with his long fingers and beamed at Niall and Liam in turn before leaning over and taking Niall’s hands in his.

‘Niall, I love you so fucking much!’ Harry shouted at the top of his voice and all three of the boys started laughing at the comment but Louis.

He suddenly questioned just why he had decided to go out in the first place and especially with Harry. It wasn’t shaping up to be the best night.

The boys laughed and joked around Louis with Niall disappearing and coming back with drinks for everyone. Louis declined, instead choosing to just sit there, letting Harry’s words play over in his mind.

*

Instead of allowing himself to drown in alcohol like he normally would, Louis spent much of his time in the private booth on his own. Occasionally, the other boys would come over and sit with Louis for a bit. Niall complained that Louis was a drag and that if he was so whipped and in a relationship he shouldn’t have come out at all. Louis merely shrugged and didn’t bother to correct him on the whole relationship stance. Harry was seen often by Louis, dancing wildly and drinking far too much. As much as Louis reminded himself that it was not his problem, he couldn’t help but be concerned. Harry was just that welcoming of a person he would talk to anyone about anything and in his drunken state, Louis worried what might happen to him. However, he seemed to be doing okay and Niall was regularly at his side probably doing the exact same thing as Louis and checking up on him.

Harry eventually found his way into the booth and Louis almost sighed with relief because he could keep a closer eye on him. Louis raised his eyebrows as Harry staggered and practically fell onto the seat next to him. He looked so small for once, despite him being twice the size of Louis.

‘Nick’s here.’ Harry mumbled in Louis’ direction. He sounded hazy and his face was bright red.

‘Grimmy?’ Louis asked, unimpressed.

Harry nodded, fishing his phone out from his pocket.

‘He text me saying he’s here but I haven’t seen him yet.’ Harry’s word were slurred. Louis could smell the alcohol in his breath and he found himself extending an arm out to Harry.

‘Steady there.’ Louis said, placing his hand on Harry’s shoulder as he swayed, dangerously close to passing out on the table it seemed.

‘Why do you care anyway?’ Harry shrugged Louis off him with ease.

‘I don’t.’ Louis stated. ‘I just don’t want you to end up on the floor with a bunch of people mobbing you while you’re unconscious.’

Harry didn’t respond, instead chose to sigh dramatically and lay his head down on the table. Louis watched him for a moment, unsure of what to do. The one thing he really felt like doing was leaving. Being there wasn’t what he’d expected and he was just not enjoying himself. Zayn definitely had the right idea by staying at home.

As Harry finally looked up, Louis glanced over and their eyes met for a brief second before Harry looked away. He just stared off into the distance, absently tapping his glass and looking generally miserable. Or was it drunk? Louis couldn’t tell.

‘I think I’m going home.’ Louis finally said, raising his voice over the music. His patience was running low and sitting weirdly with Harry in an isolated booth just wasn’t the best way for him to spend his time. Especially when their new living arrangements he would be spending even more time with Harry even in his home.

‘Why?’ Harry asked, sulking.

It must be the alcohol, Louis thought to himself, which made Harry act like he gave the slightest of fucks what Louis was doing. _Louis,_ of all people.

‘I’m tired and I don’t want to be here.’ Louis explained, shrugging. ‘I’m not 18 anymore. Getting drunk in a club is just not a good night for me. I don’t care for it.’

‘You’re so old and boring.’ Harry said, lifting his glass to his lips. Louis watched as Harry tilted his head back and drank the entire drink in one gulp. He winced straight after and shook his head as the alcohol hit his system.

‘Maybe that’s enough for now, mate.’ Louis said, hoping to sound helpful. He was concerned about Harry because even after everything it wasn’t like he didn’t care. He probably did more than he cared to admit.

‘Maybe you should just leave me to drink my life away. That’s what you were doing anyway.’ Harry’s voice was strained as he struggled to make himself audible over the loud thumping of the music.

Louis wasn’t certain how he should respond. He was completely confused in fact, because Harry sounded so angry and so bitter for reasons Louis couldn’t understand. He considered Zayn’s words to him from the previous night. If Harry _loved_ him like Zayn said, why would he be so horrible to him? Louis was certain he loved nothing more than to hurt Louis. Thankfully, at that moment when Louis may have said something particularly hazardous to the situation, Niall chose to appear out of thin air. Niall. The perfect combination of unconditional happiness and always-there-at-the-right-time. His obliviousness and wide grin at absolutely everything gave Louis a way out.

‘I think I’m off, Niall.’ Louis stated. He was already pocketing his phone and standing up so it was clear he didn’t _think_ anything. He was very decidedly leaving the club.

‘Why?!’ Niall cried in absolute outrage. ‘We just got here! You’re such a fucking loser. Come on man, don’t go.’

Niall appeared to be especially distressed about the situation and even clung onto Louis’ arm in protest. Louis almost felt bad given that he actually did want to spend time with Niall, but right then and there just wasn’t working for him. So he gave a slightly forced laugh and messed up Niall’s hair. That was enough of a distraction as Niall cried out about the fact and immediately tended to his hair. It was Louis’ way out.

‘I’ll text you.’ Louis said, waving at Niall. ‘And tell Liam I said bye.’

Harry’s eyes were fixated on his drink and he appeared very much inebriated. Louis felt bad but he knew that he was in good hands with Niall and Liam. He gently touched Harry’s shoulder and could have sworn that Harry froze at the touch. He became incredibly still, glaring at his glass even more intently if that was possible.

‘See you back at the flat, yeah?’ Louis stated, leaning down to talk directly into Harry’s ear. He thought of it as a peace offering. A no hard feelings over the whole moving in to the flat thing, if you will.

Harry didn’t reciprocate the statement.

*

It was many hours later and when the sun had begun peeking in through Louis’ blinds that much to his dismay, there was a knock on his door. Louis wished so badly that it was just a nightmare and buried his face further into his pillow as if that would help.

It didn’t.

The knocking continued, Louis’ life got more ruined and he had no choice but to pull himself out of bed and practically crawl to the door.

He was half expecting Zayn again, because Zayn was a mysterious annoying fuck like that, but it wasn’t him. Of course, it was Harry. Because, Louis’ life was particularly annoying that early morning.

Harry stared at Louis with wide eyes that were red from excessive drinking and lack of sleep. His shirt barely had any buttons done and his bandana was long gone, leaving his hair in absolute disarray.

Louis squinted at him, unintentionally breathing in the smell of alcohol mixed with expensive cologne.

‘What’s wrong?’ Louis hazily mumbled.

Harry didn’t respond, just pushed past Louis and walked into his room. Louis stood for a moment, at a complete loss of words before slowly turning to face him. Harry was walking around the room, as if he’d never been in there before. His emerald orbs took in every detail of the room, from Louis’ photo frames to the cabinet filled with his awards. Harry seemed deeply interested in all of it.

‘Harry what are you doing here?’ Louis asked, walking up to him and attempting to gain eye contact.

‘You were right. It was shit there.’ Harry commented uninterestedly. He was avoiding Louis’ eyes something serious as he sat down on the bed. Harry held his head in his hands and Louis couldn’t help but notice just how vulnerable he looked. It wasn’t the same Harry that could charm a small nation in one sitting. No. This was a Harry that not many got to see. Just like free, expressive Zayn was a side not many got to see.

‘Why didn’t you go to Nick?’ Louis sat beside Harry, looking down at the ground. He didn’t know why even mentioning Harry’s friend made him feel so uneasy. There was just something unsettling about the guy.

‘I didn’t _want_ to go to Nick!’ Harry cried, startling Louis by the sudden change in his tone. ‘Louis, I did not want to go to Nick! Why can’t you understand that?’

Louis hesitated, knowing he had to choose his words carefully given Harry was easily angered at the moment.

‘I was just asking.’ Louis weakly muttered. ‘No big deal.’

Except, it was.

It was and Louis was a liar.

It was a massive deal and he couldn’t stand Nick. Or the thought of Nick _and_ Harry in any form interaction. Even eye contact. Which Louis was finding hard to get from Harry presently.

‘If I wanted to be with Nick, I would have gone.’ Harry stated quietly. He clenched and unclenched his fists, observing his hands reflectively. There was so much he wanted to say and that much was obvious, even to Louis.

‘So… where _did_ you want to be then?’ Louis asked slowly. He was careful in his speech, not wanting to say the wrong thing and at the same time feeling the tonnes of pressure the question brought with it. He kind of felt he knew the answer already. Harry had made it pretty obvious.

‘I’m right where I want to be.’ Harry finally said, after a long moment. ‘Right where… I always wanted to be. But. I wouldn’t expect _you_ to understand.’

Harry’s eyes were still low and his focus appeared to be on nothing but his hands. Louis watched him in a mix confusion and something else in his stomach which he couldn’t explain. Harry’s words sounded so genuine and true that it scared Louis.

Louis really didn’t know what to say so he said nothing. He kicked himself for it because it felt like he should have said something. Anything. If ever he should have spoken it was that moment but Louis wasn’t as self-assured as Harry was. He wasn’t this beacon of light that wandered into any setting and just shone brightly for everyone to see. He wasn’t Harry Styles.

So he said nothing.

Harry looked exhausted as he inhaled deeply, his shoulders raising and falling.

‘So fucking tired.’ He muttered, more to himself than to Louis. ‘I don’t want to sleep on that fucking couch.’

Louis didn’t have the heart to bring up the whole ‘well you shouldn’t have moved in then’ argument so he didn’t. He just remained silent as Harry leaned back and half-lay on his bed, his feet still rest on the floor. Louis wasn’t too sure what he was supposed to do. He didn’t mind sharing the bed with Harry, it certainly wasn’t the first time they’d done it. Except, things were different now.

It turned out Harry wasn’t giving Louis much of a choice in the matter as after a few moments, he fully crawled into the bed and under Louis’ covers. There were no questions asked and no answers for Louis to have to give. He was almost about to leave the room and take the couch, when Harry pulled the covers back on one side and invited him to get in.

It was awkward. And strange. And foreign.

Because it was fucking _Harry._ No matter what, it was still fucking Harry.

The same guy he’d stayed up every night telling all his darkest secrets to in his teenage years. The same guy who had practically idolised him from the moment they met, hanging onto his every word and laughing at everything. Because he was Harry. And he loved Louis. He… loved Louis. Zayn was right and Louis hated it when Zayn was right.

It was a long while after Louis had obliged and climbed into bed with Harry that Harry broke the silence between them. Louis was certain he was sleeping and was in fact, drifting off himself when the raspy unmistakeable voice that broke millions of teenage hearts on a daily basis sounded so softly that Louis barely heard it.

‘Lou, are you awake?’ Harry said, his words slower than ever.

‘Yeah, I am.’ Louis immediately responded.

‘I just want to ask you about Zayn.’ There was a hint of sadness to Harry’s voice that made something move within Louis. But he couldn’t quite realise what it was.

‘Not him again.’ Louis said with a light hearted chuckle.

Because that was just what Louis did in difficult situations. He made jokes and he laughed. And he made others laugh. He wanted so desperately for Harry to laugh. To erase that sadness from Harry’s voice because it was so unnatural and it didn’t belong there. Harry should always sound upbeat and happy. Harry should always be laughing uncontrollably at something or on the verge of a very bad joke which Louis would no doubt complain about but find increasingly endearing every time he heard it.

‘It’s just…,’ Harry’s voice trailed off and Louis could practically feel him picking the right words. ‘I just feel like… I know you’re close with him.’

‘Aren’t you?’ Louis immediately asked matter-of-factly.

He could almost sense where this conversation was going and he wanted to shout and scream to Harry that no … he just wasn’t ready for all this yet. He wanted out. A life jacket, a raft something to save him from drowning in the conversation they weren’t even having yet.

‘Yeah, I am.’ Harry said, clearly considering the thought as he spoke. ‘I guess. I mean. Yeah, I am. I like Zayn a lot. He’s cool. And he’s a close friend. I can see why you like him… I just. It’s different though. Even though I like Zayn as much as I do I’m not as close with him as you are.’

‘It’s just different dynamics in the group.’ Louis quickly defended. ‘It’s not a big deal. I’m not as close with Liam as Zayn is with Liam. It’s just how different people connect differently. We’re all still cool, at the end of the day. Some people are just cooler with each other than others. Like, say you and Niall… you’re probably closer than Niall and Liam. It doesn’t make a difference really. And Niall and Zayn are close but so are Niall and I. It is what it is.’

Harry didn’t speak for a moment and Louis almost gave him credit for successfully averting the whole ‘Harry thinks Louis is in Love with Zayn’ conversation.

‘Yeah but,’ Harry protested after much thought, ‘that’s not what I’m getting at. I understand that we all have our different bonds. I get that. I just mean… you and Zayn are super close now. It reminds me of how we were. It makes me miss it so much. And I don’t expect you to feel the same way about it because… well, my Mum says I hold onto the past a lot so you probably moved on a long time ago and it’s not such a big deal to you. But it is to me sometimes. So I guess I get a bit jealous. Because it makes me sad when I think of how close we were and seeing you and Zayn just reminds me of that. I guess that’s why I argued with Zayn in the first place.’

Louis didn’t respond, opting to just take Harry’s words in. He clearly had a lot on his mind.

‘Can I just ask…,’ Harry started nervously. ‘Is Zayn a better best friend to you than I was?’

Louis smirked at the question because Harry was so innocent and the things he worried about were so innocent. And God, Louis was the biggest fuck up in the world. How could he have given Harry hell when all he’d ever done was miss Louis?

‘Well,’ Louis stated contemplatively, ‘you’re both different. It’s a different kind of friendship with both of you. I mean… I was thinking about this earlier, the two of you are so different but so alike at the same time. Zayn’s reserved around other people but when it’s on a one to one with me he’s an open book. Whereas you’re the life of every party but when it comes to being expressive on a one to one basis… I think you hide a lot of yourself. You’re both so talented in different ways. Your voices are totally different but they’re both just as strong. And then there’s like, the fact that you’re both God’s gift to teenage girls. But in such different ways. But in equal ways because you’re both easily the most masturbated to out of the group.’

Harry slightly laughed at that and Louis felt that accomplished feeling he got from only making Harry laugh. It had been awhile since he’d felt that feeling.

‘You balance each other out, in a way,’ Louis continued, ‘you’re equal. You could cancel each other out because you’re so alike and different at the same time. But I prefer to think of it as balancing each other out.’

‘You’ve obviously put a lot of thought into this.’ Harry teased, turning on his side and facing Louis. The dim light from the hallway and the small beams of sunlight peeking through the blinds allowed Louis to see the outline of Harry’s curls. He could have sworn Harry’s eyes even managed to glint in the lowly lit room.

‘I guess.’ Louis muttered, watching him thoughtfully. ‘But I guess, to answer your question… and as far as friendship goes… it’s just different with both of you. Zayn is literally my brother. I love him like any member of my family. We share the same interests and he gets me and is there for me. I’d trust him with anything. And you… it was the same kind of thing, except we didn’t have so much in common as much we just complemented each other. If that makes sense. Like, _we_ balanced each other out. Because it was like you were good and I was evil. Or something. I don’t know what I’m saying. It’s just that… when we were best friends, I felt so free with you. You always understood what I had to say before I even said it. With you it was always another level. It was a different kind of friendship, to Zayn… or anyone really. So yeah, you were the best friend I ever had.’

Louis sighed with the realisation washing over him as he spoke the words into existence. It was true. Harry was the best friend he’d ever had and he hadn’t even realised it till a shaky Tuesday morning after way too much drinking.

‘Hm.’ Harry said, with a hint of a smile on his lips. ‘That makes me feel good. I needed to hear that.’

There was so much sincerity in his voice Louis almost threw up. Because Harry was just so damn Harry.

‘Lou, for the record…,’ Harry said, slowly placing his hand on Louis’ chest. Louis may or may not have frozen entirely at the touch. ‘I don’t think you’re evil. I think you’re good. Better than me. The best, even.’

Louis smirked slightly because he couldn’t even believe the situation. Harry had been positively miserable a few hours ago and very much _not_ Louis’ friend and now here he was, sounding ever so pleased.

Also, his hand was still on Louis’ chest. So there was that.

‘Goodnight Harry,’ Louis said with a small laugh.

‘Goodnight,’ Harry echoed, his voice already sleep filled.

Louis stayed awake for a long time after Harry had fallen into a peaceful sleep. No doubt the smile caused by Louis, still etched on his face. Louis couldn’t sleep given that Harry’s hand was still on his chest and his brain was in a state of emergency.

Why was it there? Why had Louis not moved it yet?

Because it felt right. Pure, unsaturated, _Right_.

And that was the story of how Louis fell into an oblivion of confusion due to Harry Styles’ hand being strategically placed over his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed the huge lack of Liam in this story. I apologize, it wasn't premeditated just sorta happened. Love.


	11. Eleven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all for reading and commenting! Means more to me than I can ever express. I work so hard on writing this and I genuinely love it. Having people read & tell me what they think means EVERYTHING. Love you.

Louis woke to breakfast in bed. Or better yet, toast was shoved in his face as a screaming Harry wildly called his name. 

'Lou, come on!' Harry was hopping around the room on one leg trying to pull his jeans on frantically.  

Louis blinked at him.

It took all of three seconds for Louis' brain to register.  

'Shit!' Louis cried, jumping up. 'We're late?'  

'Hell yes we're late!' Harry was now running a hairbrush through his curls. 

The toast was forgotten somewhere on Louis' bedside table as he got up and made a mad dash for the bathroom. 

Being late and not showing up just were not acceptable in their profession. It was entirely in bad taste and too many people counted on them for them to act like that. So Louis got ready in record time while Harry waited, nervously calling his name every few minutes.

Harry had impeccable time keeping skills. That was why people loved to work with him. To be around him. Harry was just an all-around perfect human being, Louis thought, and there was no one that could dispute that. 

'Alright, bloody hell. Calm down.' Louis joked as he ran out of his room, pulling his car keys out of his pocket. 

Harry was standing at the doorway, impatiently glancing at his watch. His eyes silently pleaded with Louis. 

'Come on, Lou!' Harry sounded shaky. 'You know I don't like to be late. We have an interview.' 

'I'm coming, bro.' Louis said reassuringly. And he really was. He was pulling his shoes on and heading outside even as they spoke. 

At the front door, just as Louis was about to turn the handle, Harry placed a hand on his shoulder, stilling him in an instance. 

'Yeah?' Louis wondered out loud.

Harry watched him inquisitively for a moment before clearing his throat. 

'Um, I don't want to fight but,' Harry started uneasily, 'maybe you could not call me bro? I don't know. I just don't like it.' 

Harry's hand was still on his shoulder. Louis glanced at it sideways before giving him a small smile. 

'Sure. Can I ask why though?' Louis inquired. 

He fixed his hair, just to do something because the way Harry was choosing to stare at him was oh so intense. The seconds they were losing just standing there didn't seem so precious anymore. 

'I just...,' Harry began slowly, 'I just feel like... I don't want to be your bro. Not in a rude way. Maybe call me something else. Something more special.'

'Special?' Louis clarified, a smirk forming at his lips. 

Harry frowned slightly, clearly very serious about the matter. 

Louis attempted to perfect his serious face. 

'Special.' Harry lightly concluded. 'Like something just for me. Something I can identify with as just me.' 

'Right. Like Harry?' Louis shot back with a laugh. 

Harry was surely trying to be annoyed but he couldn't help but chuckle lightly at his words. 

'I'm serious, Lou!' He buried his face in his hands. 'There are a lot of Harry's in the world.' 

'Yeah, but you're my favourite.' Louis reminded him, with a wink. 

Harry beamed brighter than the sun and everything in his wake glowed back at him. Including Louis. 

'Right. Let’s go before we lose our jobs.' Louis said, turning towards the door. 'I don't fancy being unemployed. I might be okay but what ever would you do?' 

'Hey...,' Harry lightly protested as they finally made their way outside. 

To Louis' delight, the sun was out and the sound of early morning birds could be heard. Spring had well and truly arrived and it was certainly Louis' favourite time of the year.  He headed for his car without a care in the world. A glance back however, saw that Harry was hesitating slightly. 

'What’s the matter?' Louis asked, pausing briefly. 

'Shouldn’t we take separate cars?' Harry asked quietly. 'I left my keys inside I can go and get them.' 

Louis didn't speak for a moment, silently considering his words. Separate cars. Yet another anxiety between them caused by... Well, Louis' anxiety. He knew full well security would be following them anyway so both he and Harry could go with their respective handlers, if you will. But with a slight realisation, he understood that he didn't want to. He didn't want it to be separate cars or separate anything. 

'Don't be silly.' Louis said with a smile. 'Same car.' 

Harry's face broke into a huge grin and his dimple made an expected appearance.

'You’re sure?' He asked, even though he was already heading for the passenger’s seat.

'Of course.' Louis stated, pulling his car door open. 'Better for the environment. I'm nothing if not Eco friendly.' 

'Right.' Harry said, biting his lips to suppress yet another smile. 'The environment.' 

A calmness washed over them as they happily got into Louis' car. As he started his car, Louis couldn't help but consider just how much difference one night could make. 

* 

They were so late that even Zayn was there before them. 

Zayn. 

Zayn, who was almost always the last person to arrive at any meeting, function or event. Zayn, who looked particularly pleased to see them wander in breathlessly together, having run all the way from the car park. 

Louis narrowed his eyes as Zayn advanced on him, wishing he knew the reason for the smug look on his friends face. 

'Not your friend!' Louis cried, ducking Zayn's arms as they went to wrap around him. 

'Why?' Zayn whined, looking distraught. 

'Oh I don't know, Mr I'm not coming out I'm chilling bro.' Louis sing-songed with a mischievous look in his eye. 

Zayn just laughed and pulled Louis into a hug Louis dramatically protested against before embracing him back. 

It seemed Niall and Liam were waiting impatiently for Louis and Harry's arrival as they didn't look particularly impressed to see them. Their crew looked on the verge of a breakdown, immediately fanning over to them and messing with their hair. Makeup brushes were shoved in their faces and Louis squinted at Niall and Liam through the chaos. 

'About time, lads!' He joked and Harry laughed on cue. 

It felt amazing to hear Harry laugh like that. 

'Yeah thought you would never get here.' Harry chimed in merrily. 

Liam didn't find it so funny however and proceeded to sarcastically clap. 

'Well done, lads.' Liam stated, rolling eyes. 'It's not like we have an interview or anything. Jesus.'

Louis simply frowned and bit his tongue. He wasn't ready for an argument that early in the morning. 

'Alright mate, sorry.' Harry muttered.

Anything for peace.

The tension was forgotten within the minute as Niall jumped on Harry and scolded him for leaving the club so early. Because staggering into Louis' room at 5 in the morning was apparently early. 

Liam still didn’t look particularly happy but they didn’t get much time to bicker or argue about why Harry and Louis were late because before long, they were all being pulled in different directions to ready them for the interview. Louis mainly zoned out during the prep in which he was reminded what kind of questions he should answer, how to avoid a question and steer the topic back to promoting the tour. It was all stuff he’d heard a million times before and he sighed, knowing he would just do whatever he wanted to anyway. That was just the Louis approach to life. The ride to ITV studios was a quiet one as they were separated and taken in different cars. Louis found himself in a car with Liam whose bad mood appeared to have gotten worse and didn’t bother with small talk. Louis made a mental note to ask what his problem was later if his mood didn’t pick up. For the meantime, Louis just put it down to general early morning grumpiness.

‘You alright, Lou?’ Harry flashed him a smile as they prepared to sit down.

Louis’ insides fluttered slightly because that nickname from Harry was still so foreign and one he hadn’t heard him use in a mighty long time. It made him feel good, like discovering an old and forgotten book and becoming completely immersed in it. Maybe Harry was his old and forgotten book, he thought to himself before he responded.

‘Yeah, I’m good. How are you?’ Louis asked pleasantly. ‘It’s been awhile hasn’t it?’

And it sure had been. All they had been recently doing was non-stop rehearsals. Actually having to interview again felt a bit new, even though they would all fall straight back into it within a few seconds.

‘Yeah I suppose it has. I’m okay though.’ Harry responded, taking his seat.

The way it was arranged was that there were 3 chairs situated on a slightly higher step and behind two chairs on the floor level. Normally, Louis would probably do everything to avoid sitting next to Harry and even felt Zayn’s eyes seeking him out as Zayn went to one of the chairs on the row of three. Louis hesitated for only a split second before making the decision to take the seat next to Harry, surprising probably every member of the band and their crew. Harry was literally watching him with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open and Louis flashed him a smile.

Niall and Liam joined Zayn on the seats behind Louis and Harry, who was still looking pretty shaken. Louis could only smile at him fondly as the interviewer walked into the room and they began to set up the cameras. The boys were further prepped and reminded about the aims of the interview which revolved around reminding people about the stadium tour and generally just giving fans an update on them considering it had been so long since they did an interview.

‘Hello boys.’ The interviewer stated, smiling pleasantly at the group.

Her eyes lingered far too long on Harry as every interviewer’s typically did and Louis found it hardly surprising. She was an attractive enough woman no older than in her late 20s and Louis knew her name and face were vaguely familiar. None of it mattered though because for once, Louis had intentionally sat next to Harry and it was a pivotal point in their relationship. Louis could practically feel the buzz within Harry at the fact as he smiled brightly and offered a hyper greeting to the lady.

‘How are you boys? It’s been a long time since we last saw you. Even though you’re everywhere.’ The lady – Helen, was saying enthusiastically. Her bright brown eyes danced over each of them in turn before stopping on Louis. He felt obliged to answer but Niall beat him to it, talking about how they had time off and were now back to work. It was all typical of an everyday interview. Louis found himself falling back into the routine with some ease. He kept meeting Harry’s eye as certain questions were asked and they laughed and joked together.

It felt like old times.

'Which one of you is the most reliable?' Helen asked. 

Louis scoffed at the blandness of the question. It was asked far too many times and it never really provoked much of an answer. They were all reliable, if they hadn't been why would they even be together in the first place? That was the general gist of what Liam and Harry were relaying to the interviewer. Zayn wasn't speaking as per usual and Louis jumped a little as he felt Zayn pulling at his hair from behind him. He was clearly just as bored as he was. 

'Who's the best cook?' Helen asked, smiling and obviously impressed with the question. 

'Uh... Most definitely not me.' Niall immediately responded. 'Tell you who's a good cook... My mum.' 

The group laughed at the comment and Louis glanced back at Niall. He silently gave him props for responding appropriately to a stupid question. 

'To be honest, we're all quite rubbish cooks aren't we lads?' Liam piped up.  

Louis turned to look at Harry contemplatively. 

'Actually,' Louis was speaking before his mind even registered the words, 'to be fair, Harry makes a mean batch of pancakes. He made me some the other day that were surprisingly good.' 

Harry turned to look at him, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. Louis could almost feel the others boys tensing up behind him. It had been so long since Louis had said something that could even remotely be misconstrued. And there he was, saying it without a care in the world. Louis chuckled lightly at Harry, flicking his hair back in place. Harry beamed back at him, his grin toothy and his dimple on full display. 

'Really? You liked them?' Harry asked. His smile was so sickeningly sweet. 'I actually made Louis a full English breakfast the other day. It's a specialty, really.' 

The interview let out a laugh at his comment. She wasn't sure if he was being serious or not, an all too common occurrence when people interviewed them. 

'So Louis, you're saying Harry then?' She clarified. 'He makes a good breakfast?' 

Louis nodded in response. He wasn't sure what cooking had to do with their tour but he was used to these questions. 

'Okay, so let’s talk about twitter.' She continued. And Louis did tense up at that. Twitter was always a touchy subject for him. 'Louis, you recently had a little incident on there?' 

'I did?' Louis narrowed his eyes and cocked his head to the side. His best clueless face, he thought. 

'I think you were less than impressed with the Mirror.' Helen carried on, obviously not taking the hint. 

Louis cut his eyes off camera towards his management, who surely should have pre-empted against just these sort of questions. Niall, the angel he was, quickly jumped to the rescue. 

'Who hasn't had a go at the Mirror?' Niall said with a gentle laugh. 'They're useless!' 

That earned a few laughs and Louis took that as a chance to glance at Harry. He was staring at him with a supportive look on his face. 

'I think what it was,' Harry began, tugging at the sleeves of his black shirt, 'was that people were running to the papers with incorrect statements.' 

There was a chorus of agreements from the other boys and Louis' eyes never left Harry's. It was so strange how Harry had come to his aid in saying the things he couldn't bring himself to. There was still some anxiety within him at the thought of directly speaking about his father in public. 

'They make stuff up for no reason.' Liam added. 'And then you get so mad twitter is a good outlet for that. I've found anyway.' 

'Yeah, because you tweeted something even today didn't you Liam?' Helen stated, thankfully moving from Louis. 'About people taking pictures outside of your house?' 

Liam agreed and they delved into a conversation about that. Louis sighed with relief and Harry shot him a reassuring smile. Another awkward moment averted. 

The questions and answers continued in a similar fashion for awhile and Louis found that he had to entertain himself a lot of the time. This was common practice. 

'Who's the messiest?' Helen asked and a brief pause overcame all of them. 

Such questions were so unnecessary and unproductive. Louis scratched his arm absently and glanced at management. Their tour manager Jane gave him a light wave, as if to say it wouldn't be much longer. As Louis tuned back in, Harry was speaking.

'Louis is actually not as messy as he used to be.' Harry was glancing at Louis as he spoke. 'I uh... Was at his flat earlier and it was decent.'

Harry seemed unsure of himself, whether it was okay for him to say such a thing. As if he was trying to figure out if Louis would overreact as he usually would. 

'Ah, cheers mate.' Louis said, smiling at him. 'That's a lovely thing to say. You know I have been trying to be less messy. But when we go on tour, there's no telling how its going to be. Is there lads?' 

Just like that, the question bounced behind him to the other boys and Louis continued to look at Harry, who continued to smile. An invisible weight had lifted off both their shoulders and Louis imagined there had never been a time when he had felt freer.

'Okay, just because we're dying to know...,' Helen started with a dramatic pause, 'and we've gotten so many tweets about it... I have to wrap up by asking, what's your relationship status? All of you. Are you seeing anyone?' 

She looked at all of them in turn before her eyes settled on Zayn. Louis titled his head back, looking to see Zayn's face, slightly worried he would be upset by the question. Zayn smiled down at him and played with his cheeks before answering. 

'Uh...', Zayn started slowly, 'I'm single at the moment. Like, yeah. Not seeing anyone really.' He seemed to be taking the question okay, as far as Louis could tell. The question had made Zayn uncomfortable even when he had been engaged to Perrie so having to answer it after the end of their relationship couldn't be easy. 

'I've got a girlfriend.' Liam said, somewhat proudly.

Helen's eyes turned to Niall who smiled in that perky way of his. 

'Always single and mingling.' He said. 

Harry cheered at his words and extended a fist to him which Niall immediately bumped. 

'That's what I like to hear!' Harry cried, his voice laced with enthusiasm. Everyone laughed at him and he proceeded to cheer louder. 

'Can't have Niall go off the market,' Harry continued. 

'We're glad to have Niall on the market.' Helen said with a smile. 'What about you Harry? There are always some dating rumours surrounding you. Any true?' 

'There are always rumours,' Harry said, shaking his head. 'But I'm not as bad as they make it out. I'm single. Always am.' 

That seemed to satisfy her as a good enough answer because she then directed her gaze towards Louis. He fidgeted nervously, knowing what was to come. He should have expected this but he wasn't prepared. 

'And Louis, we all know about your lovely girlfriend don't we?' Helen asked. 

And there it was. Louis' chance. He could nod and effectively end the line of questioning and the interview altogether. However, something inside him wouldn't allow that.

'Um actually, I'm single.' He placed an arm on Harry's shoulder. 'In the single club, mate.' He glanced back at Niall too with a slight smirk. 

The rest of the boys looked shocked by his words and Louis remembered he hadn't even mentioned it to them. Thankfully, they were skilled in the art of keeping calm and carrying on. Harry, of course knew already and cheered, shouting about how the single club was growing every second. 

That was enough to let the other boys chime in about how Liam was the only one with a girlfriend and how ladies better watch out. Whatever that meant. The interview came to an eventual conclusion after that, and it was as he was taking off his mic that Harry nudged his elbow. 

'That was a bombshell. I didn't expect you to say that,' Harry quietly whispered, leaning in close to Louis' ear. 

They were heading out of the studio, the other boys hurrying in front while they somewhat lagged behind. 

'Yeah, well... It's the truth isn't it?' Louis shrugged with his hands in his pocket. He didn't much feel like discussing the matter, still unsure about how he really felt about the entire thing. Harry seemed to take the hint and didn't bring it back up. 

* 

Louis wasn't impressed to find out that after the interview they still had a full day of rehearsing to get through. With the tour less than two weeks away, the rehearsals were pretty intense. Most of the main things had been decided on such as set lists and choreography (an absolute mockery really) and all that was left was the fine tuning of putting everything in place. They were running through the whole set with the band and testing everything out. It was all really serious business. 

Maybe that explained the high tensions as they all piled into the dressing rooms after rehearsals had finally finished. It was close to 8pm and Niall had suggested a cheeky drink after which had already been turned down by a less than enthused Zayn. 

Louis suspected Zayn would much rather spend the night doing Zayn activities such as chilling, sleeping, smoking and being a recluse. 

'Loser!' Louis disapprovingly stated, shoving Zayn with some force. 

'That means you're in, Tommo?' Niall looked hopeful and Louis scrunched up his face, considering the offer. 

Next to him, Harry peeled off his shirt, practically soaked not least because of Louis having emptied a bottle of water on his head earlier. He turned in the direction of the showers before pausing, evidently awaiting Louis' response. 

'I'm not going.' Liam piped up, sounding displeased. 'I really can't be dealing with all those pictures.' 

'Oh yeah!' Louis stated, pulling his phone out with one hand while still attempting to slap Zayn into being more sociable with the other. 'What was the interviewer going on about, Payno? About you and pictures?' 

Harry scoffed, not sounding pleased at the topic at hand. 

'Liam sent out a tweet complaining about fans taking pictures.' Harry shook his head in disapproval. 

Louis had already managed to pull up the tweet and raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Liam did have a tendency to lash out on twitter much like Louis himself but it was still surprising. 

**@Real_Liam_Payne**

_**Please don't sit outside my house it's the one place I get to be myself n not have people taking pictures** _

'Wow.' Louis commented, dragging the word out. 

'It's fucking annoying. It's my damn house. For fuckssake.' Liam's bad mood all day was suddenly all too clear to Louis. 

'Yeah, but you don't have to tweet that.' Harry said, his voice strained. He was clutching his shirt in his hand and his chest rose and fell with each heated word. 

Louis could almost feel the war about to break out. 

'Alright, not again.' Niall rolled his eyes. 

Louis sighed and met Zayn's eyes, letting his hand fall from his face. The earlier playful nature within the group easily disappeared. 

'Why not?' Liam shot back. 'It's my home. I've got a right to privacy.' 

'No one's disputing that.' Harry stated, not missing a beat. 'I just think it's rude. Like I always say, you wouldn't like it if people didn't care yet you want to complain when they do.' 

Harry's words were so reminiscent of what Nick Grimshaw had said about Louis it made him cringe. Louis sighed and leaned back against the wall behind him, his eyes fixed on his phone. 

'That's a bit rich coming from the only guy in the room who actually went to court to take legal action against being photographed!' Liam's anger was prominent in his voice. Zayn moved from Louis' side to walk over to Liam, offering calming words to his friend. Liam didn't seem to take much notice as his cheeks flushed with red. 

Louis concentrated on his phone. 

'So? Do it the right way then!' Harry snapped back. 'Don't take it out on the fans and don't vent on twitter just because you're having a bad day.' 

Ouch. That sounded all too familiar for Louis' liking and he clutched his phone tighter. He was not going to get involved. He was not. Louis scrolled through his timeline, noticing the pictures of Harry and him arriving to rehearsals together that morning. They were being sent to Louis in bucket loads and the fans appeared to be elated. 

'You are so self-righteous.' Liam stated, rolling his eyes. 'Louis, isn't he a hypocrite?' 

Just why? Why Louis of all people? All eyes were on Louis as he pocketed his phone and glanced at Liam and Harry in turn. They were both watching him expectantly. 

'To be fair Harry,' Louis spoke carefully, 'you did go to court about restraining paps.' 

Harry's face fell hard and Louis' insides attacked him because shit, his life was a disaster. 

'That's different.' Harry muttered, looking away in defeat. 

'You just love to act like you're better than the rest of us.' Liam snapped angrily.

'Fuck this, can't stand this arguing shit.' Niall rolled his eyes and headed toward the exit. 'Call me when you stop actin' like five year olds.' 

And that was all Niall had to say on the matter as he stormed out of the room, obviously fed up. Louis could hardly blame him. Niall was the most non-confrontational person on the planet. 

'You're wrong and ungrateful.' Harry shot at Liam, obviously not finished. His voice was deeper than usual and his eyes burned with fire. 

'Yeah, whatever you say.' Liam grumbled before turning to leave. Zayn followed him immediately and Louis wasn't surprised at that either. They were super close and it was evident where Zayn's loyalties would lie. Louis watched as they left the room, leaving him and a very angry Harry behind. 

'Well I guess that's a no on drinks then.' Louis lightly stated, breaking the silence. 

'I thought you would go.' Harry confessed, looking surprised. 'With them I mean, I didn't think you would stay.' 

Louis' mind wandered back to a few weeks prior in which Louis had sided with Zayn and Niall with Harry. At least as far as physically separating together went. 

'I wasn't gonna leave my buddy.' Louis said, smiling. He rubbed Harry's shoulder reassuringly. 'Cheer up. Let's go do something. Forget the rest of them.' 

Harry immediately looked genuinely happy. It was clearly shocking to him that Louis had supported him but Louis felt it was long overdue. 

* 

They wound up at Nandos in fits of laughter, feeling like proper stuck-up celebrities considering they had to shut down half the restaurant for them to eat there. It was still surreal to Louis, who sat there with his garlic bread in his hand and his eyes glued to Harry. It wasn’t like they’d demanded such an action, it had literally been the only way for them to eat in peace.

‘This is so elite and diva-ish of us.’ Harry said, between mouthfuls of chicken.

Louis glanced around the empty restaurant, with people only being allowed downstairs on account of them. It was strange but it wasn’t the first time such a thing had happened.

‘We’ll just have to tip extremely generously.’ Louis stated with a smile.

‘Yeah, like as much as they would have made all night.’ Harry returned the smile.

They ate in such a bliss of happiness which Louis didn’t think was all because of the red wine they were sipping. It was all so comfortable and pleasant Louis wondered why they didn’t eat together more often.

Before reminding himself that of course, it was because Louis was a bit of a dick.

‘Hey Lou,’ Harry put his fork down to meet Louis’ eyes, ‘I just want to say thank you. You know… for sticking with me today. I wasn’t expecting it and it meant a lot to me. To have you on my side, I mean.’

There it was again. That feeling in Louis’ stomach because of Harry’s eyes glaring into his soul. The sincerity of the moment was almost too much for Louis to take. So he smiled and sipped his wine, never breaking Harry’s gaze.

‘You’re such a charmer, Harold.’ He finally stated.

Harry just stared at him in that way that only he could. He was reading everything Louis tried to conceal just with his fucking eyes to the point where it was slightly unnerving.

‘You don’t know what it means to me,’ Harry continued, his voice deadly serious, ‘to have our friendship back. I know it sounds really lame and pathetic but I never really got over losing you as a friend. Everything we went through and then we just didn’t even speak. That was so hard for me.’

Harry’s eyes shone in time with the flickering of the candles between them. It was all very _important_ and Louis could remember realising that. That it was important. Something of huge significance was happening in that moment.

But Louis regarded himself as a bit of an idiot and of course had to break the intensity with a light laugh.

‘I missed you too.’ Louis said, and boy was it hot in there? Because the way Harry’s eyes were glued on Louis’ it made him feel like someone must have turned the heating up. Or something.

‘I just want to make sure you know.’ Harry said, with a shrug. He broke the intensity of the moment by focusing on his chicken. Louis’ eyes remained on him however, taking in all of him. Harry appeared so free compared to his usual ways and Louis couldn’t help but admire him. It was all so fragile and so easy to break that, Louis knew that all too well. He didn’t mind though, because even if all of it crumbled within a minute, he knew that they would always go back. Harry was like home; no matter how far away he strayed he would always find his way back.

‘About Eleanor,’ Harry piped up again and Louis froze. He was completely thrown off by the question but he should have expected it really.

‘Yeah?’ Louis casually stated. He focused extra hard on his chicken, obviously very interested in just how they grilled the chicken to make it the best in the world.

‘I just… Lou, look at me.’ Harry insisted, reaching over and placing his hand on Louis’ forearm.

There was just no getting past Harry so Louis finally obliged, glancing into those eyes he couldn’t lie to.

‘I’m glad you told everyone.’ Harry said with a reassuring nod. ‘I really am. I’m proud of you. I know it couldn’t have been easy.’

Louis sighed, considering his words. He didn’t want to talk about his failed relationship. He just wanted to laugh and joke. Maybe pull at Harry’s curls a bit because it had been so long since he’d felt free enough to do so.

‘Yeah. I just thought it was time.’ Louis sipped his wine, wishing away the rising tension.

It was hard to even think about Eleanor. He couldn’t believe that he could have been so wrong about something. For so many years he’d been convinced she was the one for him. Except, she wasn’t. And Harry… Harry was sitting right there. Looking inquisitive as ever, wearing a white shirt looking nothing short of angelic. There was something happening that Louis just couldn’t delve into; a wall he couldn’t break and a truth he couldn’t face. It was all important. It was all also fragile and breakable.

‘Are you still in love with her?’ Harry’s voice was barely audible. His gaze was steady and he was staring Louis dead in the eye. Louis could hardly breathe and yet Harry was staring at him in that way that demanded answers.

‘I… I don’t know.’ Louis stated before immediately wishing he hadn’t.

The gaze was broken and Harry was intently focused on his food. His eyes were long gone from Louis’ view and Louis knew… he had made yet another mistake.

‘Harry, listen.’ Louis placed his hand over Harry’s much larger one. ‘Listen, I don’t know as in… no. I’m not. I’m not in love with her. I still have love for her because she was a huge part of my life but no, I’m not in love with her.’

Harry glanced at their hands touching, almost willing for Louis to move his. For Louis to prove Harry right in that it was probably by some sort of accident. Louis didn’t move however and his brain was a jumbled up mess and his pulse was racing and he had no answers and many questions.

‘Okay.’ Harry said quietly, still watching their hands.

Louis had never felt so unsure and so lost in his entire life. He had touched Harry many times before but this time it felt different. As if he was touching the roots of Harry’s soul even though it was just their hands touching. Very slowly, Harry turned his hand into Louis’ and their palms were touching. Things very really didn’t make sense and Louis felt the urge to hold and to be closer. To touch further.

Of course, Louis did none of that.

He just moved his hand in a movement that felt harsh and responsible for the crestfallen look on Harry’s face.

‘Hey… time.’ Louis said, doing his best to regain eye contact.

Harry finally looked at him nodded slowly.

‘Time.’ He agreed, his face relaxing.

Just like that, they were back to being carefree and enjoying each other’s company. Louis thought it was necessary that they had that. It was good and it was fun. It was what Louis had missed without even realising he had.

It was Harry.


	12. Twelve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I read them all and responded. :) Enjoy!

It was a breezy spring evening and they were entirely too inebriated to drive. They ended up being driven to Louis’ home and floating around Louis’ room in a collective daze. The room was spinning and Louis was dizzy and Harry was drunk and Harry had watery eyes. 

Then Harry had a watery face. 

Watery face? 

Louis reached out and placed a palm on a cheek just to make sure and yes, just as he suspected. Harry was crying and nothing was ever right in the world with a crying Harry. 

'You're a baby.' Louis' brain was far too elsewhere for him to say what he meant. To make sense. 'Stop being... A baby.' 

God, Louis was drunk. He couldn't even form a simple sentence. 

'I'm the youngest in the band.' Harry sniffed, sounding just as far as gone. 

'You're so .. Irrelevant.' Louis was seriously bad with his words. 

Harry laughed and it was a familiar, happy sound that contrasted with the tears staining his face. With much effort, Harry pulled himself up and sat crossed legged next to Louis. For a moment, Louis allowed himself to relax; closing his eyes and maybe even contemplating sleep. However, then came the sound of soft sobbing from Harry which was worlds different to the laughter of seconds earlier. Louis immediately shot up, he liked to think, but really it was very slowly and drunkenly. 

'Harry...,' he whined, placing both hands on Harry's shoulders. He shook him lightly, his vision blurry. He wanted to shake him into stopping because his tongue was heavy and words were difficult. 

'Louis!' Harry returned, sounding just as bad as Louis. 'I thought you hated me... You were my friend and then you weren't.' His words were slurred and in between sobs. He was entirely incoherent and his curls lazily flopped on his face as he spoke.  

'Harry!' Louis cried again, digging his fingers into his shoulders. 'I thought... You... Hated me... And.. Cooler than me. And ... Breakfast... Grimmy. You hated me I thought. And much cooler than me and... Fashion shows.. You. Such a hipster.' Louis shook him harder, willing for him to understand. Wishing so much to ease the tears. 

'I could never...,' Harry said, half laughing and crying. 'Hate  you. You're my favourite person in the whole world... Ever. You were always my favourite in the whole world ever since I met you. You make me laugh.' 

Louis felt flattered, he really did. He felt happy and floaty and he wiped Harry's tears because Harry should never cry unless Louis had tickled him into it. 

'Good. You... Are my friend.' Louis said, his hands cupping Harry's face. 

'Friend.' Harry sounded so disappointed. 

Louis felt the need to make him understand yet he couldn't talk. So Louis squeezed his face and moved in closer, resting his forehead against Harry's purposefully. 

'Look at me.' Louis said gently, when Harry's eyes immediately fluttered to a close. 

'I can't.' Harry practically whimpered, shaking his head. His hands gripped Louis wrists tight as if he never wanted to let go. Louis imagined Harry wanted to live in that moment, build a house there and move into that moment for the rest of his life. It was written on his face. His eyelashes remained scattered on his face as he refused to open his eyes. 

Louis was entirely too drunk to do anything crazy like force his eyes open so he waited. He could never recount how long they sat there like that. Their foreheads touching, Louis' hands on Harry's face while Harry's gripped Louis' wrists for dear life. It was the longest moment of Louis' life and Louis thought maybe he wanted to live in that moment too. To move there and build a life there and never look back. 

'Look at me.' Louis weakly mumbled. Harry refused of course. 

'I might say something stupid if I look at you,' Harry explained, his voice barely a whisper. 

'Time.' Louis slowly said for the second time that night. 'Give me time.' 

Just like that, it was broken. Louis' favourite moment of all time was broken and he let Harry go and leaned back onto the bed. Harry remained where he had left him. 

'You made me laugh everyday for 2 years.' Harry said after awhile. 

Louis smiled at his words. He extended an arm out and wrapped it around Harry, wanting to pull him into him but entirely too tired to do so.

'It made me so happy.' Harry continued. 'To laugh like that. Everything you said and did was so funny. You were so carefree.' Harry sounded like an angel far away in the distance. His words were like magic to Louis' ears and it was the kind of reassurance he always craved growing up. He was always the funny one and a confirmation of that was always important to him. 

'They say the funniest people are the ones with the most to hide though.' Harry continued and Louis felt himself tense up. He felt entirely too sober just by Harry's words and he didn't want to hear them or face  them. 

'Harry... Don't.' Louis' voice was firm. He was drunk but he wasn't stupid. He wanted to steer the conversation back to a lighter topic. So he dug his fingers into Harry's side, wishing he would stop. But Harry barely squirmed.

'After awhile, it wasn't so funny anymore.' Harry's voice was deep and thoughtful. 'I didn't laugh at everything. I saw a mask. I could tell what was a genuine joke and what was you trying to cover something up or make light of a situation or just plain hide.' 

Louis grimaced and shut his eyes tight because it was entirely too much and was Harry not supposed to be drunk? 

'Harry.' Louis weakly sat up again. 

The room was dimly lit but the fire in Harry's eyes shone bright. Louis sighed and held his head in his hands, wondering just what he'd done to deserve what he knew was coming. 

'You were always hiding, Lou.' Harry's voice was softer. 'You'd always have a smart comment or you would make me or the boys laugh but it was mostly an act. Because if people were too busy laughing they wouldn't see you for what was really going on. They wouldn't see all that pain.'

'Jesus Christ, Harry. Give it a fucking rest.' Louis swayed as he got to his feet. 'I mean if you've quite finished... Analysing me... Fucking drunk and you're just going on with yourself. About some bullshit.' 

'It's not bullshit.' Harry weakly mumbled. His hand shot out to support a staggering Louis and he too got to his feet. Mainly because Louis could hardly stand and the room was spinning. 

'Why do you have to be so intense all the time?' Louis laughed, hoping to brighten the mood. 'Just fucking relax.' And with that he'd flopped back onto the bed, Harry immediately following him. 

'Alright, Louis.' Harry sighed in defeat. 'I'll stop.' 

'Good lad.' Louis sounded genuinely happy. 

They lay side by side in silence for a long while and Louis even felt like he might even be asleep. His eyes were certainly closed but then again, he felt movement next to him and Harry's fingers were tracing the outline of his jaw. He hardly dared move, the touch sending shivers down his body. It was gone all too sudden and Louis peeked through half-open eyes to see Harry propped up on an elbow, lying on his side and just watching him. 

'Creep.' Louis smirked, pushing Harry away. 

Harry laughed and it was the sound of an angel again and Louis was happy because they were together. Also, Harry was laughing. 

'I'm going to sleep naked next to you.' Harry said reflectively. 

'Such a creep.' Louis laughed again. But his voice sounded far away and sleep was surely calling his name. 

'You love it.' Harry's voice sounded from somewhere next to him. 

'Night, Styles.' Louis softly mumbled. 

'No, not Styles.' Harry quick protested. 

'I'm still thinking of a masterpiece. Give me a break, dimple face.' Louis reached out and messed up Harry's hair and proceeded to drift off to sleep. Harry may well have suggested a better name for himself, but if he did, Louis did not hear him. 

*

Harry was the best house guest or spontaneous roommate that Louis could ever have hoped for. He was accommodating and doted on every word Louis said. It felt like four years ago when they met and were completely inseparable. It felt like nothing could touch them. Louis woke to a smiling Harry who had switched it up and made him waffles on a beautiful morning. It was dreamlike and Louis wasn’t sure what he appreciated more, the sweet taste of the waffle or the sweet smile that never left his lips.

Harry was only half serious about sleeping naked it seemed, because he still had pants on but his torso was fully exposed. Louis couldn’t help but take a moment to consider just how much Harry had changed in the time they had known each other. The tattoos scrawled over his body, especially that damn _butterfly_ were just a small part of the transformation. His shoulders had certainly become a lot broader and Louis found himself searching for traces of the 16 year old he stayed up in hotel rooms with doing twit-cams. The traces he found were few and far between but it was always in the eyes. The way his eyes still lit up every time Louis did something remotely entertaining was the same. Everything was still and serene and right.

They didn’t have rehearsals till late in the afternoon so they could enjoy the bed for the morning. Plus, each other’s company so there was that.

‘Did you get a butterfly because you’re a social butterfly?’ Louis inquired, watching Harry thoughtfully.

Harry was at the end of the bed, playing with Louis’ Sky remote, channeling it towards the TV and scrunching up his face every time he found a music video he disliked. There were many of those and few he liked but his eyes sparkled bright as the new Coldplay video played and he went off into a five minute explanation about why Chris Martin was the best thing to ever happen to existence.

‘I don’t know. Did you get a cup of tea because you’re a Yorkshire tea?’ Harry lamely asked, glancing back at Louis.

‘Mate, I got a cup of tea because I make the best cup of tea.’ Louis stated, matter-of-factly.

‘Good. Go and make me one then. I’m sick of slaving around in the kitchen for you.’ Harry placed the remote on the bed and moved up to where Louis still lay under the covers.

‘Yeah, alright.’ Louis stated, making no effort to move.

Harry just laughed, his eyes twinkling and showing just how happy and relaxed he was. Everything felt so right and Louis kicked himself because why had he waited so long before making amends with Harry? It was surely the stupidest thing he’d ever done; even having problems with him in the first place. Everything was just as they were supposed to be and couldn’t be any better.

That was, until the unthinkable happened. Louis was still groggy from sleep that same morning, uncoordinated and a bit sleepy when the doorbell sounded. 

'You get it.' Louis said, kicking at Harry who was crawling back under the covers.

Because that was apparently what they did now. They shared the same bed considering Harry seemed to have no intentions of getting his own. Harry made no move to get up, instead further snuggling in under the covers and retrieving his phone from the bedside table. A smirk played at the corners of his lips as he stared at the device in his hand.

‘Come on.’ Louis insisted, burying his face into the pillows. The doorbell sounded yet again and Louis reminded himself he hated that thing. Also, why was it that people always intruded whenever he had time off? Did everyone have access to his schedule or something?

'No.' Harry stated, reaching out and pushing Louis' arm. 'You get it. I'm too busy reading apology sonnets from Liam.' 

'Apology sonnets?' Louis scoffed. 'God he's so bloody dramatic.' 

Harry merely chuckled, pushing his curls out of his face. Louis briefly wondered just how much hairspray was required to get them to stand in the way Harry got them to. Surely it would be less expensive and damaging for the environment just to get a cut. 

'But Harry...,' Louis sulked, 'I'm so comfortable and it's so cold in a world that exists outside of this bed. Plus, it's such a rare morning off and I just… Please just be amazing.' 

Harry laughed and continued to stare at his phone. The light from the phone illuminated his face slightly as he glowed back at it. 

Harry was so damn glowy, Louis thought to himself as he nudged Harry with his foot once again. 

'Come on. You owe me.' Louis stated, contemplatively.

‘Owe you for what?’ Harry finally put his phone down with a sigh and turned to look at Louis.

‘For being so accommodating?’ Louis said, like it was obvious. ‘I let you live here rent free and I’ll have you know this is a very good neighbourhood. There are a lot of people who want to live here, you should consider yourself very lucky.’

‘I know.’ Harry said with a laugh. ‘I know it’s a very good neighbourhood, that’s why I bought a house here in the first place.’ His face was all smiles and he managed to look like he was making himself even more comfortable. Louis groaned as the doorbell sounded again, more incessantly.

‘If I get out of bed, I’m not going to be very happy.’ Louis warned.

Harry hardly cared, it seemed as all he did was get up slightly only to tower over Louis within the second and pin him down by his arms. Louis cried out, fearing the worst as in a full out attack that would probably have Louis crying in fits of laughter. That just gave Harry the momentum he needed, it seemed as he laughed, pinning Louis down further. The doorbell continued to sound and they continued in a battle which Louis wasn’t sure what the purpose of even was, he just knew he had to get out of Harry’s grip.

Because Harry was annoying and had an annoyingly accomplished look on his face.

‘Gosh, you’re so small.’ Harry teased. ‘It’s cute.’

That was just unacceptable because if there was anything Louis didn’t like being called, it was small. So he curled his knee up and into Harry’s stomach with some force, causing him to double over and collapse half on top of him. Louis laughed with victory and pushed Harry off him who was still wincing in some exaggerated pain.

‘That’s what you get.’ Louis stated, matter-of-factly. ‘The least you could do now is to get the door and hide your shame.’

Harry stuck his middle finger up at Louis wordlessly, his face still hidden into the bed and apparently in a lot of pain.

‘Are you okay?’ Louis asked after a moment, genuinely worried he’d hurt him. He leaned in close and immediately wished he hadn’t as Harry let out a shout and jumped up, wrestling him back down again.

‘You can never defeat me.’ Harry playfully said, towering over Louis yet again. Louis grimaced in mock anger as Harry leaned in ever so slowly and pecked the side of his face. It was over within a second but Louis still felt _something_ strange inside him as Harry let him go and proceeded to stand up.

‘You owe me, Tomlinson.’ Harry murmured, getting out of bed and picking his jeans up off the floor.

Louis merely stared, not daring speak, his hand rushing to the place Harry’s lips had brushed against. Harry didn’t seem to notice Louis’ practically clutching his cheek as he flashed him a dimple-assisted grin and pulled on his jeans. Louis continued to not respond and just watch, even as Harry finally managed to leave the room as the doorbell sounded for the 50th time. Louis was left on his own for a good few moments, his palm still on the side of his face, almost forgetting to listen out for the sound of voices. Not that he even heard any for a long time. So long that, he ended up getting out of bed and pulling on some tracksuit bottoms and leaving the comfort of his room.

He immediately wished he hadn’t.

The words ‘why me?’ and ‘why now?’ echoed through his system to the beat of his heart which was suddenly sounding very loudly in his ears.

It couldn’t even be real life because surely he couldn’t be that unlucky and the stars couldn’t have aligned less in his favour if they had tried.

Eleanor.

Eleanor.

Eleanor was standing in his living room, in front of shirtless Harry who looked as absolutely at a loss of words as Louis felt. He just stared at her, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wild as she delved into some speech about how she felt the need to visit.

Louis was frozen in place, contemplating the possibility of straight jumping out of the window to never be seen again. Because there stood in the middle of his house, his ex-girlfriend and his… well, his _Harry_ in possibly the most awkward situation just ever in existence.

‘Louis,’ Eleanor looked so relieved to see him. She was clearly uneasy at the fact that Harry had opened the door half naked for goodness sake, Louis couldn’t imagine where her mind was at. Harry glanced slowly in his direction and Louis tried desperately to meet his eyes. But Harry only gave him a fleeting look before turning to Eleanor once again.

Louis was crumbling, melting fucking dissolving into a pile of nothingness because no – Harry was shutting him out yet again. And he didn’t deserve it.

‘I didn’t realise you were coming.’ Harry’s northern twang was prominent as he dragged his words out. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you. Louis certainly didn’t mention it.’

Surely, Louis was being stabbed straight in the heart at that moment because that was just how he felt. Harry couldn’t possibly think that Louis had _planned_ for Eleanor to come. He just couldn’t. Louis desperately tried to meet Harry’s eyes to convey that but he wasn’t looking and he was stubborn and impossible. Louis hated everything.

‘I’ll leave you two in peace.’ Harry said with a polite nod.

‘You don’t have to do that.’ Louis was sounding like an idiot and he was also being very much ignored. Harry brushed straight past him and back into the room in which they’d been laughing and joking just seconds earlier. Where the hell was Louis’ time machine when he needed it?

‘Hi, Lou.’ Eleanor said uneasily, walking over and moving into give him a hug.

He didn’t want a hug or any form of touching, he just wanted to disappear. But Louis was a gentleman who wasn’t about to make an innocent girl suffer for no reason. So he hugged her back, her scent already unfamiliar and her touch foreign. It wasn’t the one he had been used to for the past two days. That one had disappeared into Louis’ room and though it was only a doorway away, it felt a lifetime away now.

‘Hi, babe.’ Louis stated, quietly. ‘This is a surprise.’

‘Yeah.’ Eleanor brushed a loose strand of hair from her face. ‘I know. My friend’s having a baby shower here in London so I figured I’d come by. I hope it’s okay. It just felt weird to be in London and not see you.’

‘It’s fine.’ Louis commented briefly, glancing at his bedroom door.

Music was blasting from the room and Louis sighed, feeling endlessly lost.

‘It’s nice to see Harry after so long.’ Eleanor carefully stated. If she was feeling anxious about Harry’s presence, her voice gave nothing away. Neither of them were stupid. Eleanor knew the rumours about Harry and Louis. They had made her very uncomfortable during their relationship and Louis was very much aware of how it looked. But it wasn’t how it _looked_ , it was a sure mess but it certainly wasn’t what Eleanor was probably assuming.

‘Babe, listen…,’ Louis stated, sighing, ‘I don’t want to be rude, but… you broke up with me. I don’t get why you’re here. It doesn’t make any sense to me.’

‘I know.’ Eleanor said, shrugging. ‘I know that I broke up with you but… doesn’t it feel unfinished? I don’t know. I’m not saying I want to pick up where we left off or anything. Not at all. I just feel like… maybe… I just wanted to see you. Louis, is that okay?’

Louis nodded with a defeated sigh, because of course it was okay. She hadn’t done anything wrong and sure a message to say she was on her way would have helped Louis a whole lot but he could hardly complain about that. It wasn’t like she had known.

‘Is he okay?’ Eleanor asked, glancing at the door. ‘He didn’t look too happy to see me. I hope I wasn’t intruding.’

Louis just rolled his eyes and turned in the direction of his room. He wished Eleanor would stop fucking around and just ask the question she so obviously wanted to.

‘He’ll be fine.’ Louis said with a shrug. ‘I’ll go talk to him. You make yourself at home, yeah? Just switch the TV on and … yeah. I won’t be long.’

Louis did take long.

It was obvious he would from the second he stepped into his room.

Harry was sat on the edge of the bed, now dressed in a green and black plaid shirt, furiously stuffing things into a bag. He hardly looked up as Louis sheepishly wandered in, his eyes focused on nothing but throwing his clothes in.

‘Harry.’ Louis lightly called, walking over to him.

Harry didn’t even look up, just proceeded to clutch the bag further if that was possible. His knuckles were almost white, that’s how hard he was gripping the thing.

‘Harry.’ Louis said with more force, placing his hand on Harry’s arm in an attempt to stop him. Harry’s eyes were wild as they finally fell on Louis.

‘What?’ Harry spat, furiously. ‘What do you want?’

‘What’s your problem?’ Louis frowned, his own anger rising. ‘You think I asked her to come?’

‘I don’t know.’ Harry shot back. ‘How would _I_ ever know what _you_ of all people are thinking? You know how they say people are open books… you’re a closed book. You’re a fucking closed book, Louis!’

‘What’s that even supposed to mean?’ Louis asked with confusion.

Harry just huffed, shaking Louis’ hand off him and getting up. He walked over to his iPod and turned the music off, Louis’ speakers immediately silencing themselves.

‘Nothing. Just forget it.’ Harry hissed with his back to Louis. ‘Just go back to your girlfriend and I’ll leave you to it. I’ll fucking leave which is all you’ve wanted since I even got here.’

Harry was nothing short of dramatic, flinging his arms around and pulling at his hair to show his frustration. Louis was not impressed. How could Harry turn on him with such ease?

‘She’s not my fucking girlfriend.’ Louis said, making every effort to lower his voice. ‘And I don’t fucking want you to leave! You know that. Stop throwing a fucking tantrum.’

‘Tantrum?’ Harry spun around, his eyes angrily flashing at Louis. ‘You think this is a tantrum? You’re impossible! I bite my tongue half my life and don’t say shit to you about your shitty, disrespectful behaviour and the one time I actually show you how I feel you want to say I’m throwing a tantrum? I’ll throw this fucking lamp at your head, I’ll show you throwing something.’

Louis narrowed his eyes, glancing at the lamp on his table, convinced that Harry had clearly lost the plot. It was obvious that this was all pent up rage that had been dying to come out for a long time.

‘Fine.’ Louis stated, shoving his hands into his pockets. ‘Be a fucking dick. Because that’s the first time you’ve ever done that.’

Harry just stared at him with so much anger and frustration that looked so foreign on his usual sweet and angelic face. Louis wanted to reach out and erase it all until Harry’s face was the blank canvas he’d met at 16 but he knew that wasn’t possible. This was who Harry was now and he couldn’t help but feel partially responsible. Maybe it was him that had took away so much of Harry’s innocence and naivety.

‘Such a prick.’ Harry muttered under his breath, his eyes never leaving Louis. ‘God knows why I thought I’d give it another go with you. You’re just continuously stupid and selfish as always, Louis. That’s what you are. So go back to your little girlfriend and hold her hand do whatever it is you do because I don’t give a shit anymore.'

‘Stop acting so fucking weird!’ Louis cried, throwing his hands up. ‘She’s not my girlfriend and even if she was then so what... she was my girlfriend for years! I didn’t see you acting like this then. Jesus. You’re acting like its news that I had a girlfriend. Fuck is going on with you?’

‘So… nothing.’ Harry grumbled, defeat prominent in his voice. ‘So fucking nothing. Have fun with her Lou, seriously.’

Louis was about to protest, to further point out the absurdity of the situation and how it made no sense whatsoever for Harry to be angry at him but Harry was already in the process of storming off. He zipped up his bag and grabbed a beanie off the bedside table Louis could have sworn was his, before pulling it over his curls.

‘Harry, don’t go like this.’ Louis pleaded, wishing he could just understand him for once.

‘Why not?’ Harry bitterly asked. ‘You’re busy anyway. Plus, I don’t even feel like being around you right now or maybe ever.’

Surely, that wasn’t entirely necessary, Louis thought as he wordlessly watched as Harry barged past him and left the room. There was a loud slamming of the front door which followed moments later and Louis sighed heavily, collapsing in bed and questioning the validity of his life.

*

Despite the crazy outburst from Harry and the unexpectedness of her arrival, Louis found that he had a semi-enjoyable morning with Eleanor. It was nice to see her and talk to her about stuff that didn’t involve studios and writing and sound checks and tours. Louis had always enjoyed her company and he felt that maybe they had connected in that one morning than they had all year simply because they had the time to do it. It was nice. It was safe. It was comfortable. It was Eleanor. It was worlds away from Harry.

Eleanor told him that she would be in London all week for Easter break and how he should really call her sometime. Louis agreed he would but he was sure he wouldn’t or at least, he didn’t think he would. He realised as he made his way into rehearsal, very late and uncaring of the fact, that comfortable just wasn’t good enough. He didn’t want comfort. He wanted fire and passion and a burning and a yearning.

And Harry was the first person his eyes landed on as he made his way into rehearsals. He knew he should be more concerned about the work at hand, given just how close to the tour they were now but it was really the last thing he could think about. Harry was standing with Niall, laughing occasionally and watching him fondly. He wasn’t his usual self though and Louis could point out a fake Harry smile from a genuine one within seconds. Liam was with them too, which was good because reconciliation was important. That was something, Louis thought to himself as he headed in the opposite direction of the trio, opting to talk to Josh about the show instead. For some reason, he didn’t feel to acquaint himself with his band members too much that afternoon.

Louis worked hard and diligently, doing his bit and singing as much as his voice would allow him as they ran through the show. It was a strange thing to do as they were singing all these songs for the first time since recording them. It felt new and fresh but Louis hardly felt refreshed, in fact he felt old and used up. The boys seemed to get on fine that afternoon with the exception of Louis and Harry who did everything to avoid each other.

‘You guys are so fucking unpredictable.’ Niall said to Louis during a break. ‘I mean, just yesterday you were all loved up and now look at you. I just can’t call it with you two.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it, Niall.’ Louis concentrated very hard on the football he was trying to keep off the floor with his feet. ‘Please don’t continue this topic.’

‘I mean, it’s just one of those typical ones isn’t it?’ Niall apparently didn’t hear a word of Louis’ pleas. ‘You know them proper will they won’t they Ross and Rachel type things? I think you will to be fair, Payno doesn’t think you will. Zayn doesn’t give a shit, I don’t think.’

‘What the hell are you going on about?’ Louis sighed in defeat, kicking the ball in the air and catching it. Because Niall was adamant on not giving him a second of peace.

‘You and our Harold.’ Niall stated, like it was obvious. ‘I’m not sure what exactly Zayn thinks but I’ve put a fiver on it with Payno that I think you’ll end up together.’

Louis sighed because his life was a joke and a bet between Niall and Liam. And Zayn, well he hadn’t spoken to Zayn much that day and felt the urge to spill everything to him. He would spill it all to Niall but Niall wasn’t such a good listener and Louis was sure he would just tell him to grow some balls and stop fucking around half way through the story. So he searched around for Zayn.

And of course. Zayn was standing a good distance away from him with Harry. They appeared to be deep in talk, Harry with his arms folded and nodding intently to whatever Zayn was saying.

See, Louis was a bit of a child and he was still pissed at Harry and Zayn was _his_ friend and Harry was definitely not going to steal him. So he shoved Niall with some force and told him to get a life before waltzing over to Zayn and Harry.

Harry noticed him first but Zayn didn’t as he had his back to Louis, making it much easier to wrap his arms around Zayn’s stomach from the back and pull him into him. Harry’s brows immediately furrowed and his jaw visibly clenched.

‘Zayn.’ Louis murmured into his ear, his eyes never leaving Harry. ‘Need you, mate. Got to talk to you.’

Zayn appeared surprised by Louis’ appearance and turned sideways, meeting his eyes and giving him a quizzical look.

‘Alright, Lou?’ He asked, unwrapping Louis’ arms and turning to face him.

Zayn could always see through his bullshit. Also, Harry was still stood there breathing furiously, less than happy with the display.

‘Let me talk to you,’ Louis stuck his bottom lip out, ‘need my buddy.’

Harry’s eyes were daggers into Louis’ face but he hardly cared. Maybe he was a bit of a horrible shit but Louis didn’t care, he hadn’t deserved Harry’s treatment in the morning and he was free to do as he pleased in the afternoon.

‘Sure.’ Zayn said, seeming unconvinced. He turned and shrugged briefly at Harry before Louis took his hand and led him away from Harry.

As he walked away, Louis wanted to feel accomplished because he knew for a fact Harry was jealous of him and Zayn. Instead, he felt like a horrible human being who had trodden on the face of an adorable puppy.

*

Half an hour later, after Louis had broken down and spilled his guts to Zayn, who had been less than helpful, claiming it was Louis' fault and he needed to fix things with Harry, he was approached by none other than the man himself. Louis was standing at his mic stand, minding his business and watching as the technicians tried to fix the sound issues when Harry approached him and pulled roughly on his arm.

'Ouch!' Louis cried, as Harry dug his fingers into him.

'Don't ever pull that shit again.' Harry's voice was serious and his eyes found Louis' with ease. 'I mean it. I like Zayn and you make me want to punch Zayn in his perfect face when you do that shit.'

Louis frowned and pulled himself free from Harry's grip, slightly baffled at his forwardness.

'Stop being so jealous!' Louis countered, glaring back at him.

'I'm so serious.' Harry stated, lowly. 'I don't like that shit. If you want to fuck Zayn by all means do it... if you really are in love with him then be my guest. But if you're not then don't pull that shit because I swear to God, Lou, I will never speak to you ever in your whole life. I'm serious. Don't keep messing with me.'

Louis had a lot to say and a lot to ask and a lot to cry out because really who did Harry fucking Styles think he was? But he didn't get the chance because Harry had soon stalked off, bearing his charming smile and fake concern for the technical difficulties they were enduring.

Louis was well and truly fucked up.


	13. Thirteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in the add... 3 days is so unlike me, I know! But I had a severe case of writer's block. I'm not sure how much longer the fic will be I'll let you guys know when I know. There's a lot to cover still. I'm also going to definitely try my hand at an AU fic after this one so hope you all read that too. Thank you so much for your lovely comments and taking the time to actually read. Means a lot to me. Love.

Rehearsals continued with a vengeance and Louis found himself too exhausted most days to do much more than collapse onto his bed after a long hard day of work. Constant tiredness was all he seemed to ever experience and he considered just how he was going to deal with a gruelling tour if simply travelling around London to rehearsal studios was killing him. Things were going to get real intense and it was going to happen sooner rather than later. Eleanor was a good distraction, he thought as he spent much of his time texting her funny quotes he’d found or sometimes just randomly made up. She was always quick to respond telling him tales about old lecturers who made her want to fall asleep and dusty library books. Louis almost envied her careless university lifestyle. Then he reminded himself he was living the dream. He really was.

With the easy exception that was Harry Styles.

Louis hadn’t spoken directly to Harry in a total of three days, not that he had been keeping count at all. He was just an observational person by nature. To Louis’ surprise, or maybe not, Harry hadn’t returned to the flat since Eleanor showed up and Louis didn’t dare ask where he’d been staying. He didn’t need to as it turned out Harry often confided in the likes of Niall and now Louis’ Zayn, which meant Louis knew a lot of what was going on with Harry.

First of all, Harry had been for a fair few nights out with Nick Grimshaw. Louis frowned as Niall brought forward that rather distasteful bit of information but said nothing as he sipped his second mug of tea. The second thing he’d uncovered was from Zayn, who Harry had apparently been talking to more and more as of late. Zayn, helpful as he was, actually told Louis that Harry had been dating. Yes. Dating. A drop dead gorgeous model by the name of Jasmine. She was like a sunflower coated in honey, apparently. Louis didn’t press for further information.

‘I just saw the new video.’ Liam was practically buzzing. ‘It looks so sick. I can’t wait till we release it.’

Louis simply nodded. He hadn’t seen the work of art that was sure to top all their other videos yet, but he was sure it would be good. There was another rather pressing matter at hand however, and it appeared in the form of a beautiful young lady on Harry’s arm as they prepared to end rehearsals for the day.

‘Hey Liam, you know who that is?’ Louis’ voice was supposed to be casual. It was not. ‘The girl with Harry? You saw her before?’

‘Ah, yeah.’ Liam said, glancing at the pair. ‘I know who she is. She’s one of the new stylists, going to join us for the tour. She’s pretty good, I’ve actually already had a chat with her about some of what I’m going to wear.’

‘What’s her name?’ Louis asked. Casually.

‘Um… what was it again?’ Liam stared at her hard, as if that would prompt his memory. ‘Oh yeah, Jasmine. That’s what it was.’

Louis felt something extremely foreign that he couldn’t place his fingers on and all he could do was glare at Harry and _Jasmine._ They appeared oblivious to the rest of the world, only laughing and smiling at each other. Their vision never wavered and they never felt the need to look at anyone else. It was strange to witness and Louis wasn’t sure he liked it entirely too much.

Louis ended up on Zayn’s hotel room floor later that night, staring at the ceiling and complaining about everything. It wasn’t entirely apparent that Zayn was even listening as he sat on the edge of the bed casually flicking through his sketch book. Liam was there as well, possibly less engrossed in listening to Louis’ ramblings than Zayn.

‘He’s just an idiot.’ Louis was saying to thin air. ‘He doesn’t understand anything and he thinks he’s better than me. You know what the worst part is? He never has any faith in me. The second he saw Eleanor walk through that door he figured I must have invited her. Like I’d be that stupid as to invite her when he’s there. Would I be that stupid, Zayn? Zayn?’

Louis glanced up to see that Zayn was concentrating hard, his tongue peeking through the corner of his mouth as he clutched a pencil in one hand.

‘Zayn!’ Louis called, his voice rising. ‘This is so much important than your stupid cartoons.’

‘What? Lou, yeah I know. Harry’s an idiot.’ Zayn had barely heard him clearly.

Louis sighed heavily and considered just how much easier it might be to get some real therapy for his Harry Styles issue than talk to Zayn.

‘Zayn, please your best friend needs you.’ Louis complained, feeling helpless.

‘Hey, I’m his best friend.’ Liam protested from on the bed.

Louis just groaned in an exaggerated manner, lying still and feeling sorry for himself.

‘Bro, what do you want me to say?’ Zayn sighed, putting his book and pencil down. ‘I’ve told you everything I know. Harry’s been on a few dates with Jasmine. It’s nothing serious. I think he just misses you.’

‘He misses me?’ Louis scoffed in disbelief. ‘He misses me so he’s running around with some girl? How does that even make any sense, Zayn?’

‘He’s just using her as a distraction. Trust me. I know what it’s like.’ Zayn lowly mumbled.

Louis immediately felt bad, because he was selfish and a bad friend who spent half his life talking about his problems. Zayn had broken off an engagement which was surely a bigger deal than his non-friendship with Harry.

‘I’m sorry, mate.’ Louis said, sighing. ‘I’ll stop going on about myself. That’s a promise.’

He stuck to his promise as well. He felt quite proud and accomplished until about 3 am that same night, when he shook Zayn awake to tell him that he thought Harry hated him.

It was a bit of a mess, really.

*

Harry spent the better part of the week away from Louis’ home and ignoring him at work. So no one was more surprised than Louis when he went home one evening after having spent it with his friend Dylan to find that Harry had returned. Harry had brought gifts in the form of fresh flowers and a dimply grin which wasn’t directed at Louis but at his phone as he Face-timed someone. Louis didn’t bother with pleasantries such as greetings or asking who he was stupidly smiling at.

Louis hated life sometimes. Only sometimes.

It was hard to sleep with the knowledge that Harry was just outside his room and he could break the silence between them within seconds if he just tried. Louis was a rebel however and he was stubborn as hell so he said nothing and he didn’t sleep a wink at all the night Harry returned.

The following day was a Saturday morning Louis very much looked forward to because it was the first he had off in a while. Despite his lack of sleep, he felt refreshed and he texted Eleanor between cups of coffee and watering the plants. It was enjoyable and he felt like a right good person for doing his bit for… well, himself.

‘If you only knew how you made me feel.’ Harry was standing at the doorway to the kitchen, dressed in a white button up with only a few buttons actually done up.

Louis picked his gaze up off his phone very slowly, less than keen to show that his heart had begun to race at the sound of Harry’s voice. Louis was seated at the kitchen table, and he was minding his business, having done nothing to get in his housemates way so this was nothing short of shocking.

‘Excuse me? You’re talking to me?’ Louis was a comedic genius above all, so he looked over his shoulder knowing well and truly that there was no one there.

Harry didn’t laugh or seem anything but highly exasperated.

‘Yes. Of course.’ Harry said through gritted teeth. ‘You’re impossible. I don’t know what you want from me.’

‘Oh sorry, Harry.’ Louis carefully stated. ‘You’ll have to be much clearer in showing what I did to warrant this particular outburst.’

That just further angered Harry, who turned around and left the kitchen and the flat itself with no word.

Louis was left baffled as per usual.

*

Niall was a bigger social butterfly than Harry, if such a thing existed. He ended up inviting everyone to his flat the same Saturday that Harry had dramatically returned to Louis’ flat. Louis hadn’t been in the mood to go and he protested but Niall swore that he wouldn’t be friends with him and bribed him with chicken. Considering Louis would have settled for a pot noodle or a kebab that night, the promise of actual homemade food made him leave his flat in pursuit of Niall’s.

The crowd at Niall’s flat was bearable, even for Louis who usually felt awkward around too many people. The presence of Zayn certainly helped matters, he thought as he hugged the caramel skinned boy and peppered the side of his face with kisses. Zayn vehemently wiped them away and it was all done in a full display in front of Harry. Louis had almost forgotten about the verbal warning to keep it PG with Zayn until he saw the fire return to Harry’s eyes. Louis hardly cared, however and really thought that Harry had much bigger things to tend to that night. Such things, or person being in the form of a girl with honey-coloured, bouncy curls and captivating green eyes not dissimilar to Harry’s own. A girl by the name of Jasmine who Louis still hadn’t held a conversation with and seemed to be sickeningly sweet. That further pissed Louis off because she was supposed to be horrible and easy to hate.

‘Looks like it’s going to be a storm.’ Niall commented, glancing out of the window. ‘A bad one. It’s cool if people want to crash here I know it’s a bit of a drive into Central or wherever you might be going. Don’t want anyone getting hurt.’

‘Aw Niall, if you want a sleepover you should just ask.’ Louis teased. Niall punched him rather hard in the arm.

The night went pleasantly enough start and Louis found it almost cosy to lie on Niall’s couch and listen to the sound of rain. As ever, he was probably drunker than he should be. It was such a bad habit he had been making no efforts to break.

‘Lou, you’re such a loser.’ Drunk, smoking Zayn was back. ‘You don’t know anything. Stop talking to Eleanor like it’s going to help shit.’ Zayn actually smacked Louis’ hand hard, sending the iPhone flying into Louis’ lap.

‘What’s your problem?’ Louis mumbled. ‘I like Eleanor. She’s comfortable and I like her. And also, shut up.’ Louis buried his head in Zayn’s shoulder and vowed to himself he loved Zayn. That he would never stop and he wanted to be around him forever. It was all true and alcohol was hardly a factor.

‘If you had the balls your life would be sorted by now.’ Zayn said, matter-of-factly. ‘You’re clinging onto this really bland girl because she’s comfortable. You’re supposed to be a risk taker. You dick. You’re supposed to stop being such a vagina about everything and fucking hell – Eleanor is so fucking boring isn’t she?’ Zayn dragged on his cigarette hard before dissolving into fits of laughter. Liam, who was seated on the other side of Zayn seemed to find the whole thing hilarious.

‘Stop talking shit about Eleanor.’ Louis said, pushing himself off Zayn. ‘You don’t even know her.’

‘Fucking, exactly!’ Zayn cried. ‘You’ve been with her what, a decade now? And I don’t know shit about her. I’m your fucking better half and she made no effort with me. Every conversation I ever had with her, I’ve forgotten because I always fell asleep half way through it. You can’t tell me that you Louis Tomlinson the heart of every conversation want to be with someone so boring.’

That was when Louis’ life decidedly got worse and Harry showed up. He wondered in casually, hands in his pockets and Jasmine long gone. His eyes lingered for far too long on Louis for Louis’ liking and Louis frowned at him wishing he would leave again. But of course, he didn’t. It was pretty late by then and most of the people had begun to leave. The only ones that were left were them and a few of Niall’s friends Niall was entertaining in the other room. So of course, Harry wasn’t going to sit with anyone other than the three of them. It still annoyed Louis though, as he watched him take a seat opposite their couch.

‘My main man!’ Zayn cried, heaving himself up slightly to extend his fist to Harry. There was only a slight pause before Harry met it with his own, a toothy grin forming at his lips.

‘Zayn. You drunk?’ Harry’s eyes shone onto Zayn’s.

‘But of course.’ Zayn’s words were slurred. ‘I’m glad you came though. Like I said, you should hang around us more often. I’m glad you’ve started to. I missed you, man.’

Louis felt deeply uncomfortable because of course Harry was ignoring his existence and Zayn’s words still dug into him, causing a considerable amount of pain.

‘Yeah I guess I did stray for a bit.’ Harry’s voice was low as ever.

Louis even considered getting up and leaving but he didn’t because he didn’t want to make things more awkward than they already were. So he stayed, listening to the conversations around him. Harry didn’t address him once and Zayn drifted further from him and closer to Harry, much to his annoyance.

After a long while of just sitting there watching a conversation which didn’t involve him in the slightest, Louis felt the need to get up and just walk away from it. He couldn’t stand to watch another second of Harry talking and Harry just being Harry. It was entirely too much.

*

Louis was eating far too many strawberries with Zayn as they sobered up in the early hours of the next morning. Harry was passed out on Niall’s couch and Liam was playing with his phone, occasionally letting out a cry of defeat. The rain had cleared up and the early signs of the sun rising were casting pink and orange shades throughout Niall’s flat. It was almost serene, had it not been for the sinking feeling in Louis’ stomach.

‘Mate, I don’t actually know what to do anymore.’ Louis confessed, biting down into his 5th strawberry. ‘Harry is impossible. He didn’t talk to me all night. Not to mention you and him are now best mates which makes it particularly difficult for me.’

Zayn’s eyes were low and his hair flopped lazily on his head. He looked like the product of a good night and exhaustion. He glanced over his shoulder at Harry who was peacefully sleeping, occasionally moving to better acquaint himself with the couch.

‘You’re overthinking.’ Zayn muttered, his voice barely a whisper. ‘It’s all so simple. Just stop overthinking and you’ll be fine. Things will be so much clearer.’ Zayn removed his keys from his pocket and absently played with them, throwing them in the air and catching them yet again. It was interesting to watch him, as he was slowly receding back into his shell as the alcohol left his system. Louis wished he could be like Zayn, so mysterious and so damn sure of himself. It took a lot to mess with Zayn’s mentality and that was what let Louis know the situation with Perrie must be pretty serious.

‘Are you leaving?’ Louis asked, glancing at the keys in his hand.

‘No. I mean yes, maybe.’ Zayn said, quietly. That was when Louis realised Zayn was well and truly back to being Sober Zayn. A man of few words. Louis just stood there with him for a moment, unsure of what to do. He should probably leave as well but a glance back at a sleeping Harry made him reconsider that thought. Harry would probably spend the rest of the early hours of the morning at Niall’s place but Louis somehow didn’t feel right leaving without him. He belonged at Louis’ house, with Louis and not anywhere else.

‘Are you leaving?’ Zayn asked, his eyes flickering towards Louis.

Louis took a moment to consider the question before something inside his head fell into place. Realisation. He _realised_ he didn’t want to leave.

‘No. I’ve got something to take care of first.’ Louis slowly said.

All the feelings of uncertainty he had been harbouring for weeks all seemed to make some kind of sense. He knew what he had to do. Louis nodded absently towards Zayn before turning and walking away from him, across the room and to where Harry was laying down. Liam looked at him with a questioning glance as Louis stopped near Harry and bent down to his level. If Liam or Zayn were wondering what he was doing, they didn’t make a point to ask as Louis leaned over and touched Harry’s arm. With a gentle shake, Louis tried to wake him out of his sleeping state.

‘Harry. I have to talk to you.’ Louis’ voice was soft. His nerves were apparent. He was still unsure of exactly what he was doing, he just needed to do it.

Harry stirred slightly at his touch but made little effort to get up. His brows creased and his face appeared pained for a moment, as if his dreams were clouded with less than happy things. The image shook Louis just a little bit and he wanted nothing more than to ease any pain that Harry had ever felt in his life.

‘Harry.’ Louis mumbled, shaking him with a bit more force.

That seemed enough to wake Harry, who gently opened his eyes appearing confused and uncoordinated. His eyes met Louis’ for a brief moment before the fact that it was Louis registered to him and he frowned in confusion. Harry blinked several times and propped himself up onto his shoulders, taking in his surroundings. His eyes fell to Liam on the edge of the couch next to him, to Zayn on the opposite side of the room humming some distant tune, and then to Louis, whose hand was still on his arm. Louis stared at him intently for a long moment, wishing he could say everything he needed to with his eyes because he was sure words would certainly suffice him.

‘I need to talk to you.’ Louis commented, letting his hand fall from Harry.

It appeared for a moment that Harry would certainly refuse as he narrowed his eyes and looked everywhere but at Louis. In fact, Louis was certain he would just all but go straight back to sleep and make Louis look even more stupid than he felt. But he surprised him by gently groaning and sitting up. Louis watched as Harry rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands and made a mad dash for his phone that lay on the coffee table.

‘I slept for that long?’ Harry asked no one in particular. He yawned and stretched his arms way above his head before finally standing. ‘Where’s Niall?’ The questions weren’t directed at anyone, Louis thought, but they were certainly not directed at Louis so he didn’t answer, opting to just stand there and wait.

‘He’s in his room some of his mates from school.’ Liam answered when no one else did.

Harry seemed to consider his words for a moment before he eventually looked back at Louis.

‘You want to talk to me?’ Harry finally addressed him for the first time that night. His voice was deeper and more serious, he clearly didn’t want to talk.

‘Yeah.’ Louis confirmed, burying his hands deep into his pockets.

Harry merely shrugged and brushed past Louis, heading for the front door. Louis wasn’t sure if he was supposed to follow and almost didn’t until Harry turned and met his eye expectantly. That was a sure enough signal for Louis to follow and Louis did, giving Zayn a brief hug on the way out.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow?’ Louis asked Zayn, already half way out the door. Zayn nodded in agreement and off Louis followed Harry into the night.

The rain had cleared up but that didn’t mean it wasn’t cold. It was a horrible cold that only came with April showers which Louis was certain were designed to fuck with his mind. It would be gloriously hot in the day and then out of no-where the rain would come and leave misery in its wake. Harry didn’t seem to mind the cold though, as he was simply wearing a black t-shirt and jeans and hardly shivered as he walked purposefully towards his car. It was the Range Rover which Louis wasn’t sure he was a fan of, considering he wasn’t a giant and it was a struggle for him to get in. Harry hardly noticed as Louis’ got into the passenger’s side of the car lacking the grace with which Harry managed to do so. The heating was immediately turned on and Harry briefly let the car roar to life before killing the engines almost immediately.

‘I guess… we can talk here.’ Harry absently stated. ‘I was going to drive but I don’t know where I would have gone.’ His eyes were always focused directly ahead and all Louis got was his side profile. Harry’s curls were covered in what Louis would still argue was his beanie and his eyes were low with sleep.

‘Here’s fine with me. Or we could go back to the flat.’ Louis somehow managed to find his voice, despite the growing awkwardness of the situation. Here he was, ready to spill his guts to Harry and he wasn’t entirely sure what to say.

‘To yours?’ Harry lightly asked, his eyes never falling on Louis. ‘No. Here’s fine.’

Rejection was a bitch and Louis took it like a man, simply nodding in acknowledgement. Here was fine.

‘Okay well, I just…’ Louis’ voice trailed off and Harry’s fingers drummed on his steering wheel. ‘Can you not do that, please? And can you look at me? Harry, just look at me. Please?’ Louis extended his hand out to Harry and placed it on his arm to stop his from his incessant tapping. Harry immediately flinched and moved his arm, letting Louis’ fall into nothingness.

‘Is this what you wanted to talk about?’ Harry still didn’t look at him. ‘You telling me what to do? Is this what this discussion is about?’

Louis was thrown back because of the sheer pent up anger present in Harry’s voice. It was as if he couldn’t even stand to share the same air as him let alone have a conversation in which Louis told him things that were hard to talk about.

‘No.’ Louis shook his head. ‘No. Just… nevermind, do what you’re doing. I just want to apologise. I’m still not sure what I’ve done but it’s obvious that I’ve hurt you somehow. So I’m sorry.’

‘You can’t apologise if you don’t know what it’s for.’ Harry finally looked at him with furrowed brows and a scowl which showed so much annoyance. Louis just wanted to disappear, the conversation wasn’t going how he’d intended.

‘I know I hurt you.’ Louis said, throwing his hands up. ‘That’s enough for me to apologise. I’m not sure what I did… maybe it was because Eleanor showed up but I had no idea she was coming. I really didn’t.’

‘This is _not_ about Eleanor.’ Harry glared at him as he spoke.

‘So what is it about then?’ Louis was beyond exasperated. It seemed every time he tried to right his wrongs with Harry, he just committed 50 more. ‘If it’s not about Eleanor… and it can’t possibly be about Zayn because yes I do fucking love him but just as a mate, so what is it actually about?’

Harry watched him for a moment, the scowl still prominent on his face and his fingers gripping the steering wheel hard.

‘You’re so clueless.’ Harry finally said with a sigh. ‘Of course it’s not about Zayn or Eleanor or anyone fucking else. It’s about you. It’s always been about you.’

Louis was lost, but that was hardly news as Louis was usually lost a lot these days. So he sighed and buried his face in his hands, wishing so much to understand.

‘I just don’t get you.’ Louis finally muttered, his face still hidden.

His words didn’t sit well with Harry it seemed as he groaned in frustration and hit the steering wheel hard.

‘Don’t say that, Lou!’ Harry cried, startling Louis. ‘Don’t ever say that. If you ever say that it breaks my heart. The only person in the world I want to _get_ me or understand me is you and if you say that it fucking kills me. You might not realise how important you are to me but shit, please just don’t say that.’

‘You’re important to me too!’ Louis said, peeling his hands off his face to look at Harry. ‘More than you know.’

‘It’s not fucking enough though.’ Harry whined, looking completely messed up. ‘It’s not the fucking same. It’s just some bullshit… Some _we’ve been through a lot together_ so you’re important to me type of shit. That’s not how important you are to me, Lou. It’s fucking serious. Everytime I tell you you’re important to me, it’s serious. I don’t just go around brandishing things like that to people unless I mean it and I’ve never meant it more than when I say it to you. I’ve never meant anything more than when I’m saying it to you. God, you’re so fucking annoying.’

Louis just stared, scared that everything he could say would be wrong. It seemed Harry was just adamant on complaining and resolving just wasn’t on his list of priorities. Also, what was he even talking about? It all went way over Louis’ head and Louis just wished to not exist in that moment any longer.

‘I might just go.’ Louis finally said, his voice defeated.

That just further annoyed Harry who sharply grabbed Louis’ shoulder, stilling him in place.

‘You’re not fucking going! Please, not again and not as per usual.’ Harry sounded so desperate and Louis didn’t understand why. If all Louis said angered him why did he care that Louis left?

‘You’re hurting me.’ Louis complained, trying to ease himself out of Harry’s grip but Harry just held him harder. His eyes were wild and his other hand moved to Louis’ other shoulder.

‘I’m hurting you?’ Harry asked, with a manic glint in his eyes. ‘It’s nothing compared to how much you’ve hurt me.’

‘So why don’t you fucking tell me then?’ Louis cried, no longer able to contain himself. ‘If I’ve hurt you so fucking much and you think I’m so clueless then just tell me. I fucking triple dare you. Go on and spit it out and save us all the misery of this never-ending drama.’ Did Louis mention he’d had just about enough? The way Harry’s fingers were digging into him was not acceptable and Louis tried his best to get out of his hold. Louis reached up with his own hand and pulled at Harry’s arms, fearing it would turn into a full blown fight but hardly caring.

‘I’ll fucking tell you!’ Harry shouted, struggling against Louis’ attacks. ‘You’re too stupid to understand so I’ll spell it out for you, shall I?’

‘Be my guest!’ Louis let his hands fall as Harry did the same, both of them out of breath from struggling against each other. ‘Be my fucking guest.’

Harry didn’t speak or spill his secrets for a long moment, just sat there breathing heavily and clenching his jaw. His eyes had fallen to his hands and Louis considered the possibility that Harry wasn’t actually going to say anything at all before he finally spoke.

‘The second I met you I knew you were different.’ Harry finally said. ‘It was so obvious and written all over your face that you were going to be someone special in my life. Obviously you were my fucking best friend. Then you weren’t. I lost you. Because you were a dick and you cared more what other people though than how I felt. But even though you were the world’s biggest dick, I still couldn’t fucking get over you. The world revolved around you. All I thought about was you. Then I went away… I fucking left. I went as far away from you as I possibly could but you still followed me in my head.’

‘Fuck are you talking about?’ Louis interrupted. Harry sighed and glared at him before continuing.

‘I went to LA.’ He informed Louis. ‘I went to LA, I went away, I went all over London. I went anywhere where you weren’t. I couldn’t be around you because you were such a little inconsiderate idiot. But it didn’t work and I’d have to see you again and wish we were friends and watch you flirt obnoxiously with Zayn.’

‘I don’t flirt with Zayn!’ Louis immediately countered.

Harry sighed again and reached over to him, placing his hand on Louis’ mouth much to Louis’ disapproval.

‘Will you fucking let me talk?’ Harry asked. ‘You’re always fucking talking. Let me talk.’

Louis narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything and Harry let his hand move away from Louis’ mouth. It didn’t fall away from his face completely however, just absently remained on Louis’ cheek as Harry watched him with an unreadable expression on his face. Louis wasn’t sure Harry was entirely present in that moment, he seemed a million miles away as he touched Louis’ cheek and watched him.

‘Go on.’ Louis said, uneasily.

The moment was broken and Harry let his hand fall on to his own lap.

‘I was saying…,’ Harry started slowly, ‘it was hard for me to escape you. I have many distractions in the form of other people far away from you. But you were always on my mind.’

Louis waited for him to continue, unsure if he should ask why or not. Harry had silenced him with a weird hand placement and scary eyes, afterall.

‘I don’t know what it is with you.’ Harry finally continued. ‘You’ll never be mine. Not how I want you to be. There’s just something inside you that won’t even consider it. The shit part is I know that but I’m that infatuated with you I would accept being a constellation prize. I would accept any kind of bond you wanted to give me. But you’re so fucking stubborn and annoying that you won’t even allow us to be friends.’ He sounded so sad and full of fucking despair that it made Louis feel like the worst human being in the world.

‘Be… yours?’ Louis was watching Harry intently. He willed him to look at Louis, to make him understand and fucking admit to something for once in his life. But Harry never looked at him, his eyes were very purposely avoiding Louis’ in fact and he fidgeted with his phone. ‘Harry fucking look at me.’ Louis urged, touching Harry’s jaw with his index finger. Harry’s eyes fluttered to a close at the touch and it was apparent he was holding his breath.

‘I can’t.’ Harry said. And he didn’t sound angry anymore. He sounded so weak and so exhausted.

‘Please.’ Louis urged again, tracing the outline of his jaw in an attempt for him to move his face. It never happened however and Harry’s head remained bowed as he let out an exasperated sigh.

Louis gave up after a moment, retrieving his hand and sitting back in Harry’s car seat, his mind effectively blown.

‘Let’s go back to mine.’ Louis said after a long silence. ‘To ours. Stay with me. In my house and in my bed.’ It wasn’t a lot but it was something. It was all Louis could do at the time and he wished Harry would understand so much.

‘I can’t.’ Harry grimaced, a pained expression forming on his face. ‘It hurts too much, Lou. To be there with you when you just don’t feel the same. It’s not the same for me as it is for you. It’s not just sitting there and hanging out it’s so much more for me. You don’t get it I don’t think you ever will.’

‘I told you to give me time.’ Louis threw his head back and glanced at the roof of Harry’s car. He was in the worst predicament of his life and he just couldn’t find a way out. He wanted so much for Harry to be happy but he knew in himself he just wasn’t there yet. He couldn’t lie to Harry.

‘Yeah and then the next minute, your ex and probably still girlfriend shows up.’ Harry complained, with an inward groan. ‘It’s just not fair on me. Gemma says I need to stop doing this to myself. Even Zayn did.’

That traitor.

‘Look, I can’t promise… anything.’ Louis sighed heavily. ‘I just know I like having you around. And Eleanor is over with. Just come home, Harry.’

Harry was about as stubborn as Louis however and refused to agree. He just sat there with a miserable look on his face.

‘I fucking miss you.’ Louis said, nudging Harry’s arm.

‘So miss me then.’ Harry said stubbornly. ‘Maybe it’s time that you did. I can’t keep doing this to myself. And the fact that you keep asking me for time lets me know that you’re not as clueless as you make it out. You know the deal you just don’t want to address it. You’re stringing me along.’

Louis frowned deeply at that because it was certainly not the case. It wasn’t his fault Harry was a walking mess of emotions that hardly dared to tell him what he felt.

‘You still haven’t explicitly said anything to me yet.’ Louis argued, glaring at him. ‘Don’t blame me for your lack of communication skills.’

‘Whatever, Lou.’ Harry sighed in defeat. ‘It’s not so fucking easy.’

Louis didn’t know what else to say to that and he didn’t want to sit there for the rest of the night going around in circles with Harry.

‘Fine. I’m going then, I’ll get a ride.’ Louis mumbled, turning to leave. ‘You’re always welcome at my flat so… yeah. Come anytime.’

Louis was just about to exit the vehicle when he felt Harry’s hand on his. Harry pulled him back towards him softly and met his eyes for the first time in a while.

‘Wait.’ Harry’s voice was soft and delicate. ‘Before you go, can I have a hug?’

The request was so foreign and Harry looked so scared to ask him that Louis let out a small laugh before smiling gently at him.

‘Of course you can, Harry. You don’t have to ask.’ Louis said, as if it was no big deal. But it was apparently a huge deal to Harry and it was written all over his face as Louis closed the distance between them, wrapping an arm around Harry.

‘No.’ Harry protested, pushing him slightly. ‘No, a proper hug. Not that.’

Louis laughed in confusion but stopped when he saw that Harry was dead serious.

‘Alright, bloody hell.’ Louis joked light-heartedly before extending both arms out to Harry. It was awkward to lean over in the car but Louis did his best to give Harry the kind of hug he’d asked for. He wrapped both arms around Harry’s waist tightly and frowned in confusion as Harry immediately fell into him and buried his face in Louis’ neck. It tickled slightly and Louis almost laughed but stopped himself when he realised the intensity of the situation. Harry’s lips were gently pressed against Louis’ neck and it was unexplainable to say the least but Louis didn’t complain. He just held Harry because everything about Harry screamed the need to be held by Louis.

‘Hey… you alright?’ Louis asked with concern as Harry inhaled deeply. Louis feared he was on the verge of tears but Harry didn’t respond, just gripping Louis’ back even more tightly. It was nice and it was necessary. Louis wasn’t sure how long they sat like that for, Harry desperately clutching at Louis with Louis comfortingly holding him back. It took a long time for the embrace to break, with Louis slowly easing away. A look at Harry as they moved away from each other saw that Harry’s eyes were red and he was certainly fighting back tears. Louis wished there was something he could do but it was obvious there wasn’t. Harry was back to not looking at him again.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Harry said, sniffing and staring downward.

‘Yeah.’ Louis said stupidly. He reached up and stroked the side of Harry’s face, comfortingly as Harry’s eyes gently fluttered to a close at the touch. ‘Tomorrow.’

With that, Louis was gone, leaving behind a very broken Harry who he felt more than responsible for.


	14. Fourteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for staying with me and reading!! Love the comments. :)

**Harry Styles**

Paparazzi at LAX always felt like a different kind of breed. It was their territory. They excelled in that environment and it was always the worst part of traveling. Crowds of photographers attacked Harry upon arrival and he had to do his best not to be mobbed by screaming fans in the process. It was all very chaotic and loud but as ever, Harry tried to remain as gracious as possible. Smiles were thrown at different phones and recording devices on cue, Harry never missed a beat. He felt good and refreshed just to be out of London at all. The end of rehearsals had given him a blissful 10 days off in which to get his mind together. The memory of Louis and his Louis problems were easily pushed to the back of his mind as Harry arrived in his hotel room and his thoughts were only occupied by the lavishness of his lifestyle. Even his wildest dreams couldn’t conjure up a lifestyle such as his and he was ever so grateful.

‘Yeah. I just had to get away.’ Harry spoke into his phone. Zayn had called to check on him after his quick departure at rehearsals. A private jet was immediately boarded and he’d left without telling a soul. Naturally, people were worried about him.

‘I just don’t want you to keep running away, bro.’ Zayn was saying. His voice was laced in concern and Harry immediately felt bad.

Harry sighed and dropped his bags onto the floor before examining the room in greater detail. It was perfect and he couldn’t help but admire the rich tones in the décor and how everything about it screamed wealth.

‘I’m not running.’ Harry mumbled, lightly. ‘I just can’t be in London at the moment. I mean we have 10 days off and if I’d stayed then I would probably end up in Louis’ flat again, which I would surely regret. I can’t be around him right now.’

‘How long are you going to stay in LA?’ Zayn enquired.

‘I don’t know. Not long. Couple of days tops. I want to see my Mum before we start the tour so I’ll be back before long.’ Harry told him, gazing out of the huge windows into the beautiful city outside. It was so different from home and yet felt so homely in itself.

‘Sure, I understand.’ Zayn stated, calmly. ‘I just wanted to check on you because people were a bit worried. You ran off pretty quick after rehearsals. So… just let me know when you’re back. Okay?’

‘Will do, mate.’ Harry nodded absently. ‘Keep in touch. Lots of love.’

‘Love you, bro.’ Zayn reciprocated before hanging up.

Harry put the phone away from his ear and examined the screen briefly. There were a bunch of messages from concerned people. The only people he’d told of his departure were members of his security team just so he wouldn’t end up mobbed on the floor on his way to the hotel. The talk with Louis at Niall’s party two days prior was the last time Harry had spoken to Louis. At rehearsals it was easy enough to avoid Louis which was fitting because Harry had no idea what he would say to him. The advice he got from people varied so much that it was hardly helpful. Gemma just seemed to think that Louis was purposely in denial about himself which Harry didn’t particularly like because all it did was make him defensive over Louis. Zayn was always willing to listen which was why Harry had ended up talking to him more as his issues with Louis had gotten deeper. However, none of it really helped in the same way as just getting out of London did so for the most part, Harry was at peace.

Harry spent his first few hours in LA doing nothing but sleeping off the jet lag. It was nice and it was necessary. His phone was completely off and he didn’t have to worry about the outside world. That is, until he woke up and realised he’d have to check his phone someday. So it was with a heavy sigh that he sat for a good five minutes, texting people and reassuring them that he was in fact, alive and well. Twitter was going a bit crazy in regards to him possibly having a new girlfriend in the form of his friend Jasmine. Harry wasn’t sure where things were headed with her but he knew it was nothing but a mere distraction. All he could really think about, as he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, was Louis. Harry found that Louis Tomlinson had set up camp inside his head and wouldn't leave no matter how hard he tried to push him out. The more he thought about his predicament, the more lost he felt. Louis was capable of making him feel so much hurt and anguish but the bottom line was the most Louis made him feel was love. It was a pure, raw and unsaturated love. It hurt like hell. Harry wished to escape from it but it just further pulled him in drowned him.

‘I need to get a life.’ Harry mumbled, forcing himself to get out of bed. He felt like such a loser, pining for someone he knew just didn’t feel the same way. He wanted to detest Louis but it was hard given that everything about Louis was something he deeply admired. Harry had looked up to Louis from the moment they had met, hanging onto his every word and laughing at every joke. Maybe Harry shouldn’t have idolised him as much as he had and he wouldn’t be in his current predicament.

Harry just stood in the middle of the room, at a loss for anything productive to do. This was usually how it panned out when he was in LA. People loved to make it out as if he visited the city to be a typical celebrity and run around everywhere but standing alone in his hotel room was the saddest reality.

Harry thought it was all a bit tragic, really.

*

In the list of the most spontaneously stupid things he’d ever done, there were a lot that Harry regretted. The one on that warm LA night however, was at the top of the list. He didn’t regret it exactly, he just sat there a long while after the fact. His mind screamed at the words ‘ _What were you thinking?’_ at him on a continuous loop. Even the tattoo artist had found Harry’s newest addition slightly random.

‘What does this one mean then?’ He asked, looking slightly confused.

It was with a shaky stance and his pulse racing for no apparent reason that Harry made up some ridiculous excuse. He really admired his quick thinking in that time. It was probably the fastest he’d ever spoken.

‘Um… my friend. She’s got a baby. Well, she’s not a baby anymore. I love her a lot so…’ Harry’s voice trailed off because he was a huge liar.

‘Baby’s initials?’ The tattoo artist had asked, not very convinced.

‘Yeah. Her name is Lux, so… yeah.’ Harry had decided to leave it at that.

It was a stupid lie and Harry knew it wouldn’t stick. Lou Teasdale would probably not mind that Harry had gotten an ode to her daughter tattooed on him in ink and maybe one day he might go down that road. But this particular one was certainly not for her and it was obvious that it wasn’t. No one was going to believe it and Harry felt he should probably work on a better lie for the fans who were more than capable of figuring out his darkest secrets.

Despite the ridiculousness of the situation, Harry couldn’t help but smile as he admired the ink on his skin. It was still sore and red but it wasn’t a big tattoo so he hardly minded. It was probably the best pain he’d ever felt, given the meaning behind it.

‘Beautiful.’ Harry muttered to himself. He hardly cared that he was crazy. He just needed a release, an expression and so what if it came in the form of permanent ink scrawled on his body? Harry lightly traced the outline of the uppercase L just above the cross on his hand. It almost touched his index finger but didn’t. It was immediately his favourite and he knew somewhere in the near future he’d have to explain himself. But for just that moment, he was able to stare at it lovingly and think about Louis. This was surely an ode to Louis, if anything else was. It didn’t matter if things never worked out between the two of them, this was a reminder that there would always be a part of Harry that belonged to Louis.

*

Rehearsals were over and Louis was free to do as he pleased. Or at least, in theory. Louis’ mum text him just about every second to ask him to visit home before he left for South America. But Doncaster was so far away and also, Louis didn’t want to. He made a habit of dodging her calls and hiding out in his flat for the first two days off. It was actually rather enjoyable. He loved the boys but time away from them was necessary. Louis did nothing for two days but walk around half naked in his flat and watch Breaking Bad like he was hooked on drugs himself. The show was his meth, he thought to himself and smirked to himself as well because he couldn’t share his thoughts with anyone because he was a loser.

Zayn had of course left for home the second rehearsals had finished, which was hardly surprising. He did text Louis everyday though and entertained Louis’ crazy ideas about turning to a life of crime and becoming the next Heisenberg after having watched way too many episodes of Breaking Bad in one day.

‘You have no reason to do it, you don’t have cancer and you have money.’ Zayn had reasoned with him on the phone one evening much to Louis’ annoyance.

‘I do it for the thrill of it, Zayn!’ Louis had impatiently explained. ‘The thug life chose me, I didn’t choose the thug life.’

‘Hard growing up in Doncaster was it, mate?’ Zayn scoffed.

Louis simply rolled his eyes and ended the call because he was misunderstood and no one understood his love for highly addictive TV shows.

On the third day, he was actually worrying about himself, having considered the possibility of setting up a drug den in his kitchen that he ended up texting Niall to join him for food. Niall happily obliged and they met in a posh restaurant in Chelsea which Louis felt far too underdressed for.

‘This is quite nice, mate.’ Louis commented, observing the table setting. ‘I mean, I feel like I shouldn’t be here but still.’

‘Come on! How long has it been since we had a boy’s day out?’ Niall chuckled, fixing Louis with a pointed look. ‘I had to make sure we started somewhere nice.’

Louis couldn’t argue with that nor did he point out that they saw each other literally everyday for rehearsals because three days away from Niall really did feel like a lifetime. He did miss the golden haired ball of energy more than he cared to admit.

‘So what’s going on then?’ Niall pressed. ‘Last time we spoke you were pulling your hair out over your love affair with Harry. How’s that working out for you? Any progress.’

Louis simply groaned and regretted every life decision he’d ever made that had led him to being friends with Niall. He had been doing exceptionally well at remaining Harry conversations free for three days. And now here Niall was, bringing it up within the first three seconds.

‘I haven’t spoken to Harry actually.’ Louis glanced at the menu in front of them. He wasn’t sure what he fancied, if anything. The acceptable hour to call it would be brunch but Louis was always confused about what to eat at brunch. Was breakfast food still acceptable? ‘I heard he went off to LA soon as rehearsals finished. I got a text from Zayn saying so but I haven’t spoken to him directly.’

‘Yeah, he is in LA.’ Niall confirmed quickly. ‘Said he’s coming back soon though. Maybe tonight, in fact. Don’t see the point in going there when we’re setting off for tour so quickly but I guess he’s got his reasons.’

‘I suppose so.’ Louis briefly stated.

They didn’t talk about Harry any further for a while and Louis was grateful. It had been entirely too weird between them since Niall’s party and he was certainly not sure where he stood with Harry. He hoped they could be friends but it didn’t seem like friendship would be enough for Harry.

'Hold on, just got a text from Cole.' Niall held up an index finger. 'Oh wow. Hilarious. A dinner party at his house.' Niall's eyes brightened with excitement as they fell on Louis. 

The text wasn't entirely surprising so Louis simply sipped his coke and observantly watched Niall. Cole was a mutual friend of all the boys and worked with them on their tour. He was known for throwing extravagant dinner parties because he was ridiculously posh and belonged anywhere but on tour with them. He was a nice guy though and he was entirely hilarious. 

'You going?' Niall asked, a hopeful expression on his face. 'He said he invited the boys and a select few people from the crew. Should be good.' 

'I guess.' Louis stated briefly. It wasn't that he didn't want to go but be just wasn't very decided on the fact. There was a lot to consider which mainly centred around who the guest list specifically included. Louis hadn't talked to Harry since Niall's party so he wasn't sure how it would be if they were to see each other. That was if Harry even attended in the first place, given his loyalties to LA and everything. 

'Come on Tommo, you have to come.' Niall stressed. 'You know what Cole's like it's going to be hilariously awkward.' 

Niall was completely right. Cole's dinner parties constituted of dressing extravagantly and sipping tea over ridiculous small talk. Louis and the boys usually made a mockery of the whole thing. 

'I'll think about it.' Louis promised. 'Give me the day to think it over.' 

'That's my boy!' Niall cried with excitement. He held his hand up in triumph and Louis kindly obliged to an over-excited hi-five. 

* 

Louis didn't think it was polite for Zayn to flat out refuse to return to London for Cole's party. He loved the hell out of Zayn but his tendency to not attend social gatherings was no good for Louis. Especially considering Harry had very much changed over the past month and started hanging out with the group more. See, Zayn was Louis' backbone and Louis felt safe with Zayn there in any awkward situation. Louis' best persuasive tactics didn't work on Zayn however, who simply said he didn't want to without further explanation. 

So Louis ended up arriving outside Cole's mansion in Essex, because yes - he was pretentiously rich and lived in one of those, on his own and minus Zayn. A swift text in his inbox told him Niall was already there along with Liam, Dan, Josh and a couple of other names that weren't particularly relevant to Louis. It seemed like a good crowd for the most part but Louis still felt like a bit of an out of place prat as he wandered over to knock on the door. He wasn't sure if he was over or underdressed. Cole's dress codes usually consisted of the best suits money could buy but the sun was out and Louis was annoyed, having opted to wear a  dark blue button up over grey jeans. It would just have to do.

'Louis!' Cole shouted, the second the door opened. He looked entirely too happy to see him and his electric blue eyes shone with delight onto Louis' own. 'So glad you could make it.' Because he was ridiculously posh, Louis expected the kisses on both cheeks before they came.

'Hi Cole, how are you?' Louis asked as he was guided into the house. They walked through the broad interior, Louis taking the time to admire the eccentric paintings that lined the hallways. 

'Delightful as ever.' Cole said, leading him into the massive dining area. A large round table stood in the middle with all the guests except Louis already seated. The sound of the polite conversation already made Louis reconsider having attended. 

'Still a massive disappointment to my parents.' Cole continued, waking Louis to his seat. 'Still not at Oxbridge and still touring the world with some manufactured pop-band. So, living the dream really.' 

Louis laughed at his comments, hardly taking offense. That was Cole in a nutshell. He was brutally honest and that was a respectable, part of his humour. Louis found it admirable in fact and his grin was genuine towards Cole. 

'As long as you're happy, mate.' Louis said, sitting down next to Niall. 'Can't please everyone.' 

'Precisely.' Cole smiled warmly at Louis before excusing himself to take his seat at the head of the table. 

Louis was situated between Niall and Josh, which worked well for him. He greeted both boys as well as Liam who sat opposite Louis. Everyone seemed to be in pleasant moods, making light conversation and laughing as they awaited the arrival of the food. 

'Glad you're here!' Niall pulled Louis into a hug and Louis threw his hands up to protect his already mess of a hair. 'Shame Zayn didn't come though.' 

'Yeah.' Louis agreed, freeing himself of Niall's grasp. 'Glad I'm here too. Guess I needed to get out of the flat a bit more.' 

A quick glance around the room told Louis that Harry was very much not in attendance. However, two empty seats next to Liam let Louis know he could very well be on his way. 

'I'd like to make a toast before we start.' Cole tapped his wine glass and the room silenced. 'I know I play around a lot but I just wanted to say a few words. Ever since I've joined this team, I've been able to do some new and very wonderful things with my life. It's surely not the kind of things my family had in mind for me. These are things money really can't buy. Not really anyway. It makes me so happy to be travelling around the world along with the rest of you and before we embark on our new adventure, our very long adventure, I just want to say none of it would be possible without five very special boys. Three of whom are here with us today, one of whom isn't and another who I'm being told is on his way.' 

There was a brief cheer as he paused and Louis sighed, realising that Harry would in fact be attendance. He wasn't sure how to feel about that but he did feel humbled by Cole's speech. Louis grinned at him before looking at Liam and Niall in turn. 

'Because the five of you were brave enough,' Cole continued, 'to follow your dreams you've allowed me to follow mine. And my parents might hate the five of you for it. But you can't please everyone. So to Louis, Liam, Niall and -' Cole's voice trailed off as everyone's attention turned to the dining room entrance. Louis should have expected it really, but he was still surprised to see Harry waltz into the room without a care in the world. He was dressed in a black suit with a crisp white shirt adding to the only colour in his attire. That, and the damn glittery look in his eyes. Harry smiled pleasantly as he wandered over to Cole, all eyes following him. 

'And Harry! Speak of the devil.' Cole said brightly, standing to embrace Harry. Louis could hardly concentrate on the specifics of the pleasantries they shared however as he was still too busy taking in Harry's appearance. In a more shocking twist than Harry actually being late for an event, his hair was actually cut, yes cut to a much shorter length than the last time Louis had seen him. Lou Teasdale must have been busy, Louis thought as he took in the change, the bandana no longer necessary as Harry's curls had been artfully clipped. 

'I do apologise everyone.' Harry was saying as he took the seat next to Liam. 'I literally just flew in.' He nodded pleasantly at everyone and when his eyes landed on Louis he even smiled slightly. That was something as the usual approach was just to avoid Louis' existence altogether. 

'It's completely fine.' Cole said. 'I was just making a toast in your honor, in fact. To Liam, Harry, Louis, Niall and the lovely Zayn Malik. You are missed.' 

There was a collective cheer around the room and everyone including Louis took a sip of their drink. The food arrived soon after but Louis hardly noticed, his eyes falling far too often on Harry. It was astonishing how refreshed Harry looked, as if he was a man of new beginnings. The stressed and pained look in his eyes at Niall's party had long disappeared. Occasionally Harry would glance across the table and catch Louis' eyes on him. Louis of course blushed vehemently and looked away instantly. 

'This is some good steak.' Niall commented and Louis felt obliged to agree. He's remained quiet most of the meal, focusing on just being confused and somewhat captivated by Harry's aura. 

'It really is.' Louis stated absently. He was sure it probably wasn't proper dinner party etiquette but his phone was vibrating from in his pocket and he felt the urge to check it. He glanced at Cole who looked distracted enough, engaged in conversation with the person next to him. Hoping to be discreet, Louis pulled his phone out of his pocket and peered at it under the table. 

**Zayn Malik**

_so u and Haz finally worked it out? happy for u mate. Love u x_

Louis frowned in confusion, glancing at Harry as if that would help him figure out Zayn's words. Harry was obliviously sipping champagne and listening intently to Liam. Louis knew Harry so well that he was more than certain Harry was hardly interested in the conversation. That was definitely Harry’s fake interested face with his eyes wide and his lips pressed into a small well practiced smile.

Louis quickly wrote the words _‘what are you talking about? I’m at Cole’s shindig with him and he hasn’t said a word at me… he’s not shamelessly avoiding eye contact anymore if that’s what you’re referring to?’_

It took Zayn less than a minute to text back Louis quickly cast his eyes over the screen in confusion.

**Zayn Malik**

_just saw something on twitter that made me think that. nevermind. how’s it going anyway? X_

Louis was even more lost and didn’t even bother texting Zayn back. Instead he logged onto his twitter app and scrolled through his timeline on a mission to figure out the mystery at hand. It didn’t take long though as Louis had been bombarded with messages. He was thoroughly baffled as he read a particularly strange tweet in his mentions.

 ** _@Louis_Tomlinson_** guess you and harry give zero fucks now! So proud of you both!

Louis just stared at the screen for a second, at a loss before noticing the picture attached to the tweet. The same grainy picture was in most of the mentions he’d received in fact, and he clicked it not prepared for what he saw.

It was Harry. The bright sun and the sunglasses immediately let Louis know it was a candid taken when he was out and about in LA. It wasn’t very significant to Louis though and he struggled to find the connection the fans had reached for within the pic. Sure, they were skilled in making every tiny thing a massive clue to their imagined love affair between Harry and himself but this was just a picture of Harry walking around LA. He literally only had 3 buttons done on his shirt, the rest open and revealing his tattoos and tanned chest.

‘What the hell?’ Louis muttered to himself.

Niall glanced over his shoulder and shook his head in disapproval.

‘Louis, where are your manners?’ He teased, nudging his with an elbow.

Louis rolled his eyes because Niall wasn’t one to talk about table manners. He did however, put his phone away for a moment because he needed to clear his head. More crazy rumours that even Zayn was jumping on couldn’t be good. He considered his next actions for all of two minutes before he did it. Leaning over the table, he waved to get Harry’s attention, hoping no one else would be able to hear the impending conversation.

‘Harry.’ Louis said quietly as Harry looked over at him.

‘Tommo, nice to see you mate.’ Harry flashed him a smile instantly. Louis just stared at him like he was crazy for a moment and considered that he probably definitely was. Harry had never called him ‘Tommo’ in his life. Something was definitely suspicious. Louis glanced down to see that Harry hadn’t even touched his food and for the love of God, he was wearing leather gloves. Louis couldn’t even pretend to understand the boy’s style choices.

‘Um, okay.’ Louis said, still taken back by the name. If Harry was trying to appear nonchalant and overly-friendly _‘we’re just pals’_ with Louis, he was already over-doing it.

‘Everything good? How have you been, mate?’ Harry asked. The phony mile was still pressed to his lips and Louis almost laughed because it was just an entirely ridiculous charade at playing like everything was cool.

‘Yes, everything’s good.’ Louis said, playing along. ‘I just wanted to ask… you haven’t heard any rumours about us recently?’

Maybe it was insensitive for Louis to bring it up knowing full well how sensitive Harry was to the subject but he just had to know. He prayed Harry wouldn’t ask him to elaborate on what ‘rumours’ were because it was blatantly obvious. If his memory served him correctly, Harry had once written the word ‘rumours’ as how he would remember Louis in an album booklet.

‘No, Nothing that I can remember.’ Harry said with a slight frown.

Louis nodded at that, taking his word for it. Despite the fact that Harry was acting pretty suspicious and hadn’t touched any food and was quick to look away from Louis after that. He didn’t make eye contact for the rest of the meal.

*

After the meal, people filtered around Cole’s house and into his massive garden, drinking and talking amongst themselves. It was nice and the early signs of summer made Louis feel nostalgic and like he should be kicking a football in his back garden. His proper back garden that wasn’t in London and was in a place far away in Yorkshire where people didn’t have dinner parties with fancy dress codes and didn’t pronounce their t’s properly. Not the people Louis knew anyway. He’d never delved into the posher areas of his hometown, if there was some.

‘You getting off soon?’ Liam appeared by his side and Louis glanced at his watch at his words. It was getting fairly late, the sun looking like it had had enough and wanted to disappear.

‘I don’t know. I’m quite enjoying admiring his lovely garden.’ Louis absently stated. The aura of the place was comforting and Louis gravitated towards the peacefulness of it all. The earlier ‘rumour’ talk had long been forgotten and all he cared about was the sounds of the birds.

‘It is nice.’ Liam commented. ‘I think I’m going to leave soon though. I’ve got a pretty brutal gym session in the morning and I want to rest up before this tour kicks me down.’

‘The gym, eh?’ Louis said lightly. ‘You see I would join you but you will more than definitely embarrass me.’

Liam chuckled lightly at his words before his gaze wandered past Louis causing Louis to turn around and almost wish he hadn’t. Harry was walking over to them, hands deep in his pockets and his new hair making his facial features even more dignified.

‘Hello, lads.’ Harry greeted them, spreading his arms wide. ‘Lovely weather, isn’t it?’

Louis didn’t comment, instead opting to immediately take his phone out. Because Harry was really standing in front of him commenting on the bloody weather and Louis was no idiot, something was wrong. Harry and Liam engaged in conversation as Louis hurriedly logged back into twitter. He almost dreaded what he would find but it didn’t take long for him to see yet another photo littering his mentions. It was of Harry again and Louis felt a tad self-conscious in looking at a picture of Harry while Harry was in front of him so he tilted his phone away from Harry just in case.

This time, Harry was wearing a white t-shirt and his skinny jeans, appearing to be walking around a shopping centre. The shot was clear enough, it showed Harry with a shopping bag in one hand and the other hand delved into his hair. The shades were still there and Louis immediately registered he was in LA just by the shops surrounding him. It was hard to tell what the big deal was at first glance, but the fans had actually circled a spot on the hand that was in Harry’s hair. Louis squinted and brought the phone closer to his face, trying to make out what a tiny little arrow drawn on the picture was identifying.

‘Something interesting there, pal?’ Harry asked, immediately startling Louis who moved the phone from his face immediately. The last thing Louis needed was for Harry to catch him staring at pictures of him.

‘Nothing.’ Louis said, shaking his head. ‘Just a text someone sent me.’

Stupid.

Why would he have to look at a text from that distance? Louis really needed to work on his lies.

‘That close?’ Harry asked, smirking. ‘Maybe you should go to Specsavers, mate. Get your eyes checked out.’ There was that fake grin and Louis all but threw up at the artificial-ness of the display.

‘Yeah, maybe I will.’ Louis said, tentatively. Harry’s eyes lingered on his own for a moment longer and Louis almost wished the ground would swallow him whole. The way he was staring at him, the overuse of endearing friendly names, all of it was just a bit much.

‘So where are you staying then? Take it you’re staying in London till the tour now?’ Louis asked, wanting shift the attention of his dodgy lie.

‘Yeah, I probably will.’ Harry said with a shrug. ‘I don’t know though. You know me though, I’m like a bird. A free spirit and all that. But yeah… I think I’ll stay at Lou’s house.’ It took a minute for it to register he meant Lou Teasdale and not Lou as in Louis himself.

‘Oh, that’ll be good.’ Louis commented absently.

Harry nodded and raised his eyebrows swiftly as if in agreement. Louis was unsure what else to say then and was thankful that Liam shifted the conversation by talking about the You & I video. Louis zoned out slightly and took the opportunity to glance at his phone. Because he was apparently not as stupid as five minutes earlier, he opted to zoom into the picture instead of holding it so close to his face. The focus of the picture was on a small mark above Harry’s cross tattoo. Louis immediately realised it was yet another tattoo on Harry’s hand which was interesting because Harry had always kept his hands bare except for the cross. A closer look at what it actually was, made Louis almost drop his phone. He wasn’t sure, no he was completely sure – written on Harry’s hand in dark black ink was an L. An L as in one from the alphabet. Louis glanced quickly at Harry’s face and must have looked mortified because Harry looked at him quizzically.

‘Everything okay?’ Harry asked.

Louis just nodded before returning his eyes to the phone. It was unmistakeable that it was an L that was tattooed on Harry’s hand. Louis just couldn’t explain _why_ Harry would get that letter in particular. Even as the thought crossed Louis’ mind, he couldn’t help but think about Harry’s words from Niall’s party. He was _infatuated_ with Louis and always had been. Surely, that L couldn’t be for him? Louis wildly glanced downwards, looking for Harry’s hands but they were hidden. They were bloody hidden in his pockets!

‘Shit.’ Louis mumbled lightly to himself.

Liam and Harry fixed him with concerned looked as Louis’ brain worked in overtime. There was no way that Harry would do something like that. Louis hadn’t even reciprocated any feelings to Harry so why would Harry then think it was sane to get such a tattoo?

The only explanation Louis could come up with was that it wasn’t real. Of course it wasn’t, he thought to himself after a moment. Of course not. The fans fabricated images in photoshop all the time and Louis wasn’t smart enough to understand how any of it worked but he knew that if they could photoshop a picture of Louis and Harry _kissing_ they could easily give Harry a small tattoo on his hand. Louis half assured himself with the answer and put it down to photoshop though he wasn’t entirely too sure and glanced back at Harry. He uneasily pocketed his phone and watched Harry thoughtfully for a moment.

‘How was LA, Harry?’ Louis asked casually. ‘Do anything fun?’

‘Of course I did.’ Harry brightly answered. ‘It was LA! I just needed to get away but it ended up being so much fun. Really need to move out there soon.’

Lies. Harry was lying through his teeth but Louis didn’t understand why. There was just something inside Louis that told him Harry wasn’t entirely truthful about just how much fun he had in LA. He didn’t press the issue further however, and nodded pleasantly.

‘I think that’s me, boys.’ Liam said, looking past them at where his security guard had shown up. ‘I’m off now. We’ll have to see each other before the tour starts.’

‘Of course, mate.’ Louis said with a smile, leaning in to give Liam a hug. Harry did the same after Louis and they both waved as Liam headed away from them, leaving them alone together.

They hadn’t been alone together since Harry had clung onto Louis as if he never wanted to let go. Louis still remembered that feeling of being held like his life depended on that hug. It was now awkward as Harry had returned to a new and refreshed lying state of pretending.

‘I like your hair. Finally decided to get it cut?’ Louis asked after a moment’s awkward silence.

‘Of course.’ Harry said, smiling. ‘Isn’t it obvious? No, I just decided it was time for a fresh start. It really helps though, cutting the hair off. Gave me a new insight onto life almost. You think you’ll get one soon?’

‘Maybe.’ Louis said, still considering the whole tattoo debacle. ‘Saves you having to use the bandana as frequently doesn’t it?’

‘Sure does.’ Harry said with a light smile.

Louis watched him for a moment. Harry hadn’t once removed his hands from his pocket and though Louis was 99% sure the photo was fake, he just needed confirmation.

‘Say Harry, speaking of hair.’ Louis started casually, ‘I’ve been thinking. I noticed that I might have gotten a few grey hairs but I’m in denial. In the mirror and in pictures it’s hard to tell because of the lighting. Mind having a look for me?’

Harry frowned, clearly thrown off by the request. But he didn’t miss a beat and quickly smiled that ever charming smile of his.

‘Sure.’ He said. Harry stepped closer to Louis and peered over his head.

‘You have to really get in there.’ Louis told him, bowing his head. ‘It’s right in the middle. Might have to use your hands.’

Harry laughed slightly before shrugging and removing his hands from his pockets slowly. Louis’ heart leapt for a second before falling yet again. Gloves! Stupid gloves in blazing hot weather and Louis was extremely frustrated. He was standing there with Harry’s fingers in his hair looking like an idiot for no reason.

‘I can’t see anything.’ Harry lightly parted strands of Louis’ hair, appearing to be taking the whole thing very seriously.

‘It’s fine.’ Louis stepped back in defeat. ‘I was probably just imagining it.

Harry’s hands fell to his sides and Louis resisted the temptation to rip the damn gloves off him. This was the single most frustrating experience of his life.

‘Listen, Tommo mate,’ Harry said after a moment. Louis almost cringed at how unnatural the name sounded on Harry’s lips. Just call me fucking Lou, his mind silently screamed at Harry.

‘Yeah?’ Louis said, lightly.

‘I just want to apologise for the other night.’ Harry stated, looking down. ‘I know that was a lot for you to take and it was unfair of me to spring it all on you. I just want to move on from that now and forget it because it was just stupid. I’ve had a lot of time to think and I want us to be friends… I really do, I don’t want it to be awkward. I also don’t want you to think of me as the crying mess I’ve recently been. You think you could forget all that? Or act like it at least?’

Louis was very taken back by the request. Harry’s cheeks were tinged with light pink and it was obvious he was making every effort to pretend and live in some form of falsity. Louis wanted to refuse but he had to give Harry the benefit of the doubt that he knew what he was doing. Harry was a grown up, afterall.

‘Sure. If that’s what you want.’ Louis stated, gently.

Harry beamed genuinely for the first time that day and Louis bit his lip in thought. He was certain all of what Harry brought that day was a façade and a desperate attempt to act like nothing had happened between them but Louis had to let him have what he wanted. For the most part.

‘Thank you. Means a lot, Tommo.’ Harry nodded and Louis cringed on the inside. ‘I think I’ll better acquaint myself with Cole’s potato patch over there if you’ll excuse me.’

Louis simply nodded and moved out of Harry’s way, allowing him to walk past with ease. He couldn’t help but get his phone out the second he left and cross examine the picture of Harry’s hand immediately after he left. It certainly didn’t look fake. It looked like there was most certainly an L written forever on Harry’s hand with ink. It made no sense to Louis though and after much deliberation with himself, Louis decided even if the photo _was_ real then it certainly wouldn’t stand for Louis. It was on his hand for goodness sake! Right next to a cross which was the only other thing on his hand. It was obviously pretty fucking special. It probably represented an Aunt or maybe even a cat that Louis had no knowledge of. It certainly didn’t stand for Louis and certainly not Louis as in Tomlinson. It certainly wasn’t real. There was no way Harry would do something so drastic. Louis couldn’t think of any reason Harry would have to do such a thing.


	15. Fifteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day! I'm on beastmode. I have a week off school but from next week I'll be soooo busy so just want to get this one out. By the way, just saw the pics of Zouis outside rehearsals today and my God, I'm in love with their bond. Real life Zouis inspires my Zayn + Louis so much I hope I do them justice. This story attempts to show something along the lines of how they are with each other in real life in my head. (of course it's all made up though!!) 
> 
> Forever grateful for feedback! Much love!
> 
> P.S The Nick Grimshaw article mentioned in the add is a real article I read today. I'm sure a quick twitter search will find it for you if you're interested. He's just talking about what it's like being friends with Harry.

‘Mate, I have to be honest with you.’ Louis tilted his head to the side and examined the painting in front of him at greater length. ‘It looks a bit like a penis.’

Zayn was less than impressed by the remark and rewarded Louis with a swift punch to his shoulder. Louis quietly winced in pain, hardly wanting to bring attention to them. They were in the Tate Modern, viewing paintings and other such artsy things Louis had little interest in. He was only there because of Zayn’s bribes which included actually allowing Louis to _spend time with him,_ which to Louis was very drastic.

‘You should want to spend time with me because you love me.’ Louis had complained over the phone before reluctantly agreeing. He had then spent many hours awaiting Zayn’s arrival only to jump on him and hold him until Zayn promised he was on the verge of suffocation.

‘You have no eye for art.’ Zayn was presently complaining, moving past the painting Louis had criticized. They were heading into a room which included what Louis could only describe as giant combs made out of massive planks of wood. Louis squinted at the items, as if that would help better his understanding.

‘Just looks like wood to me.’ Louis said, giving up after a moment.

Zayn didn’t even bother entertaining him with a response that time, opting to wander over to the item and gaze at it contemplatively.

Louis was bored. He was also hungry and he didn’t want to look at modern art anymore because he was sure that he could sell his pile of dirty laundry at home as a piece of modern art.

‘This is so shit.’ Louis complained for the millionth time. ‘Let’s go to the skate park or something.’

Zayn was hardly persuaded and chose to just move onto the next piece, without even waiting for Louis to catch up. Louis reluctantly did catch up, having to jog slightly because Zayn clearly didn’t care if he lost him or not.

‘We’re going to get spotted.’ Louis said, looking around in slight paranoia.

‘No we’re not.’ Zayn scoffed. ‘There’s no teenage girls here.’

He was right. The place was filled with people in their 30s and maybe 40s all of who could afford the wealthy pieces of art being showcased. Louis considered for a moment that he too could afford it but had much better ideas about what to spend his money on, such as pizza. Zayn was ever the artistic God that he was though and continued to examine the art thoughtfully. He was fully in his element, engrossed in it all and Louis even wondered why Zayn had bothered to invite him in the first place.

‘So about your text…,’ Louis sheepishly started, ‘about Harry… I went on twitter and I saw the tattoo thing everyone was tweeting me. I don’t suppose that’s what you were talking about?’

Zayn briefly tore his eyes off the display and glanced at Louis. He appeared amused for half a second before averting his gaze again.

‘Yes it was.’ He briefly stated. ‘You saw it then? What do you think?’

What did he think? Louis wasn’t sure what to think exactly. He’d spent the night of Cole’s dinner party on his living room couch, cross examining photoshop features on YouTube and comparing them with Harry’s hand. Even in his limited knowledge, Louis had the sinking feeling in his stomach that it wasn’t photoshop.

‘I don’t know what to think.’ Louis admitted. ‘I’m just slightly confused by the whole thing. I wanted to ask your expert opinion actually. Do you think its photoshopped?’

Zayn just laughed and shook his head, his all-too-pretty eyes gleaming in a way Louis didn’t like.

‘Oh Louis… Louis, Louis,’ Zayn chanted, ‘my dear Louis. You have a lot to learn.’

What exactly did that mean? Louis had no idea so he inhaled sharply, waiting for Zayn to get a clue and continue. It turned out Zayn had no intention of doing such a thing and instead walked over to the next piece of work which appeared to be the solar system hanging in mid-air. Louis briefly examined it, wondering just what the purpose of it was before his mind came back to more important matters. Zayn. Zayn was impossible and laughing like he was in on a secret Louis wasn’t and Louis just wanted a break for once.

‘What do you mean, Zayn?’ Louis pressed, nudging Zayn in his side. ‘Stop with the mysterious shit. If you know that it’s real then just tell me.’

‘It’s real alright.’ Zayn said, his eyes focused on the circle of planets. He said it with so much conviction it almost knocked Louis to the floor. Zayn was speaking as if he knew. He had facts that Louis didn’t and oh – things weren’t looking so good.

‘He told you that?’ Louis asked slowly, almost dreading the answer.

Zayn didn’t respond for a moment and instead just took his phone out and took a picture of the stupid solar system. Louis wanted to scream because his own world was crumbling to pieces and if Harry had actually got Louis’ initials tattooed on him Harry meant business. This was no longer just a small ball of confusion the two of them were playing with anymore. This was very real.

‘He didn’t tell me.’ Zayn said with a shrug. ‘And before you ask, I’m telling the truth. Of course, had he told me and asked me not to tell you I wouldn’t tell you anyway just because I’m loyal like that. But I can confirm he didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask. I can just tell that it’s not photoshopped.’

Louis hardly noticed that they were now standing next to what could only be described as a chair and absolutely nothing else. It was a chair, there was no two ways around the subject. A chair. Louis’ mind was instead being blown to pieces because Zayn knew his shit when it came to anything art related and photographs of guys who had little L’s tattooed on them was definitely art.

‘But Harry wouldn’t do that.’ Louis weakly mumbled, at a loss for words.

Zayn laughed and looked at Louis almost to check if he was serious. Louis was serious and Zayn stopped laughing but still had a stupid amused look on his face.

‘Oh but Harry _would_ do exactly that. You’ve got such a lot to learn young Louis.’ Zayn said, rubbing his shoulder in a supportive way.

Louis didn’t feel supported however, he just felt entirely at a loss and like the world’s biggest idiot. It was like he was the only one on the outside of the largest inside joke ever. It was stupid. Probably sensing Louis’ discomfort, Zayn put his arm all the way around Louis’ shoulders and pulled him in close to him. Zayn smelled like art and hope, Louis thought and Louis wanted to drown in the smell and never look up again.

‘Don’t stress your pretty little head.’ Zayn said soothingly. ‘It’ll all become clear with time.’

Louis was surely going to put forward some kind of argument but Zayn slightly rocked him and whispered sweet bullshit into his ear and Louis shut up for once in his life.

*

Despite the inexplicable tattoo fiasco of 2014, Louis had the best day in a long time with Zayn. It was amazing to be able to forget about everything else and just chill with his best mate, doing stuff they both enjoyed. Louis couldn’t help but think about how much he had in common with Zayn as they laughed effortlessly throughout the day, heading to the skate park after the art gallery. They ended up back at Louis’ flat which was where Zayn was staying and it was a nice, relaxing atmosphere. Louis even agreed to watch ‘Back to the Future’ because it was Zayn’s favourite and hardly complained about the over-indulgence of Drake in his living room. If it meant having Zayn around, he would oblige every time.

‘If I could go to the future I would certainly not want to see my kids or my wife.’ Zayn was saying thoughtfully. They were laying too-close in Louis’ bed watching the second movie in the series.

‘And why is that?’ Louis loved Zayn so much he didn’t even complain about him smoking in his bed. He just pretended the smell didn’t bother him and sat watching the movie for the millionth time, trying to get the hype around it. He’d never really understood it.

‘Because what if they’re horrible?’ Zayn reasoned. ‘I don’t want to spend the rest of my life knowing I’m going to end up with a horrible wife and kids. I may as well give up right then and there if that’s the case.’

Zayn had a point, Louis thought to himself, reaching over to his bedside table to retrieve his phone. He was all for entertaining Zayn’s choices in movies but he needed a distraction. Twitter was the greatest distraction of them all but also Louis’ biggest enemy. It was an addictive little piece of shit though and Louis wound up on there somehow. His mentions were in shambles still about the L tattoo and he sighed, wishing he could understand somehow.

‘You know, it probably is real.’ Louis mused, lightly. ‘It’s just not about me. That’s the only explanation.’

‘It’s definitely about you.’ Zayn laughed in that cocky, self-assured way that Louis couldn’t stand.

Louis just examined his phone, unsure of what to say, unsure of how Zayn even knew but not daring to ask.

‘Look at this.’ Louis said, a sinking feeling in his stomach. ‘Nick Grimshaw talks about Harry. It’s an article.’

Zayn lazily glanced at him, hardly interested apparently.

‘Who cares what he has to say about anything?’ Zayn said, seeming less than impressed. Due to the fact that Zayn was possibly the most loyal human on the planet, he had admirably stuck by Louis’ side in the whole distaste for Nick Grimshaw.

‘He’s talking about Harry though.’ Louis opened the article and immediately wished he hadn’t. Knowing that Harry was friends with Nick really hurt him and took him to a place he couldn’t really understand. Knowing that Harry was now better friends with Nick than with Louis killed him slightly. The article proved just that, with Nick detailing nights out with Harry and generally hanging out with Harry and Harry, Harry, Harry.

‘This is an interview about him,’ Louis said rolling his eyes, ‘yet the majority of the questions are about Harry. How does it feel I wonder, to have all your relevance based around another person.’ Louis was scowling at the article, disliking Nick with every second. Maybe he was childish because it was all based on jealousy and the fact that Nick was an outsider who managed to entice Harry just as much Louis had. But he didn’t care. He couldn’t chase away the feelings.

‘Get this,’ Louis continued, frustration prominent in his voice, ‘he’s saying that the reason Harry was late to collect his Brit Award was because he was with Nick. What a pretentious fucking… who does he think he is, Zayn? Does he have a life besides flaunting his friendship with Harry in everyone’s face? We get it already. You’re best mates. What do you want? A medal?’

Zayn was clearly over the whole Louis doing nothing but complaining thing, because he sat up slightly and paused the TV. Louis knew he was in trouble just by how Zayn turned to look at him.

‘Louis, listen to me.’ Zayn said, carefully. ‘I love you more than anything. I do. You’re my boy. But I have to tell you… there’s so much going on here that you’re not addressing and I’m worried about you. Sure, Nick is an annoying twat, but… it’s annoying you because of something else. And I want you to really think about it. You don’t owe me any kind of explanation. I just want you to think about it in your head.’

Louis opened his mouth to respond, but Zayn held up a finger and silenced him. It was a signal for Louis to be quiet and actually _think_ for once in his life. He did not like being told what to do. Louis sighed and glanced back at his phone, the silence in the room almost deafening him. Harry had been back in London for all of two minutes and already, there were pictures of him and Nick practically falling out of nightclubs. It just didn’t sit well with Louis.

‘It just doesn’t sit well with me.’ Louis reiterated to Zayn. ‘I can’t really put it any other way. I don’t trust him. I think he’s blatantly in love with Harry but he’s using him at the same time because Harry is hot and young and new and successful. I think Harry is just that nice of a guy he won’t notice what it is that’s happening.’

Zayn watched him for a moment, his eyebrows raised and a slight look of disbelief on his face. It didn’t look like he was buying what Louis was selling but Louis hardly minded. Zayn didn’t have to believe him. No one did.

‘Whatever, Zayn.’ Louis muttered. ‘Keep judging me with your eyes.’

‘Lou, this isn’t funny.’ Zayn said, immediately. ‘I’m trying to help you. I want you to be happy or at least rid of all this bullshit you’re carrying around.’

Zayn had placed a hand on Louis’ arm and Louis shrugged it off, immediately feeling vulnerable. Zayn had been taking lessons from Harry it seemed and had mastered the art of knowing everything Louis was hiding.

‘I don’t like how you’re looking at me.’ Louis said, slightly frustrated. ‘I don’t need help. I’m not carrying shit around. Let’s talk about you. I’m sick of discussing me. How are you dealing with the Perrie situation?’

The air between them became five times heavier within the second and Zayn quickly glanced away. Louis felt horrible but only slightly because Zayn was always putting him on the spot.

‘I don’t want to talk about that.’ Zayn’s eyes were dark. ‘And just for the record, because I know you’re thinking it… we always talk about your issues with Harry because you bring them up, genius. I don’t bring Perrie up or the shit I’m dealing with because I’d rather not discuss it.’

A definitive conclusive tone lay within Zayn’s words and hey, Louis didn’t have a death wish so he didn’t press the issue further. He just continued to look at pictures of Nick and Harry, wishing they would just spontaneously stop being friends. Then he felt immediately bad and wished he wasn’t such a jealous fool.

‘Do you think anything happened between them?’ Louis asked, long after Zayn had played the TV again. ‘I just can’t get it out of my head now.’

‘I have no idea, mate.’ Zayn said with a shrug. ‘All I know is it’s blatantly obvious Nick is in love with Harry. Who knows if anything happened?’

Louis considered the thought for a moment. Harry did have a knack for hooking up with people, he supposed but surely he wouldn’t have done anything with Nick. Louis wasn’t so sure however and he shifted slightly on the bed, suddenly feeling uneasy.

‘I hope nothing happened.’ Louis admitted quietly. ‘There’s no way of knowing though. If they wanted anyone to know they would have made it obvious by now. I mean, it’s Harry. It’s hard enough for him to go to the toilet without some source confirming it.’

‘If they really wanted to keep it a secret they could.’ Zayn pointed out.

Louis hated when Zayn was right.

He knew that this was one of those times and sighed heavily. Why did the prospect of Harry and Nick make him so sick? Surely, it couldn’t be just because he hated Nick. Louis hadn’t been particularly fond of Taylor Swift either but he hadn’t felt this panicky feeling when he learned Harry was, for whatever reason actually associating with the girl. This was different for many reasons and Louis felt that in his bones. The first was because Nick Grimshaw was very much in love with Harry and Louis could see how easily Harry could fall for him. That was the type of person Harry was. He craved love and often times, it didn’t matter who gave it to him as long as it was authentic.

‘Zayn, I have to go.’ Louis quickly sprung up and out of bed. ‘I have to see Harry. I’m sorry to leave like this mate but I just can’t shake this feeling. I have to talk to him.’

Zayn hardly looked surprised and even smirked as he watched Louis frantically rush to get dressed. It was close to midnight and he had no clue what he was really doing but he knew he had to see Harry.

‘About time. Took you long enough.’ Zayn scoffed, leaning back and disappearing under Louis’ covers.

*

Louis drove like a madman and was very much not security assisted. If anyone found out what he’d done by sneaking off he would be lectured for four hours straight. He hardly cared though and felt it was late enough for him to disappear into the night and not be recognised. It wasn’t like he was Harry, afterall who paparazzi seemed to always notice from a mile away. Louis managed to make it to Lou Teasdale’s house unnoticed and in peace, thanking his lucky stars for the fact. He felt like a man on a mission and stopping to take pictures of be mobbed would interfere with his mission.

Louis quickly jogged up the steps leading to Lou’s house, feeling quite unnerved knowing it wasn’t exactly sociable to show up at people’s houses at that time. It was an emergency though, his inner voice argued as Louis rang the doorbell. It took a long moment for the door to open and Louis to be greeted by Lou who looked like she’d been woken from her sleep.

‘So sorry, Lou.’ Louis said sincerely. ‘I really am.’

‘Louis, what are you doing here?’ Lou asked, moving so Louis could make his way into her home. ‘Tell me you’re not here for a haircut at this time of night.’

Louis laughed shakily, suddenly questioning himself on why he’d made a mad dash there in the first place.

‘I just want to see Harry.’ Louis explained. ‘I’m sorry I should have called first. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t even thinking properly.’

Lou nodded in an understanding manner, her eyes filled with concern as she rubbed Louis’ shoulder gently.

‘It’s fine.’ She said, her voice calm. ‘I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’re here. It’s about time you and Harry spoke. Can I get you a cup of tea or anything?’

Louis shook his head in a silent refusal and tugged up the sleeves of his jumper higher.

‘I want to speak to him.’ Louis stated quietly.

Lou nodded and began to show Louis’ upstairs to where Harry’s room must have been but Louis hesitated slightly.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Louis said, hesitantly. ‘About Harry I mean.’

Lou simply waited for Louis to continue and Louis did so in an unsure manner.

‘I just want to ask about the tattoo.’ Louis said slowly. ‘I want to know if he told you anything about it. Did he mention he was getting it? Is it even real?’

The fact that Lou hardly batted an eyelid at the mention of the tattoo let Louis know that it was in fact real. Lou fixed her hair and sighed heavily before continuing.

‘I would tell you but he’s not mentioned anything to me.’ Lou explained. ‘I asked him what it was and he just sort of acted like he couldn’t hear me. I think you’re the best person to speak to him right now, Louis. I really do. I don’t want to go repeating anything he tells me in confidence but he really holds you in a high regard. You should speak to him.’

Louis looked at the floor, his confusion and despair at never being able to figure Harry out growing with each second.

‘I don’t know about that.’ Louis said. ‘If I’m the best person but I want to try. So I’m here.’

With that, they walked up the spiral staircase leading upstairs and to Harry’s room. Lou headed in the direction of her own room once upstairs, letting Louis know if he needed anything she would be there within a second. Louis appreciated the gesture and kissed her on the cheek as she left before turning to Harry’s room. Without knocking, he slowly turned the handle and walked in, poking his head in first just to check he’d gotten the right room.

 

It was the right room.

Harry was lying in bed, comfortably wrapped up in covers and his newly cut curls lazily framing his face. He looked peaceful as ever and Louis almost felt bad that he was going to be the reason for disturbing him.

Harry stirred with ease as Louis finally shook him after a moment of questioning all his life choices. Louis nearly ran back out of the room due to sheer nerves as Harry sleepily looked at him, blinking through fuzzy eyesight.

‘Hi. I don’t want to alarm you.’ Louis said and sounded like an imbecile while doing so.

‘Louis?’ Harry asked, looking genuinely worried. ‘What are you doing here at this time? Is everything okay? Are the boys okay?’

Harry sat up with some effort, his eyes locked into Louis’ and in slight worry.

‘Everything’s fine.’ Louis quickly reassured him. ‘I just wanted to talk.’

Harry’s shoulders relaxed at that and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, still clearly disorientated.

‘Can’t believe you’re here.’ Harry muttered, his disbelief present in his voce.

Louis didn’t allow for a quick snarky comment from himself at that and instead sighed, preparing himself for something that had never happened.

Before he could really think about what he was doing, Louis leaned over and grabbed the hand that was propping Harry up to a seated position in the bed. Harry appeared alarmed by the suddenness of the motion and immediately tried to pull back. Louis had the element of surprise on his side though and managed to bring Harry’s hand close to his face in order to examine it. He stared at it intently in the dimly lit room in much the same way he had studied many pictures of it. It looked exactly the same as he’d seen it in picture form. A clear and obvious L sat above Harry’s cross tattoo. It looked so dignified and belonging of that place that Louis just didn’t understand anything and the world did not make sense.

‘Harry,’ Louis weakly said, his voice almost giving away. ‘What is this?’

Louis traced the L with his thumb, the skin still slightly raised from the tattoo itself. Harry winced slightly but it had a lot less to do with pain and more to do with Louis’ question. That much was obvious.

‘It’s a tattoo.’ Harry said, earning a look from Louis. Harry sighed heavily in defeat, attempting to pull his hand away but Louis just gripped it tighter. He stared at the ink in many different directions, wondering if it was possible it could be anything but an L.

‘It’s for Lux.’ Harry stated plainly and Louis’ froze. Heat rushed to his face in a mixture of embarrassment and frustration and he quickly let Harry’s hand fall. Louis sank down onto the bed, sitting at a good enough distance from Harry.

Of course.

Louis felt like the stupidest person in the world. What kind of vanity and self-confidence had allowed him to just assume that Harry would get a _tattoo_ representing his name? Was he the dumbest person in the world? Louis thought so and Louis was very embarrassed, wanting to disappear. He’d made a massively obvious scene about something that had nothing to do with him.

‘What did you think it was?’ Harry was properly sitting up now, his eyes wide and focused intently on Louis. It was as if he wanted him to admit it and make even more of a fool of himself.

‘Nothing.’ Louis buried his face in his hands and sighed before letting his hands slide downward. ‘I was just curious.’

Harry clearly didn’t believe him and knew exactly what Louis had suspected. He didn’t just come out and say it however, and neither did Louis so they both sat there in a pointless silence.

‘You came all the way here at this time of night just to ask me that?’ Harry asked, disbelief written all over his face. ‘Because you were curious?’

Louis wished for his time machine and to not be there at all. He felt more stupid than he ever had and could practically feel Harry judging him. The absolute pretention of Louis to think that tattoo was about him was ridiculous. He felt highly ashamed.

‘I guess it wasn’t the only thing.’ Louis quietly mumbled after a long silence. ‘It’s hard for me to talk about actually so maybe you could just bear with me.’

Harry said nothing, simply choosing to watch Louis in that unnerving way that always threw Louis off. Louis slowly looked up to meet Harry’s glaring green eyes, wishing he could search for answers there. Harry gave nothing away however, choosing to just look at Louis as much as Louis looked at him.

‘Uh… okay,’ Louis finally said. ‘Okay. Okay. Okay… so, I know it’s not my business. It’s not my business in the slightest. But I have to ask you about Nick. I feel like I can’t even sleep at night unless I know.’

Harry frowned deeply, clearly not having anticipated such a question.

‘Grimmy?’ He asked, confused. ‘What about him?’

Louis considered his words for a long moment. He urged himself to say it in a way that would make him look least like a crazy psycho. However, his brain seemed adamant on making him look stupid because it held nothing back.

‘Has anything happened with the two of you?’ Louis blurted, before he could stop himself.

‘Happened?’ Harry quickly countered. ‘Louis, I don’t know what happened means. We’re mates. Why are you talking about Grimmy anyway? I just don’t get it.’

Lpuis sighed deeply, noting the avoidance of a question when he saw it. Harry clearly knew what he was referring to and didn’t want to tell him what he didn’t want to hear.

‘Harry, please.’ Louis bravely reached over and touched the hand he’d been looking at moments earlier. Harry’s eyes travelled down to Louis’ fingers and Louis lightly tapped on the back of Harry’s hand before moving his fingers towards Harry’s palm. In a slow movement, Louis’ smaller hand was enveloped within Harry’s. He was holding his hand. He was staring at the L he’d been so wrong about and he was still, holding his hand. Reassuring Harry that the truth was necessary. He had to know.

‘Fine.’ Harry muttered, looking at Louis’ face. He didn’t make any move to remove his hand from Louis’ and that was something in itself. ‘I’ll tell you. I guess. Even though I don’t know why you want to know.’

‘Please don’t worry about that.’ Sparks were flying everywhere and the touch the damn _touch_ was so intense Louis could hardly speak. ‘It’s obvious he likes you as more than a friend. More than obvious, in fact. And I know you’re close. That’s why I ask.’

Harry hardly breathed for a moment, his thumb absently rubbing Louis’ hand. The energy from the brief movement almost knocked Louis out cold. Louis stared at him, silently urging him to speak.

‘Just tell me.’ Louis said, when Harry refused to talk.

‘I… I think he does like me.’ Harry finally said. ‘I know, in fact. He’s told me as much. But… I don’t know. Louis, you’re not the person I want to talk to about this.’ Harry squeezed Louis’ hand in a desperate plea for Louis to drop the matter. He didn’t want to tell him and that in itself told Louis so much.

‘Harry, I want to know.’ Louis simply said. ‘I can handle it.’

Harry’s usually bright eyes darkened and Louis was almost certain he was fighting back tears. It felt like a truly defining moment between them was about to take place and it could go in two different directions. It all depended on Harry’s next words.

‘I’ve told you how I feel about… you.’ Harry said, sounding unsure of himself. ‘You’ve always been highly important to me. When I lost you I found Grimmy but it wasn’t the same kind of bond. It was still a strong bond though and it was different to you and I.’

‘How different?’ Louis pressed, the need to know growing inside of him with each passing second. He gave Harry’s hand a light squeeze and Harry’s eyes fell downward to their touch.

‘Different.’ Harry mumbled. ‘We’ve kissed. We’ve… done stuff before. But it was never serious. Not for me. I know he likes me and I’m a horrible person for leading him on I guess… but sometimes he’s just there and he looks at me the way I wish you would and it kind of just happens.’

Louis didn’t know where to look so he glanced upwards, silently wishing the heavens would help ease the storms currently in his mind. Nick and Harry. Kissing. The image was just too much for him to take. He felt betrayed somehow, knowing he had no right to feel that way.

‘It’s not a continuous thing, like…,’ Harry stroked the back of Louis’ hand absently, ‘it really isn’t. It just happens when we’re out. And I always stop it and he always wants more but I’m never thinking about him. Ever.’

Harry’s eyes burned holes into Louis’ face but Louis just couldn’t look. There was such a sinking sense of disappointment in his system he just couldn’t get rid of. He feared if he looked at Harry he may just crumble into a mess of unwarranted hurt right in front of him.

‘Louis.’ Harry lightly called. ‘It wasn’t like I felt that way about him. I was always thinking about – ‘

‘Am I supposed to be flattered?’ Louis snapped, pulling his hand out of Harry’s grip suddenly. ‘Flattered that you’re thinking of me even though you’re kissing Nick Grimshaw of all people? Thank you so much Harry, how very considerate.’

Louis was no idiot. He knew he had absolutely no right to be angry at Harry. However, the anger was a mere mask for something else and he had no control over the mask. Irrationality took over and Louis considered just why tears were forming in his eyes.

‘Louis, why do you even care?’ Harry asked, genuinely sounding confused. ‘You never said you felt the same for me. And what happened with me and Nick… a lot of it was still when you were with Eleanor.’

‘A lot of it?’ Louis questioned, the pieces falling together all too easily. ‘So you’ve hooked up recently then? After I broke up with Eleanor.’

Harry didn’t respond for a moment and that was enough of an answer for Louis who quickly shot to his feet. The need to leave was overbearing but he couldn’t oblige as Harry grabbed his arm and stood as well.

‘I needed to get you off my mind!’ Harry cried. ‘I told you how I felt at Niall’s party and you don’t feel the same. I know I might not have spelt it all out for you but you hardly got it… or cared. You can’t be angry because there is someone else out there that cares for me in that way.’

‘Let me go.’ Louis complained, pulling his arm out of Harry’s grip. ‘I wouldn’t expect you to understand or get anything Harry. Just forget I was here and forget I asked anything.’

Harry reached to grab Louis again with a pleading look on his face but tears were already spilling from Louis’ eyes and he had to get out of there. He turned and left the room and stormed out of Lou’s house moments later. Harry ran after him for whatever reason, all the way to his car and stood at the window looking a mix between as if he’d frozen his toes off and stepped on a kitten.

‘Louis, I never thought you would care!’ Harry said. ‘Please don’t do this to me, Louis. You can’t keep messing with my mind like this. One minute you don’t care and the next it gets you this upset? Tell me, which is it, Louis?’

Louis scowled and switched his car on, not wanting to hear Harry’s words because they made far too much sense for his liking. It was all entirely too much and even Louis was confused by the rush of emotions he was feeling.

‘Louis, please…,’ Harry said, his fingers pressed into the window frame, ‘I can’t stand to see you cry. Hey… please.’ Harry’s own voice cracked as his fingers touched Louis’ face and Louis had just about enough and violently pulled away.

‘Bye, Harry.’ He stated sharply before revving the engine hard, making Harry move away. Louis was allowed to drive off into the night in a desperate attempt to erase the image of Harry and Nick from his memory.

*

** Harry Styles  **

In what Harry felt like was the single worst moments of his life, Harry sat on the edge of his bed, pulling wildly at his hair and wishing he didn’t exist. That he’d never existed and then maybe he wouldn’t have been responsible for the utterly devastated look on Louis’ face that night. It was heart-wrenching for Harry to see. It filled him with so much dread he wanted to close his eyes and never open them again. Louis was confusing at the best of times but Harry had never in a million year anticipated the events of that particular night.

Having lied about the tattoo, Harry had foolishly thought the hard part was over. Hardly.

Why had Louis even asked about him in the first place let alone looked so damn _sad_ about Harry’s revelations? It was firstly not a big deal in the slightest because Harry felt nothing for Grimmy and never had. Secondly, since when did Louis care who Harry slept with or kissed? He knew Harry was no angel and that he’d had his fair share of special friends he’d messed with. Something about the fact that it was Grimmy of all people certainly didn’t sit right with Louis and that much was obvious.

‘I hate everything.’ Harry mumbled, flopping onto his bed and cursing himself for even opening his mouth. He should have lied like he did with the tattoo. All of this heartache on both ends could have been avoided had he just lied.

Harry slowly pulled his phone out for lack of anything better to do. He wanted to see a text from Louis with some kind of explanation as to his actions but all he actually got was a text from Grimmy, which was just irony at his best. The text was about hanging out the following day but Harry dreaded that wouldn’t be the best way forward so declined in a swift text message. He then turned to Twitter which he was sure wouldn’t end well but he desperately needed some form of distraction.

It was crazy how in a timeline that refreshed way too fast per second, a tweet from Louis was the first one that Harry read.

**@Louis_Tomlinson**

_In desperate need of a heart to heart with my bro @ZaynMalik Love you man I’m on my way home x_

Harry shouldn’t feel the overwhelming sense of jealousy that he does feel as he re-reads the text. It hurts. It hurts so much. He so desperately wants to be at the receiving end of messages like that. But all he got was disappointment from Louis and unexplained tears. Absolutely unexplained. Harry didn’t have the slightest clue why Louis would react the way he did.

Louis had never made it apparent he was interested in Harry as more than a friend. Hell, recently it had been hard to get Louis interested even as a friend. But the look in Louis’ eyes spoke volumes and filled Harry’s own eyes with tears. He was at a loss and spent the majority of his night sobbing into his pillow and wondering why bad things happened to good people.


	16. Sixteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is everything: 
> 
> https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BledcDZIQAAiOwF.jpg:large

**Harry Styles**

Harry was sobbing uncontrollably into Gemma’s shoulder, stopping only to wipe his eyes with the back of his hands only to break down further, hiccupping and sniffing and being all around miserable. All signs of energy had left his system and he was a weak mess, making everyone around him feel uncomfortable all morning. There was nothing he could do though and he wasn’t apologising for his breakdown because frankly, Harry was beginning to think he spent way too much of his life apologising. It was always Harry who took the time to consider the feelings of other people. No one else ever considered his feelings and he was slightly fed up. He was sure that if he ever held a door for someone without them saying ‘thank you’ again he would lose his mind.

So yes, Harry was done being nice.

Instead, he was an unapologetic crying mess on Gemma’s shoulder and had been all day.

‘Harry please, I love you but you have to stop.’ Gemma had finally said, pushing Harry into an upright position. Harry hated the fact and did his best to sink back down into her arms because what were big sisters for if not for consoling him in his darkest hour? Gemma had clearly had enough however and firmly shook Harry by the shoulders, taking in his tear stained face and too-red eyes with a disapproving look.

‘Get a hold of yourself!’ Gemma advised. Harry avoided her eyes and sniffed absently, his gaze low.

It was the worst he’d ever felt, Harry was sure. And he couldn’t push away the feeling of sinking sadness in the pit of his stomach. He was sure he hadn’t done anything to deserve such a pain but maybe he had because life always seemed to be complicated and Harry couldn’t even begin to figure out the reason for it.

‘Gem, I just…,’ Harry’s voice cracked as he fought more tears, ‘I feel so _sad.’_ The emotion on the last word out of Harry’s mouth probably mounted up to more than anything he had ever said. It was so true. It was all sad. The feeling in his stomach was sad, his heart was sad, his eyes were sad, even his black knitted jumper he kept tugging on the sleeves of was sad. Things were just sad.

‘Yes. I know that. I can see that.’ Gemma’s voice had softened slightly. ‘But I have to give you some tough lovin’ right now because I love you, I really do. Harry you have to realise… that… anyone who hurts you this much is certainly not worth your time.’

Harry grimaced and groaned and outright didn’t want to hear one more word out of Gemma’s mouth. Because Harry was defensive. And yes, Louis was an idiot, the world’s biggest in fact but he was Harry’s idiot and Harry was the only person ever allowed to talk badly about him.

Gemma clearly hadn’t received that memo.

‘I’m serious.’ Gemma fixed him with a pitiful look. ‘You’re a mess. This is the worst I’ve ever seen you. And to be honest, it’s just a little bit too much now. I know Louis means a lot to you… I understand. Your pretty little heart has only beaten for him since you were 16. But there comes a time when you just have to let go.’

Harry’s eyes squeezed shut and he wished her to disappear, taking her words with her. Maybe he was in denial of some sort but he couldn’t listen to anyone tell him that he should let Louis go. He had no idea how that even worked and couldn’t fathom the thought of fully not having Louis in his life. Now, creating distance from Louis was something Harry was skilled in, but letting him go? Not so much.

‘Gem, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’ Harry’s eyes met hers in a definitive stare. ‘I know I bring a lot of my drama to you but I just don’t think you get me and Louis enough for you to give me advice on the matter.’

Gemma rolled her eyes and pushed Harry into the arm of the couch they shared. There was not a shred of understanding on her face, which really was all Harry desired. Understanding. He wanted someone to run their fingers through his curls and whisper that everything would be okay. Maybe he should have visited his Mum.

‘You and Louis?’ Gemma’s eyebrows were raised. ‘There’s a you and Louis now? Well that explains the tears.’

Harry didn’t respond, instead held his head in his hands, attempting to erase the memories of the previous night from his messed up mind. The look of devastation on Louis’ face after Harry had told him about Nick had haunted Harry’s nightmares in the only hour of sleep he actually managed to get. The disappointment in Louis’ eyes had ripped through Harry’s heart and had left nothing in its wake. Harry was empty and drained and Gemma was still talking because she didn’t understand. No one understood.

‘I like Louis.’ Gemma was saying. ‘I really do. I always have. He’s a funny guy. But it’s clear he’s in some serious denial about who he is and until he can overcome that, _if_ he does… I don’t want you waiting around in the high hopes that one day maybe he’ll change his mind.’

Gemma’s gaze had softened and she seemed like she genuinely cared, which Harry knew was the truth. If she didn’t care she wouldn’t have spent a good hour that morning letting Harry sob unashamedly onto her shoulder.

‘Well you’ve never been in love then.’ Harry snapped, bitterly. ‘You wouldn’t get it. I… the way I feel for Louis is… not something I can explain. The thing is that you’re wrong. I _would_ wait. Forever if that’s what it took. Because I’d rather wait and hope and cry and lose over Louis for a thousand years than be with someone who isn’t him. It’s not about anything else, Gem. It’s about Louis. It has to be him. That’s the only person I want.’

Maybe Harry had slowly driven himself insane, that was the only explanation for what was coming out of his mouth. Harry had been an indecisive person his whole life, he would always take a million years with a menu and change his order at least twice before it was served, but when it came to Louis was the most sure he had been in his whole life. From the first moment they met, Harry had just been sure. He’d known.

‘You sound so ridiculous.’ Gemma shook her head in disappointment. ‘I just want to shake some sense in to you. I’m not saying he won’t come around one day but I don’t want you wasting your life hoping he might when we both know he might never.’

Harry stubbornly frowned, pulling his knees into him and resting his chin on them.

‘I don’t care if it’s never.’ Harry sounded like a child, but he hardly cared. ‘I would rather it be Louis than anyone else.’

‘Even Nick?’ Gemma asked, fixing him with a knowing look.

Harry hesitated, unsure of what to say.

The only person other than Louis he’d felt such an instant connection with that captivated him in an inexplicable way. Even as Nick’s face flashed into his mind however, Harry knew the difference was all too prevalent. He didn’t care for Nick in the same manner, he was just a friend.

Louis was everything.

Louis was his reason for everything. Louis was beyond reason. Louis was all and every part of him. Louis was all-consuming and life ruining. Louis was his confusion and his misdirection.

Louis was hurt. Because of Harry. Harry hated that more than anything.

‘I told Louis about Nick.’ Harry confessed, sighing. ‘That’s why I’m so upset and I’ve been crying like a little girl.’

He hardly dared to look at Gemma because frankly, he wasn’t a fan of Gemma’s stance in the whole matter and he knew she would enjoy the fact that he’d told Louis about Nick. She’d been urging him to for a long time because Nick was positivity in a world of Louis’ negativity, as she put it. Harry disputed that strongly.

‘Good! I’m glad you did!’ Gemma’s lips hinted at a smile. ‘Show him that there are other people who can love you properly.’

‘Nick doesn’t love me.’ Harry argued, pulling at his hair. ‘He just thinks he does. He… doesn’t. I don’t think. It’s not the same. What I feel for Louis is love.’

Gemma simply scoffed and chose not to reply. Harry was grateful.

So what if his relationship with Louis wasn’t perfect? It was still theirs and he didn’t care for anyone else’s opinions.

He did care however about how he’d broken Louis into a million pieces the night before.

As expected, the reminder of that brought forward a new batch of tears to his eyes and Harry sank into Gemma again, wishing he could just stop feeling altogether.

*

Harry did somewhat get his life together by the middle of the day because he ended up in front of Louis’ house. He held in his hands flowers and a box of Louis’ favourite chocolates. He was also freshly showered and he wore white as a symbol of peace, he liked to think. Gemma had been against the idea _. ‘Let him come to you, don’t you know anything stupid child?’_ She had not very kindly yelled at him, but Harry didn’t mind. He’d stopped feeling sorry for himself and he wanted to do something to help himself. Pride was never an issue when it came to Louis.

So Harry rang the doorbell. He didn’t use the key he still had because that would just be intrusive and he wanted to do things right for once.

He waited.

And he waited.

Until the door finally swung open after far too long a time spent waiting and Harry was greeted by Zayn.

But, of course.

Zayn appeared to have stepped straight out of the pages of Vogue as per usual as he stood in front of Harry with perfect cheekbones, eyebrows, lips, jawline, eyes themselves and perfect hair. Harry felt immediately inferior in appearance. He was also slightly annoyed because why was Zayn there? Sure, Zayn was now his friend again and that was all peachy but he couldn’t help but feel the unsettling feeling every time he thought about Louis and Zayn. Louis and Zayn who were always incredibly touchy around each other so Harry braced himself with a deep sigh.

‘Mate. How are you?’ Harry flashed a small smile at Zayn.

Zayn read through the bullshit straight away and didn’t entertain him, instead letting his eyes fall to the flowers and chocolate.

‘Not sure if now is a good time, Harry.’ Zayn said, his voice stonier than usual.

Harry inhaled sharply, feeling the tensions rise by the second. Of course, Zayn had a right to be protective over Louis but what did he think Harry was going to do to him?

‘If you don’t mind, I’d like to see Louis.’ Harry smiled again, because he was Harry and that was just what he did in any and all situations.

Maybe every problem in the world could be solved if people just smiled more.

He made a mental note to tweet something along the lines of that later.

‘I don’t think so.’ Zayn refused, frowning. Harry’s smile had failed him.

‘Zayn, stop being a prick.’ Harry said, rolling his eyes and letting his earlier demeanour fall to the ground with a thud. ‘I want to talk to Louis. I’m not going to bite him.’

Zayn didn’t move in the slightest and shrugged, never compromising his far too calm exterior.

‘Louis told me I shouldn’t let you in.’ Zayn explained.

Harry’s heart sank and the stupid chocolates were suddenly too heavy and he felt like shit.

‘Zayn. I messed up. Let me talk to him.’ Harry desperately pleaded, his eyes focused intently on Zayn’s darker ones. ‘Just give me a chance to talk to him.’

Zayn appeared to consider the request for a moment and Harry died a little and wondered just where Louis even was because there was literally no movement or sound coming from inside the flat.

‘Whatever.’ Zayn muttered, finally stepping aside after a long moment. ‘But don’t fuck up. Again. I mean it.’

Harry was conflicted as he followed Zayn inside, half wondering just who Zayn thought he was and half grateful for being allowed in. There was a burning in him to say something but he wasn’t sure just which way his words would go so he said nothing and focused on Zayn’s back which even managed to look like it’d been perfectly sculpted by the Gods. Seriously, where did this guy come from and was his looks real life?

‘Louis, you have a visitor!’ Zayn’s voice was chipper as he led Harry through the living room and to Louis’ room. Harry hesitated, unsure if he was allowed in as Zayn walked in without a care in the world.

‘Come in.’ Zayn urged when Harry refused to move from the doorway. ‘Don’t be scared.’

Feeling like a mountain had literally collapsed inside him, Harry walked in as slow as his feet would take him, half anticipating a book or a knife or some kind of weapon being thrown at his head any second.

There were no weapons.

Just Louis.

Louis was lying in bed, looking as though he hadn’t gotten out all day. His hair was a mess to say the least and his eyes were red and small, his focus slowly landing on Harry. He didn’t look surprised or angry or damn near heart-broken as he had the night before. His eyes were empty which meant his soul was empty and Harry got absolutely nothing from looking at him. Harry could usually read Louis within seconds but for once all he could see was exhaustion.

Louis was tired.

Drained and empty. He hardly seemed to care that Harry was now half way in his room, the flowers and chocolate feeling stupid in his hands and his face possibly even more fallen than Louis’.

‘Lou, look who’s here to see you.’ Zayn seemed cheerful and too-happy. Louis didn’t seem to appreciate it much as he glanced at Zayn. Harry got the idea that Zayn had probably been tending to Louis’ all day, just by the way there was a tray of food by his bed and his favourite books were sprawled on the floor. It was nice to see that he was taken care of but Harry couldn’t help the pang of jealousy in his chest because surely, it should be Harry that looked after Louis.

‘Hi, Louis.’ Harry’s voice was small and Louis hardly looked at him. ‘I just wanted to talk to you. If that’s okay.’

Harry’s hands were too full and he wished he’d never brought the items weighing them down. It was hardly appropriate. It wasn’t like Louis was his _boyfriend_ and it all just seemed slightly awkward.

‘I’ll leave you boys to it.’ Zayn said after a moment of silence which dragged on forever.

Harry didn’t know if he should be relieved or beg Zayn not to leave and drag him back into the room by his hands and feet. If Harry was contemplating such an action, it was too late though as Zayn had already disappeared out of the door and all that was left was Harry and a very absent looking Louis. Harry sighed, unsure of what to do. Louis looked so small, his hair sticking out at the sides and his white shirt in need of an iron, his usually jovial face now forlorn. He looked so soft and nothing short of angelic and pure as he sat there, his eyes focused on a particular part of his bed sheets.

‘Louis, can we talk?’ Harry bravely stepped towards him, his gaze never leaving Louis.

Louis hardly moved or took any notice as Harry sat down in the bed in front of him, letting the chocolates and flowers rest on the floor because he wanted his hands free. He wanted his hands in Louis’ hair in fact, caressing every part of him and holding him close but that was an entirely different matter.

‘What do you want to talk about?’ Louis finally spoke, startling Harry. He even lifted his gaze too, his bright blue eyes gently bouncing onto Harry’s face. Harry could drown in the sea of serenity that was Louis’ eyes. He’d thought it possible many times in fact and had considered a life of living in Louis’ eyes. That wouldn’t be so bad.

‘You.’ Harry softly stated. ‘Me. Us.’

Louis’ eyebrows shot up immediately and Harry felt he sounded stupid. How presumptuous to think there was an ‘us’ between them? But then Harry brushed off the feeling of uncertainty because it was no secret to anyone how Harry felt about Louis. He felt it was time that he stopped hiding from his feelings and addressed them in the way they deserved.

‘About Nick…,’ Harry briefly started, ‘I just want to apologise. I never knew you would react that way to that and I just told you because –‘

‘You’re sorry because you told me?’ Louis’ brows furrowed in confusion.

Harry was an idiot and often said stupid things and this was one of them. Less than 10 seconds into the conversation and Harry had already said something beyond conceivable.

‘No!’ Harry quickly protested. ‘That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry I did it. I didn’t know you would care but I shouldn’t have done it anyway. It’s not good for me to just mess with someone like that just because… they _like_ me. I feel bad.’

‘Well Harry, sounds like you should be apologising to Nick.’ Louis said with a shrug that was pretend-nonchalant. He was pretending. He did care and Harry could see that he did but Louis was a liar and Louis would rather pretend. ‘I don’t see why you’re telling me.’

Louis was annoying and Harry was fed up and the distance between them was too much and why couldn’t Louis ever understand anything? Harry was really over the whole thing so he sighed and edged closer to Louis who of course, backed away from him in surprise.

‘Listen to me, Louis.’ Harry meant business but his voice wavered ever so noticeably. ‘I’m serious when I tell you I did not mean to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you in my life. I thought you weren’t interested in me like that. Had I known…, what? Why are you looking at me like that?’ Harry allowed his voice to trail off as Louis immediately frowned in his direction, clearly unamused.

‘Had you know what?’ Louis snapped in frustration. ‘Interested in you like what?’

So they were back to square one and the oblivious game was in full play. Harry wanted to repeatedly bash his head against a wall if that would better his chances of Louis not taking 17 steps back every second. It was highly frustrating.

‘Lou, can we not?’ Harry asked, sounding defeated. ‘I’d just rather we didn’t go around in circles today. Just for once.’

Louis just glared at him, supposedly with no idea in his mind about what Harry was even talking about and Harry groaned, laying back horizontally on the bed, his face parallel to Louis’ crossed legs. Louis glanced down at him as Harry gazed upwards, his eyes probably giving away every ounce of love he felt all over his body. It was all just a bit much for him to handle. Harry closed his eyes, wishing he was better-spoken and better suited to Louis and just all around better. He didn’t expect anything to happen as he lay there, considering his life and all the problems within it but he certainly didn’t expect what came next.

Harry was so shocked he didn’t even dare to open his eyes as he feared it was only a dream.

Louis was touching his hand, much the same way as he had the previous night. He was picking it up off its position on Harry’s stomach and tracing tiny lines on the slightly raised area of his skin where his newest tattoo lived. The touch of Louis’ index finger on the sensitive part of Harry’s skin sent a million shivers racing through his body and to his feet, where they lingered, ready to shoot back up with each trace Louis made on Harry. It was probably the most sensual experience of Harry’s entire life and all he was doing was laying on his back with his eyes tightly shut and the boy he was undoubtedly obsessed with holding his hand.

Yes, holding.

As in Louis’ fingers were tightly grasping Harry’s hand and Harry wasn’t sure he was even alive anymore because even dreams couldn’t feel as perfect.

‘I know I don’t have a right to be mad.’ Louis finally spoke. He was still _holding_ Harry’s hand.

Harry did his best to concentrate on the words which he could hardly hear over the thumping of his heart.

‘I don’t know why it got to me the way it did.’ Louis continued, his voice gentle. ‘I didn’t mean to storm off last night. I felt bad later because it really… there was nothing for me to get mad at. You’re single. You’re allowed to do what you want and we’re friends. I’m just weird.’

Harry’s blood ran cold and he suddenly didn’t feel so relaxed.

The game of blissful ignorance had clearly returned and Harry had had quite enough. In a swift motion, he pulled his hand out of Louis’ grip and shot up into a seated position.

‘We’re friends are we?’ Harry asked, glaring hard at Louis. ‘Thanks for mentioning that. I might have forgotten you see, had you not mentioned it… how we’re just friends. Appreciate it, buddy.’

Louis looked confused as per usual and Harry’s heart was racing in a different way to moments earlier. He couldn’t stand when Louis acted like this. It was always the same. Louis would get close to admitting his true feelings and then slip in the last second with a friendly reminder of how they were just friends. It was the most frustrating thing in the world.

‘Listen, Louis.’ Harry forced calmness into his voice. ‘I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry for snapping at you. I’m just very stressed out.’

Louis played with his fingers and Harry felt bad, all he wanted was to make things right and even if that meant playing his part in Louis’ all-ignoring world in which Harry wasn’t desperately in love with him, Harry would kindly oblige. He wanted nothing but peace for Louis.

‘I don’t know why you think it’s so easy for me.’ Louis admitted, his eyes meeting Harry’s. ‘Like… you’re so sure of yourself, so you think I should be too. It’s not so easy.’ Harry was slightly confused because Louis was the most self-assured person he’d ever met but in that moment he looked smaller and more vulnerable than he’d ever looked. Harry had figured out a long time ago that Louis did hide behind his jokes but to have him actually admit that he doubted himself was a lot to take in.

‘I’m sorry for putting too much pressure on you.’ Harry told him. He did the unthinkable and even reached out for Louis’ hand.

Louis didn’t hesitate and their hands touched with ease. It felt like home, like everything in life was just right and a world where Harry wasn’t always holding Louis’ hand was wrong.

‘Just because I know how I feel doesn’t mean you should or that you do.’ Harry said.

Louis was doing his favourite thing, tracing over the L on Harry’s hand. Harry wondered briefly if he should have just told Louis what it meant. The way he looked at it was so fond, like he already knew but he needed the confirmation from Harry. Or maybe Harry was crazy and it was incredibly weird and Louis would think the same. Probably the latter.

‘How do you feel?’ Louis asked contemplatively. ‘Because you’ve skipped around it but you’ve never told me. You’ve never actually told me.’

Harry sighed, letting the words sink in for a second because he was sure that Louis knew exactly how he felt. It was written all over his face, in the stars, the sun and the moon. Everyone knew how he felt about Louis. But it seemed Louis wanted Harry to spell it out despite the fact that he’d literally had it inked into his skin.

Anything for Louis.

Harry held Louis hand in both his own and looked down at it momentarily before speaking, his thumb gently massaging Louis’ palm.

‘Okay, I’ll tell you.’ Harry said, trying to sound calm. ‘I’ll try my best to do justice to how I feel with words even though it’s not going to be easy. Louis… Tomlinson. I can say with every single part of me and with no doubt in my mind in the slightest, I can tell you that I am in love with you. Pure, raw, unsaturated and uninterrupted love. I love you. I love when you annoy me I even love when you hurt me because it’s you. I love everything about you. I love your smile. I love the softness of your touch. I love when you laugh because I laugh. I love you for you. There’s nothing I would change and there’s no one else I would rather be with or stay with.’ Harry paused for a breath and laughed gently at the sheer look of shock on Louis’ face. His eyes were welling up and his lips were parted, clearly taken back as though it was the first time anyone ever told him they loved him.

It wasn’t and Harry knew it wasn’t.

Louis had been in a committed relationship for many years afterall.

But the way Louis was looking at Harry was as if Harry’s words were all that mattered and all that had ever mattered. It was the sweetest sensation.

‘Harry…,’ Louis managed, pulling his hand free to dab the corners of his eyes. ‘I don’t know what to say. That’s got to be the single nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.’

Harry was taken from that blissful moment as a tonne of bricks crashed into his stomach in the form of the realisation that one simple word brought with it.

Harry was nice.

Harry was a friend.

Harry was a nice friend.

Harry had to deal with the very real fact that Louis didn’t feel the same way about Harry. It was all over the words he chose to use. Even though, and maybe Harry was mistaken but his eyes told a different story.

‘Yeah Lou, that’s me. A nice guy.’ Harry even threw a thumbs up in his direction before sinking back down on the bed. Louis stared down at him for ages it felt, just staring and doing nothing more. Harry almost felt bad because maybe Louis was just way too clueless. Maybe he had no idea how Harry felt and how Harry would do anything, even withhold his feelings if it meant Louis could be happy.

‘I’ve upset you again.’ Louis muttered with a deep sigh. ‘That’s all I ever do. I don’t know why you even want to be around me.’

Harry didn’t respond, instead choosing to stare at the ceiling, letting his mind go blank. There was no reason for him to get upset. Gemma was probably right and Harry should stop living in a world of delusions. Louis would never be his in the way that Harry wanted and he couldn’t allow himself to keep getting worked up over it.

‘Harry.’ Louis nudged Harry’s shoulder lightly. ‘Give me time, yeah?’

Their eyes met and it was difficult to ignore the pained look on Louis’ face. He was obviously struggling with many demons that were deeper than Harry himself and more than Harry could ever comprehend. So Harry smirked and did his best ‘everything is okay’ face before sitting up slightly. It was hard to be so close to Louis and resist the urge to just make him understand in more persuasive ways than just talking but Harry had to fight against any natural urge he felt. Louis was more special and fragile than that. Any step in the wrong direction could break him.

‘Can you lay here with me for a while longer?’ Louis asked, almost nervously. He motioned to the spot on the bed next to him as in under the covers and Harry questioned why life was so unfair because of course yet again he’d have to get into a bed with his platonic friend Louis and of course, it would hurt. There was no way he was refusing though, especially with the expression on Louis’ face that was so damn delicate. So Harry silently obliged, getting up from his position to crawl properly onto the bed, next to Louis but at a safe distance so his heart wouldn’t spontaneously burst into a thousand pieces. He lay on his side, as Louis did the same and for a long while all Harry did was stare. Louis’ gaze was averted to somewhere on Harry’s chest, never meeting his eyes but Harry understood the difficulty of the situation for Louis. He’d always felt it whenever they got too close and Louis would tense up. It broke Harry’s heart but it was a natural reaction Louis couldn’t even control.

‘I really like that L.’ Louis said after a while. ‘I thought it meant something else for a second.’

Eyes wide, Harry froze for a moment looking pretty much like any deer in headlights would. Of course Louis had sussed it out, it wasn’t exactly rocket science. Colour rushed to Harry’s cheeks immediately and he wondered if he could just pretend that he didn’t hear Louis but of course, they were lying next to each other in a silent room.

‘Yeah, it’s cool.’ Harry absently found his voice. ‘It’s unfinished though.’

The thought had literally ran through his mind just had he had conjured up the words from thin air. He hadn’t made any prior plans to add to the tattoo but the second he said it was obvious, of course he was going to add to it.

‘Oh?’ Louis glanced at Harry’s face with a keen interest. ‘I didn’t know that. What are you adding to it?’

Harry smirked because the way Louis was trying to hide his curiosity in the matter was entirely too entertaining. Louis probably didn’t want him to know but he obviously cared more than he let on.

‘I need to add the T.’ Harry said nonchalantly. He glanced down at the tiny L before continuing, ‘I’m going to do it as soon as I can.’

There was a brief moment in which it looked as if a shocked expression had frozen in place on Louis’ face. Harry couldn’t help but find it endearing because everything about Louis was endearing and just sweet.

Louis was a sweet person. He was innocence that faked danger but really was not in the least bit dangerous. Minus his habit of breaking hearts that is.

‘Oh? Is that so?’ Louis masked anything he felt with his voice. He averted his gaze from Harry’s hand and looked away, apparently unsure of what to do with himself.

‘Yeah. You know, as in Lux Teasdale.’ Harry grinned and Louis’ eyes shot back to him instantly.

It was cute and Louis was cute and blushing and trying desperately to find out if Harry was serious or not (he wasn’t) and Harry attempted to give nothing away with his face but after a moment it just _hurt_ so he grabbed Louis’ hand in his and tugged him closer in a quick motion sending shivers through his own body and looks of shock horror to Louis’ face.

‘Ask me.’ Harry said firmly. He placed Louis’ hand on his chest and slowly leaned into brush his lips against Louis’ fingers because the moment was intense and he was beyond the point of caring he felt and if Louis wanted to know something he should just ask.

Louis’ fingers tightened around Harry’s with the touch of Harry’s lips and his eyes fluttered to a brief close but he didn’t dare speak. Seeing the reaction on Louis’ face made Harry feel as though he should be more forward more often as in every second of the day and it gave him masses of butterflies.

‘Louis. Just ask me.’ Harry said, his voice softer.

Louis finally opened his eyes and he inhaled, licking his lips and looking like he’d seen some sort of ghost. He was nervous. Around Harry of all people. It hurt that they could go from being as close as they were to Louis actually being nervous around him. Harry kissed Louis’ knuckles, in an attempt he would argue, to ease Louis' nerves or maybe Harry was just selfish and he just wanted to feel every bit of Louis on his lips, he didn’t know the difference.

‘Ask me.’ Harry urged again.

Louis didn’t say anything and the moment lingered for much longer than any normal moment but it wasn’t a normal moment, it was deeply significant and the thundering of Harry’s heart was evidence enough of that fact.

‘Is…,’ Louis began uncertainly. ‘Is the tattoo… does it stand for…’ He paused and Harry almost sighed and gave up because Louis was hard work but Harry realised he was prepared for it as he stilled, urging Louis to continue with his eyes because it was okay and things were okay and Louis should not, Louis should _never_ be nervous to ask Harry anything, ever.

‘Does it stand for Louis?’ Louis’ voice nearly practically gave away and his eyes danced everywhere but at Harry and his fingers felt weak within Harry’s own. Harry felt the weight of the world lift from his shoulders as he finally breathed, happy feeling that just the question in itself was a substantial step forward for them.

‘Of course.’ Harry smirked and Louis’ face lit up and things felt eternally easier. ‘It doesn’t.’ Harry added, causing Louis’ eyes to widen in horror for a brief moment before he smiled and then he was laughing, Louis was actually laughing and it was Harry’s favourite sound. Things were nice.

‘Such a moron.’ Louis teased, easing his hand out of Harry’s to shove him in the chest. ‘I hate you.’

Harry’s smile faltered for a second and he narrowed his eyes, poking his bottom lip out in protest because… no. Just, no.

‘You don’t.’ Harry told him defiantly.

Louis didn’t argue, he just edged closer to Harry (was this real life or was Harry dreaming?) and smiled, seeming a thousand times more relaxed.

‘Of course not.’ Louis clarified. His voice was softer and his face was happier. ‘That’s actually just… mind-blowingly insane that you would do that, it’s incredible. I guess you weren’t joking about the whole love thing.’

‘I guess I wasn’t.’ Harry replied, taking the decision to lean in closer so their shoulders were touching, willing Louis would do him the favour of just sinking into him and laying on him but baby steps, he reminded himself.

Baby steps.

‘It’s amazing though, I really am touched.’ Louis said gently. ‘It means a lot to me.’

‘Yeah and it’s your turn now.’ Harry teased.

Louis was so soft Harry could feel his energy radiating off him even though they were hardly touching. It all felt so familiar, Louis’ touch and Louis’ smell and Louis.

‘Maybe.’ Louis softly stated.

Laughing because surely it was a joke, Harry reached over and stroked the length of Louis’ forearm because Harry was weak and the need to touch was far greater than the need for boundaries. Maybe. Louis had said maybe and Harry had thought he was joking but Louis was looking at him intently as if he was very much not joking.

‘Oh. You’re serious?’ Harry was confused.

Louis just shrugged and titled his head back as if everything was intense and Harry removed his hand from Louis’ arm because he didn’t want Louis to run as always.

‘That would be…. cool.’ Harry said tentatively. ‘No pressure though.’

They didn’t speak for a while after that, just lay side by side with their shoulders touching and only the faint sound of their breathing breaking the soft silence in the room.

‘Are you going to LA this weekend?’ Louis surprised Harry by asking.

Harry shot Louis a look, a crease appearing between his eyebrows in surprise. Louis smirked knowingly in response.

‘I figured you would because of Coachella.’ Louis said with a shrug. ‘Isn’t that like the first thing they teach you in Hipster camp? Go to Coachella?’

Louis was an idiot and Harry was forever endeared by said idiot so he leaned over and pushed Louis for his insult.

‘Shut up.’ Harry said, in mock hurt. ‘I haven’t even finished Hipster camp yet so stop making me look stupid.’

The accomplished feeling Harry usually got because of having made Louis laugh rose within seconds as the magical sound filled the room. Louis was smiling and happy and Harry was closer to him than he’d been in weeks and all felt right in the world again.

‘Are you though?’ Louis asked, his laughter eventually ceasing. ‘Niall mentioned that you might.’

Tension rose within Harry yet again as he yes, he was supposed to be attending Coachella but it was with Nick and it was that weekend and couldn’t Harry just stay in Louis’ bed and in Louis’ arms that weekend? LA was so far away and a place Harry went to be far away from Louis but in that moment all he wanted to do was stay.

‘I was supposed to be going.’ Harry muttered quietly. ‘Supposed to leave tomorrow and make it for the weekend in fact, but I don’t know now.’

‘Why not?’ Louis asked casually.

Why not was obvious and didn’t need to be asked but it had been asked anyway and Harry had to answer. Harry briefly hated everything in the second before he spoke.

‘Because I’m supposed to be going with Nick.’ Harry said, feeling nothing but dread. They had only just made up so why did Louis have to make things awkward again?

‘Oh.’ Louis said, plainly. If he felt a particular way about it he wasn’t giving it away. ‘You should go. You’ll have fun.’

Harry would most certainly not have fun if Louis wasn’t happy with him going to LA. He most certainly would not.

‘Are you sure?’ Harry asked apprehensively.

Harry felt like he was like one of those married men whose wives would tell them that ‘ _Yes, of course you can go drinking with your buddies this weekend, don’t worry, it’s totally fine’_ only for them to return on Sunday evening to find that they would be sleeping on the couch and no sex for a week. Maybe Harry was dramatic but in his little world, that was exactly how it felt to have Louis avoid his eyes.

‘Yes, of course.’ Louis said, shrugging. ‘You don’t have to ask my permission, Harold. I’m not your Mum.’

‘You are.’ Harry said, his face dead serious.

Louis smirked and hit him with a pillow and he seemed so at ease Harry felt like just maybe he really was okay and why wouldn’t he okay Harry wasn’t his _boyfriend_ or anything.

‘You should go.’ Louis said, nodding. ‘It’s where Hipsters unite.’

‘I can’t let my people down.’ Harry said contemplatively.

Louis nodded again, firmly as if he completely agreed with the idea of Harry honouring his Hipster commitments. It was all a bit silly really, and they hid back smiles and smirks and Harry still didn’t really know where he stood but it had been so long since they’d been so at ease with each other Harry just continued to smile.

‘I don’t know. I might go.’ Harry said, shrugging. ‘What about you? Any plans for the weekend… with Zayn?’ The last part had meant to sound casual and unaffected but it sounded jealous and it was jealous and Harry was ready to admit it to the world; he was jealous of Zayn.

‘Zayn? I don’t know, probably.’ Louis said, seeming undecided. ‘He came down yesterday to ruin my life and drag me to art galleries and such. But you know what he’s like, he might leave before the weekend. Hell, he might have already left.’ There was a fondness in his voice that didn’t exactly help Harry on the whole jealousy front but he said nothing. Instead he nodded and considered that it was probably absurd for Louis and him to spend the weekend so far apart when Harry never felt like leaving.

But that was just how things were for the moment.

That was what Louis had asked for and Harry was happy to oblige.

‘Can I hold you?’ Harry asked, breaking away from any thoughts of Louis and Zayn or Nick and Harry because all he wanted was for Harry and Louis.

Visibly taken back by the request, Louis didn’t say anything for a moment and Harry wondered if he had asked for too much too soon but disputed that straight away because this was Louis and he had held him many times in the past. Sure, it was the very far away past but it had still happened. Harry could prove it in court.

‘Sure.’ Louis hardly breathed.

Harry felt like his world was filled with butterflies and sunflowers and he was happy in the purest form of the word as he leaned into Louis and wrapped an arm around his waist, gently pulling Louis into him. Louis hardly moved but he didn’t protest and a good two minutes after Harry’s arm absently being cast over him, Louis relaxed and even turned slightly so his face was in Harry’s chest, causing Harry to have a mini-heart attack because Louis’ breath was ever so soft and sent shivers right through him.

‘Forget Coachella. Staying like this all weekend.’ Harry said, his words muffled by Louis’ sweet smelling hair. The hair was longer and darker than he remembered but the scent was the same. It was what he imagined love to smell like, if it had a scent. He was sure it did though and he was sure that it was Louis.

‘Yeah right.’ Louis laughed and it tickled Harry, causing him to squirm slightly before properly reacquainting himself with Louis in an embrace that was closer, freer and more. Just more.

It was more.

It was everything.

Harry’s earlier tears and anguish was forgotten as Louis draped an arm around Harry and his fingers absently made patterns on Harry’s back. It was enough, just that touch was enough for Harry to decide if he did go to LA, the first thing on his agenda would be another tattoo in the form of a perfectly constructed T.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm playing around with the idea of 22 chapters. Or so. Thank you, ever so much for reading + commenting. All love!


	17. Seventeen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for commenting & giving me feedback! I'm so grateful. Hope you like the chapter. This story will have 22 chapters. Love you all. :)

The rain in London was seriously killing Louis’ spirit. It left him feeling lazy and stressed though he wasn’t sure what he was stressing over exactly. Sure, the tour was coming in less than a week but he felt fairly prepared or as prepared as one could be for such a gruelling process. It was more than the tour though, it was something inexplicable and it had a lot to do with Harry. Or the lack thereof.

‘I’m going out tonight.’ Liam had never sounded more certain of anything in his life. The rain was still beating down hard against Louis’ windows and Liam was surely crazy to think about freezing his arse off in it but Louis didn’t say anything. He hadn’t said much all day.

‘Good luck with that.’ Zayn scoffed. He was practically laying on Liam as they lounged on Louis’ couch. It was endearing and nice and comfortable. It also reminded Louis that no matter how much he liked to think Zayn was his best friend, Zayn would always be closer to Liam. The realisation filled him with nostalgia and longing for a soul that was far away. In LA, to be exact.

‘I don’t know why I agreed to him going.’ Louis spoke quietly.

He hadn’t spoken much that day but the thought had been running around in circles in his mind for far too long. It was simple really. If Louis had wanted Harry to stay, he should have just asked him to. It was essential for him to ask, in fact.

‘Because you’re stupid and your pride is stupid.’ Zayn casually commented.

There was the truth.

Louis was stupid.

‘You’re talking about Harry?’ Liam asked, glancing at Louis. ‘You didn’t want him to go?’

Liam, it appeared was even more clueless than Louis so Louis simply nodded.

No. He had very much not wanted Harry to go and now Harry had gone, leaving his mind clouded with thoughts he couldn’t understand. It really wasn’t like Harry was his _boyfriend_ so why did he feel like getting on a plane, finding him, and preferably in front of Nick Grimshaw, confessing that he never wanted Harry to leave again?

‘I wish you would just tell him how you feel.’ Zayn sighed, clearly exhausted with the constant vicious circle that was Harry and Louis. ‘Harry is blatantly in love with you. He even told you that last night. You need to decide if you love him back and if you do, you need to let him know.’

Liam looked shocked by the news and his mouth was open, ready to ask a million questions but Zayn silenced him with a look.

‘Yes, Liam. Harry loves me.’ Louis rolled his eyes.

It was hardly a secret and maybe everyone should just start talking about it more and admitting things more and Louis wouldn’t end up in such situations in the first place.

‘That’s… awesome.’ Liam said, his voice unsure and his eyes darting from Zayn to Louis. ‘I think that’s great. I always knew but… I’m glad he said something.’

‘Aren’t we all?’ Louis dryly commented.

Maybe he was acting a bit stroppy about the whole thing but he was still unhappy that he had been literally the last person to know. The last to find out. Maybe if he had been told details earlier in life things would be different. Louis’ head was now a mass of confusion and he couldn’t even begin to realise his own feelings let alone come to terms with Harry’s.

‘Fuck it, let’s get high.’ Zayn cried out, his voice lace with excitement.

And that was that.

It was 4/20 afterall and Louis was nothing if not festive and no, he didn’t usually smoke but he indulged in all things festive so after sending his mother and sisters appropriate ‘Happy Easter!’ texts, he proceeded to smoke and get lifted in an attempt to forget everything. It worked for the most part and for a good while all Louis did was laugh uncontrollably at Zayn who was suddenly hilarious and took so long in speaking and declaring his paranoia regarding Perrie being an undercover journalist who had only dated him to dig up stories on him.

‘But Zayn! Perrie never leaked any interesting stories.’ Liam had pointed out.

Zayn had just sat there with a blank look of what appeared to be realisation on his face before launching into another tirade about how he often wondered if the sky was painted on and if the stars were real at all. It was all very interesting and Louis was dazed and contemplative, considering just about everything.

‘I think I want Harry.’ Louis had said after way too much festive indulgence.

No one seemed surprised and Liam just proceeded to unwrap yet another Easter egg and his face was unreadable. He was probably considering just what snapback he would wear to the club that night, Louis guessed.

‘I said… I think I want Harry!’ Louis’ voice was louder and his living room was filled with smoke and Zayn began relentlessly laughing at his words. Or maybe it was at the colour of the ready salted crisps in his hand which he had been discussing in length just moments before Louis’ revelation.

‘So go and tell him then, loser!’ Zayn said, in between tears of laughter.

Louis cried out for no apparent reason and sniffed because the smell of the weed was too strong and he didn’t even really like the stuff he was just honouring Zayn’s wishes as a cannabis enthusiast.

‘I’m not ready.’ Louis whined and he almost felt like crying just so he could hear the sound of it and realise that he was actually sad. He was sad because Harry was gone. He was sad he couldn’t express himself to Harry and God, why did he tell Harry to go to Los Angeles?

Louis absently fished out his phone from his pocket, his eyes briefly casting downward to see Liam sprawled on the floor with his own phone held up in mid-air. Easter selfie maybe?

Louis’ glanced at his device to see several notifications. A lot of them Easter related, some more 4/20 related and a lot of them from family and one from Eleanor which annoyed Louis because – why? She only added to the confusion in Louis’ life and she was the one that broke up with him but kept texting him and showing up at his door. Maybe he should text her back saying to stop messing with his head.

Also, a message from Harry, so there was that.

_Happyyyyyy Eaaaaster! Happy Green Day. Don’t get too high love you more xxx_

Louis frowned because he surely hadn’t said he loved Harry to warrant a ‘more’ there but he was certainly edging towards the idea that maybe he did love him. Maybe he really did. So Louis smiled and glowed brighter than the sun, his eyes suddenly less puffy. Louis was just about to respond when his phone buzzed again and it was Harry. It was an image and he stared at it fondly, realising that he was truly in some sort of infatuation with an idiot. It was a picture of Harry wearing bunny ears, holding up a chocolate egg in what Louis could only assume was supposed to be in a seductive way. The caption simply read, ‘Happy Easter too! Hope you went to church.’ Louis had never found anything so endearing in his life and he groaned inwardly because it almost hurt, his mind flicking back to the way Harry had held his hand and kissed his fingers the night before. Those were moments, just like these moments where Louis felt like he was simply on the verge of admitting something greater than himself.

He wanted to admit it. He almost called Harry but his fingers wouldn’t let him do such a thing. He just wasn’t ready to admit it to Harry. Not yet.

So he called Niall instead.

‘Happy Easter! Are you drunk?’ Louis mumbled into the phone. His voice was raspy and he really wanted to tell Zayn to stop lighting up just for a moment but he didn’t even have the energy to even do that.

‘I’m down at the pub, yeah.’ Niall greeted, sounding happy and carefree. ‘You with Zayn? High as a kite, I presume?’

‘Yeah.’ Louis nodded. ‘I just… I mean, Liam’s here too… but Niall, I’m calling because I have something to confess and Zayn and Liam don’t seem to care so…’

Louis allowed his voice to trail off and Niall patiently waited. The sound of drunk people being merry could be heard in the background and Louis let out an involuntary laugh which Niall immediately joined in with.

Oh, Niall.

‘Go on then, spit it out.’ Niall urged.

‘Niall I think I’ve fallen for our Harry.’ Louis finally said, unsure of himself even as he said it. ‘As in I can’t stop thinking about him and he does nice stuff like hold my hand and he said he loves me and I believe him. Also, Niall I’m super high and Zayn is like… so weird. I think Liam has a going out problem.’

Niall laughed again and Louis smiled because life was good when Niall laughed.

‘Mate, I’m happy for you. I really am.’ Niall said, excitedly. ‘I’m glad you finally sorted that shit out. I saw that he got a tattoo of your initials and… yeah, it’s good. It’s going to be a good tour. I’m surprised you’re not at Coachella with him.’

Coachella. Oh yeah. Louis’ heart sank somewhat as he realised Harry was so far away. There was so much difference between them now and Louis didn’t like that in the slightest.

‘I know he’s in LA.’ Louis muttered into the phone. ‘But I didn’t know he was at Coachella already. I guess that’s good.’

‘Yeah I saw some pictures.’ Niall told him.

Louis mood had deflated slightly so he somewhat rushed off the phone, telling Niall he wanted to check out the pictures. He did check out the pictures. There weren’t many and it was hazy, Harry was clearly doing his best to not be spotted, hiding out in VIP and generally being far away from fans. It made Louis happy again just to see him and his heart fluttered and he asked himself why it had taken him so long to realise that Harry was very important to him.

‘It’s 420!’ Zayn cried at the top of his voice. High Zayn was even more infectious than Drunk Zayn so Louis and Liam laughed hard as Zayn threw his hands up into the air in celebration. A glance back at Louis’ phone told him that it was in fact 420 so with a bit of a face-splitting grin he sent out a carefully constructed tweet.

_‘What a great day !’_

He’d sent it right on time, at exactly 4.20 pm. Liam and Zayn were laughing and Louis was smiling, looking far too many times at the picture Harry had sent him.

It was a good time to be alive, he absently thought as he inhaled the smoke-polluted air and laughed with his friends.

*

** Harry Styles  **

LA was the epitome of happiness and sunshine. Harry loved it with a passion and he’d had the best two days, golfing and catching some shows at Coachella, all the while being virtually not spotted at all. It was bliss. It was also Easter! Harry lived for festivity and he ate far too many eggs, enough that he felt sick and he went for far too lovely swims in warm pools and he generally relaxed. It was much needed, considering the tour was on the approach.

Another thing on the approach was Nick, who was casually strolling over to Harry. It was probably not the best way for Harry to look, having just stepped out of the hotel pool with only a towel wrapped around him and soaked in water. It probably most certainly was not, given how Harry had confessed his feelings for Louis just a mere day earlier. Or was it a night? Jet lag had Harry confused.

‘Hi, mate.’ Harry smiled brightly, halting in his steps. He’d planned on going to his room to jump in the shower and doing so quickly as he’d already stopped for a few pictures and the news of his presence would probably spread fast.

‘Hey, Harry.’ Nick greeted him, his eyes shaded by large sunglasses. ‘You heading inside? I’ll join you.’

Nick and Harry were staying at the same hotel but by no means were they staying in the same room. It wasn’t a big deal that Nick walked him in however, so Harry smiled courteously and walked alongside him and into the large building. People glanced at him absently and he thanked his lucky stars no one asked him to stop for a picture. Shirtless pictures with fans always made him feel slightly strange.

‘You headed out to catch another show then?’ Harry asked as they approached his room.

Harry hadn’t attended many of the Coachella shows but Nick hadn’t missed many, making it his priority to attend as many as possible. It meant they had spent little time together during the trip, which was good for Harry given the overwhelming feeling guilt he felt whenever they were together. Which, of course, was ridiculous considering Harry was single.

Very ingle.

Too single.

‘Yeah, I’m going to Pharrell’s set.’ Nick told him with a smile.

They had ended up outside of Harry’s room and Harry paused awkwardly, unsure of what to do. If he didn’t invite Nick inside, it would look extremely weird. On the other hand if he did, Harry felt like he was betraying Louis somehow. Which was ridiculous again because of the whole single thing.

But… Louis.

Louis, who had still not reciprocated any feelings for him. Louis, who had only given him the tiniest glimmer of hope that they could ever be together. Louis, who hadn’t even texted Harry back that day.

‘Go on then.’ Nick was oblivious and pushed Harry inside, and made every move to enter the room.

Harry sighed heavily and shook the stupid thoughts from his brain because this was Nick and Nick was his friend who didn’t deserve for Harry to suddenly stop being his friend out of the blue. So he walked into his room with Nick closely behind. In the back of his mind, Harry couldn’t help but consider that he was still half-naked and things could possibly get very bad easily.

‘You going to come with me?’ Nick asked, looking around for a seat and settling on Harry’s bed. ‘Why are you acting so weird?’

Harry didn’t move. Everything felt so wrong and things were getting worse by the second. Nick was painfully oblivious and Harry didn’t have the heart to turn him away. After all, Nick hadn’t done anything wrong and it would be unfair to create distance between them.

‘I’m not… acting weird, I mean.’ Harry edged towards the bathroom. ‘I am however, going to take a shower and maybe I’ll join you at the show. I’ll see how I feel.’

Nick shrugged, hardly caring or showing any signs of leaving. Harry was far too polite so simply sighed and headed into the bathroom.

What was the worst that could happen?

*

It turned out, there was a lot that was the ‘worst’ that could happen and it all inconveniently happened. Harry ended his night feeling like the worst human being in the world which was a shame because the night had started off pleasantly enough. Harry, accompanied by Nick and several other friends had a great time, enjoying the music and the atmosphere at Coachella. It was amazing, in fact and Harry couldn’t help but fall more in love with the weather and the lovely night air. It was heavenly. Harry even drank more than he usually would, but it was all harmless and he was young and the night was young and Harry was in VIP; he felt pretty special. They had danced unashamedly and Harry had ended up back in his room far too late in the night and again with Nick at his side.

It no longer felt weird, however and all Harry remembered to do was laugh because Nick was ridiculous and everything he said was stupid and funny. Harry was properly enjoying himself and he felt glad, because the crying mess he’d been with Gemma just wasn’t him. Harry was a happy person. He was a nice person.

‘I’m a nice person, you know.’ Harry observed, lightly. He was laying on his back in his bed, his eyes glued to the ceiling and his thoughts fuzzy because yes, he had drank far too much. Nick was next to him, contemplatively staring at him, propped up on his elbow and saying very little.

‘I’m a happy person.’ Harry explained. ‘I hate when people don’t see that. I hate when people say, oh Harry is a love rat. First of all, what is a love rat? I work so hard being nice and that’s what I get.’

‘So don’t be so nice then, you fool.’ Nick said, with a light laugh. ‘Now you know I like you a lot Harry so I’m just saying this as a mate… but you’re a bit of a pushover. You do let people walk all over you a bit.’

Harry didn’t respond for a moment, letting his mind wander to Louis. The amount of time he’d spent pining for Louis was somewhat ridiculous. He had watched as Louis flaunted a relationship with Eleanor in his face and he’d never so much as batted an eyelid about it because he was _that_ nice. Sure, Louis was being nice to him now but even the way he’d acted after finding out Harry liked him was wrong. It was just wrong. Louis couldn’t be as oblivious as he made it out. Surely there was just a part of him that didn’t care that Harry was in love with him and wanted to be selfish. Surely he didn’t care about Harry in the slightest.

Harry was really drunk.

‘You’re right, Grimmy.’ Harry said after a while. ‘I do let people walk all over me. But I’m going to stop.’

‘Yeah, stop being such a pussy.’ Nick was laughing and he was surely joking but Harry didn’t laugh.

‘You’re right.’ Harry slurred, his eyes fluttering to a slight close.

He wasn’t sure if he was having the biggest epiphany of his life or if he was just drunk and thinking drunk thoughts. He suddenly didn’t feel as though Louis had treated him so well.

And Nick…

Nick was right there. Right next to him. Nick was shoulder to shoulder with him and Nick was pretty drunk and high and Nick was _nice_ to him and Nick laughed at all his jokes.

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, kid.’ Nick said after a moment. ‘I like you how you are. You shouldn’t have to change. If people don’t like how you are then fuck them.’

Harry just stared, unsure of what he was feeling.

He was so deeply in love with Louis, so blinded by the love that he couldn’t see just how bad his Louis addiction was for him. Surely, healthy relationships didn’t work like this?

‘You know I’m in love with Louis Tomlinson?’ Harry admitted, his voice firm and certain.

Nick frowned slightly, sitting up and staring at Harry with an unreadable look on his face. If he was hurt by Harry’s words, his face gave nothing away. He simply stared, only frowning slightly and watching Harry as if in deep thought.

‘Yeah?’ Nick finally asked, lowly.

Harry simply nodded, exhaling and letting the truth out. It was painfully obvious anyway so he was done hiding it. If he could admit it to Louis he could admit it to the world.

‘Is that what that’s about?’ Nick nodded towards Harry’s hand.

Lifting his hand up to his face, Harry observed the fresh ink on his flesh. Written for the world to see were the letters L and T sitting next to each other. As promised, he had finished the tattoo the second he had got to LA.

‘Yeah, it sure is.’ Harry said, fondly staring at his hand.

He was so eternally conflicted. There was a never-ending war in his head in which he went from deep affection for Louis to hating that Louis didn’t just accept his love sooner rather than later. It was all messing with his mind and Harry didn’t enjoy it in the slightest. He also felt slightly sick because he had consumed way too much alcohol.

‘I hope he deserves it.’ Nick said, his voice quiet. He looked forlorn and down, making Harry immediately feel bad. Nick had never made it a secret how he felt about Harry.

‘He does.’ Harry muttered, feeling like the worst person in the world.

Harry had probably led Nick on more than he cared to admit. They had kissed several times though Harry knew he didn’t feel the same way that Nick did. It was the worst kind of pain and one that Harry was all too familiar with. It certainly felt like Louis had somewhat led him on though he’d never kissed Harry.

‘Does he feel the same?’ Nick asked, after a moment. He was watching Harry tentatively, slightly hovering over him as Harry was still laying down and Nick was now fully sat up.

‘I think so.’ Harry muttered. ‘But what would I know? I’m drunk. I think he definitely used to… or something. But he’s strange.’

Harry stopped talking then because he didn’t like to talk badly about Louis to people. Talking to Nick just felt like another level of betrayal so he sighed and quickly thought of an appropriate subject change. He didn’t have to it seemed, because Nick was pretty done with the subject and got out of bed to pour two glasses of wine.

More alcohol, just what Harry needed in his life.

Knowing he probably shouldn’t and hating that he was so easily persuaded, Harry indulged in more alcohol and laughed far too loud with Nick all night. So much so that they ended up getting a noise complaint from hotel management. It was funny really because the second the manager saw Harry open the door he appeared less concerned about the complaint and more with getting Harry’s number. Nick had laughed uncontrollably long after the room was rid of the manager and it was when they had both fallen into a heap on the ground that Harry realised he was probably more drunk than he’d ever been.

‘You’re stupid.’ Harry commented, his words slow. ‘I hate you.’

Nick was looking at him with wide eyes but his face softened as Harry smirked at him. The way Nick clung to every word out of Harry’s mouth was slightly endearing. It was strange but it was nice to be liked. It was nice to be wanted. It was written all over Nick’s face that he wanted Harry more than anything. Harry found himself relishing in that fact and stupidly feeling like at least _someone_ wanted him. And really wanted him because they knew Harry for who he was. Not because of anything else. Nick was pulling him in with his gaze and Harry felt light and stupid, hardly caring about anything.

‘I like you a lot.’ Nick had edged closer to Harry, his laughter long gone and his face dead serious.

Harry wanted to cry out and scream that this was wrong and everything this would lead to would be wrong but he was so lost in the moment of actually being desired that he didn’t. He just let it happen. Nick closed any distance between them and drunkenly kissed him and Harry allowed it. He didn’t do anything to stop it or encourage it, he just sat there and allowed the feeling of Nick’s lips gently pressing against his own. Nick was hungry for him in a way that he wished Louis would be and Harry was confused and Jesus - Louis!

The image of Louis’ face flashed in Harry’s head, causing the kiss to cease just as quickly as it started, with Harry pushing Nick back with some force. Nick’s eyes were still closed and he appeared confused, leaning back in to find Harry’s lips again. But Harry possessed more willpower than the first time and groaned against his lips, pushing him back quicker and with more determination.

He really hated everything.

‘Nick, I’m sorry I really can’t.’ Harry sighed, breathless and lost. The look of devastation on Nick’s face as he retreated was so painful that Harry almost leaned back into kiss away his pain. Because Harry was that fucking _nice._

‘I’m so sorry,’ Harry mumbled, his eyes fixed on Nick who was looking everywhere but at him. ‘Grimmy, I am so sorry. I really am.’

Harry had never felt worse.

He was the worst human being on the planet, ever. He felt like complete shit and Nick looked like he might just burst into tears. It was a horrible disaster and Harry wished he could disappear. He didn’t want the moment to exist and he wanted to erase every kiss between the two of them. It just wasn’t fair on Nick who looked heartbroken.

‘It’s fine.’ Nick finally muttered, beginning to sit up. He was certainly going to rush out, making things even more awkward but Harry quickly stopped him. The last thing he wanted was to lose yet another friend because of stupid feelings.

Why did feelings exist again?

‘Hey, wait…,’ Harry placed a hand on Nick’s arm, halting him. ‘Don’t go like this. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.’ It was a lot to ask and that much was apparent in the way Nick sighed and buried his face in his hands. He stayed seated on the floor next to Harry though and didn’t leave so that was something at least.

Harry was searching for the right thing to say but it proved near impossible and he was half grateful as his phone began to ring from somewhere on his bed. Thankful for the distraction, Harry hurriedly got to his feet and located his phone, checking the caller with a quick glance.

Life was perfect.

But, _of course_ it would be Louis of all people choosing to call him at that moment. Louis, who he hadn’t heard from all weekend had chosen now to call him. It was all ironic, really.

‘Hey… Hi, how are you?’ Harry was speaking way too fast and sounded ever so guilty. Even Nick cast him a confused look and Harry tried to remember to breathe, deciding he didn’t sound very casual at all, which was what he’d hoped for. He sounded the exact opposite of casual.

‘Harry!’ Louis sounded desperate. Harry’s heartbeat loudened immediately.

‘What’s the matter? Are you okay?’ Harry asked, wishing so much to be with Louis and not in his hotel room which smelled like betrayal and sadness.

‘I’m fine.’ Louis said lowly. ‘I just… I want you Harry. Now. Please. Can I have you? I know you’re far… I mean, I don’t even know what time it is there I hope I’m not waking you.’

Harry was frozen, long ago having forgotten how to breathe. This was the single most significant moment of his life, he felt and also he was the worst person in the world. Just why? Why him? Why was Timing out to get him?

‘Harry?’ Louis pressed, when Harry didn’t respond. ‘I know I sound crazy I just have this overwhelming desire to see you. When are you back?’ Louis’ voice sounded so soft and perfect, so Louis-esque that it melted Harry, making him consider just how he could go even a second without hearing that voice.

‘Of course… I … can. I can come.’ Harry said slowly, his voice shaky.

Could this be real life? He felt weak just considering it. Louis was calling him for once and he was actually seeking Harry out, wanting to be with him. Wanting him.

Louis wanted Harry. It was almost surreal.

‘Yeah?’ Louis sounded delighted. It made Harry’s heart leap towards the skies. ‘When are you coming then?’

‘As soon as possible. I’ll get there tomorrow if I leave in a few hours.’ Harry was still drunk and he feared Louis’ words meant he would never sober up again. It didn’t matter though. All that mattered was Louis.

‘Okay. Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then.’ Louis said, sounding satisfied. ‘Or whenever you get here. Don’t be too long.’

‘I won’t.’ Harry quietly promised. ‘See you soon. And um… I love you.’

The words rolled off Harry’s tongue, sounding and feeling perfect. Louis nervously laughed and Harry smiled at the sound. He didn’t want to pressure Louis into saying anything he wasn’t ready to so he quickly stated, ‘Bye’ before ending the call. The moments that followed were pure bliss with Harry staring at the phone, feeling happiness like he never had before.

‘Was that your mum?’ Nick asked, breaking Harry away from his thoughts.

Nick. He was still there where Harry had left him, watching him with hopeful eyes.

Harry was again the worst person in the world. He sighed heavily, suddenly not feeling very happy and very much like he had cheated on Louis who he wasn’t even sure where he stood with. It was all painfully confusing.

‘Um, yeah.’ Harry muttered. ‘Look, Grimmy… I hate to leave like this but I… have to leave. Got a bit of a situation back at home.’

Harry hated lying and he was the worst at it. It was obvious Nick knew it wasn’t Harry’s mother and could hazard an educated guess as to who it really was but he didn’t say anything, instead turning away and staring contemplatively into space. Harry knew he should do something, that he should explain himself to Nick somehow and at least talk about the drunken kiss. But he knew anything he said just wouldn’t be enough and Nick deserved more than any half-assed explanation Harry could presently give him. Harry vowed he would make it up to Nick later as he began to text his assistant about his need to be in the UK. That was all on his mind at that moment and that was common of anytime Louis invaded his mind, he would always push everything out like nothing else mattered.

*

Louis was a nervous mess as he waited eagerly for Harry’s arrival. He had spent way too long in attempting to look good without looking like he’d tried too hard.

He had tried too hard. But he hoped that it wouldn’t show.

‘Go and get your man.’ Zayn had said, grabbing Louis’ face and planting a kiss on his cheek. Louis had squirmed and begged Zayn not to leave but Zayn hadn’t obliged. According to Zayn, Louis needed alone time with Harry and though it was true, Louis couldn’t shake the nerves.

‘It’s bloody Harry!’ Louis muttered to himself. He was sat on his bed, obsessively glancing at his phone. Harry’s flight had landed 30 minutes ago and there were already pictures of Harry getting into a car from the airport on twitter. A lot of attention was being paid to the tattoo which Harry hadn’t publicly addressed. In fact, Harry was being very cryptic about the whole thing, having posted a picture of himself holding Lux with the tattoo in full view. That had caused quite the commotion amongst fans as they battled it out to determine if the tattoo was for Louis or for Lux. It was quite entertaining, really.

Louis tapped his fingers against the mattress out of nervous habit, anticipating Harry’s arrival with growing apprehension. He didn’t know just what he would do when he saw Harry, all he knew was there was a burning desire to see Harry. That was what had prompted Louis to call him in the middle of the night to beg for Harry’s return. It was sweet how Harry had returned so quickly upon Louis’ request. Touching.

The sound of the doorbell startled Louis and he exhaled slowly, preparing himself silently. He knew he was being ridiculous but couldn’t fight off the butterflies in his system as he walked through the house and hesitantly opened the front door.

It was still raining like crazy and the cold air from opening the door startled Louis, throwing him off even more than he already was.

Seeing Harry stood there, clutching his bags was strange after he’d been thinking about him all weekend. Harry looked exhausted, with bags under his eyes and his hair hidden with a snapback and a hoodie pulled over it. Something in Louis’ stomach fluttered lightly as their eyes met and Harry greeted him with a small smile.

‘Hey… you.’ Harry said, biting his lip and observing Louis in _that_ way which usually made Louis uncomfortable. He didn’t feel uncomfortable that time however and smiled back warmly, stepping aside to allow Harry inside. Harry carried two bags with him, one he was clutching in his hand and another draped over his shoulder. Louis quickly reached out for the one in his hand and their fingers touched briefly and their eyes met as Harry handed the bag to Louis and it all felt slightly wonderful.

‘I’ll get you some tea to warm you up.’ Louis said, carrying the bag into his room and setting it down. ‘It’s horrible out there. I can’t believe this rain. Got stuck in it this morning.’ Louis didn’t realise Harry had even followed him until Louis halted, causing Harry to bump into him. The touch startled Louis and he jumped back, turning to face Harry in a quick reaction. Harry simply smirked, setting his other bag down next to the first.

‘I’d rather a hug to warm me up.’ Harry coyly said, his eyes shining bright.

Louis felt colour rush to his cheeks and his nerves returned before he shook them away because for goodness sake, this was _Harry_ of all people and Louis really needed to get a grip. Louis smiled pleasantly and stepped forward, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Harry. It was the perfect hug and Harry held him tight as Louis rested his head on Harry’s chest. It was what he had been desiring all weekend, he realised as the familiarity that this was Harry hit him. It had been a long time since Louis had allowed Harry to hold him in such a carefree manner. It felt incredible.

‘I’ve missed you.’ Louis muttered, pulling back slightly to meet Harry’s eyes.

Harry was watching him with a slightly uncertain expression and Louis worried immediately, thinking he must have done something wrong. But it turned out he hadn’t and maybe Harry was just tired because Harry quickly smiled, his arms still wrapped around Louis.

‘I missed you more.’ Harry said with a smirk. ‘Missed you so much. Thought about you every second.’

And there it was. That feeling in Louis’ chest as Harry stared at him so intently as if Louis was the only person he had ever seen in his life.

Louis was still very unsure of what it all meant but one thing was certain to him, Harry was more than just a friend. Harry wasn’t just anything. Harry was absolutely everything. His heart raced and thumped louder than ever before as the realisation set in Louis’ mind. Harry was everything that mattered.

‘Harry.’ Louis placed his hands on Harry’s chest and locked his eyes deep within Harry’s. This was all so important and Louis was ever so nervous. He almost wanted to run out of the room in floods of tears, he was that afraid but the person in front of him was familiar in so many ways. This was Harry. This was his best friend and had been for a long time.

‘Yes, Lou?’ Harry asked.

His face was close. Close enough for Louis to tilt his head slight and let his eyes flutter to a close as he inched that tiny bit closer. Just a small bit because that was enough. It was enough for their lips to brush together in the slowest and most sensual way that Louis had ever experienced. He was surely on the verge of tears for some unexplained reason and Louis swallowed every shred of self-doubt he’d ever experienced as he finally obliged and kissed Harry. It was so necessary and so mind-blowing that Louis felt he wasn’t even in his body. He was surely standing across the room watching in some unearthly form as their lips met, Louis parting Harry’s with ease as Harry moaned lowly against his. It was with so much longing that Harry pulled Louis in closer by the waist, his eyes shut tight and a somewhat pained expression on his face. It had obviously been a long wait.

‘Fuck, Harry.’ Louis breathed, his lips still pressed against Harry’s.

Harry’s tongue found his and Louis’ words were muffled and the longing between them was unmatched to anything else. The room was spinning and nothing felt the same, everything was different. Louis gripped Harry’s forearms and held on for fear that his knees would give away at any second and he would collapse onto the floor. Harry’s hands were everywhere, tugging on Louis’ too-long hair and exploring every part of Louis within reach.

It felt like heaven and perfection and Louis had momentarily forgotten how to breathe.

‘What’s wrong?’ Louis managed to say as Harry suddenly pulled away, breaking the kiss and leaving Louis’ lips cold and forgotten. He was breathless and still unashamedly gripping Harry’s arms but Harry’s expression had changed. He looked unsure and unhappy even and Louis immediately wondered if he had done something wrong.

‘Hey… Harold, what’s the matter?’ Louis reached up to gently caress his cheek because he suddenly felt he could do things like that now. The fear was slowly dispersing.

Harry’s eyes closed at the touch and he reached up to grasp Louis’ hand which remained on his face. He looked so conflicted that Louis wanted to kiss it all better. Make him feel better and make him smile, showing his dimples and being as happy as Louis was. So Louis leaned in close again and met his lips with a greater force than last time, inviting Harry’s to part with his tongue. The touch was more purposeful and Louis felt more self-assured, allowing his hand to move up to Harry’s hair and tug at the curls which weren’t hidden by a hat. Harry moaned softly, his brows furrowed and his hand gripping Louis’ back. It felt right and perfect and Louis was happy and feeling absolutely like he had never felt before but in an instance, Harry was pulling away again leaving Louis feeling confused.

Harry stepped back from Louis that time and Louis’ heart almost broke into a million pieces because, _why?_ Just why?

‘Harry?’ Louis weakly cried. He wanted to reach out and pull him back in but Harry was very decidedly at a distance from him now. Louis felt like complete shit. The one time he had put himself out there for Harry and he was retreating. Maybe Louis had waited just way too long. Harry had obviously given up on him.

‘I really can’t, babe. Please try to understand.’ Harry sounded desperate. ‘Not like this. Like this… isn’t right.’

Louis was completely confused and hurt and had no idea what to do. Harry was rejecting him in the worst sense of the word but Harry’s eyes were a mixture of love and pain. Harry loved him that was blatantly obvious so why wouldn’t he allow them to kiss? And he’d just called Louis _babe_ with so much affection and fondness in his voice but his actions were screaming something else entirely.

‘What did I do?’ Louis asked, helplessly.

Harry was shaking his head, appearing even more exhausted and pained than he had moments earlier.

‘You didn’t do anything. It’s me. I need to figure something out.’ Harry said, his eyes welling up and on the verge of tears.

Louis was eternally confused. All Harry had wanted was for Louis to come around and now that he had, Harry was pulling away. It didn’t make any sense.

‘Harry, talk to me.’ Louis quietly pleaded.

Harry shook his head however, and actually brushed past Louis’ as he went to pick his bags up again. He seemed in his own world, briefly touching his lips where Louis had kissed him as he got his belongings.

‘I can’t right now. I just can’t.’ Harry looked so guilty and unhappy. ‘I’ll be at Lou’s place. Or maybe at Niall’s or something. I don’t know. I’ll text you.’

Louis wanted to shout and call after him, maybe get on his knees and beg that he didn’t leave because all Louis had wanted for two days was for Harry to just be there and now Harry as leaving. It literally sucked. It was shit. It was the worst thing in the world. But Louis didn’t say anything and Harry did leave. Louis felt like the stupidest person in the world and vowed he would never put himself out there again in his life.

Long after Harry had left, Louis lay in bed, absently wiping away tears and touching his lips. He couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong. He played the moment over and over again in his head but all he recalled was feeling good as fuck. Like he should have been kissing Harry every day of his life. Obviously, he’d been mistaken and Harry just didn’t feel the same. Which was ridiculous and confusing.

Louis decided he was beyond depressed as he spent a long sleepless night on his own, haunted by memories of kissing Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I appreciate the fact that people are reading my crazy made-up stuff. x


	18. Eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. It's been a minute... I'm sorry for the delay. I read all the comments on the last chapter. I'd be lying if I said the delay wasn't because of the comments. I just wanted to take the time to try and write better for readers because the majority of readers (who commented) were unhappy with the direction of the story. Hopefully people enjoy it. I've tried hard not to make it repetitive as people said it had been. Honestly, if you still think then there's nothing more I can do really. Hopefully people still read it cos I know a week is a while to wait but if you stuck around, then enjoy! Not many chapters left so if you're still here... bear with me :)

It had taken a long time for Harry’s heart to stop racing long enough for him to think properly. By that time, he was pacing around his room in Lou Teasdale’s home, feeling unnerved and angry. Mostly at himself. He was wrong on so many levels but the worst part was that he knew he couldn’t take any of it back. That look of hurt, disappointment and rejection all mixed together in Louis’ eyes was one which had already existed and couldn’t be erased. It was awful and Harry hated it and maybe himself more for causing it.

‘Niall.’ Harry was desperate and it showed. ‘Niall, I need to see you. Somewhere. Anywhere. Now.’

There was a brief pause on the other line and Harry checked the phone, just to make sure. It was still connected and Niall still wasn’t speaking.

‘Look mate, now isn’t really a good time.’ Niall’s voice was soft but he was hiding something. Harry could tell straight away. Niall would never turn him down in any situation, especially when he sounded as desperate as he did if there wasn’t more to it.

‘Niall, where are you?’ Harry had slowly asked, realisation dawning on him even as the words left his mouth.

He didn’t have to hear the words from Niall to know exactly where he was. Niall sounded apologetic and really he shouldn’t have considering he had every right to be with Louis and console him as his friend. Harry still couldn’t fight away the feeling of rejection as he hung up though and wondered if this was what it was going to be like from now on. When it came to Harry and Louis, the boys would just choose sides and it was a given that Zayn would immediately side with Louis. Then there was Liam who would follow Zayn off a cliff if he had to. The only person really left on Harry’s side had always been Niall who was also now with Louis.

It hurt and Harry felt the distance creeping back into his system. The bond between him and the rest of the boys felt weaker than ever.

He was certain it was all his fault. He had truly hurt Louis. It must have taken everything for Louis to kiss him and really, it was all Harry had ever wanted. But the fear and the guilt of having kissed Nick had just been too much for him to handle. Harry had done what he was best at and ran away.

Harry spent the rest of the night trying to get comfortable in a bed that felt cold and lonely. He was certain he hadn’t slept for a single moment.

The next morning went without a single attempt at doing anything. Harry wished he’d never left LA and that maybe he’d never left Nick. Everything felt so simple and less complicated around Nick. But even as he made the comparison, the feeling of Louis’ lips finally on his and the chemistry between them reminded him there could be no comparison. With Louis it would all be world’s different from anyone else.

Harry was hardly surprised that at a little after 2 in the afternoon, when he’d forced himself out of bed to make a sandwich, he received a text. It didn’t surprise him but it did make his heart sink even further, if that was even possible.

**Zayn Malik**

_trying to be as respectful as I can but please stay away_

The words stared at him menacingly for a long time and Harry wasn’t sure if he should cry or be angry. The tension between Zayn and himself had only ceased not very long ago so for it to come back with such a vengeance was just an added thing to the list of things which sucked in Harry’s life. He ended up deleting the message, because even having it in his phone hurt too much. Though he did end up giving in and texting Zayn, ‘ _sorry, please tell him I’m sorry. I’ll stay away and won’t bother him again and even on tour I will keep to myself. never meant to hurt him just a lot that I haven’t said to him and find it hard to. love him, please let him know.’_

It sounded stupid and Harry immediately hated it after it was sent but there was nothing he could do. Surprisingly, Zayn texted back fairly quickly and asked him to meet so they could talk. Harry stared at the phone for a long while, contemplating the thought before figuring he may as well.

Zayn had arrived an hour later and appeared tense, only briefly returning Harry’s hug. Maybe Harry had been a bit hopeful to lean in for one in the first place, he thought as Zayn sat down in Harry’s room. Harry noticed that he’d gotten a haircut which really suited him but he chose not to comment, deciding Zayn wasn’t there to exchange pleasantries.

‘How is he?’ Harry’s voice was small and he feared for the answer.

It must have taken a lot for Louis to kiss him and for Harry to run off would certainly have broken him in two. Louis hadn’t even come to terms with his sexuality in any way and Harry was very much not Eleanor and Louis must have been so hurt and Harry felt like an idiot.

‘He’s a mess.’ Zayn’s voice was firm but his eyes had softened slightly. ‘He’s been crying all night. He’s embarrassed. Says he put himself out there and you ran off. It took him awhile but he told me what happened.’

Harry didn’t respond, fearing there weren’t enough words in the world to describe what he felt.

‘It’s shocking…,’ Zayn continued, ‘to think that you would walk out, Harry. I was pretty pissed when I heard about it. You know how much I care about Louis. He’s my brother. I can’t just be cool with you if you continue to treat him like this. He’s a _mess._ I had to make sure Niall and Liam would stay at the flat till I got back because I don’t want him to be on his own. It’s like you don’t even get what you’re doing to him.’

Harry was fidgeting, playing with his hands, looking anywhere but at Zayn because if he did then maybe he would get angry. It was just so predictable, Harry thought, for Zayn to be so concerned about how hurt Louis was and not care about Harry’s feelings at all. Harry was hardly surprised, considering he had been hurting for years and none of the boys had noticed or even bothered to comment.

‘I know Louis is difficult,’ Zayn was still unfinished, clearly, ‘and he does stupid things. But him kissing you… Harry, I thought you would want that? Explain it to me because I don’t understand.’

‘You don’t care about what I have to say.’ Harry was certainly angry now. ‘So why ask?’

Zayn sighed, actually standing up from his position on Harry’s bed to move closer to where Harry stood. Harry almost stepped back when Zayn reached him but Zayn was quick to reach out and place a hand on Harry’s arm.

‘I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care.’ Zayn looked like honesty and truth. Harry had no choice but to believe him.

‘Fine.’ Harry muttered, pushing his curls back further than they already were. ‘Fine. I… where do I even start? It’s hard. It’s just hard for me and no one even gets it. I know I shouldn’t have run out but there are things Louis doesn’t know and just won’t get.’

Harry stopped talking just as fast as he started because he wasn’t sure what to say. Everything he said sounded like an excuse and maybe it was. Maybe there was no real reason behind Harry leaving Louis so many times. Maybe he’d just been afraid.

‘I kissed Nick.’ Harry said, before he could even think. ‘I kissed him, in LA. He kissed me but I didn’t stop him, at least not for a moment or two. I don’t know. I shouldn’t have. I did it after I told Louis I would wait and after I agreed to give him time. It just feels so unfair because the timing right now is so bad… why did Louis have to call me after I’d just kissed Nick? Four years and that’s the moment he chooses to call me and tell me he _wants_ me? What are the chances of that, Zayn?’

If Zayn had any answers for Harry, he didn’t show it. He just stared at him, his face largely unreadable but he did nod, urging Harry to continue.

‘There’s no way I can put it. The timing is wrong. Right now at least.’ Harry was speaking fast and his words made little sense to him. ‘I just… I’m not a bad person but I always end up being the bad guy. All the boys are on Louis’ side and it’s messed up because it shouldn’t even be sides. It should just be us. And I’ve wanted that for so long, for so many years. And Louis either pretended he didn’t notice or didn’t care. But I still didn’t give up because it meant something to me. He meant something. I fought for him every day. He didn’t even want to be my friend but I still kept trying. He pushed me away but I couldn’t get rid of him, he set up camp in my head and never left. Yet… I’m the bad guy. Everyone hates me.’

‘No one hates you, Harry.’ Zayn appeared sympathetic.

He placed an arm around Harry’s shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. Harry wasn’t sure if he wanted it and almost eased himself out of the embrace but something made him stay. Zayn felt like a reminder of the past. A time when things had been less complicated and less of a mess. Zayn was soft and cared for him and whispered things about how it was all going to be okay. Maybe that was why Harry had started crying.

‘You distance yourself from us sometimes,’ Zayn was saying, his words tickling Harry’s cheek, ‘but we’re always here if you want to come back. At least, I am. I know me and you have had our share of problems but… I would never consider you anything less than a friend. You just need to sort it out with Lou.’

‘He hates me now, I keep hurting him.’ Harry’s voice was muffled by sobbing and Zayn’s chest. Zayn rubbed his back and he missed being held and cared for so much that it just made him cry harder. He was a baby and he hated it, willing himself to be stronger.

‘He’ll never hate you.’ Zayn had reassured him. ‘He just needs some time.’

Harry wasn’t sure how long he stood in Zayn’s arms. He just knew he didn’t want to let go. There had been tension between Zayn and Harry even since the very beginning from the moment they’d met but there had also been a strong bond. Harry had often thought it was because they were way too similar in a lot of ways. There was also the fact that at different points they had both held Louis’ affection and attention in similar but completely different ways. Nevertheless, it was good to be with Zayn and they spent the afternoon together, talking and catching up. Harry almost forgot about the horrible feeling in his stomach and even laughing a couple of times as he recalled funny stories about his times in LA and told them to Zayn. It was nice and pleasant and Harry regretted it had taken them so long to reconnect.

‘Can’t stop thinking about her.’ Zayn was saying, half laying in Harry’s bed. ‘When the tour starts it’ll be worse because I’m going to be so far away. I don’t know what to do. Even though we don’t talk I like being near her.’

‘I know how that feels.’ Harry had agreed. ‘That’s how I was with Lou. Even the times when I did my best to ignore him, I liked when we were working together. Even though I was trying to ignore him and not talk to him, being around him made me feel like I was still close to him on some level. If that makes sense.’

‘It makes perfect sense.’ Zayn was nodding and intently watching Harry.

Harry had never felt more understood in his life. Looking into Zayn’s eyes, it was obvious they had shared the same experiences and heartbreak.

It was a much needed day which came to an eventual end with Harry promising to sort things out with Louis and Zayn warning him that Zayn and Harry should talk more. Harry had agreed, making a mental note to at least text Zayn once a day. And then when tour started, he could really hang out with him more.

That would do him a lot of good, he figured.

*

Harry really knew he should have gone to see Louis sooner than he did. But he was scared and confused. Texts from Nick asking him why he’d rushed off didn’t help. Nick also wanted to know when he was off to Latin America and whether he should fly out to catch some shows, which Harry wasn’t convinced would be the best idea. When Harry finally made it outside of Louis’ flat, a day before the start of the tour, his palms were sweaty and he wanted to turn around and leave. Which was typical of him, of course.

Louis didn’t look particularly happy to see him, as expected and even looked slightly bored. Harry hoped it was part of an act or the Louis Tomlinson Wall which he was very much used to being on the receiving end of.

‘Hi.’ Harry had said, nerves present. ‘Can we talk?’

Louis hadn’t responded, he had just sighed as if it was more of a chore than anything else. Harry was almost certain the door would shut in his face but it didn’t and Louis allowed him inside. It felt different somehow, though it couldn’t have been longer than 3 days since Harry had last been there. There was no sign of Zayn or any of the other boys which Harry figured was a good sign and meant Louis wasn’t as much of a mess as he had been.

‘I’d offer you a drink but…,’ Louis had come to a stop in the living room. His eyes fell to the couch and Harry wasn’t sure if he was supposed to sit. He didn’t either way, fearing he would only be brave enough to actually talk to Louis properly if he was standing. ‘I don’t suppose you’ll be staying for long.’

Ouch. That should have been expected, but it did hurt. Louis’ sarcasm often did and Harry almost winced at the words.

‘Lou, I owe you an explanation. Several, in fact.’ Harry sounded just as nervous as he felt. ‘I didn’t mean to rush off like that. I just… I had so much on my mind and you… you kissed me-’

‘I’m confused!’ Louis interrupted almost immediately. ‘Is it a bad thing that I kissed you? Which, by the way… you have no idea how hard it was for me to allow myself to let go… to be able to just take a step like that.’

Disappointment set into Louis’ eyes and the anger seemed long gone. He was watching Harry and willing for him to speak. Harry wasn’t quite sure what to say, wasn’t sure how he’d even ended up in his predicament. How had he become the one in the wrong? Surely, it had been Louis who had led him on a chase that had gone in circles for four years? Surely, Louis didn’t get to be the victim?

‘I’m sorry for leaving.’ Harry’s words were slow and delicate. ‘I know it wasn’t easy for you to be so forward and to… kiss me like that. It meant a lot to me that you would take that step. But it was confusing. You went from years of ignoring my feelings to suddenly saying you wanted me. It didn’t make sense.’

Also, Harry had kissed Nick hours earlier so there was that. But Harry didn’t let it slip and Louis didn’t ask as Louis had no knowledge. Zayn had clearly kept his loyalties to Harry by not breathing a word of the kiss to Louis. It was all a bit of a mess.

‘I’m not saying I have it all figured out.’ Louis stated. ‘But after all this time we’ve been spending together… and all the conversations we had and the fact that I realised you truly do have strong feelings for me…. it made me think and I guess I realised there’s always been something there. Something I couldn’t place. It wasn’t like I planned to kiss you or I woke up and decided _hey I’m gay now_ … it was impulsive. It just kind of happened. And I thought it was right. But clearly not.’ Louis looked smaller than ever and Harry wanted nothing more than to envelope his small frame in the tightest of hugs. It certainly wasn’t his place to do that however, as he was responsible for the confusion etched on Louis’ face. So Harry remained still, unmoving and disconnected from it all.

It was as if he had been here one too many times. Louis, always on the verge of some kind of admittance and sure it was more than Louis had ever given him so far but Harry wasn’t convinced it was enough. It was hard to put his finger on just what it was but Louis’ words didn’t fill him with happiness or joy.

‘It wasn’t wrong.’ Harry muttered after a moment. ‘It was amazing. It was good. I was glad you did it. It’s just that… maybe it was too late. I don’t know. I had this vision in my head for so long and when it finally happened, it felt a little anti-climactic. Like it was good but… sometimes it’s just too late.’

Harry couldn’t even believe the words were true until they were falling out of his mouth. Louis just watched him in a stunned silence, unable to hide the pain in his face. Harry was probably the worst person in the world but it felt natural to protect himself. Sure, Louis was saying all the right things now but Harry had been hurt by it all too many times.

‘I also have a lot to think about.’ Harry admitted slowly. ‘I think I need to sort it all out in my head first. But I like being with you. I just don’t know where I’m currently at.’ Louis looked as if he might just crumble into a million pieces so Harry spoke fast, stepping closer only to have Louis jump back as if he was being attacked.

‘Louis… no, please.’ Harry edged closer and Louis stepped back yet again. ‘I love you. I really do. It’s not like I’m pushing you away. Please don’t think this.’

Harry should have told him then, all about Nick and all his doubts and his fear. But he couldn’t. All he managed to do was take more steps towards a still-backing away Louis until Louis couldn’t go any further because he’d reached the wall.

‘Louis… I need to…,’ Harry allowed his fingers to wrap around Louis’ wrists. Louis appeared unhappy with the touch but didn’t make any move to get out of the grasp. ‘There’s a lot I’ve been holding onto for four years and I’m scared. It doesn’t mean I have the right to just leave the second I don’t like something but I guess…. I’m still angry for a lot.’

‘I made a mistake.’ Louis’ voice was barely a whisper.

Harry immediately felt wrong and he leaned in, allowing their foreheads to touch. Louis’ eyes closed at the touch and he remained that way, unable to look at Harry while Harry studied every bit of his face. The face he’d memorised over the years, the face he’d wanted to touch and place kisses on for years. It was the same, unchanging and static.

‘Don’t ever say that.’ Harry mumbled softly. ‘Don’t ever say that it was a mistake. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.’

Louis chuckled at that, despite his obvious hurt and his cheeks were rosy has he finally opened his eyes. They were so close, their eyes only inches apart. Louis stared into Harry’s soul with blatant ease and Harry felt the corners of his lips tug upward unintentionally.

‘Hi.’ Harry breathed, his hands moving from Louis’ wrists. They landed on Louis’ face and Harry’s thumbs gently stroked his cheeks.

‘Hi, there.’ Louis’ eyes never wavered from Harry. ‘I miss you.’

Harry smiled properly at the words, feeling something lift within his heart. The tension was fizzling away and all it had taken was for Harry to touch Louis. Maybe he should touch Louis more often, he thought, he certainly wanted to.

‘I’ve missed you for 2 years.’ The words felt honest on his lips and he sighed as he spoke. The release was necessary.

Louis didn’t respsond, his hands finding Harry’s as they remained on his face. He gently squeezed Harry’s hands and they remained that way for what felt like too long but not nearly long enough. They were staring at each other as if it was the last time they would and all Harry could do was wish that Louis could understand everything without him having to say it.

‘I hate fighting with you.’ Louis softly stated. ‘It’s the worst.’

‘I’m not really a fan of it either.’ Harry felt the urge to just close the distance between them. A distance which was far greater than the centimetres between their lips. A distance which had built up over two years of avoidance and immaturity. Harry wasn’t sure if he was allowed to after the way he’d acted last time. He would be a hypocrite for denouncing Louis’ kiss and then kissing him anyway.

And there was also Nick.

With each passing moment that Harry remained close to Louis, the thought of Nick felt heavier, he felt guiltier and more wrong. He wanted to say something and he should have. But he didn’t. He chose to ease in closer to Louis instead, eliminating any space between their lips and kissing Louis with a hunger he didn’t know he had in him. It was necessary and Louis didn’t immediately respond but the urge to feel Louis’ lips with his own was somehow greater than Louis’ response. It was a selfish kiss maybe and in hindsight Harry wished he’d taken it a bit slower. But his instinct was just to feel as much as he could so he kissed with a yearning and a burning passion that Louis didn’t match but didn’t protest against. Harry groaned, unable to contain the feeling in his chest and the light-headedness he felt as his tongue slowly parted Louis’ reluctant lips. He was wrong, on so many levels but he felt out of control and out of the moment, taking in Louis in ways he hadn’t been able to before.

Ways he hadn’t been allowed to before.

Harry’s hands were lost in Louis’ hair, feeling the need to cling onto something for dear life. He kissed Louis hurriedly as if he might disappear, that one of them might choose to run away again. It didn’t happen however, and Harry managed to steal 1, 2 and then 3 pecks before finally pulling away, breathing heavily and already a little lost without Louis’ lips.

‘You’re the most confusing human ever.’ Louis said slowly, regaining composure. But he was smiling and Harry managed a smile in return.

‘You love it.’ Harry stole another kiss and then another.

It was a lot of kissing that he didn’t know if Louis was ready for but Louis certainly didn’t protest. It was new and exciting and they held each other close, Harry still pinning Louis to the wall. It made him hard though he tried to fight it and hoped Louis wouldn’t notice. It was surely too much but Louis obviously did notice or he must at least have felt it pressed against him, but he said nothing. He didn’t act on it and Harry didn’t either, instead choosing to lose himself in the taste of Louis.

Somewhere in the process of Harry trying to make up for lost time and stubbornness, they ended up on the couch Harry still owned. Louis was still somewhat guarded, but he allowed Harry to hold his hand at least and he spoke with an ease to his voice that hadn’t been there earlier.

‘Do you mind if I stay?’ Harry asked, making tiny circles on the back of Louis’ hand. ‘I know it’s not for long because of the tour but I like being here. Honestly, no-where has felt more like home.’

Louis watched him for a moment and Harry feared he would say no and that Harry would have to leave. It was the last thing Harry wanted to do.

‘No.’ Louis had finally said. ‘I don’t mind. It’s your home. Stay as long as you like. Or as long as you can before you have to get on a plane around the world.’

Harry had smiled and they had talked and laughed, careful not to say too much but managing to say just enough. The subject of ‘them’ wasn’t brought up again and they spoke about other things. Stress-free things. The subject of Nick was now beginning to feel very much like a secret but Harry’s lips couldn’t form the words and he promised he would tell Louis soon. He vowed to himself in fact that it was all because he didn’t want to ruin perfectly good moments with something that was simply just a mistake. They remained like that all night, eventually choosing to hold each other close and sleep on the couch in each other’s arms. Harry fell asleep long after Louis had and his mind raced with many thoughts as he absently stroked Louis’ hair. Louis looked as peaceful as Harry remembered him in their younger years, his face pressed against Harry’s chest and his eyes fluttered to a sleep-filled close. It was all peaceful and serene and Harry wished only to exist in that moment for the rest of his life.

*

The madness had been looming for months but when it finally began, it still took them all by surprise. They hadn’t expected the cold early morning flights to be as demanding and daunting as they had been. Maybe they had allowed their minds to forget the stresses that came with tour. The opening night had been something special and all Harry could really focus on was the way Louis would share hidden smiles with him and gently touch his fingers when no one was looking. It would be the lightest of touches but Harry would still feel it and his heart would still jump out of his chest slightly as Louis made a point to brush past him ever so slowly. It was all nice and Harry felt better about the tour than the past ones, simply because now he had gone as far as to _kiss_ Louis. Several times, in fact as it was something they did now. They kissed and held hands and frequently slept in each other’s arms. It wasn’t as much as Harry would have liked but given everything, it was beyond perfection.

‘That was just insane.’ Louis had collapsed in bed, in fresh clothes after a much needed shower. The first show was over. They had played to a sold out stadium and Harry was high on cloud nine and love. Because there Louis was, in his hotel room of all places, something that hadn’t happened since their very first tour. It was surreal and Harry could hardly contain his excitement. So much so that he jumped on the bed, startling Louis but hardly caring as he met his lips, kissing and nibbling on his bottom lip for longer than Louis would have allowed.

‘You’re going to leave a bruise!’ Louis had shouted, but his smile was prominent as he touched his lips. Harry grinned back with so much happiness he felt he might just burst. It had only been a few short days and they were no closer to discussing much of what had transpired between them. But it felt okay that they didn’t and Harry was really just enjoying being able to touch Louis in the way he wanted.

‘The fans are so loud outside.’ Louis commented, his eyes fixed on the closed curtains. ‘Makes me want to go out there or something but that would just be chaos.’

Harry looked at him like he was crazy, because that would be crazy as they would more than likely cause a riot. Plus, the next show was near enough for them to have to leave very early the next morning and they needed to sleep, not to cause a stampede.

‘I’m just glad we got through it. Stadiums. I can’t believe it.’ Harry lay flat on the bed, hiss arm outstretched across the far too big distance between them. Louis stared for a moment before smirking and laying down close, his head resting on Harry’s arm, allowing himself to be pulled into Harry. It was like Louis was a perfect fit and he snuggled in close and Harry couldn’t help but think that all the girls he’d tried to fill that spot with had never felt just right in the way that Louis did. It was like they were sculpted for each other as part of a grand art scheme neither of them were aware of.

‘I’m glad we’re here. Together.’ Louis’ words were muffled into Harry’s side.

There was probably more to say and more they should have said but in that moment, all they did was lie there. Harry felt free and elated in everything that Louis did, even the way his hand rested on Harry’s chest as he fell to a gradual sleep.

*

It didn’t take long for life to become one big travelling adventure. It was only the second day and they were only one show in but they were already in a new city. Lima was different to the other places, the fans were still outside and security still held them at bay but the difference was something in the air. Maybe it was love and maybe only Harry felt it but it was prominent and there in the way that Harry gazed lovingly at Louis as he brushed his too-long hair out of his eye.

Louis should get a cut, really.

Zayn and Harry exchanged conversations about their shared experiences of love which Harry soon fell into a routine of strongly desiring. He even considered that maybe he lived for those conversations, lived for the way Zayn would nod understandingly and pet his back when Harry would tell him about a particular moment of the past three years in which Louis would kiss Eleanor directly in front of Harry. Zayn didn’t say anything bad about Louis. He didn’t pick a side or anything, he was just a comforting ear and Harry spoke to him as often as he could. Louis didn’t seem to mind and even gave them the privacy they needed when he walked into Harry’s room to see the two talking.

‘You should tell him about Nick.’ Zayn had said after Louis left. ‘It’s important. The longer you leave it the more it looks like a secret.’

‘It’s not a secret.’ Harry whined. ‘It just turned into one. Can’t I just leave it? He knows I’ve messed around with Nick. It doesn’t matter. Does it?’

It was obvious by the look on Zayn’s face that it did matter and Harry knew it did already.

‘Tell him. You’ll feel better afterwards.’ Zayn urged, gently. ‘It matters because it was after you told him. After he was as upset as he was. You knew it hurt him and it happened again. I’m not saying it’s your fault… it just happened. But you have to tell him. It’s taking a lot for him to be so open with you recently and allow you in so you should do that much for him at least.’

Harry had taken Zayn’s words in intently but he wasn’t sure he was ready to tell Louis. He had the best of intentions and was even certain that maybe he would as they lounged around yet another hotel room. There wasn’t anything to do considering they couldn’t go outside because of the crowds and the second show wasn’t till the following night. It was supposed to be downtime and resting time but they both found themselves wide awake, flicking through channels which showed programs they didn’t understand. Harry felt nostalgic and missed London, wishing for an episode of Friends to show up on E4. But there was no E4, there was only a bored Louis, sitting on the edge of the bed.

‘Ah, yes.’ Louis was nodding intently, acting as if he understood the foreign words. He stroked his chin occasionally, looking interested and pretending all for Harry’s entertainment. Harry laughed and wrapped his arms around Louis from the back and pulling him into his chest, leaving a trail of kisses down the side of his face. Louis squirmed in his arms, pulling himself out of the grip and returning his attention to the TV.

‘No, Harry I need to know what happens next!’ Louis was insistent on pushing Harry off him and Harry pouted in defeat but Louis hardly seemed to care.

They sat on the edge of the bed next to each other, watching the TV and Louis putting on a massive show which Harry couldn’t help but laugh at. It was so similar to old times Harry nearly pinned him down to tickle him like five times before stopping himself. He was supposed to be older and more mature. They had mature things to talk about and he couldn’t allow himself to get distracted.

‘Lou. Can we talk?’ Harry had asked, nervously playing with his fingers.

Louis’ shoulders immediately tensed at the words and Harry wished to fly back in time and erase the moment in which he spoke. Things between them was still so delicate and easily breakable. Zayn was surely wrong. Harry didn’t need to speak on the Nick subject. Not right then. Maybe another time.

‘I just want to say… I’m happy.’ Harry said, when Louis looked at him tentatively. ‘And I just… I want to thank you for… being brave enough to… I know it’s not easy for you. I know it’s a struggle but you trust me. I think? Maybe? I don’t know.’

Louis smirked slightly, raising an eyebrow and immediately relaxing. He’d obviously expected something bad. Just being told of Harry’s happiness seemed to be a relief as he turned to fully face Harry, sitting cross-legged on the bed, a smile resting on his lips.

‘You don’t have to thank me.’ Louis hit his arm absently. ‘It’s not a chore. It’s what I want. I guess it just took a long time for me to admit it to myself. But when it did… I figured, I would just go for it.’

‘What made you change your mind?’ Harry caught Louis’ hand in his and absently stroked it. ‘I mean you were so against the idea. So in love with Eleanor. And… when I tried to tell you, you just didn’t get it. But then when I was on LA you just call me and suddenly you decide you want me? I’m not complaining but I’m just curious.’

Butterflies were present and Harry was afraid he’d said the wrong thing. Maybe he was on the verge of pushing Louis away again, causing him to run out never to be seen again. But it wasn’t like that. It was different this time around and Harry could feel it in the way Louis’ eyes landed on his.

‘It sounds stupid but it just hit me.’ Louis explained, his hand still in Harry’s. ‘I was sitting with Liam and Zayn and I just remember I couldn’t stop thinking about it. This was after I found out about you and Nick. I remember being so devastated – ‘

Harry was the worst person in the world. He gulped, hoping Louis wouldn’t notice the fact that he was hiding something so stupidly.

‘And I was sitting there for ages,’ Louis continued, ‘madly confused. I couldn’t figure out why it bothered me so much. Then I realised that it was always different… it was always different with you. What we had was special. To be honest, when I called you I didn’t actually know what I was doing. I called Niall first and like confessed to him that I felt something for you. Like an idiot. I should have called you as soon as I felt it. But I told Niall and Niall wanted me to tell you so I just told you. Well I called you in LA. It felt right.’

Louis paused for a breath and Harry squeezed his hand in his. He knew there was something he should say and he wanted to, he really did but Louis was telling him some important things and all Harry did was lean forward and slowly press his lips against Louis’ who was more than welcoming.

‘I am…,’ Harry spoke against Louis’ lips, ‘so… happy… it came… to… you.’

Louis giggled and messed up Harry’s curls, pulling back slightly to cup Harry’s face in his hands.

‘You should thank Zayn for the weed.’ He says before placing one last soft kiss on Harry’s lips.

It made Harry feel more alive than in years when Louis initiated a kiss with him. It was rare and maybe that was because Harry was always so hungry for Louis’ lips he could never leave them alone. But when it did happen, it made Harry feel wanted in ways he couldn’t fathom.

‘I’ll make a note of that.’ Harry had said as Louis had returned to pretending to understand Spanish.

They spent a cosy night in each other’s arms yet again and Harry’s mind wondered to how he was a bad person. Maybe. Or maybe he was just a bit selfish and wanted Louis for a little while longer in exactly the way that he was in his arms that night.


	19. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyyyy! What can I say... bloody life! Thank youuuu!

‘I write for the love of it. Not because people want me to or because it makes money or…,’ Harry’s voice trailed off and yet Louis continued to watch intently. It was especially beautiful to see Harry like this, completely in his element. Not that Harry wasn’t always so strikingly beautiful. And shit. Louis wasn’t even afraid to admit it anymore. Hey there, growth.

‘It’s just the process you know,’ he spoke like he was sure of every word, ‘of becoming lost in the creation of something new. Something absolute. It’s easy to get lost in.’

‘Do you feel the need to be lost sometimes?’ The interviewer asked. Charming in all the right ways. Her eyes landed on every plane of Harry’s face all at once. She was transfixed just as Louis was transfixed. Yet, Louis had to hide his admiration in an amused smirk while the interviewer flaunted it, even touched his leg for good measure.

It kind of hurt. But then again, Harry was Louis’ after all. And the world didn’t really get to see _Louis’_ Harry so it kind of didn’t matter.

‘I think we’re all lost. Most of the time.’ Harry spoke the words as if directly to Louis. Cameras be damned, Louis smiled back with a hint of love. Because he could. Because Harry was profound.

‘You’re profound.’ Louis said the words right onto Harry’s lips. It was much later and the confines of the hotel room didn’t sting with loneliness. Not anymore. Not this tour. Not since they’d stopped being so goddamn-difficult-and-stupid. Zayn’s words, not Louis’.

‘Is that your way of saying kind of boring?’ Harry pouted and it just made Louis want to devour him more.

It had never been like this with girlfriends. Lost in Harry’s arms, Louis probably couldn’t even pick any of his ex-girlfriends out of a line up. This was different. This was profound. This was his best friend who had a tendency to tell too-long stories and outstay his welcome at his flat.

They stayed that way, in each other’s arms, comfortable and homely. It was where Louis should have spent the past four years but he was busy being stupid.

Stupid was done now. The past two months of figuring out Harry and actually _getting_ him had felt like the best time of his life. The kissing and the cuddling also helped matters. God, there was so much and yet Louis was always left wanting more. He knew he wanted it but as always he felt cowardly every-time he pretend-light-heartedly pushed Harry away. He just wasn’t ready.

And maybe Harry understood. Because the glint never left his eyes.

*

‘I’m tried. All the fucking time. I never sleep anymore.’ Niall was complaining and Louis was agreeing in his head. All the months of travelling around the world and performing every night were getting the better of him. He wondered if the North of England even existed anymore and jut wished to be home. Just for once.

‘At least you have Harry.’ Niall whined, looking at his toast disapprovingly.

‘Come on Niall, you know I could never take your place in Harry’s life.’ Louis teased, a smirk present.

‘Good. You better not.’ Niall scoffed.

That was how their conversations had been recently. All the boys. Short and not-very-much. Even talking to Harry kind of felt like too much effort sometimes. Or maybe not. Maybe Louis was just pretending so he would seem less pathetic and in-lovey.

Truth be told, he loved any conversation with Harry.

‘Four more weeks left.’ Harry was in Louis’ lap, somehow and Louis was trying to ignore the _feelings_ his body insisted on feeling.

On one hand a voice in his head was begging for him to take the plunge. He’d had sex with so many girls before. But another was screaming so loudly about how Harry was very much not a girl and probably had experience with guys because well… he was Harry. He was irresistible and Louis would rather not mess this up, thank you very much.

‘Well, it’s been a good tour. A good year, I’d say.’ Louis’ hand was absently stroking Harry’s hair. Okay, it wasn’t absent. It was purposeful and with a sense of pride. He loved everything about it. He especially loved how it smelled more like Louis’ cologne than Harry’s shampoo on a good day.

‘It really has.’ Those dimples showed as Harry glowed up at him.

Seriously. The kid fucking glowed. Louis was doomed and was probably going to lose his virginity right then. Was it even virginity?

‘Well apart from weed gate.’ Louis tried to hide a smirk and Harry’s eyebrows had already furrowed into disapproval.

‘Don’t kill the mood.’ Harry was doing his best pretending to be mad at Louis face.

So Louis leaned down and kissed him into silence. It felt right and their lips fit perfectly and Louis’ heart nearly jumped out and ran somewhere out into the corridor. Because Harry was perfect. And Louis certainly wasn’t. He’d disappointed Harry with the infamous video but Harry had forgiven him. Because that was Harry.

His Harry.

*

The year went by entirely too quickly for Louis to even process it. Somewhere in the midst Liam got a year older and they celebrated in Louis’ flat with too much alcohol and not enough birthday cake, which Louis pointed out. All the boys were there and Louis felt happy, giddy with excitement. It felt almost like old times when they’d just found fame and would run wild. As a unit. As a five. As friends.

The difference now was that Harry was prone to stealing Louis away to a corner of the room to place much anticipated kisses all over Louis’ neck. It made Louis make embarrassing noises and blush deeper than he probably ever had.

‘You’re everything, Styles.’ He whispered into his curls, only half aware their friends were still there and this was on its way to becoming an unwanted orgy for the rest of the lads.

‘Cut that shit out.’ Niall objected, throwing what appeared to be a sock at them.

‘Hey! It’s our flat.’ Harry argued back, relieving Louis of his clutches.

Louis loved the sound of that.

‘It’s my birthday!’ Liam shouted from across the room and the attention reverted back to the boy of the moment.

It was nice and familiar.

Louis loved it. Particularly because he loved Harry so deeply and loved that Harry and Zayn were now friends and maybe things were back to how they should be.

The months moved on far too quickly and suddenly, Louis’ world revolved around nothing more than the album.

The album.

The album.

The album.

‘The album.’ Harry said as Louis stirred awake on a particularly cold morning. They were wrapped up in sheets and the world outside seemed far away and unnecessary. Harry’s lips were on the back of Louis’ neck and it just made him curl into Harry, losing himself in bliss.

‘The album… is so close.’ Harry was still talking.

Mention of the album just caused a mixture of fear and adrenaline in Louis stomach. So he just closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, listening to the sound of Harry’s heartbeat.

Harry woke him up many hours later with a coffee and a toothy grin. He was bright. Always bright and sunny.

‘Can we talk about the album?’ Harry asked as Louis accepted the coffee.

Louis groaned because he didn’t want to have this conversation. It almost always led to the ‘when will we come out?’ conversation and he just couldn’t deal with all the pressure. Couldn’t they just cuddle again?

‘You put so much of yourself into it, Lou.’ Harry was saying, his voice deep and thoughtful. His hair was no longer a mass of curls in a disarray. Instead, everything about him was neat. The bun was back. He looked like he smelled of toothpaste.

‘We all did.’ Louis said with a shrug. He was still shirtless and wondered what Harry thought about him like this. It wasn’t like they didn’t touch each other half naked. It just hadn’t moved to naked touching and that itself made Louis quite insecure. Possibly.

‘Yes but you…,’ Harry sipped his coffee as he paused, ‘you and Liam… but you especially. I just feel like the words mean more than you’re letting on. Maybe.’ Surely, Harry couldn’t be acting sheepish? But it appeared he was. There was a definite avoidance of Louis’ gaze and Louis pulled at his own hair in frustration. This topic was difficult.

‘You mean the words are about you, babe?’ Louis bravely asked.

It was quick, but there was a flash of annoyance on Harry’s face for a millisecond before his features smoothed again. Zen Harry was back.

‘I just want you to be happy with yourself. And free.’

And out.

Louis wanted to add that, almost as a taunt. But he couldn’t. Because of course Harry was right and he hated bickering with Harry. They hadn’t officially fought since they’d stopped fooling around with their emotions. They had definitely stopped fighting like they used to. So why did this feel dangerously close to emotionally charged? A fight.

‘I’m not being funny Harry, but it’s not like you’re out and proud.’ As soon as Louis said the words, he regretted them. The hurt on Harry’s face was prominent. His eyes squinted and his lips quirked ever so quickly.

‘I would never hesitate. For you.’ Harry responded, a definite edge to his voice.

They didn’t speak again for a second and Louis hated the silence. He wished Harry would just understand. It wasn’t so easy for Louis. The one thing Harry had promised him was time. And sure, he’d given him months of just that but somehow he needed more.

‘I’m tired. I don’t really want to talk anymore.’ Harry said, getting up with a flair of further annoyance. ‘Think I’ll stay at Gemma’s until the album release. See you in Miami.’

It hurt to watch him walk away. Harry took the light with him and Louis winced as he heard the door shut. They weren’t supposed to act like this anymore. They’d been doing so well.

Was it even a fight?

Louis wasn’t sure he was crying till he felt the tears on his cheeks. This was especially pathetic. He loved Harry. He loved everything about Harry. He just didn’t love the world. Why did he have to share his love for Harry with the world? It seemed unjust somehow.

Feeling pathetic, he finally managed to get out of bed and throw on a shirt which smelled like Harry because his life was a joke. Tears were still in his eyes and he sniffed and looked red in the face and he already missed him.

When Louis opened the door to bedroom, he was greeted by Harry. Sitting on the floor with his knees up and his back to the world. It made Louis jump and cry out at the same time, before practically melting onto the floor and into Harry’s arms. Harry was crying too evidently as he cradled Louis like a fucking baby.

‘You _stayed.’_ Louis’ voice was merely a whimper against Harry’s neck. God, he loved every inch of him. He kissed everywhere his lips met. It made Harry giggle as he enveloped him and held Louis in his lap like the child he clearly was.

‘I could never leave.’ Harry breathed, his eyes fluttering to a close. He tried to speak despite Louis’ lips pressing onto his own passionately. ‘I’m sick of leaving.’

‘I love you and I would tell the world in a heartbeat.’ Louis responded, still pecking at those lips which were probably the reason for his existence.

‘You’re so dramatic.’ Harry mumbled.

‘You make me this way.’

*

Louis wanted everyone to know, or so he convinced himself. He just didn’t really know when or how. His family was the hardest. They’d been so convinced he was straight they’d vouched for it his whole life. Shit, Louis wasn’t even sure what he would say.

‘Hey guys, I think I’m gay now for Harry. Contrary to what I’ve been saying these past four years.’

God it sounded stupid even in his head.

He could just tweet it and be done but even thinking that felt lame.

‘Can’t we just ride off into the sunset and get married on an undiscovered island? And buy it? I’d like that.’ Louis was at odds with himself.

‘Louis, don’t feel pressured into this. I know it’s a big step. You should think about it for as long as you need to.’ Harry was backtracking.

His eyes said something else. His eyes said he was tired and impatient and possibly had waited for far too long.

Louis gazed at the LT on his hand. That damn tattoo.

Everything Harry had given him.

‘I won’t let you down.’ Louis said. Then he’d stalked off to talk to Zayn before Harry could protest further.

It turned out the words weren’t the only factor. Louis was a brand. It was about timing. It was about both of them. It was bigger than both of them. It was about the boys. They would have to have meetings and Louis particularly hated having to act formal. So he put it off and rode the adrenaline wave that was the album release for as long as he could.

‘I’m so fucking proud of you.’ Harry was saying, with his head literally in Louis’ lap. They were in Holmes Chapel of all places. In Harry’s old room. It felt like solitude.

‘Why? Cos I landed a guy from the most beautiful place in fucking England?’ Louis teased.

‘Just… everything. The album. The way you handled my family. Everything.’ Harry’s eyes were twinkling again and it made Louis feel things. He wanted to brush it off and make a sarcastic remark but he couldn’t think of anything fitting.

See, he’d taken somewhat of a plunge. He’d followed Harry here. To Cheshire. To his mother’s house and he’d held Harry’s hand as Harry told his family something they probably already know.

‘I’m in love with Louis.’ Harry beamed, brighter than the moon.

Gemma squealed, Anne clapped her hand and Robin just nodded with a proud smile.

That was all. There were hugs and kisses exchanged of course, but that was all really. There was no huge demands or explanations. No one cried. Well… Anne cried tears of happiness but there were no accusations. There was no huge coming out party and the proclamation of the words, ‘I’m GAY’ with a massive banner in the living room. It was just an admittance of something that they probably knew. Something factual. Solid. Harry loved Louis.

‘You’re a fucking inspiration.’ Louis said fondly. He tugged at loose curls and fought the urge to rip Harry’s clothes off and just feel him. On another level.

Harry actually giggled at that. A real life giggle before lifting himself up enough to meet Louis’ lips.

‘No I mean it.’ Louis explained, mid-kiss. Everything was always mid-kiss with them. ‘The way you told your family was incredible. I’d have found that so hard. You’re inspiring me to tell mine.’

Harry’s face was all smiles at that and they held each other tight and touched each other almost inappropriately. The time would come… in time. So Louis fought all his natural urges and kissed the top of Harry’s head as protectively as he felt.

*

Christmas was fast approaching and the boys had time off. Actual time off. Family time.

Louis couldn’t help but steal sad glances at Harry. It was a given that they’d be apart for Christmas. Louis would be with his family and Harry would visit his. At least it wasn’t like the days when Harry jetted off to LA at every given opportunity. Not that Louis didn’t still continue to give him hell for that, of course.

‘Sure you don’t want a sunny Christmas in California?’ Louis asked, particularly mischievously.

‘Hush Lou, don’t be jealous.’ Harry had silenced him with a kiss.

They’d laughed and promised to text a lot but it still felt shit and Louis vowed to miss Harry a lot.

When he arrived at his mother’s house, he wasn’t sure if he could face it all. It just felt like deception. And his family was so large, it wasn’t a cute little package tied up in a nice little bow like Harry’s. Thankfully, everyone was sleeping. The lights were out apart from the ever-bright Christmas tree in the living room and Louis stalked past it all, to the serenity of his room. He didn’t want to wake and face anyone with his lies or possible revelations. Not even his mother.

It was even darker in his room, if possible. It was also 24 minutes to midnight. To Christmas Eve and Louis’ birthday. It didn’t mean as much as his previous birthdays. He felt old. Really old. But it was festive and despite it being Christmas Eve, it felt like Louis Time.

His room felt familiar once he’d flicked on a lamp and rid himself of his shoes. This was the one place where he could just be. With no worries or stress. Kind of. He was just about to fling himself onto his bed with all the glory of someone who hadn’t seen it in months when he noticed the parcel. Sitting in the middle of Louis’ bed, wrapped in obnoxious gold wrapping paper. It wasn’t a Christmas gift, if the wrapping paper was anything to go by.

Louis frowned to himself as he cautiously picked it up. Packaged neatly. Very neatly so. He should have expected the familiar scrawl before he saw it.

‘Hope this reaches you in time. All the love. Forever yours. H.’

Louis’ eyebrows shot up in surprise. Well then. His mother must have put it on his bed. He wondered just what she made of the mysterious ‘H’ in his life and it gave him a migraine to even comprehend it so instead he opened his birthday present.

It was wrapped further in tissue paper once he’d got inside the box.

So Harry.

So charming.

Oh, Harry.

It was a jumper. One that was vaguely familiar. Louis frowned in confusion as he held it up. It was maroon in colour and was just as simple as jumpers came. There was a note attached.

_‘To Louis, my forever love, I remember you saying you wanted this four years ago. I’m bad at gifts but I remember everything. Remember spring in New York? You wanted this? I bought it later that day but I thought maybe I was weird. It turned out you’re the weird one. I love weird.’_

Louis re-read the bizarre words several times before laughing to himself. Only Harry. The memory was faintly coming back and it was hard to believe Harry had gone and bought something that he’d said he liked in passing.

Harry was always paying attention.

Harry was calling.

It was midnight and Harry was calling.

‘Happy birthday babe and are you wearing it?’ That was how Harry greeted him.

Louis laughed quietly, felt his face get hot and clutched the stupid jumper close to his chest.

‘I’m just holding it.’

‘I suggest you wear it. It’s comfortable.’ Harry’s voice sounded like velvet. ‘I may or may not have worn it a few times in the past four years on days when you were acting particularly unattainable.’

‘By unattainable you mean like a massive dick?’ Louis clarified.

Harry’s laugh was his favourite sound and he loved hearing it over the phone even more perhaps. It sent waves of emotion through his stomach as he fought the urge to get in a car and just drive to wherever Harry was.

‘I prefer unattainable.’ Harry murmured softly.

Louis laughed and almost cried as Harry spoke about his love for Louis. In that soft way. Like every word was carefully planned and thought out. Like everything meant something. He eventually changed into the jumper and got in bed just as Harry was telling him Happy Birthday for the millionth time that night.

‘Are you happy?’ Harry asked, his voice beginning to show his tiredness.

‘More than I’ve ever been.’ Louis said with a smile nobody could see. ‘Because of you.’

‘I can feel you smiling.’ Harry said with a small chuckle. And it should have been cheesy. But it was reminiscent. This was how they used to be. This was how they should have been all along.

‘I’ll talk to my family. I promise.’ Louis said, interrupting the relaxed atmosphere without really meaning to. He could tell Harry was tense just at the mention of the prospect.

‘I want the world to know.’ Louis offered, wishing he could be there to soothe Harry’s nerves.

‘I don’t mind about the world so much I guess,’ Harry said uncertainly, ‘maybe just people we love. For now.’

Louis wasn’t sure what to say to that so he allowed silence to take over. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. Never uncomfortable. It was the kind of silence that he wanted to swim in forever, taking in the sweetness of Harry’s breathing on the other end.

He was sure that his phone was probably filled with texts and tweets from people. But just then, in the serenity moment nothing mattered more than Harry.

And as Louis’ eyes fluttered to an eventual close, he wondered if anything ever had.


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like! if you're still reading :) xxxxxxx

Louis was upset with his Mum. Maybe with the entire world, though it felt like it was mainly just at her. There wasn’t an easy way to tell her about Harry so he hoped she would just guess. It didn’t really work out that way and Louis became frustrated to the point where he didn’t really feel all that festive anymore. Seeing his siblings was good but he still felt like he was living a lie and maybe he missed Harry a lot.

So on the 28th Louis decided he’d had enough and found himself on the way back to his London flat. There was just too much on his mind to be merry and forget about everything that was troubling him. Harry had texted him continuously during their time apart and seemed worried when Louis said he wanted to be alone. He didn’t press the matter any further though and Louis was grateful.

It was nearing 6 in the evening as Louis finally made his way inside his flat. It felt familiar and he was tired, wanting nothing more than the comfort of his bed. What he certainly didn’t anticipate were the long arms of a well hidden boyfriend grabbing his shoulders the second he fully entered his home.

‘Harry!’ Louis’ voice was filled with shock.

Because, of course. Of course Harry had managed to drive back here even before Louis himself. And of course he had that look on his face of pride at having achieved such a fate. He beamed at Louis and Louis possibly beamed back.

‘You look tired.’ Harry commented, after pecking Louis’ cheek.

The touch was brief but necessary and Louis just wanted nothing more than to spend the day in Harry’s arms.

‘I am. But I wasn’t expecting to see you. So I’m also pleasantly surprised.’

Harry helped him with his bags. Took them all the way to his room because Harry was a gentleman. And Harry was smiley. Smiley like always. Smiley like Harry.

‘I missed you.’ Harry said, having put the bags safely in a corner. ‘I wanted to be with you. I enjoyed seeing everyone but… I’m so used to being with you all the time.’

It made Louis feel guilty, the way Harry looked at him, because it reminded him he was still hiding. Harry was so free in his love for Louis and Louis was probably nothing more than a coward.

‘I couldn’t do it.’ Louis admitted, shuffling away from him slightly, heading in the general direction of the couch. He needed to sit down.

As expected, Harry followed.

‘Tell your family?’ Harry’s voice was lower than usual.

Louis couldn’t bring himself to find his voice so he merely nodded. It felt like failure. Harry deserved freedom and true love and Louis probably wasn’t the right person for him.

If Louis was waiting for some kind of judgement of accusation from Harry, it didn’t come. At least not that night. Instead, Harry joined him on the couch and took his hand, examining it with a tender look of affection.

‘I can wait. I’ve waited all this time. Not just for your family. But for you.’ Harry smiled with his words but Louis didn’t miss the touch of hurt on his face. He looked troubled beneath his beauty. Louis hated that he was the one to have caused the pain. All those years of playing Harry around, and in some ways he was still continuing to do just that.

Louis didn’t speak much after that and Harry didn’t push the issue. Instead, Harry sat by Louis’ side as he spent the rest of the night catching up on Homeland. Harry commented on every little detail and had it been someone else, it might have annoyed Louis, the way he just wouldn’t be quiet. But it wasn’t anyone else. It was Harry. And he loved the sound of his voice.

*

They spent the rest of the days of 2014 in much the same way. Curled up in each other’s arms, kissing a lot and talking a little. It was good to shut the rest of the world out and just be with Harry. There was so much to him that Louis often felt like being selfish, just taking him and enjoying him on his own without having to share.

New Year’s Eve came before they were ready for it. It was a massive deal and Harry reminded Louis that it was kind of technically the first year they’d really spent ‘together’ though they had been together almost every day for the past 4 years. Louis decided it was worth celebrating so they ended up buying a lot of alcohol, consuming it and deciding there was no where they would rather be than with each other in the comfort of their home.

‘Are we old now Harold? Too old to even go out for New Years’ Eve?’ Louis asked, sounding as traumatized as he felt.

23 had never felt closer to 30 and he wasn’t sure if his heart could even take such thoughts.

Harry on the other hand laughed teasingly. He was on the floor, playing with bits of Lego Louis had given him for Christmas. They had both been playing with it earlier, constructing a rather impressive tour and as Louis sipped his wine and watched, he was sure Harry would probably ruin it. Harry was so clumsy at times.

‘We’re old!’ Louis proclaimed when Harry didn’t respond. ‘The rest of the early 20s population is out partying and look at us. I’m drinking wine! You’ve lost your mind! We’re making things. This is basically arts and crafts for the elderly.’

‘You’re being a tad dramatic.’ Harry commented dryly. His tongue was showing from the corner of his mouth as he concentrated especially hard on the tower. It was cute. All of it was cute in a flawed, really old way.

Louis’ decided he was probably tipsy at that point, when he set his glass down and got down to where Harry would have no choice but to pay attention to him.

‘Is there somewhere else you would want to be instead?’ Harry finally put the pieces down and asked, when it was clear Louis wasn’t going to stop harassing him.

‘Only with you.’ Louis replied instantly.

Harry smiled and actually ruffled Louis’ hair.

‘Good. Because I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else either. Now come here.’ Harry was touching his face now, motioning for a lack of distance between them.

Louis hesitated momentarily, before perhaps drunkenly falling towards him and landing on the floor in a mass of curls and pieces of Lego.

‘I think you just broke the tower.’ Harry said, laughing slightly.

‘I think you just broke me, Styles.’ Louis silenced him with a kiss. ‘In a good way.’

By the time midnight came, they were still on the floor and Louis wouldn’t have realised, had it not been for the alarm he set on his phone earlier.

’10 minutes to midnight,’ Louis muttered to a half asleep Harry. ‘Wake up, you’re being highly inadequate.’

Harry smiled but his eyes remained closed.

‘Happy almost new year.’ He said, pulling Louis closer, further on top of him, if that was possible.

‘It’s been the best year.’ Louis said, though he wasn’t sure he really needed to. Harry probably already knew.

The room was spinning slightly now and he wondered if Harry’s arm was dead from carrying Louis’ weight. He was certainly drunk and so in love. He kissed every inch of Harry’s face, wanting nothing more than to taste him. Was it normal to want another human being this much? To consume them? Not in a freaky way… just… Harry was everything.

It wasn’t like Louis planned it or even understood what he was doing until he had done it. Harry’s eyes had remained closed as Louis continued to kiss him all over. All the way down his chest and to his jeans. It wasn’t like Louis knew what he was doing. It all just kind of happened. And Harry was still, saying not much.

‘I fucking love you so much,’ Louis mumbled as he undid Harry’s jeans and reached into his boxers. He briefly wondered if Harry could feel his heart beating as loud as it was. He was goddamn nervous. What the hell did he think he was going to find in there? This was just all so traumatic. He hesitated for a minute and of course, Harry being the sensitive soul he was, felt it.

‘Lou, we don’t have to.’ Harry said, finally opening his eyes and propping himself up onto his elbows. He looked down at Louis and it was probably that which did it. Which sealed the fate. The way his shoulders were so broad from this angle, the way his eyes shone down at Louis. The way his hair was a mass of precious curls.

‘I want to.’ Louis said with promise. ‘So shut up and lay back down.’

Harry laughed and that was probably all Louis needed. To make Harry laugh. It always gave him a burst of confidence and this time wasn’t very different.

Louis reached inside Harry’s boxers again, feeling the smooth skin in a place he’d left untouched for so long. God, he’d wanted to be here much earlier than this. Why had it taken so long?

‘Lou…,’ Harry’s voice was barely a whimper. It should have been weird but it just made Louis want more. He wanted to be the reason for that sound in Harry’s voice forever. So he actually did what he was supposed to. He reached further and touched Harry’s dick and it didn’t feel weird or crazy or like he should be scared. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. The sound of Harry’s breathing urged Louis’ lips forward, to taste Harry and to feel things he’d never felt before.

Harry’s hands were in Louis’ hair the next moment, guiding him, showing him what Harry wanted. It felt right. It was new but it was making Harry feel things and Louis didn’t want anything more.

‘I don’t know if I’m any good.’ Louis said hesitantly after a few minutes. ‘Am I hurting you?’

Harry looked down and this angle was not good for Louis’ heart. Those eyes stared down at him in a way they never had before.

‘Shut up… and… trust me. If you weren’t good… I’d be able to talk.’ Harry’s words were slurred again and it probably had little to do with alcohol. He gave Louis an encouraging nod and Louis carried on after a smile.

It probably wasn’t the best time, or maybe it was, to pause a few seconds later and start talking again.

‘Hey Harry…,’ Louis said, almost dreamily. ‘Harry.’

‘Yeah?’ Harry was certainly out of breath.

‘Happy New Year.’ Louis said with a grin, before ducking his head again, causing Harry to cry something incomprehensible in return.

*

‘It is the first day! The first day of the rest of our lives!’ Harry was chirpy and happy and seemed like a man fulfilled.

‘I uh… wonder why you’re in such a good mood there, Styles.’ Louis teased as he accepted a steaming cup of hot chocolate from Harry. It was his second that morning and Harry was very giving and caring that morning, more so than usual.

‘Hey. I’m always in a good mood.’ Harry smiled wide, as he had been all morning.

Louis laughed as he sat down on the couch right next to him. No personal space, nothing. It felt amazing.

‘The first of January is here again. I can’t believe it.’ Harry muttered, glancing at the TV.

Louis was involved in a particularly hectic game on his Xbox and Harry was probably feeling attention deprived as he so often did. It wasn’t hard to tell. The familiar pout was in place.

‘Last night was amazing.’ Harry said, touching Louis’ forearm and tracing lines on his tattoos. Louis felt ticklish and sort of pushed him away. Or tried to. The kid was relentless when he wanted Louis’ attention.

‘You really liked it?’ Louis asked, briefly meeting Harry’s eyes.

Truth be told, Louis wasn’t sure how to feel about the previous night. Sure, he’d had Harry’s penis in his mouth for much of the countdown to and after midnight but it wasn’t like he knew he was any good. Despite Harry insisting that he was amazing.

‘I loved it.’ Harry all but growled into Louis’ ear.

It made Louis lose all his concentration and have no choice but to throw his controller on the floor.

‘Alright, alright… you have me.’ Louis said, turning to Harry with a laugh.

‘I knew I would.’ Harry said mischievously. ‘I think we should go out and do something. I mean, it’s the first of the year. I doubt anyone will actually be outside. Everyone will be nursing their hang-overs.’

Louis hesitated and made his best ‘I’m not sure about this plan, Harry can we reconsider?’ face.

‘It’s cold outside.’ Louis said quietly, hardly wanting to break the look of hope in Harry’s eye.

‘I’ll keep you warm!’ Harry said defiantly grabbing Louis’ arm. ‘Now come! We must go!’

He was already on his feet and Louis knew there was little point in protesting. Harry wanted something, Louis would never hesitate to give it to him.

*

They ended up taking a driver and not doing anything stupid like taking the tube. Despite his earlier protests, it felt kind of nice to be out in London and with such few cars on the road Louis felt a bit more free than usual. He even held Harry’s hand in the car and kissed him a few times, driver be damned, in the back of the car.

‘You taste like the new year.’ Louis said, lost in Harry’s eyes.

‘And you taste like me.’ Harry said.

They both hesitated for a moment before bursting into surprised laughter.

‘I hate you.’ Louis hit out at him and tickled him and kissed him a lot. It was the best day.

Harry somehow convinced Louis to get out of the car and walk to London Bridge with him at some point in the day.

‘It’s so fucking cold, Harold!’ Louis had said about five times. But Harry was on adventure mode. He didn’t take no for an answer.

‘This is why I tell you about the importance of wearing layers, Louis William Tomlinson.’ Harry had said, and he sounded like such a mother hen that Louis could hardly make fun of him.

Despite the biting January cold, it was nice to get some fresh air. Louis wasn’t sure what Harry’s plan was for staying low-key or if he even had one. If they were spotted in the middle of London, they would certainly be mobbed. It was London of all places.

‘The trick is…,’ Harry was explaining as he pulled the hood of his jacket up, ‘to blend in. You walk around and bring attention to yourself by acting like a sketchy character, you’re asking to be caught. I just act normal. I do it all the time in New York.’

Louis all but rolled his eyes because Harry was ridiculous. There were two of them which meant double the chance of being caught and Harry was hardly blending in wearing a yellow jacket of all things.

‘I rebuke those words, Mr Styles.’ Louis teased, following his lead. ‘I’ve never once being described as a sketchy character.’

‘Your middle name should be sketchy character.’ Harry scoffed.

Louis made his best wounded face but Harry hardly caught it because he was too busy running across the street, dimple on show even with his head down. Thankfully, the streets were just busy enough without too much congestion for them to make it to the other side safely.

‘How far is Jake parked?’ Louis asked nervously as they made it on to the pavement. ‘I want to know we have an escape plan.’

‘Seriously, an escape plan?’ Harry laughed probably too loud, ‘What do you think will happen, Louis? These are our fans. They’re going to ask for pictures not kidnap us and take us away to their dungeons.’

‘I think I’d quite like a dungeon.’ Louis responded, still on the lookout.

Harry didn’t respond or say much until they reached a particularly isolated part of the bridge where Harry paused and Louis did the same.

‘Isn’t it beautiful?’ Harry was looking out at the water.

‘Sure is, mate.’ Louis said, definitely less interested in the water and more in the passer-by’s. He had convinced himself that a pair of girls just to the left of them were starting to watch them a bit suspiciously.

‘No… Lou. Look. It’s actually so nice. I just love this place. London is my favourite place.’ Harry pulled on Louis’ arm and almost forced him to look. With a sigh, Louis stared out at the water beneath. It really was nice. It was mesmerising in fact. It was beautiful enough that he almost lost himself in it.

That was until the screams erupted. It made Louis nearly leap over London Bridge, just how _loud_ the screams were. To the left of them and to the bloody right. There were girls, in their fours and fives caving in on the pair of them. It was sort of like being stuck in a zombie apocalypse. Louis felt nervous. He was pretty close to Harry and this was definitely going to get the rumour-mill started.

‘Hiiii.’ Harry was waving and being overall a sweetheart. ‘If you’re calm, I can do all of you. I mean… a picture. I can take a picture with all of you.’ That made them scream even louder and Louis held back despite the desperate cries for his attention. It all felt a little bit too much and he felt a little trapped between the group of girls who were somehow multiplying by the second and the barrier of the bridge.

‘You okay?’ Harry discreetly asked as he paused between taking pictures. ‘You look a little pale.’

Harry’s eyes showed more concern than he was letting on and in normal circumstances he might have touched Louis just to make sure he was okay. But this was business. Louis was his ‘bro’ now and they were cool. Louis had to be cool.

‘I’m cool.’ Louis said, smiling tightly before turning to the fans.

‘Hi guys. Hug anyone?’ His persona came flooding back as the group of girls all hugged him almost at once. It was overwhelming, sure but this was what he did.

‘Can we do a group one? I don’t mean to be a dick. Sorry.’ He said, holding out an iPhone and standing in line with the group.

They all smiled and Louis did too, watching Harry only out of his peripherals. It made Louis uncomfortable to see Harry so lost with the girls and so far away. In moments like this, Harry was no longer his and it hurt having to share him.

‘Are you okay?’ A girl with bright red hair asked, tugging on Louis’ sleeve. She wasn’t pushing an iPhone in his face and seemed genuinely concerned.

Louis hesitated before casting another unhelpful look at Harry. He belonged to the world. He no longer belonged to Louis. Not in these moments.

‘Shall we take a picture, love?’ Louis said to the girl, putting on his friendliest grin.

The girl didn’t react how Louis imagined she would.

‘It’s okay.’ She almost whispered through the screams. ‘Go to him. I don’t mind.’ She gestured towards Harry and Louis’ heart nearly jumped out of his throat.

‘I don’t know what you-‘, Louis began but there were other girls.

There were other phones thrust in his face. And the girl with the understanding face was just one out of the many. So Louis smiled, a lot. And Harry smiled with his eyes.

The group of girls had multiplied into a small crowd by the time Jake even bothered to show up, the car almost skidding to a halt in front of them. They both apologised as they made their way into the back of the car.

‘You okay?’ Harry immediately asked as they sped away.

‘I’m fine.’ Louis said with a reassuring smile.

Maybe it didn’t reassure Harry because he didn’t say anything the rest of the way home. And maybe Louis really wasn’t okay.

Maybe Louis really was sick of living a lie.

**Author's Note:**

> ...It'll make more sense as we go.


End file.
